What Do I Know About Your Relationship

[manker]

I'm going to write an in depth review about what kind of relationship you have with your significant other. This is based upon what I've read about you.
If you're not on this list, you're clearly single and always will be.

Chalice and Mrs. Chalice
A living Saint. She watches over the brood with the diligence of a Borg drone and the benevolence of a barren but kindly next door neighbour while chavis gets wopped. In return, Mr. C. brings home the bacon and spends quality time with the offspring for a few hours each night before woptime. This includes pretending to like poetry and pwning the fuck out of the male offspring at COD.

Barbie and Mrs. Barbie
He isn't allowed to do anything ever. Ever.

Mulder and Ms. Mulder
She often gets in the way of the tellybox and, quite frankly, doesn't know her place. Which is in the bedroom priming her back-doors for being smashed in when Vic Mackey has quite finished hitting black people in LA.

Skizo and Mrs. Skizo
lol jk. he doesn't have a gf, obviousement.

Mrs. JPaul and JPaul
A kept man. She made her fortune several years ago but keeps driving forward to keep her man in the style he has become accustomed to. He of the Jimmy-Chu shoes and Renault Clio works as a civil servant part time but it's more of a hobby to keep him from over-onanising while the kids are in school.

Bo and Lilmiss.
A heart-warming story that just goes to show that you don't have to leave your wankpit to find true love. Teh miss is clearly the boss but I think this suits Bo after having being completely dominated by his mam for loike 30 years or w.e.

Cheese and Crabgirl.
Yes, I know that they're both with other people and I know he's just had a kid and all that but he also has a fairly large and prehensile cawk. That's not the sort of thing a girl gives up easily. Expect them to get back together soon :smilie4:

Benchez and Mrs. Ben
I received an intriguing morsel of information from Ben the other day, his missus is now his master and dresses up like a professor in their sex gheymes. It must be a hippy thing - but given she is quite hawt and Ben's batting above his average, he'd probably get into pegging if she suggested it.

Effy and Mrs. Effy.
I really don't know. He hardly ever mentions her. Perhaps he made her up or something ... but they've got a kid. Maybe they're a gay couple like in Modern Family. I'll put monet on Effy being Cameron.

That MegaByteMe guy and his missus.
What's evident with this relationship is that his other half has clearly told him that he can spend unlimited time on the internets provided he mentions that he is the father of 18 month old twins and that one has Down's Syndrome in every single post he makes.
It seems to be working out thus far.

Honourable mention to the ostensibly single Biggles.
Les has obviously got a fair few women on the go :earl:. He is far too debonair to post about this here; but added to that I have it on good authority (A PM from one of his conquests here) that his prowess on Skype is legendary. There aren't too many females who haven't seen Les weave his wizened wand on webcam. A true hero of the internets.



Plz add more relationship evaluations that I've missed out. Idk everyone anymore :mellow:

[Proper Bo]

hoi, you cunt, i'm 24!

also, didn't bother reading the parts that weren't about me yet.

[Proper Bo]

You missed yourself out, like. Are you still keeping a lady with chrome kitchen furnishings and driving her about in a hairdressermobile?

[anigav]

91721

Go on..

[Skiz]

Wrong. :snooty:

[megabyteme]

That MegaByteMe guy and his missus.
What's evident with this relationship is that his other half has clearly told him that he can spend unlimited time on the internets provided he mentions that he is the father of 18 month old twins and that one has Down's Syndrome in every single post he makes.
It seems to be working out thus far.



It's good work, if you can get it.* :shifty:


*I'm the father of 20 month old twins and one has Down's. (Added for contractual obligations.)

[Artemis]

Does a short, angry Glaswegian infected with madcow count as a relationship or a fetish ? :idunno:

[Disme]

I wasn't even mentioned ... although I am the only true FST-semi-regular member that is in a relationship worth mentioning.

Frequenting ladies for $$$/€€€ isn't what I call a relationship!

[Biggles]

I thought mine quite flattering....if I only knew what Skype was I might be able to bluff it.

[Quarterquack]

I wasn't even mentioned ... although I am the only true FST-semi-regular member that is in a relationship worth mentioning.

Frequenting ladies for $$$/€€€ isn't what I call a relationship!

That's the problem, Disme. Most people just assume you're a member of your house slave closet first, and post here to vent frustrations second. :idunno:

Allow me to add a couple more:

Macky and Jacky:
Fighting currently over why Macky saw it fit to use Jacky's vibrator as a laboratory pipette. Macky insists it was the "quickdry" button that had him sold. Jacky argues that he doesn't like losing to competition.

Oleg and his hand:
Since he isn't typing shit up right now, it's a fair assumption that they're in bed together. Recent argument was held between them over why the rug hasn't been fulfilling her job, and HandEgg gets stuck with the sticky sticky.

Snee and Oleg's other hand:
They were going steady for a bit. Then Snee gone and disappeared. Said he'd call. Didn't. Hasn't even cashed the cheque Oleg gave him.

[megabyteme]

Does a short, angry Glaswegian infected with madcow count as a relationship or a fetish ? :idunno:

Certainly a relationship. If your wife is willing to love you with all your faults, don't question it.

[megabyteme]

Darth Rings and The Cat: Other than an occasional domestic dispute (as would be expected with an inter-special relationship), it turns out Rings is quite down with O.P.P. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=O.P.P) . However, the cat's true owner is quite saddened by the loss. While Rings may act as a bit of a brutal lover, it is clear that the Cat has got his tongue.

[Quarterquack]

Keep this up, and I'll have the Mrs. post here a couple of times to refute your felinoid accusation. She's already congratulated Chalice on his sense of wit when I left my browser open one night.

Speaking of which, didn't your Mrs. post here some time before I became active, MBM? Where did she run off to?

[richasis]

Relationships; how overrated. I've always been of the opinion that nobody does you like you do you.

Although, I cannot say with total honesty that I always love myself - sometimes it's purely physical.

[manker]

Thanks for that, Darthy. I haven't seen you write about someone special irl - but I should really have included you and Oleg.
I'm not sure your feelings are requited but you sure write a lot of stuff about him. Has he friend-zoned you, or is he completely unaware of your wanton advances.

[megabyteme]

Speaking of which, didn't your Mrs. post here some time before I became active, MBM? Where did she run off to?

As South Park points out at the beginning of each show: All celebrity voices are impersonated- poorly. :sly: I have, however, quoted her (accurately) from time to time. :)

[manker]

It didn't really take me 9 minutes to write that, did it :ermm:

[Something Else]

Benchez and Mrs. Ben
I received an intriguing morsel of information from Ben the other day, his missus is now his master and dresses up like a professor in their sex gheymes. It must be a hippy thing - but given she is quite hawt and Ben's batting above his average, he'd probably get into pegging if she suggested it.

I can't deny any of that. :smilie4:

[Biggles]

Benchez and Mrs. Ben
I received an intriguing morsel of information from Ben the other day, his missus is now his master and dresses up like a professor in their sex gheymes. It must be a hippy thing - but given she is quite hawt and Ben's batting above his average, he'd probably get into pegging if she suggested it.

I can't deny any of that. :smilie4:

I've never much liked camping. Tents leak and bleeding earwigs get everywhere.

[mjmacky]

Macky and Jacky:
Fighting currently over why Macky saw it fit to use Jacky's vibrator as a laboratory pipette. Macky insists it was the "quickdry" button that had him sold. Jacky argues that he doesn't like losing to competition.


I would refute that and describe the actual misses and her role, but if we're talking romantic relationships, the hand is the breadwinner.
Edit: when it comes to the money shot...

[anigav]

me and my robot

Like Joker & Dicke

[j2k4]

I spotted Les for a non-camper right off.

[chalice]

Idol and his bike.

He spotted her across a crowded expo. There she was, glimmering in the half-light amid a throng of overworked thigh muscles. 'She will be mine', he resolved. Her bespoke beauty pedalled blindly towards him.

As quickly as he got her, though, that initial frisson sped off into the night like some phantom penny-farthing pursued by a trick-styling BMX.

They tried removing the seat to re-invoke the primal dynamo of passion but the piles she'd induced cut that rather short.

[enoughfakefiles]

Effy and Mrs. Effy.
I really don't know. He hardly ever mentions her. Perhaps he made her up or something ... but they've got a kid. Maybe they're a gay couple like in Modern Family. I'll put monet on Effy being Cameron.

:O:lol:

I'm actually married now with another one on the way. The wife conviced me it would take months to get her pregnant again, but i had to hit the jackpot on the first go:angry:

Welcome back Manker have you become an accountant again :unsure::01:

All we need is spiderdude and cheese to come back.

[IdolEyes787]

Idol and his bike.

He spotted her across a crowded expo. There she was, glimmering in the half-light amid a throng of overworked thigh muscles. 'She will be mine', he resolved. Her bespoke beauty pedalled blindly towards him.

As quickly as he got her, though, that initial frisson sped off into the night like some phantom penny-farthing pursued by a trick-styling BMX.

They tried removing the seat to re-invoke the primal dynamo of passion but the piles she'd induced cut that rather short.

Truly a beauty all pristine White , presumably virginal and being Italian possibly Catholic, I named her Silver after the bike in Stephen's King's It .
Sadly though too immature to see the value in true love soon after I dropped her for a bike a little more svelte and decidedly more ostentatious.
Life's a funny thing though and she proved entirely too unforgiving.
Older and more cynical now I just look for anything cheap and fast ,ride them hard and toss them away when they've outlived their usefulness.

[megabyteme]

I just look for anything cheap and fast ,hard them hard and toss them away when they've outlived their usefulness.

That's beautiful, man. :cry:

[Artemis]

Hard them hard ? :bag:

[IdolEyes787]

Hard them hard ? :bag:

My editor's on vacation.:idunno:

Anyway let he who is without sin cast the first store.

[chalice]

Idol and his bike.

He spotted her across a crowded expo. There she was, glimmering in the half-light amid a throng of overworked thigh muscles. 'She will be mine', he resolved. Her bespoke beauty pedalled blindly towards him.

As quickly as he got her, though, that initial frisson sped off into the night like some phantom penny-farthing pursued by a trick-styling BMX.

They tried removing the seat to re-invoke the primal dynamo of passion but the piles she'd induced cut that rather short.

Truly a beauty all pristine White , presumably virginal and being Italian possibly Catholic, I named her Silver after the bike in Stephen's King's It .
Sadly though too immature to see the value in true love soon after I dropped her for a bike a little more svelte and decidedly more ostentatious.
Life's a funny thing though and she proved entirely too unforgiving.
Older and more cynical now I just look for anything cheap and fast ,ride them hard and toss them away when they've outlived their usefulness.

Noice.

[chalice]

She's already congratulated Chalice on his sense of wit when I left my browser open one night.



Links or it didn't happen.

If it did happen, tell her I apologise for whatever I posted afterward. It prolly wasn't very nice.

[mjmacky]

The English teacher sharing my habitat wonders why there's a small collection of people in here that communicate with semblance of Premier League hooligans. It really bugged her when I explained it was being done with porpoise, herself having to spend an inordinate amount of time undoing the damage that Ebonics has beset upon her students; English her second language.

[Squeamous]

I'm going to write an in depth review about what kind of relationship you have with your significant other. This is based upon what I've read about you.
If you're not on this list, you're clearly single and always will be.

Chalice and Mrs. Chalice
A living Saint. She watches over the brood with the diligence of a Borg drone and the benevolence of a barren but kindly next door neighbour while chavis gets wopped. In return, Mr. C. brings home the bacon and spends quality time with the offspring for a few hours each night before woptime. This includes pretending to like poetry and pwning the fuck out of the male offspring at COD.

Barbie and Mrs. Barbie
He isn't allowed to do anything ever. Ever.

Mulder and Ms. Mulder
She often gets in the way of the tellybox and, quite frankly, doesn't know her place. Which is in the bedroom priming her back-doors for being smashed in when Vic Mackey has quite finished hitting black people in LA.

Skizo and Mrs. Skizo
lol jk. he doesn't have a gf, obviousement.

Mrs. JPaul and JPaul
A kept man. She made her fortune several years ago but keeps driving forward to keep her man in the style he has become accustomed to. He of the Jimmy-Chu shoes and Renault Clio works as a civil servant part time but it's more of a hobby to keep him from over-onanising while the kids are in school.

Bo and Lilmiss.
A heart-warming story that just goes to show that you don't have to leave your wankpit to find true love. Teh miss is clearly the boss but I think this suits Bo after having being completely dominated by his mam for loike 30 years or w.e.

Cheese and Crabgirl.
Yes, I know that they're both with other people and I know he's just had a kid and all that but he also has a fairly large and prehensile cawk. That's not the sort of thing a girl gives up easily. Expect them to get back together soon :smilie4:

Benchez and Mrs. Ben
I received an intriguing morsel of information from Ben the other day, his missus is now his master and dresses up like a professor in their sex gheymes. It must be a hippy thing - but given she is quite hawt and Ben's batting above his average, he'd probably get into pegging if she suggested it.

Effy and Mrs. Effy.
I really don't know. He hardly ever mentions her. Perhaps he made her up or something ... but they've got a kid. Maybe they're a gay couple like in Modern Family. I'll put monet on Effy being Cameron.

That MegaByteMe guy and his missus.
What's evident with this relationship is that his other half has clearly told him that he can spend unlimited time on the internets provided he mentions that he is the father of 18 month old twins and that one has Down's Syndrome in every single post he makes.
It seems to be working out thus far.

Honourable mention to the ostensibly single Biggles.
Les has obviously got a fair few women on the go :earl:. He is far too debonair to post about this here; but added to that I have it on good authority (A PM from one of his conquests here) that his prowess on Skype is legendary. There aren't too many females who haven't seen Les weave his wizened wand on webcam. A true hero of the internets.



Plz add more relationship evaluations that I've missed out. Idk everyone anymore :mellow:

You mis-spelled 'Jimmy Choo'.

[manker]

You mis-spelled 'Jimmy Choo'.How very male of me, and how particularly female of you :happy:

Hai, btw. Did my mention of the collective get your ocular implant twitching.

[manker]

Effy and Mrs. Effy.
I really don't know. He hardly ever mentions her. Perhaps he made her up or something ... but they've got a kid. Maybe they're a gay couple like in Modern Family. I'll put monet on Effy being Cameron.

:O:lol:

I'm actually married now with another one on the way. The wife conviced me it would take months to get her pregnant again, but i had to hit the jackpot on the first go:angry:

Welcome back Manker have you become an accountant again :unsure::01:Alright, effy.
I've been an unstinting accountant for like a decade :unsure:

Good news about the extra little person, virility ftw, but are you not allowed to have sex now ever again or something?
Your post kinda read like that :ermm:

[manker]

I spotted Les for a non-camper right off.Why, hello there. How the devil are you?
I hadn't seen any of your velvet glove/iron hand postings around these parts on my week long reconnaissance; if I had, I would surely have added this to my original post:

Kev and The Clockster
In their twilight years, j2 and clocker decided to move to Miami. Although their relationship is purely platonic, they decided to share a one bedroomed apartment, for convenience, in a rather swanky complex just north of south beach. The set-up was much like Earl and his brother in the first three series. With Kev eager to atone for his baby-eating frenzy of the past few decades, clocker acts as his moral barometer. These days, j2 can be seen assisting elderly democrats with their golf swing and gently cajoling newly arrived wet-backs and single mothers to rail against the tyrannical oppression of western values.
The Clockster sits shirtless in his striped deckchair, smiling with approval as he knits j2's xmas present; a white golf sweater emblazoned with a 'Red Kev' name tag.

[Squeamous]

You mis-spelled 'Jimmy Choo'.How very male of me, and how particularly female of you :happy:

Hai, btw. Did my mention of the collective get your ocular implant twitching.

Hai! :happy:

I just like to skulk around quietly judging you all :eyebrows:

[mjmacky]

I just like to skulk around quietly judging you all :eyebrows:

I know the written form doesn't produce audible stimuli, but in the figurative sense, you are not very quiet.

[j2k4]

I spotted Les for a non-camper right off.Why, hello there. How the devil are you?
I hadn't seen any of your velvet glove/iron hand postings around these parts on my week long reconnaissance; if I had, I would surely have added this to my original post:

Kev and The Clockster
In their twilight years, j2 and clocker decided to move to Miami. Although their relationship is purely platonic, they decided to share a one bedroomed apartment, for convenience, in a rather swanky complex just north of south beach. The set-up was much like Earl and his brother in the first three series. With Kev eager to atone for his baby-eating frenzy of the past few decades, clocker acts as his moral barometer. These days, j2 can be seen assisting elderly democrats with their golf swing and gently cajoling newly arrived wet-backs and single mothers to rail against the tyrannical oppression of western values.
The Clockster sits shirtless in his striped deckchair, smiling with approval as he knits j2's xmas present; a white golf sweater emblazoned with a 'Red Kev' name tag.

I had earlier constructed a lovely greeting with a nostalgic riposte and biting retort...don't know what happened to the damn thing, though.

Is there a new button needs pressing or something else.



How are you, my friend?

Today I am once again a new Grandpa.

Little Bentleigh Rose has joined us.

The velvet is new, thanks, and the hand remains clenched against the approaching darkness.















Egad - that was morbid, wunnit?

:)

Ah - just realized I missed my 9th anny, here.

How about that.

[Artemis]

.......and the hand remains clenched against the approaching darkness.



Egad - that was morbid, wunnit?


No, not morbid, just very Dylan Thomas.

[megabyteme]

@j2:

1. Congrats on the newest addition!
2. Stay away from the light... (Isn't that what the short woman from Poltergeist suggested? That seemed to work out alright.)
3. Congrats on 9 years!

[j2k4]

.......and the hand remains clenched against the approaching darkness.



Egad - that was morbid, wunnit?


No, not morbid, just very Dylan Thomas.

What I meant...

[Alien5]

The wife Snores.

[manker]

Why, hello there. How the devil are you?
I hadn't seen any of your velvet glove/iron hand postings around these parts on my week long reconnaissance; if I had, I would surely have added this to my original post:

Kev and The Clockster
In their twilight years, j2 and clocker decided to move to Miami. Although their relationship is purely platonic, they decided to share a one bedroomed apartment, for convenience, in a rather swanky complex just north of south beach. The set-up was much like Earl and his brother in the first three series. With Kev eager to atone for his baby-eating frenzy of the past few decades, clocker acts as his moral barometer. These days, j2 can be seen assisting elderly democrats with their golf swing and gently cajoling newly arrived wet-backs and single mothers to rail against the tyrannical oppression of western values.
The Clockster sits shirtless in his striped deckchair, smiling with approval as he knits j2's xmas present; a white golf sweater emblazoned with a 'Red Kev' name tag.

I had earlier constructed a lovely greeting with a nostalgic riposte and biting retort...don't know what happened to the damn thing, though.

Is there a new button needs pressing or something else.



How are you, my friend?

Today I am once again a new Grandpa.

Little Bentleigh Rose has joined us.

The velvet is new, thanks, and the hand remains clenched against the approaching darkness.















Egad - that was morbid, wunnit?

:)

Ah - just realized I missed my 9th anny, here.

How about that.That's fantastic news, I trust mother and baby are doing well.
Bentleigh Rose is possibly the poshest name I've ever heard. And I'm Welsh. Your daughter gets props for that.

I'm glad to hear everything is in order in chez-kev, and I'm very well too, thank you for asking.
Although a certain part of your prose did just elicit a double eyebrow raise.
'The velvet is new, thanks, and the hand remains clenched against the approaching darkness.'

I don't know about morbid but it did make me think that you were battling goatse :huh:

[j2k4]

[QUOTE=j2k4;3627929]

I had earlier constructed a lovely greeting with a nostalgic riposte and biting retort...don't know what happened to the damn thing, though.

Is there a new button needs pressing or something else.



How are you, my friend?

Today I am once again a new Grandpa.

Little Bentleigh Rose has joined us.

The velvet is new, thanks, and the hand remains clenched against the approaching darkness.















Egad - that was morbid, wunnit?

:)

Ah - just realized I missed my 9th anny, here.

How about that.


That's fantastic news, I trust mother and baby are doing well.

Indeed they are. Born 5 weeks early, but both fine.


Bentleigh Rose is possibly the poshest name I've ever heard. And I'm Welsh. Your daughter gets props for that.

I helped a bit with the spelling - didn't ever want my little girl to have to explain why she was named after an automobile, even if it were a noice one.

Funny, too, how the best part of me is the smaller-bits-o-Blighty part right in the middle of my otherwise-Teutonic arse.


I'm glad to hear everything is in order in chez-kev, and I'm very well too, thank you for asking.
Although a certain part of your prose did just elicit a double eyebrow raise.
'The velvet is new, thanks, and the hand remains clenched against the approaching darkness.'

I don't know about morbid but it did make me think that you were battling goatse :huh:

Nah, just a nod to the opposition.

No worries - for the moment, anyway.

On to you, then:

Where have you been, and doing what to whom?

[Squeamous]

I know the written form doesn't produce audible stimuli, but in the figurative sense, you are not very quiet.

Ah well, to be honest I tend to concentrate more on the skulking and the judging anyway. The quietness was just a vanity project.





Today I am once again a new Grandpa.

Little Bentleigh Rose has joined us.

Congratulations Kev! x

[manker]

Funny, too, how the best part of me is the smaller-bits-o-Blighty part right in the middle of my otherwise-Teutonic arse.
Again with the goatse :pinch:
Nah, just a nod to the opposition.

No worries - for the moment, anyway.

On to you, then:

Where have you been, and doing what to whom?I haven't been doing a lot differently, as it happens. Still bean-counting and blazing a trail for practical gift-giving.

I still like it here and I would appreciate it if people posted more stuff. It doesn't matter if they're different people to the ones I'd grown used to. Just people.
Please make it so, mein kamerad.

[Proper Bo]

blazing a trail for practical gift-giving.


I attempted this with a yorkshire pudding oven tray thing for the wench a few years ago for xmas, it didn't go down well.
Perhaps it has to be something chrome plated:unsure:

[j2k4]

Today I am once again a new Grandpa.

Little Bentleigh Rose has joined us.

Congratulations Kev! x

Why, thank you, ma'am. :)


Again with the goatse :pinch:
Nah, just a nod to the opposition.

No worries - for the moment, anyway.

On to you, then:

Where have you been, and doing what to whom?I haven't been doing a lot differently, as it happens. Still bean-counting and blazing a trail for practical gift-giving.

I still like it here and I would appreciate it if people posted more stuff. It doesn't matter if they're different people to the ones I'd grown used to. Just people.
Please make it so, mein kamerad.

I'm trying, really - this time of year I get so busy I don't know whether to shit or go blind.

JayPee has been seen here recently, btw.

[Biggles]

blazing a trail for practical gift-giving.


I attempted this with a yorkshire pudding oven tray thing for the wench a few years ago for xmas, it didn't go down well.
Perhaps it has to be something chrome plated:unsure:

That was remarkably brave (or suicidal).

Chrome apparently makes it OK though....it's what I've heard.

[Proper Bo]

I attempted this with a yorkshire pudding oven tray thing for the wench a few years ago for xmas, it didn't go down well.
Perhaps it has to be something chrome plated:unsure:

That was remarkably brave (or suicidal).

Chrome apparently makes it OK though....it's what I've heard.

Hmm, I'm wondering how she'll react to this year's secrect kitchen related xmas present cause it's not chrome:pinch:

[Biggles]

That was remarkably brave (or suicidal).

Chrome apparently makes it OK though....it's what I've heard.

Hmm, I'm wondering how she'll react to this year's secrect kitchen related xmas present cause it's not chrome:pinch:

Might be safer to include a framed picture of the Toon squad as well - to soften the bow.

[Proper Bo]

It's more of a stick than a bow, like:pinch:

[Biggles]

It's more of a stick than a bow, like:pinch:

Oops a wee typo Freudian slip whatnot thingy there. :)

[manker]

wtf, real men go xmas shopping on xmas eve morning with a hang over. poove.

I bet you've sold the mondeo and got like a dozen coats now.

[Proper Bo]

wtf, real men go xmas shopping on xmas eve morning with a hang over. poove.

I bet you've sold the mondeo and got like a dozen coats now.

the mondeo went years ago:lol:

got a civic now, like. It's no hairdresser car but it'll do for me, like.

[Proper Bo]

I did have two coats for a while but they were wurk issue. I did still wander about in short sleeves in the snow still tho'.

[manker]

If they're the ones where you get a Type R sometimes, then my sister's got one of those.

I don't have never had a hairdressers' car anymore btw :snooty:

[Proper Bo]

You do indeed get a civic type R, mine's just the lowly 1.7 turbo diesel. Needed something cheap to insure what with me being young and stuff.
I did get an ecu remap done tho':smilie4:

[Proper Bo]

what gheyness are you driving these days?
I bet it's a smart car or something equally gay:smilie4:

[manker]

I've chav'd it up tho':smilie4:fixed

[Proper Bo]

I've chav'd it up tho':smilie4:fixed

far from it, charvy types stick plastic spoilers and shiny silver bits from halfords on their cars, mine has none of that. I just had the engine management tweaked to give me more horsepower and torque:snooty:

[manker]

what gheyness are you driving these days?
I bet it's a smart car or something equally gay:smilie4:A ghey as fuck audi tt

[Proper Bo]

what gheyness are you driving these days?
I bet it's a smart car or something equally gay:smilie4:A ghey as fuck audi tt

:lol::earl:
I should have guessed:pinch:

[manker]

fixed

far from it, charvy types stick plastic spoilers and shiny silver bits from halfords on their cars, mine has none of that. I just had the engine management tweaked to give me more horsepower and torque:snooty:If ecu didn't mean european currency unit, i was a bit at a loss, tbh :unsure:

[manker]

A ghey as fuck audi tt

:lol::earl:
I should have guessed:pinch:but but but, it's so pretty to look at

[Proper Bo]

far from it, charvy types stick plastic spoilers and shiny silver bits from halfords on their cars, mine has none of that. I just had the engine management tweaked to give me more horsepower and torque:snooty:If ecu didn't mean european currency unit, i was a bit at a loss, tbh :unsure:

see my previous response

[manker]

And it completely pwns my sister at the lights every time, much to her chagrin :happy:

[Proper Bo]

I'm guessing hers isn't a Type R then, or she's driving it badly.
I'm also assuming you went for the pishiest engined TT, like.

[manker]

No, she has a Type R and for some reason is particularly proud of the chavvy red 'type r' badges that are on everything from the seat-belts to the glove compartment.

I've no idea what the engine is like on mine. They don't put it on the back any more :no:
Apparently 'Quattro' means 4wd though :smilie4:

[Proper Bo]

No, she has a Type R and for some reason is particularly proud of the chavvy red 'type r' badges that are on everything from the seat-belts to the glove compartment glovebox.

I've no idea what the engine is like on mine. They don't put it on the back any more :no:
Apparently 'Quattro' means 4wd though :smilie4:

I agree about the type r badges all over the place looking charvy as fuck, like.
don't you worry yourself about your engine, you just make sure that shiny silver paintwork keeps sparkling in the sun :kiss:
(is it silver? I imagine it is, that or white.)

[manker]

Ibis white.
Audi do this special white that's different from any other whites. It played a bit part in the purchase decision :smilie4:

[Proper Bo]

White cars are soooo 2009:no:

[Alien5]

Bc

[brotherdoobie]

My life wife is a bit meh, atm. I don't want to feel this way, but ...



-doobs :dabs:

[Alien5]

Same here, nicking my toast is not on. How difficult is it to make toast.

[Squeamous]

My life wife is a bit meh, atm. I don't want to feel this way, but ...



-doobs :dabs:

Perhaps something shiny for the kitchen would improve her demeanour?

[Biggles]

My life wife is a bit meh, atm. I don't want to feel this way, but ...



-doobs :dabs:

Perhaps something shiny for the kitchen would improve her demeanour?

Tin foil?

[manker]

Jebus, you haven't got the first clue about practical gift giving.
It's an essential technique to placate your good lady during her more delicate time of the month. And xmas.

It has to be chrome, phallic and durable.

[Biggles]

Jebus, you haven't got the first clue about practical gift giving.
It's an essential technique to placate your good lady during her more delicate time of the month. And xmas.

It has to be chrome, phallic and durable.

A box of tin foil is longer than it is wide*

*See Melanie video Psychotherapy

[megabyteme]

Jebus, you haven't got the first clue about practical gift giving.
It's an essential technique to placate your good lady during her more delicate time of the month. And xmas.

It has to be chrome, phallic and durable.

:unsure:

http://i44.tinypic.com/10fq1eh.jpg

[manker]

Your posting history lends itself to successful siring but i'm surprised that your missus let you anywhere near her lady garden if that's your idea of phallic :ermm:

[mjmacky]

it's sort of phallus caninus

[manker]

Indeed.
If mbm doesn't change his user title to 'sabre-toothed cawk' then there is something wrong with this world we live in.

[megabyteme]

I wouldn't want to be the one who tips the scale into eternal darkness. I'm taking that one... :)

[megabyteme]

And while it may not much of a phallic symbol, imagine the set of BALLS it would take to give a raging psycho a "gift" that says, "fix me some dinner" which, at the same time, would make an effective prison shank. Have I also mentioned she knows where I sleep?

:01:

[manker]

I wouldn't want to be the one who tips the scale into eternal darkness. I'm taking that one... :lol:
You know it makes sense :D

[manker]

And while it may not much of a phallic symbol, imagine the set of BALLS it would take to give a raging psycho a "gift" that says, "fix me some dinner" which, at the same time, would make an effective prison shank. Have I also mentioned she knows where I sleep?

:01:All this is a very true thing, so much so that I might shy away from extending my practical gift giving repertoire in this particular direction at this precise time.

I don't want to discourage you though. Let me know how you get on. And post pics, even if they're nsfw.

[megabyteme]

Sorry, guys. The wife says I can't play online anymore, and that it's time for me to start making dinner. :sadwalk:

I'll see you all tomorrow- if she gives me back my

[manker]

:unsure:
I think candlejack got hi

[Squeamous]

Perhaps something shiny for the kitchen would improve her demeanour?

Tin foil?

I was thinking she could stand him in the kitchen and punch him in the eye. I know I'd love it if a man got me that for xmas.


:unsure:

http://i44.tinypic.com/10fq1eh.jpg

That looks exactly like the thing they put up my front fundament when they put my coil in. I'm not sure if it's a very useful present for a lady though, you don't normally have to bring your own.

[Biggles]

Tin foil?

I was thinking she could stand him in the kitchen and punch him in the eye. I know I'd love it if a man got me that for xmas.


:unsure:

http://i44.tinypic.com/10fq1eh.jpg

That looks exactly like the thing they put up my front fundament when they put my coil in. I'm not sure if it's a very useful present for a lady though, you don't normally have to bring your own.

Every now and then I'm kind of glad I'm a man...even though we are susceptible to gender specific flu

[Squeamous]

:smilie4:

[manker]

Isn't a coil like birth control from the 1980s
I remember my mam had a calender and for days on end it had 'bleeding' 'heavy bleeding' 'spotting blood' written down.

I was all like; :o why are you bleeding
She said it was the coil and that it was so I wouldn't have any brothers or sisters until her and dad wanted them.

This is the only other time I've heard someone mention the coil.
It's usually the pill or injection or rhythm or withdrawal or anal these days, innit.

[Squeamous]

Isn't a coil like birth control from the 1980s
I remember my mam had a calender and for days on end it had 'bleeding' 'heavy bleeding' 'spotting blood' written down.

I was all like; :o why are you bleeding
She said it was the coil and that it was so I wouldn't have any brothers or sisters until her and dad wanted them.

This is the only other time I've heard someone mention the coil.
It's usually the pill or injection or rhythm or withdrawal or anal these days, innit.

Pmsl! It does allegedly cause heavier periods and spotting. I haven't noticed a difference.
It's basically a copper coil that creates a toxic environment to sperm and eggs. It's non-hormonal, which is good for me: no way am I going to have my hormones artifically regulated for some dude. The only drawback was that I had to have a jack inserted into my front fundament before being cranked open. Then, the torturer doctor grasped my cervix with a metal clamp (bit like having your stomach grabbed through your anus), and shoved painfully at my cervix with the largest coil she could find (she was determined to sterilise me for 10 years), before having to go for the smaller 5 year one; but only after she'd given the first a REALLY good go. You don't get to be a doctor without determination. Believe me, I'm tough as nails when it comes to pain but I thought I was going to vomit. Although I suppose not many women get to see what their cervix looks like SPREAD ON THEIR GUSSET.

Still had sex that night though.

[manker]

Isn't a coil like birth control from the 1980s
I remember my mam had a calender and for days on end it had 'bleeding' 'heavy bleeding' 'spotting blood' written down.

I was all like; :o why are you bleeding
She said it was the coil and that it was so I wouldn't have any brothers or sisters until her and dad wanted them.

This is the only other time I've heard someone mention the coil.
It's usually the pill or injection or rhythm or withdrawal or anal these days, innit.

Pmsl! It does allegedly cause heavier periods and spotting. I haven't noticed a difference.
It's basically a copper coil that creates a toxic environment to sperm and eggs. It's non-hormonal, which is good for me: no way am I going to have my hormones artifically regulated for some dude. The only drawback was that I had to have a jack inserted into my front fundament before being cranked open. Then, the torturer doctor grasped my cervix with a metal clamp (bit like having your stomach grabbed through your anus), and shoved painfully at my cervix with the largest coil she could find (she was determined to sterilise me for 10 years), before having to go for the smaller 5 year one; but only after she'd given the first a REALLY good go. You don't get to be a doctor without determination. Believe me, I'm tough as nails when it comes to pain but I thought I was going to vomit. Although I suppose not many women get to see what their cervix looks like SPREAD ON THEIR GUSSET.

Still had sex that night though.That's ... horrible.

I think I preferred it when my mam told me what a coil was :emo:

[Proper Bo]

Pmsl! It does allegedly cause heavier periods and spotting. I haven't noticed a difference.
It's basically a copper coil that creates a toxic environment to sperm and eggs. It's non-hormonal, which is good for me: no way am I going to have my hormones artifically regulated for some dude. The only drawback was that I had to have a jack inserted into my front fundament before being cranked open. Then, the torturer doctor grasped my cervix with a metal clamp (bit like having your stomach grabbed through your anus), and shoved painfully at my cervix with the largest coil she could find (she was determined to sterilise me for 10 years), before having to go for the smaller 5 year one; but only after she'd given the first a REALLY good go. You don't get to be a doctor without determination. Believe me, I'm tough as nails when it comes to pain but I thought I was going to vomit. Although I suppose not many women get to see what their cervix looks like SPREAD ON THEIR GUSSET.

Still had sex that night though.That's ... horrible.

I think I preferred it when my mam told me what a coil was :emo:

93090
i bet that's what hers looked like, like.

[Squeamous]

:glag:

[manker]

:glagpinch:

[Biggles]

Isn't a coil like birth control from the 1980s
I remember my mam had a calender and for days on end it had 'bleeding' 'heavy bleeding' 'spotting blood' written down.

I was all like; :o why are you bleeding
She said it was the coil and that it was so I wouldn't have any brothers or sisters until her and dad wanted them.

This is the only other time I've heard someone mention the coil.
It's usually the pill or injection or rhythm or withdrawal or anal these days, innit.

Pmsl! It does allegedly cause heavier periods and spotting. I haven't noticed a difference.
It's basically a copper coil that creates a toxic environment to sperm and eggs. It's non-hormonal, which is good for me: no way am I going to have my hormones artifically regulated for some dude. The only drawback was that I had to have a jack inserted into my front fundament before being cranked open. Then, the torturer doctor grasped my cervix with a metal clamp (bit like having your stomach grabbed through your anus), and shoved painfully at my cervix with the largest coil she could find (she was determined to sterilise me for 10 years), before having to go for the smaller 5 year one; but only after she'd given the first a REALLY good go. You don't get to be a doctor without determination. Believe me, I'm tough as nails when it comes to pain but I thought I was going to vomit. Although I suppose not many women get to see what their cervix looks like SPREAD ON THEIR GUSSET.

Still had sex that night though.

The gender specific flu is looking a better deal all the time :ermm:

[manker]

The gender specific flu is looking a better deal all the time :ermm:No way, Les. I can't even indulge in a spot of light onanism when I've got man-flu.
After having what seems to be from her description the exoskeleton of a ford focus wedged inside her lady garden, Squeams managed to have secks.

Can't have been as bad as what we go thro :no:

[Squeamous]

Only in the third of my vagina closest to the entrance. By pain of death.

[manker]

Only in the third of my vagina closest to the entrance. By pain of death.Either that's a non-sequitur or you meant to post that on a S&M Twilight forum that you're currently cybering on :ermm:

[Squeamous]

Only in the third of my vagina closest to the entrance. By pain of death.Either that's a non-sequitur or you meant to post that on a S&M Twilight forum that you're currently cybering on :ermm:

Who said anything about pruning?

[Biggles]

Only in the third of my vagina closest to the entrance. By pain of death.

:huh:

How does he know if he has breached the third limit (other than by being dead obviousment)

[Squeamous]

Only in the third of my vagina closest to the entrance. By pain of death.

:huh:

How does he know if he has breached the third limit (other than by being dead obviousment)

He had had sex before.

[manker]

Either that's a non-sequitur or you meant to post that on a S&M Twilight forum that you're currently cybering on :ermm:

Who said anything about pruning?Twenty three minutes past seven.

[Proper Bo]

Something about beating round the bush.

[Biggles]

I'm not sure I understand the last half dozen comments - including my own :unsure:

[manker]

I blame Squeamous. Everything was fine until she forced us to think about vagina.

[Squeamous]

:happy:

[manker]

No wait. I've got it now.

I said about her having sex after being violated with kiddie's climbing frame and then she said that the sex only occurred in the lower third of her vagina.


My apologies, Squeams. But in my defence, I was thinking about people putting metal things inside your vagina at the time.

[manker]

Still am, tbf :smilie4:

[Squeamous]

No wait. I've got it now.

I said about her having sex after being violated with kiddie's climbing frame and then she said that the sex only occurred in the lower third of her vagina.


My apologies, Squeams. But in my defence, I was thinking about people putting metal things inside your vagina at the time.


Still am, tbf :smilie4:

You said something about pruning implements and then told me the time, which wasn't very useful as I wasn't around, then you realised this had led the topic off course from my vagina. But it's ok, it's right back on track now after some clever word wrangling on your part :smilie4:

[manker]

:lol: OH! SECATEURS!

Well, this thread has been mangled as badly as a vagina replete with freshly installed 1980s copper coil.


One thing that is troubling me. Did you keep the cervix pâté underwear or just feed it to the dog or something?

[Squeamous]

:lol: OH! SECATEURS!

Well, this thread has been mangled as badly as a vagina replete with freshly installed 1980s copper coil.


One thing that is troubling me. Did you keep the cervix pâté underwear or just feed it to the dog or something?

We can always make sweet love to the first third of it, that should sort it out.

I gave the underwear to dreamboat as a reminder of my sacrifice of course :shifty:

[Proper Bo]

Who said anything about pruning?


Something about beating round the bush.


:lol: OH! SECATEURS!


you got there eventually:pinch:

[manker]

ffs, i haven't done this stuff for years. Break me in gently, will you :pinch:

[Proper Bo]

:kiss:

[manker]

:lol: OH! SECATEURS!

Well, this thread has been mangled as badly as a vagina replete with freshly installed 1980s copper coil.


One thing that is troubling me. Did you keep the cervix pâté underwear or just feed it to the dog or something?

We can always make sweet love to the first third of it, that should sort it out.

I gave the underwear to dreamboat as a reminder of my sacrifice of course :shifty:I find myself wondering what I would do with a gift of cervix smeared undies.
Would probably have to keep them in the fridge until I decided how to use them :eyebrows:

[Squeamous]

We can always make sweet love to the first third of it, that should sort it out.

I gave the underwear to dreamboat as a reminder of my sacrifice of course :shifty:I find myself wondering what I would do with a gift of cervix smeared undies.
Would probably have to keep them in the fridge until I decided how to use them :eyebrows:

Just reheat them for tea later. Like a good coq au vin they benefit from standing overnight.

[Biggles]

I find myself wondering what I would do with a gift of cervix smeared undies.
Would probably have to keep them in the fridge until I decided how to use them :eyebrows:

Just reheat them for tea later. Like a good coq au vin they benefit from standing overnight.

Given the dick thread I dread to think what that recipe actually contains :dabs:

[manker]

I find myself wondering what I would do with a gift of cervix smeared undies.
Would probably have to keep them in the fridge until I decided how to use them :eyebrows:

Just reheat them for tea later. Like a good coq au vin they benefit from standing overnight.But I'd decided to tell an elderly relative that it was a new kind of 3D Rorschach test and watch them slowly poring over the uterine-stained cotton and tittering at the lumpy bits.

:eyebrows:

[Biggles]

Just reheat them for tea later. Like a good coq au vin they benefit from standing overnight.But I'd decided to tell an elderly relative that it was a new kind of 3D Rorschach test and watch them slowly poring over the uterine-stained cotton and tittering at the lumpy bits.

:eyebrows:

Rorschach? Wasn't he the chap that obsessively drew dirty pictures? :unsure:

[Squeamous]

Just reheat them for tea later. Like a good coq au vin they benefit from standing overnight.

Given the dick thread I dread to think what that recipe actually contains :dabs:

Shredded corned beef.

[manker]

But I'd decided to tell an elderly relative that it was a new kind of 3D Rorschach test and watch them slowly poring over the uterine-stained cotton and tittering at the lumpy bits.

:eyebrows:

Rorschach? Wasn't he the chap that obsessively drew dirty pictures? :unsure:Yup, back in the old days before porn was invented.

He wouldn't get far these days.
It's weird to think that people used to do psychological tests in their spare time instead of wanking and xbawks :huh:

[Barbarossa]

Barbie and Mrs. Barbie
He isn't allowed to do anything ever. Ever.

Hahahaha I wish this wasn't true. :glagpinch:

It's 'cos she's Welsh, obviousement :dry:

[Biggles]

Given the dick thread I dread to think what that recipe actually contains :dabs:

Shredded corned beef.

Some baked beans and that could be quite nice .... maybe :unsure:

[MCHeshPants420]

You forgot DanB. Unless he's mentioned in pages 2-12. I'm too busy to read the whole thread. I'm not made of time, you know.

[manker]

I think he's back inside now. Or married.

[manker]

what the actual fuck