Make This Man the UK’s Sexiest New Model

[duke0102]

http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/4/2011/06/rolandnext.jpg

British clothing chain Next is holding a competition(http://www.next.co.uk/model-competition-2011/) to find a new hottie. And naturally, the internet is doing its best to delightfully rig it. Enter Roland (http://nextround.net/2011/06/roland-will-be-your-next-model-2011): not exactly top model material. But he's blowing away the competition. Let's help.

Roland's sitting at a comfortable number one after internet zealots have poured in their votes, beating out other contenders who actually sort of look like they could be models. Is this cruel to ol' Roland? Probably not, since he presumably entered by his own volition to begin with. So screw those other beautiful faces—Roland is a man of the people. Let's help him win a £2,000 shopping spree, photo shoot, and modeling agency intro.
Direct vote link: http://www.next.co.uk/model-competition-2011/vote-for-me-idgek9j984/

(Source: http://gizmodo.com/5807799/make-this-man-the-uks-sexiest-new-model)

[Cabalo]

Is it chavis?

[chalice]

No, it's your mum, you silly cunt.

[chalice]

Is it chavis?

What's with all the new found confidence, dickhead? Did you dream that people here didn't hate your fucking guts and woke up and posted?

Go back to team fucking chat. It's the only place where being an arse-licking puppet is appreciated.

[Cabalo]

"people here" ?

Who are those?

[chalice]

Well, I can't think of anyone who has actually said anything good about you, so everybody.

As I say, go back to team chat, make your ineffectual plots, make yourself feel important and wank in your own shite.

Just as long as you don't bore us any more with that pish you think passes for English.

[mjmacky]

Just as long as you don't bore us any more with that pish you think passes for English.

Example 36z of self-awaredness + irony, therefore not situational irony.

[chalice]

Cryptic definitions of irony from an American attempting sarcasm. Now, that's situational irony.

[mjmacky]

Cryptic definitions of irony from an American attempting sarcasm. Now, that's situational irony.

Any hints of sarcasm were brought forth by your own attempts to deconstruct what was pretty much a direct message. Not that you aren't entitled to such an interpretation, I just wouldn't so confidently aver my erroneous guesses... then again, who says you have to be a pragmatist. I remember it was fun to abuse the English language until I moved into the ghetto. You remember my ghetto upbringing, right chav? Having realized that ebonics is actually used to communicate ideas between people in a sincere way, and in some cases is the sole dialect available, the sound of it encumbers me with disappointment. Maybe one day you'll get to experience the joy of speaking proper American English, you know, without a funny little accent. I think I promised that to you a little ways back, but I'll have to beg that you pardon my procrastination.

As for the topic at hand, I wouldn't picture chavis to be so husky, I feel like he'd be on the scrawnier side. Also, very short... not like a midget though. Just that kind of short where people glance and entertain the idea that there is some middle ground between being of average height and being a midget. A sort of rare link you could say. Now to prematurely address the notion that I'm trying to insult midgets, so I must disclaim that I'm in no way trying to classify chavis as a midget, no way.

[duke0102]

If this comes across as ignorant then I apologise but a certain scene from Blazing Saddles came to mind after reading your reply there mkmacky:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BKBYWjOvN1U/TdW6d8vFBlI/AAAAAAAACoo/dD1OCUD0bAA/s400/%252420whore.jpg
"Goldarnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore."

[Mr. Mulder]

sounds like a publicity stunt. :dabs:

[Cabalo]

Well, I can't think of anyone who has actually said anything good about you, so everybody.

As I say, go back to team chat, make your ineffectual plots, make yourself feel important and wank in your own shite.

Just as long as you don't bore us any more with that pish you think passes for English.
haha, I missed those arguments.
I should take that as an insult, but given I can express myself clearly in 4 different languages, and that doesn't solely mean I can order a beer or a tequila shot, I'd say I'm ok.

Now you can continue pretending to be the internet tough guy and the last standing bastion of the pure ingrish language. Carry on lad.

[mjmacky]

If this comes across as ignorant then I apologise but a certain scene from Blazing Saddles came to mind after reading your reply there mkmacky:
"Goldarnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore."

Just have to remember, $20 was a lot for a whore back then. In today's economic environment, it barely buys you a slut.

I have to put in a little extra care for chavis, he may raise his quills, but there's a sensitive soul under them waiting to be embraced.

[chalice]

Cryptic definitions of irony from an American attempting sarcasm. Now, that's situational irony.

Any hints of sarcasm were brought forth by your own attempts to deconstruct what was pretty much a direct message. Not that you aren't entitled to such an interpretation, I just wouldn't so confidently aver my erroneous guesses... then again, who says you have to be a pragmatist. I remember it was fun to abuse the English language until I moved into the ghetto. You remember my ghetto upbringing, right chav? Having realized that ebonics is actually used to communicate ideas between people in a sincere way, and in some cases is the sole dialect available, the sound of it encumbers me with disappointment. Maybe one day you'll get to experience the joy of speaking proper American English, you know, without a funny little accent. I think I promised that to you a little ways back, but I'll have to beg that you pardon my procrastination.

As for the topic at hand, I wouldn't picture chavis to be so husky, I feel like he'd be on the scrawnier side. Also, very short... not like a midget though. Just that kind of short where people glance and entertain the idea that there is some middle ground between being of average height and being a midget. A sort of rare link you could say. Now to prematurely address the notion that I'm trying to insult midgets, so I must disclaim that I'm in no way trying to classify chavis as a midget, no way.

My friends the midgets will be relieved to hear of your ongoing support. Also, their body-lice (a sad side-condition of midgethood) offer up their first-born nit from every six hourly generation.

Being six foot two myself, and officially voted King Of The Midgets For Life on an official internets poll, I can see the tragic correlation between you and my loyal, beautiful, yet ultimately useless subjects.

They too have developed their own jive; their diminutive infinitive, if you will. A vernacular born out of queue ends and neck strain.

On the bright side, you only get to be King Of The Midgets For Life for six weeks. Then they chop your legs off at the knee and laugh until you bleed to death.

[chalice]

Well, I can't think of anyone who has actually said anything good about you, so everybody.

As I say, go back to team chat, make your ineffectual plots, make yourself feel important and wank in your own shite.

Just as long as you don't bore us any more with that pish you think passes for English.
haha, I missed those arguments.
I should take that as an insult, but given I can express myself clearly in 4 different languages, and that doesn't solely mean I can order a beer or a tequila shot, I'd say I'm ok.

Now you can continue pretending to be the internet tough guy and the last standing bastion of the pure ingrish language. Carry on lad.

You may carry yourself in four languages, but you express yourself in none.

Seems all of your personality is filtered out when you reach English. Perhaps you don't have one. No sense of humour, or a poor one at best. Perhaps you're German and nobody told you.

I'm sure you're hilarious in your native Mong.

[mjmacky]

On the bright side, you only get to be King Of The Midgets For Life for six weeks. Then they chop your legs off at the knee and laugh until you bleed to death.

How much longer do you have? I'll admit, it's a sad notion to realize your pending departure, but I'm sure I'll manage. What will you do with your 12" stilts when you're gone? Oh wait a minute, I think I just figured out how you'll escape death. You're a sly one aren't you? So you'll be staying after all.

I'll have you know I'm only shorter than the average Dane, Dutchman and Swede. Also, neck strain? Even you should know that I think so highly of myself that I always speak down to someone even in the situation of negative height differential. I might be confused for a genital enthusiast though. Speaking of genitalia, it's no compliment to have parasites offer up their young, so I think you're trying to pull one over on me.

[Squeamous]

Cryptic definitions of irony from an American attempting sarcasm. Now, that's situational irony.

Any hints of sarcasm were brought forth by your own attempts to deconstruct what was pretty much a direct message. Not that you aren't entitled to such an interpretation, I just wouldn't so confidently aver my erroneous guesses... then again, who says you have to be a pragmatist. I remember it was fun to abuse the English language until I moved into the ghetto. You remember my ghetto upbringing, right chav? Having realized that ebonics is actually used to communicate ideas between people in a sincere way, and in some cases is the sole dialect available, the sound of it encumbers me with disappointment. Maybe one day you'll get to experience the joy of speaking proper American English, you know, without a funny little accent. I think I promised that to you a little ways back, but I'll have to beg that you pardon my procrastination.

As for the topic at hand, I wouldn't picture chavis to be so husky, I feel like he'd be on the scrawnier side. Also, very short... not like a midget though. Just that kind of short where people glance and entertain the idea that there is some middle ground between being of average height and being a midget. A sort of rare link you could say. Now to prematurely address the notion that I'm trying to insult midgets, so I must disclaim that I'm in no way trying to classify chavis as a midget, no way.

Often when I see you post something of this length I feel a duality of emotions. On the one hand I think 'Oh this should be good' and on the other I die a little bit inside. Do you have any idea what this sensation is called?

[chalice]

Any hints of sarcasm were brought forth by your own attempts to deconstruct what was pretty much a direct message. Not that you aren't entitled to such an interpretation, I just wouldn't so confidently aver my erroneous guesses... then again, who says you have to be a pragmatist. I remember it was fun to abuse the English language until I moved into the ghetto. You remember my ghetto upbringing, right chav? Having realized that ebonics is actually used to communicate ideas between people in a sincere way, and in some cases is the sole dialect available, the sound of it encumbers me with disappointment. Maybe one day you'll get to experience the joy of speaking proper American English, you know, without a funny little accent. I think I promised that to you a little ways back, but I'll have to beg that you pardon my procrastination.

As for the topic at hand, I wouldn't picture chavis to be so husky, I feel like he'd be on the scrawnier side. Also, very short... not like a midget though. Just that kind of short where people glance and entertain the idea that there is some middle ground between being of average height and being a midget. A sort of rare link you could say. Now to prematurely address the notion that I'm trying to insult midgets, so I must disclaim that I'm in no way trying to classify chavis as a midget, no way.

Often when I see you post something of this length I feel a duality of emotions. On the one hand I think 'Oh this should be good' and on the other I die a little bit inside. Do you have any idea what this sensation is called?

Menopause.

[mjmacky]

Often when I see you post something of this length I feel a duality of emotions. On the one hand I think 'Oh this should be good' and on the other I die a little bit inside. Do you have any idea what this sensation is called?

Introspection

[Biggles]

Are we laughing with Roland or what? :unsure:

[Hologram]

Are we laughing with Roland or what? :unsure:

Something like that.

[mjmacky]

Are we laughing with Roland or what? :unsure:

I think we're laughing with what

[Hologram]

You don't find Roland hot? Lies!