Jackass [Archive] - FileSharing Talk

Lilmiss

09-28-2003, 11:46 PM

just in from a drunken night at me mates house.
we had a punching contest and i got me ass kicked. :(
anyways, we watched "jackass - the movie" and it got us thinking abut the stupid things we have done for no reason. :huh:
well, in short, im gonna post some 15 things ive done in me time, and want you guys to do the rest.
ok, here goes....

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Lynne1977uk/ladybird.gif

<span style='color:red'>1. repeatedly slid down a friends stair way in a black bag, straight into her heater at the bottom.
2. three of us found the biggest hill we could an went down that in a black bag. (ouch.)
3. drive by eggings. (yup, regretfully.)
4. hid in a milk float in the early hours of the morn to scare the driver. :P
5. was chased by a tractor in the middle of a field!
6. we would play hide and seek in our cars, hiding in fields, car parks, other peoples drive ways. :D
7. cow tipping....and cow running away from. :huh:
8. planting a flashing traffic cone in friends gardens, on top of their cars, etc..
9. dancing to "Y.M.C.A" any where possible, on top of pool tables, on stages....
10. pulling out tent poles on unsuspecting sleepers.
11. shaving friends hair while they are unconcious.
12. drinking cider out my boot.
13. having head butt fights.
14. playing "slap club", its like "fightclub" but you are only allowed to slap bare flesh. http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Lynne1977uk/argh.gif
15. sellotaping porn ALL over a mates car, the night before an 6am to 2pm shift. he had to drive to work with it there. :D

your turn...... ;) </span>

bigboab

09-28-2003, 11:50 PM

Cow Tipping? The mind boggles. :P

DarthInsinuate

09-29-2003, 12:09 AM

Originally posted by bigboab@28 September 2003 - 23:50
Cow Tipping? The mind boggles. :P
cows sleep on their feet - so you can just give them a push and they go down

the most Jackassey thing i did was climb into a wheelly bin - my friends then thought they'll just leave me in the middle of the road

bigboab

09-29-2003, 12:11 AM

I was thinking about going up to them and telling them where there was better grazing. :P

(>Zero Cool<)

09-29-2003, 12:13 AM

@lilmiss.....yes you are

Oh hang on I thought you were making a statement :blink:

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 12:14 AM

Originally posted by DarthInsinuate@29 September 2003 - 00:09

my friends then thought they'll just leave me in the middle of the road
hehe...we got a mate in the back of my car, drove a few miles, took the keys and ran. :P

MetroStars

09-29-2003, 12:23 AM

lilmiss u r a ture miss Knoxville

1 crazy stunt me and 2 other friends did was put heat rub on our eyes, lips, testicals, and bottom ( didn't rub it on each other ) :lol:

the burning sensation on my balls was very nasty, and wot made the pain worse wos dipping them in a cup of cold water, that just made the pain even worse..

I can say that is the 2nd most painful thing i have ever felt, my tooth scraping being the worst...

http://www.firstaid4sport.co.uk/content/ProdFull/7060.jpg

i dare sum who has sum heat rub handy 2 put it on their testicals :lol: :lol:

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 12:33 AM

Originally posted by MetroStars@29 September 2003 - 00:23

1 crazy stunt me and 2 other friends did was put heat rub on our eyes, lips, testicals, and bottom ( didn't rub it on each other ) :lol:

:D been there too, we put indian head ache balm around our eyes, till the tears started, then had a pillow fight.
couldnt see what we where doing.

it damn hurts though. :(

titey

09-29-2003, 01:17 AM

http://www.piczonline.com/client/titey/bounce.gif When we was ickle kids.... we used to climb to the top of the house an' slide down the roof.

The shingles wore out the seats of a lot of our jeans! http://www.piczonline.com/client/titey/LOL.gif

Triadcool

09-29-2003, 01:28 AM

Ive got on my friends 1 story house with a computer chair and rolled off of the roof on the chair. Ive put a mask on that looks like a old mans face then i stuffed my clothes with pellows and walked into town and sat on the corner with a sign saying (Will Work For Food). Ive dressed up as Abraham lincoln and rode my moped around town. Ive recreated the GECO commercial but I held a piece of paper. I had my friend put me in this bag with a breathing hole then I sat half way in my trunk of my car in my drive way and when a car was coming my friend would act like he was trying to slam the trunk shut with my legs out then he would pick up my legs and throw them in then shut the trunk. The funny thing is is that I have all of these things on video tape for memories.

Evil Gemini

09-29-2003, 03:00 AM

I remember when me and my cousin were like 12 or something, we got an extension cord and plugged it in the power outlet and we got a scissors.

I said to him, you turn it on and i will cut the cord and try beat the electricity :lol: .

It was a bad idea and i think i blanked out for a while :unsure: There was sparks n everything. :lol:

titey

09-29-2003, 03:06 AM

http://www.piczonline.com/client/titey/ROFL.gif

I don't know what you look like neatt.... but somehow I can still picture you doing that. http://www.piczonline.com/client/titey/LOL.gifhttp://www.piczonline.com/client/titey/nerves.gif ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAPPPPP!!!!!

razorsharp013

09-29-2003, 03:40 AM

This is not quite up there with your antics lilmiss, but it was funny at the time.

Myself and 2 friends once tied 2 ropes to the back of their pos Ford Escort and skied on our bumms down the middle of Daytona beach. The beach-goers loved it and cheered us on until the ropes snapped and we went rolling down the beach. The old farts kept yelling at us.....something about an enima.
I guess the funniest thing about that was that we were all sober!

Ooh, I just though of another.....

A few years ago one of those same friends and I were drunk outside a local bar eating some McDonalds in the car.
One of the bar tenders was leaving but couldn't get out of her parking spot....some idiot blocked her in. She asked one of us to back her out, (after she had been serving us drinks all night...not to bright), well I took up ther challenge and proceeded to slam into the truck behind her, leaving a massive dent! (Sensitive gas pedal.) Funny thing is, the experience sparked a nice friendship.

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 01:45 PM

:D never done that.
though, we have attached a sledge to the back of my car before.
that was fun. :P

Snee

09-29-2003, 02:28 PM

I've done some pretty painful things, some weren't on purpose though:

Here're my faves:

*Ran my bike into a concrete thing, I flew a couple of metres and landed on my face. I scraped the skin something fierce. I then went shopping, I didn't even know I was bleeding until I stood at the register and felt something wet in my face. I had long hair at the mo' so I pulled it back and asked the lady at the counter if I was bleeding, hehe, scared her. It healed up fine though, no trace of it today.

*Jumped up and down in a sofa we had when I was a kid, then I jumped off from it, lost my balance and flew headfirst into a corner of a table that stood next to the sofa. After that you could see straight through my right cheek, today I still have a dimple.

*Smashed my nose when I was a kid, two times, by stepping on the blade of a snowshowel. I don't know why it happened twice, but my nose was blue in two places afterwards. It's not quite straight today if you look closely.

*I had a heatstroke and did some joyriding on my forklift-truck, when I worked as as an fl-truck driver. It ended with a mashed foot, subdural hematomas and stuff. I went back to work half-an-hour later. When I went to the doctor's two days later, my foot was so bad I shouldn't be able to walk on it he said.

Apart from that, I've had stitches on my eyebrows, one wrist, my left heel, my back and my chest, from doing some other similar things. I also had my scalp glued together, cuz they couldn't stitch it. And apart from that I've got loads of other scars. I've had to pick gravel out of my face and glass out of my hands too.

hello limisshttp://www.mcbriens.net/liam/img/smilies/wavehappy.gif

Edit: readability

puk:))

09-29-2003, 03:29 PM

you can line up sleeping cows without waking them if your careful......... youve then got a game of cow domino's :D :D :D

silentbob

09-29-2003, 05:42 PM

throwing a smoke bomb during a school rally (in the gym)-five day vacation

broke a stink bomb in class-week lunch detention

threw a capri-sun at ROTC kids-in school suspension

slide down the hill behind my house(leads to freeway) on my old skateboard deck

caused havok in ice skating rink

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 05:56 PM

Originally posted by SnnY@29 September 2003 - 14:28
hello limisshttp://www.mcbriens.net/liam/img/smilies/wavehappy.gif

hiya sonny boy! http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Lynne1977uk/singing+sun.gif

ouch!!! :o
when i was an ickle girl, me and me dog would have fights for the space nearest the fire. well, i tripped over her, went flying in the air and gashed me chin and knee on the fireplace. still got the scars now. in fact, im scarred all over from tree climbing, roller booting and scrapping with pals.

in art class, a long long time ago, me and a few mates got bored and had a pottery fight. long story short, a friend of mine ended up with half an ash tray stuck in his head. it was sooo gross, we all just stood around gagging. got up some really stupid stuff with those guys. one of them knocked me out cold, he had a boxing glove on and punched me in the temple, (aiming at someone completely different) and my head bounced to the side knocking my other temple off my other friends head. i was out for about 10 minutes, and all i remeber was them laughing their butts off at me dribbling. :(

there is a devil worshippers house a few miles away from where i live. we used to dare each other to go and touch it, then leave each other to be chased by angry weirdo's with dogs. :huh:

am i the only eejit in here? :ph34r:
come on, more stories pwease?

DanB

09-29-2003, 05:58 PM

Originally posted by lilmiss@29 September 2003 - 18:56
am i the only eejit in here? :ph34r:
come on, more stories pwease? [/color]
:P

Snee

09-29-2003, 06:03 PM

Guess she isn't the only "eejit".

In my case most of these things aren't on purpose which in a way makes me more of a clutz, the amazing thing is the amount of hazardous situations I've walked away from with just a few scratches.

Hello both of you :D

Oh yeah I tossed an LP at my brothers head once and it stuck, it looked kind of funny, that too.

How's about this one btw: I deliberatedly tried how it felt like to hold onto a high-voltage fence, but my hands cramped up and I got stuck, someone else had to bend my fingers off it one at a time. That felt weird.

titey

09-29-2003, 06:06 PM

Originally posted by lilmiss@29 September 2003 - 11:56
all i remeber was them laughing their butts off at me dribbling.  :(

I think it's cute when you dribble sweetie! http://members.shaw.ca/wenpigsfly/smileys/dribble.gif

DanB

09-29-2003, 06:06 PM

Its half the fun of being young though. I remeber when we were up to no good of a night we ujsed to go out hedge diving. All honest fun, my mate used to live in the middle of nowhere, what you used to do was take a long run up and then dive through a hedge. it all went well fo a month or so until one night when my friend took a huge run up and leapt head first thru the fence to be followed by an almighty smash.

On the other side of the fence was a ford fiesta and my mate had gone headfirst thru the rear windscreen :lol: :lol:

Hi SnnY & Lilmiss

how are you both? i have managed to catch my first cold of the winter!! Hurrah!

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 06:08 PM

Originally posted by danb+29 September 2003 - 17:58--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (danb @ 29 September 2003 - 17:58)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-lilmiss@29 September 2003 - 18:56
am i the only eejit in here?  :ph34r:
come on, more stories pwease? [/color]
:P [/b][/quote]
hehe...maybe shouldve phrased that one better. :D

ahem...

i know im not the only idiot in here, so post your stories.
(howat?) :P

Snee

09-29-2003, 06:11 PM

I edited in another couple of anecdotes^(my last post)

I'm fine, though I have to go and make a small withdrawal, so I'll see you in a bit.

Yata

09-29-2003, 06:11 PM

the jackass stunts on mtv are rubbish, you need to get the steve-o videos, the big brother skits and the CKY dvds, they are 100x better

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 06:15 PM

Originally posted by titey@29 September 2003 - 18:06

I think it's cute when you dribble sweetie! http://members.shaw.ca/wenpigsfly/smileys/dribble.gif [/quote]
awww...shucks. http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Lynne1977uk/big+halo.gif ;)

lp lobbing and hedge jumping...thats more like it. :P

DanB

09-29-2003, 06:23 PM

we all seem to mess with electricity. When i was younger i got my radio lead and plugged it in, unattatched it from the radio, turned the plug off and put a bit of wire from one hole on the lead into the next and then turned it on!! :o

BANG! I flew across the landing, all the electrics tripped, the lead melted and i stood there crying :'( I was only 9 at the time though

RGX

09-29-2003, 06:26 PM

so many stupid things, ollied (jumped) off a garage on my board, (made it to the amazement of neighbors :D)

Set fire to my friends foot with lynx when he was asleep (he was wearing a sock), he woke up to find his foot in flames :D

Also did his back, the good thing with lynx is if you leave it a few seconds it runs out and doesnt melt the fabric, he didnt know so stopped, dropped and rolled, was hysterical

Danced through a housing estate in a thong, with my friends filming

Got wedgied round my friends house, thankfully my boxers went to the side of my balls and ripped, they then threw them into the next door neighbors garden, i had to go and knock on her front door to get them back "can I have my underweear please, its in your garden"

Went to the park in the middle of the night with friends, we got the roundabout going as fast as we could go, I was wearing an open shirt, i fell off and kept clinging to the bars with one hand (why I dont know) as I was dragged round at full speed, friction burnt my nipple whilst my friends were falling over in hysterics.

Put various stupid things in various stupid towns, such as large amounts of army men (150 of them in kingston, on lamp posts, on bins etc), bought large amounts of bouncy balls and dropped them down huge hills onto some unsuspecting townies

Got naked a lot :lol:

Tried to climb one of the bushes in garden maze in hampton court, fell in and ended up waist high in the bush (8 foot tall) and stuck

Various shopping trolley incidents

Got very very drunk and ran round my friends garden (diff. friend) naked, whilst nearby neighbors watched

Attempted to run up a wall on camera, failed miserably :D :D :D

Escaped from various stupid situations over fences and houses

And many, many more,as you can guess im usually the first to try out stupid ideas

:teehee:

the doktor

09-29-2003, 06:36 PM

Have you guys ever read the warning at the beginning of each show? No. Me neither, it still fu**in' funny though. . :P

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:nQ5VgLe7KWcC:www.seanbaby.com/news/images/jackass03.gif

There read this! If you dont need glasses.

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 06:36 PM

Originally posted by RGX@29 September 2003 - 18:26
Set fire to my friends foot with lynx when he was asleep (he was wearing a sock), he woke up to find his foot in flames :D

Also did his back, the good thing with lynx is if you leave it a few seconds it runs out and doesnt melt the fabric, he didnt know so stopped, dropped and rolled, was hysterical

hehe...this is a fave of mine, but i dont use spray.
if you set someones sock on fire it will just burn out.
i do it to my own when im bored, though it smells a bit. ;)

Various shopping trolley incidents :ph34r:

And many, many more,as you can guess im usually the first to try out stupid ideas
kazaa night out - RGX and lilmiss locked away for disturbing the peace. :D

DanB

09-29-2003, 06:41 PM

i once streaked down Epsom high street with only a coat. Luckily it was 2am <_<

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 06:56 PM

hehe...for any reason?

DanB

09-29-2003, 06:59 PM

:"> Not a good one!!

lots of us had been in the pub since lunchtime, erm and thats about it really :D

think i may also have been trying trying to impress a certain young lady - guess i made a balls up of that!! :lol:

Snee

09-29-2003, 07:02 PM

When it comes to fire I see you people lack vision, me and a friend once set an entire field on fire, and when drunk I've tried to burn down several places, including a friend's apartment, an entire apartment building, and a school. :wacko: :D

I once had someone set my hand on fire but that wasn't voluntary on my part :angry:

DanB

09-29-2003, 07:04 PM

firestarter???

*runs off and hides matches* :P

i've had a few dodgy incidents with dry bushes and matches myself

Snee

09-29-2003, 07:06 PM

Originally posted by danb@29 September 2003 - 20:04
firestarter???

Only when drunk :D ´

It's usually quite embarrasing when I'm sober again :">

DanB

09-29-2003, 07:09 PM

yeah i bet. especially when it was your friends place :o :lol:

Snee

09-29-2003, 07:19 PM

I was sure lucky I wasn't successful, when I tried burning down that house, I've never managed to burn down any buildings to be honest, I'm just too drunk (which coincides with me getting the idea in the first place) to figure out how to keep it burning, luckily.

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 07:28 PM

remind me to not ask you round for a beer snny.
i likes me lil flat. :P

im a bit of a wimp when it comes to fire.
just the other day, i swung my head around with a spliff in me mouth and set me hair on fire. didnt realise till i smelt it.
i can scream when i want. :D

DanB

09-29-2003, 07:30 PM

Urgh hair burn what a smell! its even worse when its your nose hair :D

You wanna come to a fireworks party SnnY?? :P

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 07:40 PM

Originally posted by danb@29 September 2003 - 19:30
its even worse when its your nose hair :D

:lol: there has GOT to be a story behind that one.
can honestly say ive never smelt nasal hair burn.

my friend lit his fart while wearing those funny tracksuit bottoms, it caught fire and burned his sack.
(i was rolling on the floor with laughter.) :D

Snee

09-29-2003, 07:40 PM

Originally posted by lilmiss@29 September 2003 - 20:28
[color=blue]remind me to not ask you round for a beer snny.
i likes me lil flat.  :P

a beer? hah, I takes half a bottle of something much stronger to get me working that direction.

Try shaving your legs with a lighter, it's interesting :D

@db: I luuv explosives hehe :devil:

burning nasal hair, that's when you try to see what fire smells like, that's how one of my uncles lost his sense of smell :D

DanB

09-29-2003, 07:43 PM

Shaving legs with a lighter? :o

i remember playing with bangers from france :lol:

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 08:04 PM

i have quite a high alcohol tolerance for a girl.
i can, and will drink anything.
much to the amusement of me pals.

(you can tell when im drunk, cos i slap meself a lot. :D
if i cant feel it, i know im drunk. )

Snee

09-29-2003, 08:15 PM

I'm the other way around to be truthful, for a boy my alcohol-tolerance is quite low.

I don't slap myself, but I can usually tell I'm really drunk when I start losing feeling in my face (followed by the setting things on fire phase of course).

Girls like it when I get really cuddly, which sometimes happens, otherwise I go look for someone twice my size and pick a fight. I'm really quite calm and reserved IRL when I'm sober, so it's quite surprising for those who see me drunk for the first time.

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 08:31 PM

never been a violent person, except when im around my friends.
they know how much pain i can take. so its the best way to get the aggression out. like last night, when we had a punching fight, they knew to stop hitting me when i was crawling/slithering on the floor form a dead leg and arm. <_<

i got up and kicked their butts though, one of 'em has a lovely bruise of my knuckles on his shoulder today. B)

i know what happens when people get really outta hand though, and i gotta say i dont like it. :(

Snee

09-29-2003, 08:36 PM

Yeah well, when I pick fights I'm sure that whoever I fight can take it, I'm a bit calmer these days, more cuddly than violent really :D

Nice friends you have btw! :lol:

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 08:48 PM

my mates are the bestest in the world. :D
(yup, another made up word. :D )

i just dont get to see enough of 'em with everything thats happened.
i lost a lot of the crazy ones. :(
<span style='color:gray'>god bless.

i always remeber a serious fight after a night out between me and a friend, when it all turned silly and we ended up pelting each other, the walls, floor, tv, ornaments, etc... with ice cream. the next morning we tried to blamed it on her brother. :lol:
i stuck to the pillow that night. :lol: :P </span>

RGX

09-29-2003, 08:54 PM

Originally posted by lilmiss@29 September 2003 - 21:48

i stuck to the pillow that night. :lol: :P
:ph34r:

From the ice cream i take it? :P

Snee

09-29-2003, 08:55 PM

Two drunk girls...smeared in ice-cream...I'm trying to picture it now....

This has got some potential!

If you'd have thrown in the word naked somewhere I'd have....http://www.mcbriens.net/liam/img/smilies/w00tblur.gifhttp://www.mcbriens.net/liam/img/smilies/w00tdribble.gif

j/k, of course.

I'd have hated to be the one to clean that up, that's fer sure.

RGX

09-29-2003, 08:59 PM

:D 8===================D

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 09:23 PM

Originally posted by SnnY@29 September 2003 - 20:55
Two drunk girls...smeared in ice-cream...I'm trying to picture it now....

This has got some potential!

:o :huh:

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Lynne1977uk/lol.gif
crazy beggars.
shouldve seen that one coming. :rolleyes:

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 09:26 PM

Snee

09-29-2003, 09:55 PM

Maybe I'm stoned too? i'm seeing double :blink: :P

RGX

09-29-2003, 09:58 PM

:rolleyes: its monday night, we need our release

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 10:05 PM

again?

....
http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Lynne1977uk/must+be+monday.gif

RGX

09-29-2003, 10:06 PM

lol, released already

Snee

09-29-2003, 10:07 PM

It's just that you are so lurvely! :wub: I can't help it, really! :)

Lilmiss

09-29-2003, 10:14 PM

@ rgx; exactly. ;)

@ snny; ...aww bless. :P

see y'all laters.
(blokes on his way. <_< ) :D

RGX

09-29-2003, 10:15 PM

Ach the bloke, have fun

(>Zero Cool<)

09-29-2003, 10:16 PM

Originally posted by lilmiss@29 September 2003 - 22:14
@ rgx; exactly. ;)

@ snny; ...aww bless. :P

see y'all laters.
(blokes on his way. <_< ) :D
Is he on his way just like that? Beyond that I refuse to comment guvveler ;)

Snee

09-29-2003, 10:17 PM

Originally posted by RGX@29 September 2003 - 23:15
Ach the bloke, have fun
What he said!

http://www.mcbriens.net/liam/img/smilies/wavesad.gif
Aw the loss, woe is upon me!

Lilmiss

09-30-2003, 01:18 PM

Originally posted by (>Zero Cool<)@29 September 2003 - 22:16
Beyond that I refuse to comment guvveler ;)
:lol: :D

shut it, girl pants. :P

RGX

09-30-2003, 01:45 PM

lo lilmiss, how are you?

Lilmiss

09-30-2003, 05:03 PM

not too bad squire.
hows your good self? :D

Snee

09-30-2003, 05:05 PM

http://www.mcbriens.net/liam/img/smilies/wavehappy.gif :)

Hello

Lilmiss

09-30-2003, 05:13 PM

hiya snny. http://hometown.aol.co.uk/Lynne1977uk/singing+sun.gif

burnt anything today? :P

RGX

09-30-2003, 05:18 PM

Originally posted by lilmiss@30 September 2003 - 18:03
not too bad squire.
hows your good self? :D
Im alright thanks lil

Anything interesting happen at work?

Snee

09-30-2003, 05:19 PM

@lilmiss:Naw not really :P .

Did one of those presentation thingies at the university. I was, of course, completely unprepared since I hung around with you lot instead of doing what I should have. B)

I was actually nervous which isn't usual for me these days, I was almost ready to take off to be honest, but for some reason no-one noticed, they told me I was very natural and relaxed, heh.

They especially liked how I never looked at my notes, I did that mainly because I didn't have any :D

Lilmiss

09-30-2003, 05:25 PM

i miss at school and college. :(
i miss the long essays and detentions and dinners.
all the things i complained about when i was there. :P

work was poop, nothing really happened. i chatted to an old lady for half an hour about her bowel problems, cos she had no one else to tell. :(
but i employed another driver today, so i dont have to do soo much.
the work load thats been dumped on me over the last few weeks is killing me. so no more talk of work. ok? :D

titey

09-30-2003, 05:56 PM

Originally posted by lilmiss@30 September 2003 - 11:25
the work load thats been dumped on me over the last few weeks is killing me. so no more talk of work. ok?  :D
http://members.shaw.ca/wenpigsfly/smileys/console.gif

http://members.shaw.ca/wenpigsfly/smileys/flowers.gifhttp://members.roadfly.com/tite-wad/space.gifhttp://members.roadfly.com/tite-wad/space.gifhttp://members.roadfly.com/tite-wad/space.gifhttp://www.piczonline.com/client/titey/kiss1.gif

http://members.roadfly.com/tite-wad/space.gif http://members.roadfly.com/tite-wad/space.gif http://members.roadfly.com/tite-wad/space.gif http://www.piczonline.com/client/titey/hbeat.gif