My belated public apology

[jwsisliving1]

I wanted to start by saying this thread is an apology to all the people I have hurt in the past. I don't need more trackers, so this isn't about getting anyone to accept me back into their circle. I've realized some bridges when they are burnt they are too damaged to ever cross over again.

I earned the trust of some people when they didn't even know who i was or what my whole history was about. I don't care enough to bring that up and analyze it; either way, I'm sure most people know all about my dirty laundry by now. The biggest mistake I made was making everything public, when most trackers value privacy and discretion.

I had a lot of good friends, but through my violation of their trust I didn't treat them like friends. That was the worst part of what I did, I took everyone for granted. I'm hated now, and for good reason. I had a position of power and influence, which in the end I used to get revenge on the people I felt had wronged me.

I have no problem with being an exile. Being a normal user is a lot less stress and gives me perspective that I never had. I realize by now that there is more to life than trackers. Sometimes before it felt like it was everything. A job when I had no job (even if it was non-paying), a purpose (I really did care about helping to make good trackers), and a community of friends when i had no friends (back then I had no friends but my friends online).

Why is this apology coming so late? I tried to apologize to some people after all the drama had died down, but to be honest I didn't really make enough of an effort. I have been too scared to come out of the shadows. I couldn't even get myself to read any of the threads about myself here, or any of the other places where I was probably a heated topic of conversation.

I have been lurking this whole time and trying to stay out of trouble. It's been hard sometimes to accept all the changes that have happened. I'm no longer in a position to say anything or to try to take a leadership role. Pretty much all my old friends have nothing to do with me, for good reason. Even though there's a lot of people I miss, I know that because of my actions there is no going back.

I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this thread. Probably nothing at all. I just had to make my peace, even after all this time. Even if it's just for my own sanity. Sometimes its no longer about the trackers, your e-penis, or the connections you've built up. Using those friends, even if you've never met them in person, is just as wrong as using people in real life.

New members can learn from me. They can learn from the mistakes I've made. Unfortunately even after I was exiled, drama still goes on without me. Just look at some of the threads at backie's blog. I lost track of what this what supposed to be all about, but it doesn't seem like I'm the only one.

Feel free to flame me because frankly I deserve it. Those of you who you used to know me will know I'm not the truly evil person some will make me out to be. Then again, I've done some truly shitty things. I can never take them back or make things right. I've had to live with that every single day.

Maybe I'm too drunk to realize this is a stupid thread to make, and will draw more attention to me. But f**k it, I had to get this off my chest.

[Glitterstep]

What are you trying to say?

[A]

Guess the people whom this thread is meant to be reads this.


I realize by now that there is more to life than trackers. Sometimes before it felt like it was everything
Late realisation but better late than never.

[cinephilia]

i shed a tear.

true story.

[Funkin']

I realize by now that there is more to life than trackers.

So you're saying that your whole life, at one point, basically revolved around a file sharing method?

[Polarbear]

Leadership role? This is pathetic.

[cap87]

Who are you and what have you done?

I think i've seen you around some e-drama, but frankly i don't remember the whole story. :pinch:

[Disme]

Who are you

Settindice aka Pokerpays aka Weldensmith, etc ...

[wtf]

Could someone pass me the napkin cause this dude made me cry like a bitch :(

[Artemis]

You forgot to mention in your heartfelt little speech the multiple online identities (some of which Disme mentioned) or some of your other activities.
Lets see.....where do I begin..... well top of the pops has to be being both a trader and a trader hunter at the same time, nailing the very people that helped you get into your trackers. You even moderated a trading forum, yet professed under another identity to hate traders and proceeded to post details of traders you had caught in an effort to get brownie points with staff. I don't agree with trading but pretending to be friends with people then exposing them for brownie points ?????? :sick:
You have been so many identities, and betrayed so many people who trusted you time after time for what ? And now you want to come back and say sorry and we'll all hug (figuratively) and all will be forgiven. You have betrayed friendship and trust time after time, been so many online personalities you must be hovering on schizophrenia in real life and screwed over just about every person or community that trusted you time after time.

[IdolEyes787]

I had a position of power and influence.....
Being a normal user is a lot less stress and gives me perspective that I never had.........Unfortunately even after I was exiled.........


This isn't meant as an insult but with comments like that it appears you still haven't learned anything.You still seem to think some people( apparently yourself included) are better than everyone else.I'm sure you will argue that is not what you meant but there is ample evidence with such stupidity as talk of inner circles that it is.
Also if "friends" turn their backs on you over simple errors in judgment then in my opinion they probably weren't truly your friends to begin with.Probably in much the same way you weren't theirs for your indiscriminate spouting of shit to any stranger too bored or stupid to look elsewhere without possessing all the facts of the matter in the first place.

[Raban]

can you summarize into one sentence plz

[Quarterquack]

At least you're alive. I remember your whole fiasco, and it shed light on a lot more than I thought existed in the BT world. If what you did in your position of power was wrong, what you said wasn't. You exposed the truth, and nothing but that, and frankly, the truth hurts. I'm one of the firm believers in the fact that the end justifies the means, and regarding that farce you made, that is exactly the case.

Maybe you severed a few friendships, and maybe you upset a few people, but in the end, they brought it unto themselves by not being honest about who they are, what they do, and by being hypocrites and two-faced themselves. I don't ever feel that you should be sorry for doing what is right, even for the wrong reasons. That's just my opinion, though.

Hatchets aside, I'm glad that you haven't actually quit the BT scene as a whole, and hope you've still been enjoying it as much as you had been back then, before the drama had to settle in.

Quick Edit: Artemis, you (well your name at least) were dragged into that whole ordeal yourself, weren't you? I'm not going to one-up you by providing a crappy insight into whatever reasoning it is that you refused to accept his apology, but allow me to at least say this. It's the internet, the best either side can provide are typed words. What do you expect of him to do? He apologized, and that's the best thing he can offer right now. I'm sure if you knew him in real life, he'd buy you a beer, get on one knee and beg for forgiveness, but please. He said he was sorry, and has seen the error of his ways, what do you expect him to do for forgiveness?

[huwia]

I'm no longer in a position.

:unsure:

[Cabalo]

I'm glad you hopefully grew up.

[puckface]

Who?

And you can use the work "fuck" here <----- see

[DamnYou]

atleast you are apologizing,also late is better then none at all.

[DeadCell]

uhhhh

EDIT: Nope, still got nothing to say to this thread.

[Jollanda]

I don´t know what to make of this. I don´t know all the details. I only going to say this. You have hurt many people. Betray their trust and didn´t think twice about it.
But you have open your heart, telling your side of the story. Maybe because your drunk, I don´t know, but tomorrow is an other day. And you can do something about it. It´s hard and not easy. But you got to make things right again.

[Artemis]

At least you're alive. I remember your whole fiasco, and it shed light on a lot more than I thought existed in the BT world. If what you did in your position of power was wrong, what you said wasn't. You exposed the truth, and nothing but that, and frankly, the truth hurts. I'm one of the firm believers in the fact that the end justifies the means, and regarding that farce you made, that is exactly the case.

Maybe you severed a few friendships, and maybe you upset a few people, but in the end, they brought it unto themselves by not being honest about who they are, what they do, and by being hypocrites and two-faced themselves. I don't ever feel that you should be sorry for doing what is right, even for the wrong reasons. That's just my opinion, though.

Hatchets aside, I'm glad that you haven't actually quit the BT scene as a whole, and hope you've still been enjoying it as much as you had been back then, before the drama had to settle in.

Quick Edit: Artemis, you (well your name at least) were dragged into that whole ordeal yourself, weren't you? I'm not going to one-up you by providing a crappy insight into whatever reasoning it is that you refused to accept his apology, but allow me to at least say this. It's the internet, the best either side can provide are typed words. What do you expect of him to do? He apologized, and that's the best thing he can offer right now. I'm sure if you knew him in real life, he'd buy you a beer, get on one knee and beg for forgiveness, but please. He said he was sorry, and has seen the error of his ways, what do you expect him to do for forgiveness?

Oh noes my name was used !!!! I was dragged into an e-drama and I didn't even know it ? Ah well such is life.
My post was meant to expose his rather fluffy view of his activities over an extended period of time for what they were. He managed to dick alot of people who trusted him hard FOR YEARS and now comes back head down and goes I've been naughty ?
Seriously he has been an utter douchebag. Personally I have seen the carnage from only the 3rd person, I have been a member of forums and seen what he is capable of through his exposing of others.
Another thing the past has taught me is that we have seen these Mea Culpa's before (Dunson/Basilheydens/Trollinthunder ring a bell ?) and they carry on their merry way and do the same thing all over again when they get bored. I don't understand the mentality behind it but when someone does this for years I can only surmise that they are actually arseholes and it is the asking for forgiveness which is actually the sham!

[megabyteme]

I have already forgiven you. Our interactions were very limited compared to some who apparently did suffer from their relationships with you.

I would still like to know why you felt the need to have so many identities. Which one is the closest representation of your true self?

Good luck to you. Hopefully life, friendships, and interactions have different (more substantive) meanings to you now.

[FreeCandy]

Ask yourself, what would be if you were ready to give everything for girls like you was ready to give everything for trackers :lol:

You can be outstanding fuc*er if you use your brain from now on :naughty:

[Quarterquack]

Oh noes my name was used !!!! I was dragged into an e-drama and I didn't even know it ? Ah well such is life.
My post was meant to expose his rather fluffy view of his activities over an extended period of time for what they were. He managed to dick alot of people who trusted him hard FOR YEARS and now comes back head down and goes I've been naughty ?
Seriously he has been an utter douchebag. Personally I have seen the carnage from only the 3rd person, I have been a member of forums and seen what he is capable of through his exposing of others.
Another thing the past has taught me is that we have seen these Mea Culpa's before (Dunson/Basilheydens/Trollinthunder ring a bell ?) and they carry on their merry way and do the same thing all over again when they get bored. I don't understand the mentality behind it but when someone does this for years I can only surmise that they are actually arseholes and it is the asking for forgiveness which is actually the sham!

Perhaps I am more forgiving than I need to be in these cases (I was also sympathetic when it came to trollinthunder, he had a good way with words), however, I continue to stand by my point, that he can do no more or no less but to offer his apologies in hope of forgiveness. Maybe I am the exact type of person he hopes to appeal to with these set-ups of a public apology, maybe not.

I'll continue to stand by my point. What he did was wrong, by taking peoples' trust for granted. However, in my opinion exposing his friends was done for the wrong reasons, but with the right ends in mind, and I'm sure that over the years it has done a lot more good than bad, simply by that one piece of irrefutable proof out there to keep the people in question/similar hypocrites to himself in line. If he serves for no other person, then use him as an example for future morons.

[pro267]

Get out of the movie you're living in, Pokerpays. You've never been a leader and no one ever looked up to you except the horde of teenage traders you've managed to encircle yourself with. Every person with 2 brain cells knew he should stay away from this mental out of control.

Now take yourself, the shitty tracker and trading forums you've created and fekk off the interwebs for good. Perhaps then I'll consider forgiving you.

[greken24]

Just 2 words to u dude WAKE UP!
I think u still live totally in a virtual world..
I hope ull wake up some day and not be a fukcin drama queen cuase its just about trackers and forums..Get a life

I am a big trader and lied to many persons to get an invite but never betrayed anyone

[ca_aok]

I am a big trader and lied to many persons to get an invite but never betrayed anyone
You mean aside from the staff of those sites, the members who invited you, and the people you lied to? That's what I thought. The only reason you're any better than him is because you weren't hunting traders while trading yourself. But with all the proxies and fake identities used by traders, I presume you're probably pretending to be a good little member somewhere or other.

As for the OP, you were a total douche, betrayed everyone around you, and then continued a petty and fruitless vendetta against the very people who made you what you are in the first place. Torrenting is a way to download files, not a freaking career, and you took it far too seriously. I was there when you exploded in CN's IRC and were banned, you made it sound like the world itself was coming to an end and your life no longer had meaning.

Seriously dude, just take a breather.

[cinephilia]

I am a big trader and lied to many persons to get an invite but never betrayed anyone
you must be retarded. lying to someone precisely means to betray his trust.

[soulreaper]

To err is human, to forgive is divine, anyone? :whistling

[IdolEyes787]

UzK2VAVammk

[DATTER]

Well...:
1 - Get a life;
2 - Drink to forget;
3 - Meet new people (i mean, real people);
4 - And finally, makes lots of sex my dear (well, if you know what sex means ihihih :D).

Cheers.

[1000possibleclaws]

I would have read your apology, but I stopped caring about this bullshit and about your new generation of "secret" trackers already. No hard feelings, it is your own choice you waste your energy on such trivialities of life.

[graywolf]

There are 3 parts of an apology :

1) I am sorry.

2) I was wrong.

3) How do I make it right?

Sorry.. but I think you're far away from the third point.. and its even near impossible to do that..

[anonymous0711]

this thread was over and done with as those who were going to forgive him did and those who werent didnt no need to bump it again the only thing that can come of that is unnecessary controversy

P.S. i'm only putting this b/c it had already been bumped lol

[1000possibleclaws]

I love how half way through he starts pointing accusations at backie. I can't take this apology seriously :lol:

[Disme]

There are 3 parts of an apology :

1) I am sorry.

2) I was wrong.

3) How do I make it right?

Sorry.. but I think you're far away from the third point.. and its even near impossible to do that..

I was just wondering...I saw this thread: http://filesharingtalk.com/vb3/f-bittorrent-43/t-time-alive-what-is-that-410252

Basically you're saying you are a n00b when it comes to torrents ... in that case I wonder why you replied to a post that deals with ghosts from the past???

[Skiz]

Who are you

Settindice aka Pokerpays aka Weldensmith, etc ...

You're still missing at least two of them. :dabs:

[graywolf]

There are 3 parts of an apology :

1) I am sorry.

2) I was wrong.

3) How do I make it right?

Sorry.. but I think you're far away from the third point.. and its even near impossible to do that..

I was just wondering...I saw this thread: http://filesharingtalk.com/vb3/f-bittorrent-43/t-time-alive-what-is-that-410252

Basically you're saying you are a n00b when it comes to torrents ... in that case I wonder why you replied to a post that deals with ghosts from the past???


Well.. just saw it.. and this particularly quote came into mind.. and nothing as such..

For your reference.. Hmm.. I've said "it maybe a n00b question".. I had been torrenting for 4 years.. I know, it's not much.. but I've picked up my way fairly quickly in the BT world..

And if you saw so much as my post.. rather than giving the link to my post.. why haven't you answered it yet.. or is that you don't know either? =/

No offence.. Just expressing my view.. I don't think I'm barred from doing that.. Just came across this post today..

[Disme]

No offence.. Just expressing my view.. I don't think I'm barred from doing that.. Just came across this post today..
Non taken :happy:

Yes, I do know what all this thread is about. It just struck me that as you were pretty 'new' to torrenting (or at least that's what I assumed) I wondered how you new about the story behind the OP.

[graywolf]

Oh.. well.. I remember hearing /seeing the name pokepays somewhere long back.. And when I read it here, it struck a chord.. I think I have seen his posts somewhere.. That's why..

[Detale]

A major problem I see here and I think some have mentioned already is that yes "this is the internets and what else can he do". That fact works both ways though, see all we have here is our words, more specifically our word. If we earn the trust of others in out little virtual world, kudos, but when this trust is damaged in such an awful way there is no way to gain it back, ever. Above being a trader or even an invite seller, being a known liar is far more damaging to someones on line persona. If you used to trade, fine you can stop and eventually people will trust you again, but something of this magnitude I don't think will ever be forgiven and surely never forgotten. I guess what I'm trying to say to the op in short is You're fucked dude. There's nothing I can see you doing to ever gain any trust or on-line relationships of worth. Start a new persona, which shouldn't be a problem for you, and don't fuck it up again.

[dvdasacd]

Start a new persona, which shouldn't be a problem for you, and don't ***** it up again.
oh not another one! :frusty: :lol:

no seriously, that's an interesting thought, i don't know which one I'd prefer (from bt friends) though...well let's see...

one is lying about your status of previously being a liar (even though it might be true you no LONGER are a liar), the other is being truthful about having lied (and obviously your aim is to no longer be a liar).

I'm leaning toward the second. The second has more accountability, and it's more responsible. Things are situational though, it depends on what values the concerned parties hold. But on a purely philosophical level, I'd prefer being as truthful as possible, despite the consequences to ones inconvenience. otherwise it's kinda cheating right? yeah i know, we all are 'cheaters' in that we cheat out of paying for copyrighted material, but I didn't say *I* was perfect :P. but since I value the trust of my bt colleagues, I don't cheat with regards to anything of that sort.

Anyway if one does start a new identity, no one will find out anyway :naughty:...

[kallieb]

^^ My head hurts trying to follow that. Maybe that's why liars finally come clean. Its damn hard work trying to keep track of the crap. Wipe the slate clean, and start over. The challenge is ofc, start over doing what? A new set of lies, or finally the truth. When trust is ripped, good luck trying to be believed.

Don't get me wrong. A mea culpa is never easy, and its better to fall on one's sword in the pursuit of coming clean, than to stay in the dirt all wrapped up in lies - but what Im still nto clear on is what end is served from all this. A pursuit of acceptance, forgiveness, a new start?

[Disme]

a new start?

I wanna bet a lot of $$$ the new start has already been made quite some time ago :shifty:

[dandraesley]

a new start?

I wanna bet a lot of $$$ the new start has already been made quite some time ago :shifty:

Disme, What kind of method you can do to identify double/dupe account?. I'm curious. IP address? :happy:

[anon]

IP address? :happy:

Yes, and there are also a few other methods :shifty:

[Cabalo]

I wanna bet a lot of $$$ the new start has already been made quite some time ago :shifty:

Disme, What kind of method you can do to identify double/dupe account?. I'm curious. IP address? :happy:
Soooo many ways, so many.