A Purposeful Poem

[ForbiddenDNA]

The world is pointless..
Confusion and distraction..
The world is pointless..
Desparation and thirstiness..
The world is pointless..
Seek your creator

You've thought..
Possess love would fulfil satisfaction..
You've thought..
Possess prosperity would fulfil satisfaction..
You've thought..
Seek advice from your creator

Why..
Greediness and malevolence are present..
Why..
Jealousness and prevarication are present..
Why..
Seek for perfection

Presently..
Perfection are provides..
Presently..
Judment are provides..
Presently..
Prepare for your creator

[j2k4]

Hmmmm......

First, I'd whip a little spellcheck on it; but that's just me, I'm picky about spelling, downright finicky, in fact.

Can't get past it to read with the proper set, so to speak.

Not trying to be sarcastic, seriously.

I'll check back-


Actually, hold up a sec.

An example of a quick but drastic improvement:

"Greediness"> "Greed"

"jealousness"> "Jealousy"

Now, say it-see how it rolls off the tongue?

We'll look at content later, OK?

[Billy_Dean]

I think it needs a line or two about football.


:)

[j2k4]

Originally posted by Billy_Dean@23 October 2003 - 01:17
I think it needs a line or two about football.


:)
First things first, Billy. ;)

[MagicNakor]

The second and fourth verses, while in English, don't seem to make any coherent sense.

:ninja:

[bigboab]

Originally posted by Billy_Dean@23 October 2003 - 06:17
I think it needs a line or two about football.


:)
Goal line, eighteen yard line, six yard line. Aestheticism knows no bounds. ;)

[j2k4]

Originally posted by MagicNakor@23 October 2003 - 03:52
The second and fourth verses, while in English, don't seem to make any coherent sense.

:ninja:
I'm afraid I must agree.

I even gave them time to sink in; their bouyancy does not lend, ultimately, to edification. :(

[MagicNakor]

Maybe it's a Zen thing.

:ninja:

[sparsely]

a poetry thread?

I'm fluent in randomosity...

[J'Pol]

I assume it was written by a piece of software. Which didn't really understand the meaning of the words (even the fabricated ones) which it used.

It had no concept of rhyme, or rhythm. As for meter, that is obviously a unit of measurement. (It fails the scansion test).

It had all the elegance of a decent spreadsheet. Though none of the functionality.

In short, if you wish it to write poetry in English it is vital that you teach it English first.

If you feel so inclined, please let us know when you have the first beta version and we can have another look.

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by j2k4@23 October 2003 - 07:10


First, I'd whip a little spellcheck on it; but that's just me, I'm picky about spelling, downright finicky, in fact.


Is spellcheck a word ?

Given the context, is it a verb ? Though you seem to have applied an adjective to it, which would tend to suggest a noun.

Have you been afflicted with the comma fascination again ?

Are you in fact a .... oh never mind.

[thewizeard]

I think it's meant to be read backwards... Still don't give up forbiddenDNA.

[Yogi]

I'll try working it up:

me world is pointless..
me is confused,...distracted..
me world is pointless..
Oooo, desparation in me thirst,
me world is pointless..
me is thee creator

me has thought..
Possessing love fulfill me satisfacted...
Me thought..
Possess the satisfaction..would fulfill prosperity
Me thought..
Me yerrrr creator

Cos"
Me Greediness an' me violence are present..
Cos'
Jealousness and ******** are present..
Cos
Me is perfection

Now...
Me provide Perfection ..
Now
Me CREATIVE.....

Now can anybody put this to rap???

:P Yogi

[j2k4]

Originally posted by JPaul+23 October 2003 - 17:59--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (JPaul &#064; 23 October 2003 - 17:59)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteBegin-j2k4@23 October 2003 - 07:10


First, I&#39;d whip a little spellcheck on it; but that&#39;s just me, I&#39;m picky about spelling, downright finicky, in fact.


Is spellcheck a word ?

Given the context, is it a verb ? Though you seem to have applied an adjective to it, which would tend to suggest a noun.

Have you been afflicted with the comma fascination again ?

Are you in fact a .... oh never mind.[/b][/quote]
Actually, I must confess little familiarity with......uh, it, JPaul-I have never used it.

My over-use of punctuation is a remnant of an old tendency to write in run-on sentences, which, I&#39;m sure you will agree, I have overcome.

Iam fascinated with commas, as you say-I like their shape.

, , , , , , , , ,

Yes&#33;&#33;&#33;

[j2k4]

Originally posted by SensualGardening@23 October 2003 - 18:12
I&#39;ll try working it up:

me world is pointless..
me is confused,...distracted..
me world is pointless..
Oooo, desparation in me thirst,
me world is pointless..
me is thee creator

me has thought..
Possessing love fulfill me satisfacted...
Me thought..
Possess the satisfaction..would fulfill prosperity
Me thought..
Me yerrrr creator

Cos"
Me Greediness an&#39; me&nbsp; violence are present..
Cos&#39;
Jealousness and ******** are present..
Cos
Me is perfection

Now...
Me provide Perfection ..
Now
Me CREATIVE.....

Now can anybody put this to rap???

:P Yogi
I must say, I do like that. :)

[TheFilePirater]

i think it should have a lil bout porn, and pirating, and pussy <---best things in life

[ForbiddenDNA]

Poetry does not always have to rhyme.
There are many kinds of poetry.
Poetry does not have to be in correct grammar, just creative..
I took creative writing, i know..

I admit i still need to work on alittle error.

:)

[sparsely]

okay.
at least there&#39;s some honest critics here.
Here&#39;s a sample of my..
whatever.
:

@Chevron.com

Fortune 500 particle board
the Quakers rose the shop

and off went Friar Tuck&#39;s poor head
the Battle Hymn hath stopped.

Time he met
what time will tell
dead priests will never ring
the telephone for patrons
at the Chevron in the spring.

*|#& () in thee (should be read "star, stop, pound sign, ampers and partentheis...")
cufflinks stuck with magnets
rabbits whistling Dixie.

So round, and round, and round again
the booze will always flow
on all the brilliant, calloused hands
and tanned atheletic toes.

Corruption in the Omnibus
though words can never fail
The heart is built like Romulus
The teeth are shaped like nails.

Five and one and Avon Calling
whispered in his ear
the second southboud falling down the
creaky basement stairs.

Time he bet
the time not his
dreambags all held with string
of spirits warped construction
of the Chevron in the spring

[Billy_Dean]

Originally posted by j2k4@23 October 2003 - 15:10
Hmmmm......

First, I&#39;d whip a little spellcheck on it; but that&#39;s just me, I&#39;m picky about spelling, downright finicky, in fact.


I&#39;m not speaking for j2k4 here. But ...



:)

[Yogi]

Originally posted by j2k4+24 October 2003 - 05:13--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (j2k4 @ 24 October 2003 - 05:13)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-SensualGardening@23 October 2003 - 18:12
I&#39;ll try working it up:

me world is pointless..
me is confused,...distracted..
me world is pointless..
Oooo, desparation in me thirst,
me world is pointless..
me is thee creator

me has thought..
Possessing love fulfill me satisfacted...
Me thought..
Possess the satisfaction..would fulfill prosperity
Me thought..
Me yerrrr creator

Cos"
Me Greediness an&#39; me violence are present..
Cos&#39;
Jealousness and ******** are present..
Cos
Me is perfection

Now...
Me provide Perfection ..
Now
Me CREATIVE.....

Now can anybody put this to rap???

:P Yogi
I must say, I do like that. :) [/b][/quote]
Now me :">

[j2k4]

Originally posted by ForbiddenDNA@24 October 2003 - 01:29
Poetry does not always have to rhyme.
There are many kinds of poetry.
Poetry does not have to be in correct grammar, just creative..
I took creative writing, i know..

I admit i still need to work on alittle error.

:)
Just so-

Give it a go&#33;

We critics are always

ready to critique. ;)


A good humor here is essential. :)