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the_truth_comes_out
10-31-2003, 10:25 PM
Hi, I have recently joined the site but I have been “lurking” for some time to see if the board is worth joining. I was viewing the thread started by “shareholder” about him cheating on his girlfriend.

A lot of views where shared on this topic and I was wondering if I could take a slightly different yet similar angle on this problem. Within my group of friends there is a couple that have been going out for a long time. At a recent party, one half of the couple left early. The other half took part in a “party” game of postman’s knock. During this game she gave some guys friendly pecks on the cheek, however with this one guy, she took it further and fully got off with him. This did not just happen once but continued to happen all throughout the party and they continued to meet alone on the days following the party – continuing right up till tonight.

I am friends with both half’s of the couple and I am torn in two. Do I tell the guy that the girl he loves has and is possibly continuing to cheat on him or do I keep to a guarantee that what happened in the party should stay within the party. I am thinking of breaking the “oath” as I have thoughts that the cheating may still be continuing to this very day.

I am just looking for some advice on what to do, I don’t really know whom to turn to so I decided to post on this and get some intelligent advice. Any help will be very much appreciated.
:( :blink:

MediaSlayer
10-31-2003, 10:30 PM
keep the guarantee if shes that slutty she'll get caught eventually anyway

callum
10-31-2003, 10:31 PM
Have you talked to your other friends who were at the party. And asked them their opinion.

Smooch
10-31-2003, 10:47 PM
Difficult situation this. Cheating is so wrong :(

RPerry
10-31-2003, 10:51 PM
Originally posted by Smooch@31 October 2003 - 18:47
Difficult situation this. Cheating is so wrong :(
terrible part is the many ways someone tries to justfy it :angry:

Rat Faced
10-31-2003, 10:51 PM
Talk to her about it, not him.

You are not going to win any prizes for "telling".

If you talk to her though, it may make her think about what she's doing.







Thats assuming they dont have an "open relationship" anyway...which appears to be getting quite common amongst you youngsters.

:-"


When i was a lad....




we didnt have so much fun <_<

Rat Faced
10-31-2003, 10:52 PM
Originally posted by Smooch@31 October 2003 - 22:47
Difficult situation this. Cheating is so wrong :(
:wub:

My kinda gel..... :)

Smooch
10-31-2003, 10:54 PM
Originally posted by Rat Faced@31 October 2003 - 21:51
When i was a lad....

:huh: You can remember that far back? :P

Good advice there though B)

@RPerry: Your right... one excuse is "i&#39;m not happy in this relationship". So why don&#39;t they just finish it? :rolleyes:

Smooch
10-31-2003, 10:56 PM
Originally posted by Rat Faced+31 October 2003 - 21:52--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Rat Faced &#064; 31 October 2003 - 21:52)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Smooch@31 October 2003 - 22:47
Difficult situation this. Cheating is so wrong :(
:wub:

My kinda gel..... :) [/b][/quote]
I was only joking Paul babe (about your age, not about cheating) :flowers:

RPerry
10-31-2003, 10:59 PM
Originally posted by Smooch+31 October 2003 - 18:54--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Smooch @ 31 October 2003 - 18:54)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Rat Faced@31 October 2003 - 21:51
When i was a lad....&nbsp;

:huh: You can remember that far back? :P

Good advice there though B)

@RPerry: Your right... one excuse is "i&#39;m not happy in this relationship". So why don&#39;t they just finish it? :rolleyes: [/b][/quote]
I am very close to 30yrs old, and have never cheated. Doesn&#39;t mean I have always been totally satisfied either, but I know to accept the good with the bad. My favortite one was from one of my ex&#39;s, who although we lived to gether for 5 yrs, I asked her to leave and we got back together. We never lived together again, but where a couple. When I caught her, her excuse was that we really werent together :huh:

Smooch
10-31-2003, 11:05 PM
RPerry, at least you caught her before you took the big step of moving in together again. Things could of been messy :huh:

Rat Faced
10-31-2003, 11:08 PM
I beat Rob on age and I aint never cheated either.

If your courting, engaged or married then you should care for the person your with.

If you care about them, then how can you betray them?

If there are problems then they should either be worked out, or the relationship should end...... where is the complicated part of that?

RPerry
10-31-2003, 11:08 PM
no.... If you look again, we had been living together, for 5 yrs. This is someone I thought I knew. Yes, I&#39;m glad we never resumed living together, because chances are, I would have married her, then found out later, while the judge was giving out halfs :ph34r:

Smooch
10-31-2003, 11:12 PM
Originally posted by Rat Faced@31 October 2003 - 22:08
I beat Rob on age and I aint never cheated either.

If your courting, engaged or married then you should care for the person your with.

If you care about them, then how can you betray them?

If there are problems then they should either be worked out, or the relationship should end...... where is the complicated part of that?
I agree.

It&#39;s even worse when kids are involved, i&#39;ve recently seen it happen to a close friend of mine.

RPerry
10-31-2003, 11:19 PM
Originally posted by Rat Faced@31 October 2003 - 19:08
I beat Rob on age and I aint never cheated either.

If your courting, engaged or married then you should care for the person your with.

If you care about them, then how can you betray them?

If there are problems then they should either be worked out, or the relationship should end...... where is the complicated part of that?
RF, we have been M8&#39;s for some time now, and I know are personalities are close to the same. Somehow I feel like we both seem old fashoined in a sense, even with the few years of age difference. Somewhere, people have begin to lose the ability to talk to each other. I have always been one to really sit down and want to hear what my partner has to say. Unfortunately, not many seem willing to do that anymore :(

the_truth_comes_out
10-31-2003, 11:28 PM
I have talked to her, she claims that nothing is going on and that they are just “friends” yet I have it on good authority from one of her closer friends that stuff has been going on so I can not really trust her, plus she will just deny it if I confront her about it.

Plus I have spoken to the rest at the party and we all don’t know what to do really. We know that she is cheating on him but we don’t know if we should get involved or if we do how to tell him.

Rat Faced
10-31-2003, 11:33 PM
Its not so much "Old Fashioned" Rob, at least for me.


I have never tried an "Open Relationship", doesnt mean i have anything against them. (I dont now if I could handle one mind...but until proven otherwise, i&#39;ll stick with an open mind)

However I wont "Cheat" on someone i care for..ie "Betray" a trust placed on me by them, which is implicet in a "Closed" or "Normal" relationship...( at least where I live its normal ;) )

I&#39;d call that more respect for my partner and myself, rather than "Old Fashioned". If I betrayed that Trust, then i wouldnt respect myself on top of hurting my partner. Im not sure if anything i could do would give me that self respect back, immaterial of whether my partner ever forgave me.

:P






Note to Self:

Must get a partner to keep these principles in practice.... :(

Lamsey
10-31-2003, 11:34 PM
:blink: I&#39;m old fashioned?

I&#39;m only 18 :huh:

Rat Faced
10-31-2003, 11:36 PM
Originally posted by the_truth_comes_out@31 October 2003 - 23:28
I have talked to her, she claims that nothing is going on and that they are just “friends” yet I have it on good authority from one of her closer friends that stuff has been going on so I can not really trust her, plus she will just deny it if I confront her about it.

Plus I have spoken to the rest at the party and we all don’t know what to do really.&nbsp; We know that she is cheating on him but we don’t know if we should get involved or if we do how to tell him.
Its a "No Win" situation.

If you talk to him, you have a good chance of losing the friendship of her (and also, to a lesser extent, him).

If you dont talk to him, it may blow over and he may never find out. However if he does, and finds out you all knew... he may never trust you all again.





Anyone for a game of "Scruples"?

RPerry
10-31-2003, 11:39 PM
bye old fashoined, I meant it seems the art of communicating seems to have diminsihed a bit.

AussieSheila
10-31-2003, 11:55 PM
:( I wouldn&#39;t come straight out and tell him, he&#39;s likely to shoot the messenger. I have, when one of my girlfriends told me my husband was cheating. I barely spoke to her for years, mainly because I was embarrassed that she (and all my other friends) knew all about it, it was quite a full on thing and had been going on for a long time. It had a serious effect on my relationship with my friend. Took years to get over it, and there&#39;s all that friendship lost in between.

That all happened a long time ago. Since then I&#39;ve been in the position of knowing that a friend was cheating on their partner. I expressed concerns about it, without coming right out and saying he was screwing around. It was enough to make her aware so that she could discover for herself. I never lied to her, if she asked me a quetion straight out I answered honestly. The end result is that her constantly cheating husband is long gone and we are still best friends.

It&#39;s so difficult, but she will bring herself undone in the end. Just be there for your friend.

B)

the_truth_comes_out
11-01-2003, 09:21 PM
Thanks guys for all your help. I appreciate it, I have taken aboard some of the things you have suggested but to be honest I am still confused at what to do. It is hard to stay friends with her when I know the truth and to not tell him when I feel he should know. So a vote….Should I tell him, yes or no?

Smooch
11-01-2003, 09:46 PM
Tell him, just as long as your other friends are prepared to back you up.

She&#39;ll only do it again if she realises she&#39;s got away with it this time.

Good luck, and let us know what happens.

shubhodeep_das
11-03-2003, 12:37 AM
Originally posted by the_truth_comes_out@31 October 2003 - 22:25
Hi, I have recently joined the site but I have been “lurking” for some time to see if the board is worth joining. I was viewing the thread started by “shareholder” about him cheating on his girlfriend.

A lot of views where shared on this topic and I was wondering if I could take a slightly different yet similar angle on this problem. Within my group of friends there is a couple that have been going out for a long time. At a recent party, one half of the couple left early. The other half took part in a “party” game of postman’s knock. During this game she gave some guys friendly pecks on the cheek, however with this one guy, she took it further and fully got off with him. This did not just happen once but continued to happen all throughout the party and they continued to meet alone on the days following the party – continuing right up till tonight.

I am friends with both half’s of the couple and I am torn in two. Do I tell the guy that the girl he loves has and is possibly continuing to cheat on him or do I keep to a guarantee that what happened in the party should stay within the party. I am thinking of breaking the “oath” as I have thoughts that the cheating may still be continuing to this very day.

I am just looking for some advice on what to do, I don’t really know whom to turn to so I decided to post on this and get some intelligent advice. Any help will be very much appreciated.
:( :blink:
Ithappenned to a friend of mine too.But this time it was a boy who was cheating.However the girl stuck up with him till the very end and tried not to break relations.Girls are very patient about these things and if you explain to them as a friend they will surely understand.

AussieSheila
11-03-2003, 12:55 AM
:ph34r: If you really can&#39;t live with the knowledge (and you learn how as you grow older and more cynical) then I would talk to her first. Tell her you and all your friends know what&#39;s going on and if she doesn&#39;t do something you will have to.

Good luck.

B)

Oh crap, you have talked to her. Is she acting nervous around you since then?

Evil Gemini
11-03-2003, 01:03 AM
You should organize a party and invite the 3 of them as well.

During the night im sure they will get cought out.