Really Bad Puns

[J'Pol]

Boab needs some new material so could you chaps help out with some really bad puns for him to pick from.

I gave up posting on this forum, then I came back and reverted to type.

[Lamsey]

Originally posted by JPaul@29 October 2003 - 21:31
I gave up posting on this forum, then I came back and reverted to type.
How very uncharacteristic of you.











Sorry, is that too convoluted? :unsure:

[bigboab]

Originally posted by JPaul@29 October 2003 - 21:31
Boab needs some new material so could you chaps help out with some really bad puns for him to pick from.

I gave up posting on this forum, then I came back and reverted to type.
JP I have an urgent question posted for you in another place. :D

[Spindulik]

Originally posted by Lamsey+29 October 2003 - 18:08--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Lamsey &#064; 29 October 2003 - 18:08)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteBegin-JPaul@29 October 2003 - 21:31
I gave up posting on this forum, then I came back and reverted to type.
How very uncharacteristic of you.











Sorry, is that too convoluted? :unsure:[/b][/quote]
I am galvanized over the fancy "convoluted" word that you introduced into this thread.

[Lamsey]

Originally posted by bigboab+29 October 2003 - 22:14--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (bigboab @ 29 October 2003 - 22:14)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-JPaul@29 October 2003 - 21:31
Boab needs some new material so could you chaps help out with some really bad puns for him to pick from.

I gave up posting on this forum, then I came back and reverted to type.
JP I have an urgent question posted for you in another place. :D [/b][/quote]
link:

http://www.klboard.ath.cx/index.php?showto...=0&#entry621237 (http://www.klboard.ath.cx/index.php?showtopic=77709&st=0&#entry621237)

[bigboab]

Go on feed me. :lol: I am looking for a straight man. Alas this may be difficult in this Forum. :P

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by bigboab+29 October 2003 - 23:14--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (bigboab @ 29 October 2003 - 23:14)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-JPaul@29 October 2003 - 21:31
Boab needs some new material so could you chaps help out with some really bad puns for him to pick from.

I gave up posting on this forum, then I came back and reverted to type.
JP I have an urgent question posted for you in another place. :D [/b][/quote]
The House of Lord&#39;s ?

[bigboab]

Originally posted by JPaul+29 October 2003 - 22:54--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (JPaul @ 29 October 2003 - 22:54)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
Originally posted by bigboab@29 October 2003 - 23:14
<!--QuoteBegin-JPaul@29 October 2003 - 21:31
Boab needs some new material so could you chaps help out with some really bad puns for him to pick from.

I gave up posting on this forum, then I came back and reverted to type.
JP I have an urgent question posted for you in another place. :D
The House of Lord&#39;s ? [/b][/quote]
One does not mention it JP. :angry:

You&#39;ll have all these bloody pee-ers going in there. :lol:

[bigboab]

That is the last time I am going out of the lounge. There is fighting talk out there.
I was even offered a bottle of Buckfast. :lol: :lol:

[J'Pol]

I wasn&#39;t going to identify the other plaice, but that would just have smelled fishy.

[bigboab]

As long as they dont know what it is cod.

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by bigboab@30 October 2003 - 00:06
That is the last time I am going out of the lounge. There is fighting talk out there.
I was even offered a bottle of Buckfast. :lol: :lol:
Half a bottle mate.

That&#39;s probably how the fighting started.

Someone offered you the old buck.

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by bigboab@30 October 2003 - 00:07
As long as they dont know what it is cod.
Watch yourself.

Lamsey is a vegetarian agnostic. So he doesn&#39;t believe in Cod.

[bigboab]

I dont know who it was JP. He had a funny cloth cap, a scarf that stuck out to the side, windswept like and a great huge moustache. You would think that with remembrance day approaching these people would be out selling poppies.

Enough of this. I have stopped searching for a straight man(For about an hour). Instead I shall go and watch Mr Norton. :lol: :lol:

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by bigboab@30 October 2003 - 00:13
I dont know who it was JP. He had a funny cloth cap, a scarf that stuck out to the side, windswept like and a great huge moustache. You would think that with remembrance day approaching these people would be out selling poppies.

Enough of this. I have stopped searching for a straight man(For about an hour). Instead I shall go and watch Mr Norton. :lol: :lol:
Does Mrs Bigboad know you have stopped searching for a straight man and have settled on Graham Norton.

Are you perhaps a modern Diogenes, searching not for an honest man but .... oh never mind. How many would follow the rest anyway.

[bigboab]

Originally posted by JPaul@29 October 2003 - 23:17
1. Does Mrs Bigboad know you have stopped searching for a straight man and have settled on Graham Norton.

2. Are you perhaps a modern Diogenes,
1. She is watching it completely unawares of my intentions. :D

2. If such is the case, the earlier offer of a bottle of Buck may have been a prophetic gesture. :lol: :lol:

[bigboab]

We may have to desist from this JP. I can imagine a few keyboards getting clogged up with dandruff. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Edit. Anyway methinks there is a battle call far. B)

[bigboab]

A cigar on offer for a pun or one liner that have not heard before. My honesty will not be brought into question. ;)

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by bigboab@30 October 2003 - 00:28
I can imagine a few keyboards getting clogged up with dandruff. :lol:&nbsp; :lol:&nbsp; :lol:


Certainly adthomp seems to type using his head.

I suppose that leaves both hands free and he can look at the screen at the same time.

Though it does require a bit of engorgement before he can get the necessary degree of control.

On the other hand a few of the keys are getting a bit sticky.

What&#39;s brown and sticky ....






















a stick

[J'Pol]

She opened the door in her nightdress.

Funny, I thought, you don&#39;t often see nightdresses with a door.

[bigboab]

Stick with the ciggies for the moment. As from now no reply no cigar. :lol:

[J'Pol]

I had a tragic childhood. My parents never understood me. They were Japanese.

[J'Pol]

It&#39;s a small world, but I wouldn&#39;t want to have to paint it.

[bigboab]

Get some matches. You might need them further down the line. :D

[J'Pol]

I made a stupid mistake last week. Come to think of it, did you ever hear of someone making a clever mistake?

[J'Pol]

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

[J'Pol]

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

[J'Pol]

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

[J'Pol]

I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.

[J'Pol]

There&#39;s a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

[bigboab]

Cigar for that one JP never heard of it. ;)

[J'Pol]

My girlfriends a redhead, no hair, just a red head.

[J'Pol]

My parents were wonderful, always there with a ready compromise. My sister wanted a cat for a pet I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

[J'Pol]

I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I&#39;ve got one I could aggravate for you".

[bigboab]

Remember one of the greatest comedians of all time was Red Buttons. But he was off the cuff. :D

Edit Thats the first time I&#39;ve heard that. no bad. :rolleyes:

[J'Pol]

I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.

[J'Pol]

I was in London the other day and this man came up to me and asked me if I knew the Battersea dog&#39;s home. I said that I didn&#39;t know it had been away.

[J'Pol]

I don&#39;t swim. I can swim. I just don&#39;t have much cause to do so in the normal run of things.

[J'Pol]

This chap started talking to me about this and that - about which I know very little.

[J'Pol]

My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn&#39;t wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.

[J'Pol]

I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea as I was a stranger there myself.

[J'Pol]

This chap said to me, "If you look over there, you&#39;ll see Dumbarton Rock". Well, I looked for 20 minutes and the thing never moved an inch.

[J'Pol]

I met this chap at the Olympics. I said to him, "Excuse me but are you a pole vaulter?", he replied,"No, I&#39;m German, but how did you know my name was Walter."


Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you

The One

The Only

The Incomparable

Chic Murray - without whom Billy Connolly would be a welder.

http://members.fortunecity.com/gillonj//sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/chic.jpg

[bigboab]

Try some lateral ones JP. Sometimes I wonder if I am one of the few lateral thinkers on the Forum.

Someone posted the other night &#39;turn on the news&#39;. Everyone else was switching on the news too see what was happening. Here was me sitting here saying to myself. "Why should I turn on the news? It didn&#39;t do me any harm" :blink:

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by bigboab@30 October 2003 - 01:02
Try some lateral ones JP. Sometimes I wonder if I am one of the few lateral thinkers on the Forum.

Someone posted the other night &#39;turn on the news&#39;. Everyone else was switching on the news too see what was happening. Here was me sitting here saying to myself. "Why should I turn on the news? It didn&#39;t do me any harm" :blink:
I thought the Cod one was OK

Re the news, I would have thought, how do I do that - wear a sexy ensemble while watching Trevor McDonut.

[bigboab]

Originally posted by JPaul@29 October 2003 - 23:59
I met this chap at the Olympics. I said to him, "Excuse me but are you a pole vaulter?", he replied,"No, I&#39;m German, but how did you know my name was Walter."


Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you

The One

The Only

The Incomparable

Chic Murray - without whom Billy Connolly would be a welder.

http://members.fortunecity.com/gillonj//sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/chic.jpg
Heard it JP. I also think he was one of the best. Unique. I saw him a couple of times when I was younger(Obviously). A kind of intelligent mans Tommy Cooper. :P

[Lamsey]

Originally posted by bigboab@30 October 2003 - 00:02
Someone posted the other night &#39;turn on the news&#39;. Everyone else was switching on the news too see what was happening. Here was me sitting here saying to myself. "Why should I turn on the news? It didn&#39;t do me any harm" :blink:
And what is to say that the news will find you sexually attractive, anyway?

[bigboab]

Originally posted by Lamsey+30 October 2003 - 00:06--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Lamsey @ 30 October 2003 - 00:06)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-bigboab@30 October 2003 - 00:02
Someone posted the other night &#39;turn on the news&#39;. Everyone else was switching on the news too see what was happening. Here was me sitting here saying to myself. "Why should I turn on the news? It didn&#39;t do me any harm"&nbsp; :blink:
And what is to say that the news will find you sexually attractive, anyway? [/b][/quote]
If it didn&#39;t it would be the first. :lol:

[Lamsey]

Originally posted by bigboab+30 October 2003 - 00:08--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (bigboab @ 30 October 2003 - 00:08)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
Originally posted by Lamsey@30 October 2003 - 00:06
<!--QuoteBegin-bigboab@30 October 2003 - 00:02
Someone posted the other night &#39;turn on the news&#39;. Everyone else was switching on the news too see what was happening. Here was me sitting here saying to myself. "Why should I turn on the news? It didn&#39;t do me any harm" :blink:
And what is to say that the news will find you sexually attractive, anyway?
If it didn&#39;t it would be the first. :lol: [/b][/quote]
Are you implying it has a first for you?














sorry, that was v.poor :">