Sheds.

[NotLettingItGo]

Evidence just in shows that men can have a longer healthier life by escaping from the women in their lives on a regular basis.

Why every man needs time in a shed (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/8924055/Why-every-man-needs-time-in-a-shed.html)

Thus it is now scientifically proven women shorten mens lives, by making the time they get more miserable.

manker, get a shed mate. Seriously it'll not only improve your life, but make it longer.

[mjmacky]

And perhaps you can share yours with an entire family

93746

[manker]

Evidence just in shows that men can have a longer healthier life by escaping from the women in their lives on a regular basis.

Why every man needs time in a shed (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/8924055/Why-every-man-needs-time-in-a-shed.html)

Thus it is now scientifically proven women shorten mens lives, by making the time they get more miserable.

manker, get a shed mate. Seriously it'll not only improve your life, but make it longer.Well.
I've just moved and altho' it's not fully functional yet, I've now got a garage which is attached to the house. I've peremptorily filled it with baby spiders to ensure absolute female exclusion.
It's got internets and a kick-boxing bag already and will be done by xmas I reckon.

Let's be fair, 'quality' time spent with your partner but without any moviefilms, alcohol, internets, sex or other people to talk to is shite.
You've told me about your day and we've eaten; I'll be in my bunk.

[NotLettingItGo]

See I knew you'd eventually come around to my position that women are only useful for entertainment purposes :P

[manker]

See I knew you'd eventually come around to my position that women are only useful for entertainment purposes :PWhat about cooking and cleaning :o

Also, burd free sanctuaries are essential. Everyone needs some alone time with the people that live inside their computers.

[NotLettingItGo]

What about cooking and cleaning :oThey're just useful tasks to keep them occupied whilst you're not using them for entertainment.

[megabyteme]

I always pictured your "leisure time activities" including a van, Rej...

http://i43.tinypic.com/258mpnk.jpg

[manker]

:eyebrows:
wut about like when you're in the shed/garage and you want to be sure that your offspring isn't killing the cat, starting small fires or downloading horse pronz.
Also, they're brill for being warm in bed and going food shopping. Plus if you manage to get a bright one, she earns enough to pay the mortgage and household bills.

In fact, if I didn't want sex with them, I'd wish I did just so one would want to be around me all the time.



busyedit: not all the time, per se. just the times I'm not working, out with my mates, playing footie, watching sport or in my wankpit/garage/office

[NotLettingItGo]

I always pictured your "leisure time activities" including a van, Rej...

http://i43.tinypic.com/258mpnk.jpg

I didn't realise you and Jacky were so close... exchanging pictures of your cars.

[NotLettingItGo]

:eyebrows:
...
In fact, if I didn't want sex with them, I'd wish I did just so one would want to be around me all the time.
...

Yep, every man should have one... even gheys.

[mjmacky]

I didn't realise you and Jacky were so close... exchanging pictures of your cars.

Shows how much you know. I'm a home invasion type.

[IdolEyes787]

I have a shed and I store lawn maintenance equipment in it.

OK maybe also the occasional lawn chair.

Also a few pots.

Mostly clay ones since they tend to crack when it drops below freezing if they were previously wet.

Oh yeah an an old crochet set that I haven't use in years.

I think that's about it.

No wait there's also some pesticide and insecticide in there and some motor oil.

It's a nice shed like.

[Squeamous]

Well.
I've just moved and altho' it's not fully functional yet, I've now got a garage which is attached to the house. I've peremptorily filled it with baby spiders to ensure absolute female exclusion.
It's got internets and a kick-boxing bag already and will be done by xmas I reckon.

Let's be fair, 'quality' time spent with your partner but without any moviefilms, alcohol, internets, sex or other people to talk to is shite.
You've told me about your day and we've eaten; I'll be in my bunk.

I don't mind spiders. There is literally nowhere man can go that I won't find him and make his life a misery :happy:

[Funkin']

See I knew you'd eventually come around to my position that women are only useful for entertainment purposes :P

But if you really felt that way wouldn't you make her leave the room when you needed some alone time instead of you leaving to go to some cold and dirty shed or garage?

[NotLettingItGo]

But if you really felt that way wouldn't you make her leave the room when you needed some alone time instead of you leaving to go to some cold and dirty shed or garage?

That assumes a shed is a cold and/or dirty place.

Personally I've found the easiest way to get a woman to fuck off into the far distance is honesty, see they don't do honesty. Very few of them can handle honestly or integrity, and when confronted by it they suddenly become sad pathetic little creatures who can't find a way to interact with it, or the challenges it poses to them and their complete lack of either quality.

[megabyteme]

Personally I've found the easiest way to get a woman to fuck off into the far distance is honesty, see they don't do honesty. Very few of them can handle honestly or integrity, and when confronted by it they suddenly become sad pathetic little creatures who can't find a way to interact with it, or the challenges it poses to them and their complete lack of either quality.

Fail.

Now go to your shed, and don't come out until we tell you to.








That may be a while...

[manker]

Personally I've found the easiest way to get a woman to fuck off into the far distance is honesty, see they don't do honesty. Very few of them can handle honestly or integrity, and when confronted by it they suddenly become sad pathetic little creatures who can't find a way to interact with it, or the challenges it poses to them and their complete lack of either quality.
Fail.As usual, our damaged pal has ventured deep into the realm of hyperbole - but once his exaltations are tempered, you'll see that he is absolutely correct.

Does my arse look big in this?
Do you fancy me as much as you used to?
Do you think my sister is sexually attractive?
You'd feel so bad if you had an affair that you'd tell me, right?
Do you prefer going out with me or your mates?
Am I the dirtiest slut you've ever pissed on?
Are you excited about waking up with me on xmas morning?

If I answered any one of those questions honestly, then she'd fuck off into the far distance and I'd be left alone in my wankpit for at least an hour. She'd then text me and ask if I really meant it - and only dishonesty would would stop the heartache.

I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. It's just how it is with wiminz.

[Barbarossa]

My shed got turned into a "wendy house" :emo:

Not my decision, but actually it's pretty cool :smilie4:

[manker]

Not my decisionTautology :dry:

[Squeamous]

As usual, our damaged pal has ventured deep into the realm of hyperbole - but once his exaltations are tempered, you'll see that he is absolutely correct.

Does my arse look big in this?
Do you fancy me as much as you used to?
Do you think my sister is sexually attractive?
You'd feel so bad if you had an affair that you'd tell me, right?
Do you prefer going out with me or your mates?
Am I the dirtiest slut you've ever pissed on?
Are you excited about waking up with me on xmas morning?

If I answered any one of those questions honestly, then she'd fuck off into the far distance and I'd be left alone in my wankpit for at least an hour. She'd then text me and ask if I really meant it - and only dishonesty would would stop the heartache.

I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. It's just how it is with wiminz.

Women seriously ask you those kinds of questions? Like, caring what you think and stuff? I usually go by how a man makes me feel. If he makes me happy he can stay around, if he doesn't he has to go. As a general rule of thumb I think questions should only be asked if they have a definite answer that will achieve a goal of some importance. For instance:

What are we having for dinner and when?
What time are we leaving?
Can you do _____ for me?
Have you called your mother recently?
When was the last time you had a shower?
Do these shoes go with this jacket?
Are you currently happy with the progress and nature of our relationship?

That sort of thing. I assume that if he has something else he desperately wants to get off his chest he'll inform me :unsure:

[manker]

As usual, our damaged pal has ventured deep into the realm of hyperbole - but once his exaltations are tempered, you'll see that he is absolutely correct.

Does my arse look big in this?
Do you fancy me as much as you used to?
Do you think my sister is sexually attractive?
You'd feel so bad if you had an affair that you'd tell me, right?
Do you prefer going out with me or your mates?
Am I the dirtiest slut you've ever pissed on?
Are you excited about waking up with me on xmas morning?

If I answered any one of those questions honestly, then she'd fuck off into the far distance and I'd be left alone in my wankpit for at least an hour. She'd then text me and ask if I really meant it - and only dishonesty would would stop the heartache.

I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. It's just how it is with wiminz.

Women seriously ask you those kinds of questions? Like, caring what you think and stuff? I usually go by how a man makes me feel. If he makes me happy he can stay around, if he doesn't he has to go. As a general rule of thumb I think questions should only be asked if they have a definite answer that will achieve a goal of some importance. For instance:

What are we having for dinner and when?
What time are we leaving?
Can you do _____ for me?
Have you called your mother recently?
When was the last time you had a shower?
Do these shoes go with this jacket?
Are you currently happy with the progress and nature of our relationship?

That sort of thing. I assume that if he has something else he desperately wants to get off his chest he'll inform me :unsure:Yes! Every one I've ever had a relationship with.
It may be that my massive post count makes them insecure or something, idk, but upon interacting with fellow humans, I've discovered that this phenomena is by no means limited to my house.

Your logical approach to relationships is interesting and might just work.
If me and the missus don't work out, I'd definitely consider swapping body fluids and cohabiting with a member of the collective :smilie4:

[Squeamous]

Yes! Every one I've ever had a relationship with.
It may be that my massive post count makes them insecure or something, idk, but upon interacting with fellow humans, I've discovered that this phenomena is by no means limited to my house.

Your logical approach to relationships is interesting and might just work.
If me and the missus don't work out, I'd definitely consider swapping body fluids and cohabiting with a member of the collective :smilie4:

Well hang on, I'm separated remember, so it's not all fun and games. In truth if I had asked a few more questions and tolerated a bit less perhaps he wouldn't have grown into such a dick. I didn't give him any boundaries or tell him what to do, or indicate the possession of any neuroses, dependency or confidence issues. I didn't need him in the slightest for financial, emotional or practical support, and he ended up being an antisocial, possessive, depressive, neurotic gamer with poor hygeine and the sex drive of a eunoch. Perhaps men need to be kept on their toes with complete fuckwits.

[manker]

Yes! Every one I've ever had a relationship with.
It may be that my massive post count makes them insecure or something, idk, but upon interacting with fellow humans, I've discovered that this phenomena is by no means limited to my house.

Your logical approach to relationships is interesting and might just work.
If me and the missus don't work out, I'd definitely consider swapping body fluids and cohabiting with a member of the collective :smilie4:

Well hang on, I'm separated remember, so it's not all fun and games. In truth if I had asked a few more questions and tolerated a bit less perhaps he wouldn't have grown into such a dick. I didn't give him any boundaries or tell him what to do, or indicate the possession of any neuroses, dependency or confidence issues. I didn't need him in the slightest for financial, emotional or practical support, and he ended up being an antisocial, possessive, depressive, neurotic gamer with poor hygeine and the sex drive of a eunoch. Perhaps men need to be kept on their toes with complete fuckwits.Agreed. I definitely need a steady stream of complete fuckwits to keep me on my toes.

If I didn't have to worry about your emotional needs or give you any practical support, it would leave me with more time for x-bawks, wanking and inner contemplation. I can see how that would lead to me turning into the description of your ex but it's tempting :eyebrows:

[mjmacky]

Personally I've found the easiest way to get a woman to fuck off into the far distance is honesty, see they don't do honesty. Very few of them can handle honestly or integrity, and when confronted by it they suddenly become sad pathetic little creatures who can't find a way to interact with it, or the challenges it poses to them and their complete lack of either quality.

I only deal in terms of honesty, often earning me the label of insensitive. However, you seem to have a bigger problem with their response to honesty than they have a problem with the truth. Feeling like shit over a revelation of an unpleasant truth would be an honest response. So basically, what exactly is your problem again?

If you just can't stand a woman getting uppity, than harness your pivot and back swing, it's the closest thing to respect you'll probably ever experience.

[manker]

If you just can't stand a woman getting uppity, than harness your pivot and back swing, it's the closest thing to respect you'll probably ever experience.What in the name of tarnation does that mean :blink:

[Barbarossa]

Not my decisionTautology :dry:

I'll have you know I made a VERY important decision recently about not having any more kids :snooty:

Granted, the downside to this appears to be no more sex in the foreseeable future, but that's a cross I'm willing to bear... :ermm:

[Barbarossa]

If you just can't stand a woman getting uppity, than harness your pivot and back swing, it's the closest thing to respect you'll probably ever experience.What in the name of tarnation does that mean :blink:

He means either go and play a round of golf, or smack her in the face :blink:

[manker]

Tautology :dry:

I'll have you know I made a VERY important decision recently about not having any more kids :snooty:

Granted, the downside to this appears to be no more sex in the foreseeable future, but that's a cross I'm willing to bear... :ermm::unsure:
Can't you just have secks with adults instead.

[Barbarossa]

I'll have you know I made a VERY important decision recently about not having any more kids :snooty:

Granted, the downside to this appears to be no more sex in the foreseeable future, but that's a cross I'm willing to bear... :ermm::unsure:
Can't you just have secks with adults instead.

:lolpinch:

That's really poor! :P

(Note - I never did a lolpinch smilie, but the emotion I felt then was more than a :lol: but less than a :glagpinch: )

[Squeamous]

Agreed. I definitely need a steady stream of complete fuckwits to keep me on my toes.

:dry:


If I didn't have to worry about your emotional needs or give you any practical support, it would leave me with more time for x-bawks, wanking and inner contemplation. I can see how that would lead to me turning into the description of your ex but it's tempting :eyebrows:

I was thinking perhaps if both parties in a relationship could manage their own shit efficiently it might leave time for this:

http://i43.tinypic.com/10ol5xg.jpg

But then I'm just a girl what do I know :snooty:

[manker]

:dry:


If I didn't have to worry about your emotional needs or give you any practical support, it would leave me with more time for x-bawks, wanking and inner contemplation. I can see how that would lead to me turning into the description of your ex but it's tempting :eyebrows:

I was thinking perhaps if both parties in a relationship could manage their own shit efficiently it might leave time for this:

http://i43.tinypic.com/10ol5xg.jpg

But then I'm just a girl what do I know :snooty:Seems like too much sex and not enough telly. I mean, fuck, is that all in the same day.

If only there was some kind of device which would enable a sexually voracious female to satisfy herself while her emasculated partner posts pish on the internets.
Should I ever have the wherewithal to invent one, I'll call it Orgasmatron :smilie4:

[Squeamous]

Seems like too much sex and not enough telly. I mean, fuck, is that all in the same day.

If only there was some kind of device which would enable a sexually voracious female to satisfy herself while her emasculated partner posts pish on the internets.
Should I ever have the wherewithal to invent one, I'll call it Orgasmatron :smilie4:

Isn't that just another name for Mouldy, the bored fluffer?

[Barbarossa]

Orgasmatron is a type of head massager. True story.

[Squeamous]

I used to have one. Made me purr like a spastic cat that needed spaying.

[Barbarossa]

You may have been doing it wrong :ermm:

[Squeamous]

Everyone else is doing it wrong.

[Funkin']

That assumes a shed is a cold and/or dirty place.


True. But my point still stands. It's much easier for me to simply point to the door when I want her to leave instead of me getting up from my comfy spot.

And I totally agree with the honesty thing, it's definitely one of the better ways to get left alone for a while. When I tell my girl what I really think about her weight when she asks that usually buys me at least a couple days free of her.

[NotLettingItGo]

Fail.
It never ceases to amuse me to see blokes denying what deep down inside they know is true... keep it up old chap.


As usual, our damaged pal has ventured deep into the realm of hyperbole - but once his exaltations are tempered, you'll see that he is absolutely correct.

Does my arse look big in this?
Do you fancy me as much as you used to?
Do you think my sister is sexually attractive?
You'd feel so bad if you had an affair that you'd tell me, right?
Do you prefer going out with me or your mates?
Am I the dirtiest slut you've ever pissed on?
Are you excited about waking up with me on xmas morning?

If I answered any one of those questions honestly, then she'd fuck off into the far distance and I'd be left alone in my wankpit for at least an hour. She'd then text me and ask if I really meant it - and only dishonesty would would stop the heartache.

I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. It's just how it is with wiminz.
You speak about me being damaged by my latest experience as if it's a bad thing, but it's not. The damage caused grants me the ability to reflect and consider my interactions with the women I've known throughout my life. It's from that reflection that I come to realise how stupid I've been in relation to the specific friendship with that specific woman, and indeed how stupid I've been not to see what women are over the period of my life when I've wandered around giving a fuck about them and what they think and feel. It's been a learning experience, one that has opened my eyes to the true nature of women.

I only deal in terms of honesty, often earning me the label of insensitive. However, you seem to have a bigger problem with their response to honesty than they have a problem with the truth. Feeling like shit over a revelation of an unpleasant truth would be an honest response. So basically, what exactly is your problem again?

If you just can't stand a woman getting uppity, than harness your pivot and back swing, it's the closest thing to respect you'll probably ever experience.
We've covered this before, I'm never going to hit a woman. You might be OK with behaving that way towards them, I'm not. I have recognised though that my position isn't necessarily the right one, and that my lifelong automatic condemnation of men who believe and behave as you do has been wrong. It doesn't change what I am though, and I just won't do that. I don't need the respect of any woman who behaves badly enough to make me want to hit her.

What in the name of tarnation does that mean :blink:He means that I should get respect by hitting women who hurt me. It's something he believes is OK, and something I don't.

This has been an interesting thread, starting out on sheds, and converting into the love or logic continuation thread.

We've had the denialists coming in with their Fail comments about my statement about women all being basically dishonest. Which I find particularly interesting, because I know that deep down they know I'm dead on the mark about that, but they won't admit it to themselves.

We've has the raising of that specific woman again, her damage to me, and my hyperbole... interestingly contrasted with an acceptance that my hyperbole is correct. This thread has caused me a great deal of hope for manker, I think he might actually be saveable :P

We've had an admission from a female member that she very much lives upto what I have been saying for months about women, that men are only a source of 'happiness' to her and that when they cease to be that, they're got rid of with fuck all regard for them.

Sorry I wasn't around to join in today, I had to go and have my APR, and so got to enjoy the company of a woman I know for a couple of hours this morning before the pointless meeting about what a wonderful chap I am... as if there was any doubt.

[megabyteme]

It never ceases to amuse me to see blokes denying what deep down inside they know is true... keep it up old chap.


As usual, our damaged pal has ventured deep into the realm of hyperbole - but once his exaltations are tempered, you'll see that he is absolutely correct.

You see, Rej, the problem I have with taking your words at any kind of value is that you have grown to hate women. The same comments made by Manker, or myself, as I agree with him, are FAR easier to accept because we both love them, and have found women to be positives in our lives. You are stuck on the same kind of spewing that any other kind of hate group emits. Are there faults? Yes (Men are known to have some, too). Should we go around making asses out of ourselves spewing hatred for half the world's population? Most intelligent people would think not.

You were expecting more than you got. Simple story. Most of us learn that life lesson on Christmas morning around the age of 7. Welcome to the club. :cry:

[manker]

Annual parole review is the only thing that makes any kind of sense there.
An annual performance review would require some kind of job, thus making the apology for not being around redundant. Or maybe you work from home?

In related news, I was merely saying how men were of dishonest in their dealings with wiminz. Rather than highlighting women's dishonesty.
However, they're equally adept at white lies. They want to protect our egos, which is quite sweet when you think about it.

For instance, all girlfriends and especially wives know that they must only ever be completely complimentary about cawk size or performance in bed. 100% of the time. Always.
They won't ever tell you about the hawt guy in work - but they'll wax lyrical about some 15 year old in Glee. This is because they know you'll be able to rationalise their lust for someone unobtainable but will have a gigantic strop about the debonair IT guy.
When looking at a gigantic cawk in porn, she won't start salivating, she'll tell you that it's 'too big' and 'would hurt'.
After stalling at the lights, she'll nod sagely at your mumbled 'manufacturer's defect' excuse instead of pointing and laughing.

I suppose what I'm saying is that it's fine. The whole thing just works a little bit better if you're not autistically honest about everything.

[NotLettingItGo]

You see, Rej, the problem I have with taking your words at any kind of value is that you have grown to hate women. The same comments made by Manker, or myself, as I agree with him, are FAR easier to accept because we both love them, and have found women to be positives in our lives. You are stuck on the same kind of spewing that any other kind of hate group emits. Are there faults? Yes (Men are known to have some, too). Should we go around making asses out of ourselves spewing hatred for half the world's population? Most intelligent people would think not.

You were expecting more than you got. Simple story. Most of us learn that life lesson on Christmas morning around the age of 7. Welcome to the club. :cry:

It amazes me how many times I have to repeat myself on this board.

As I've stated before I don't hate women, quite the opposite. For example Tuesday night I had a girly night out with a lovely lady... at least it was a girly night out as far as her husband knew. This very day I spent several hours conversing with another lovely lady, who thought I could help her with her marital problems. As per my normal self I endevoured to do my best to help her to understand her husbands point of view. I don't hate women, I don't even hate the woman who did her best to shit all over me, as I've previously stated I actually still love her. I'm just not stupid enough to allow her to continue treating me like a complete piece of shit. However I also no longer trust women at all, because quite simply she conclusively proved to me that trusting women, will only ever get you shit on. Consequently women aren't allowed into my life anymore, not in any kind of emotional way.

That is the last time I will be explaining that.

[NotLettingItGo]

I never said men couldn't be dishonest too, in fact I'm fairly sure I openly admitted in more than one post that I was now willing to behave that way in my dealings with women. It's easy to lie and manipulate others when you don't actually care fuck all about what they feel.


...
I suppose what I'm saying is that it's fine. The whole thing just works a little bit better if you're not autistically honest about everything.

I would suggest that when you KNOW that sitting and looking someone in the face whilst lying to them will hurt them very badly, that to do so isn't fine, especially when it's only satisfy your own wants.

I would also suggest that when you lie repeatedly to someone whom you couldn't actually give any kind of fuck about, just to use that person, you're a pretty low person. Someone who deserves to be pitied, that their self esteem is so low that they will use another person because that's what they do to make themselves feel good.

[manker]

Yup. I actually wrote something similar but less verbose as a caveat under that very line you quoted.
I deleted it cus I thought it went without saying.

So anyway. About your APR; you get the tag taken off or what.

[NotLettingItGo]

So anyway. About your APR; you get the tag taken off or what.

Nah! They just confirmed what everyone who really knows me was already certain of... that I am a wonderful amazing chap, without whom they couldn't actually run the company :D

[manker]

So anyway. About your APR; you get the tag taken off or what.

Nah! They just confirmed what everyone who really knows me was already certain of... that I am a wonderful amazing chap, without whom they couldn't actually run the company :DIndeed.
I imagine that The Samaritans would grind to an unseemly halt if you stopped dispensing your considered advice to its callers.

[NotLettingItGo]

Indeed.
I imagine that The Samaritans would grind to an unseemly halt if you stopped dispensing your considered advice to its callers.

Ooooo!1 Am I to assume you've had an unflattering performance review at some dark moment in your life?

[manker]

Indeed.
I imagine that The Samaritans would grind to an unseemly halt if you stopped dispensing your considered advice to its callers.

Ooooo!1 Am I to assume you've had an unflattering performance review at some dark moment in your life?:lol: fuck knows how you inferred that but I've never had an APR.
The only boss I've ever had was my dad for about six months after I graduated.

£100 a week for sweeping the floor when my younger sister was earning double that in the office.
It's almost as if he didn't want me around :emo:

[NotLettingItGo]

...
£100 a week for sweeping the floor when my younger sister was earning double that in the office.
It's almost as if he didn't want me around :emo:

Does she give better head than you? That might explain it.

[mjmacky]

If you just can't stand a woman getting uppity, than harness your pivot and back swing, it's the closest thing to respect you'll probably ever experience.What in the name of tarnation does that mean :blink:

I'm sure I intended to include "the power of" somewhere in there, but seeing as I passed out shortly after posting, I don't want to deconstruct it.

[mjmacky]

We've covered this before, I'm never going to hit a woman. You might be OK with behaving that way towards them, I'm not. I have recognised though that my position isn't necessarily the right one, and that my lifelong automatic condemnation of men who believe and behave as you do has been wrong. It doesn't change what I am though, and I just won't do that. I don't need the respect of any woman who behaves badly enough to make me want to hit her.

Silly you, I didn't infer that you would ever actually get respect.

[manker]

...
£100 a week for sweeping the floor when my younger sister was earning double that in the office.
It's almost as if he didn't want me around :emo:

Does she give better head than you? That might explain it.:glagpinch:

Could be. Do you think I should sue.

[NotLettingItGo]

:glagpinch:

Could be. Do you think I should sue.

Do I think you should do what to Sue? Did she work in the office as well? Or is she your Step Mum, and you think doing her would be a suitable act of reciprocation?

[manker]

What in the name of tarnation does that mean :blink:

I'm sure I intended to include "the power of" somewhere in there, but seeing as I passed out shortly after posting, I don't want to deconstruct it.I did some research (google) and you'll be glad to know that you're the first person ever on the internets to post 'harness your pivot and back swing'.

Most people would think that it's because it doesn't mean anything, but the more savantatious among us will raise an appreciative eyebrow whilst revelling in the vicarious glow.

[manker]

:glagpinch:

Could be. Do you think I should sue.

Do I think you should do what to Sue? Did she work in the office as well? Or is she your Step Mum, and you think doing her would be a suitable act of reciprocation?Ahhh, the first one was funny, this one less so.
Besides. I never accidentally verbs.

[mjmacky]

Most people would think that it's because it doesn't mean anything, but the more savantatious among us will raise an appreciative eyebrow whilst revelling in the vicarious glow.

Rather, I think it's because I'm the only one who knows how to properly utilize his 14" cock. The others are simply wasting potential.

I'm more upset about the fact that I used than instead of then...

[NotLettingItGo]

Ahhh, the first one was funny, this one less so.
Besides. I never accidentally verbs.

I knew that was too much, I should have just gone with the "I don't even know who the fuck Sue is" line.

[manker]

I'm more upset about the fact that I used than instead of then...:console:
It's OK not to be perfect, there can be only one manker. (http://filesharingtalk.com/threads/440331-Legalizing-drugs.?p=3632691&viewfull=1#post3632691)

[manker]

Ahhh, the first one was funny, this one less so.
Besides. I never accidentally verbs.

I knew that was too much, I should have just gone with the "I don't even know who the fuck Sue is" line.We live and we learn this forumular art.
You may find this difficult to believe but I, too, have made the odd post that wasn't even slightly funny.
2006 I think it was :mellow:

[mjmacky]

You may find this difficult to believe but I, too, have made the odd post that wasn't even slightly funny.
2006 of them I think it was :mellow:

Just over 5 %, maybe not enough to establish a linear trend between humor and speech, but if you fudge some numbers I'm sure you could fake it.

[megabyteme]

You people post like two lab geeks, an accountant, and a misogynist. :mellow:

[NotLettingItGo]

You people post like two lab geeks, an accountant, and a misogynist. :mellow:

Whilst you post like an indocrinated lapdog :P

[megabyteme]

You people post like two lab geeks, an accountant, and a misogynist. :mellow:

Whilst you post like an indocrinated lapdog :P

There are worse places to be than Squeam's lap. :happy:

Like, say for instance, one of your threads... :yup:

[NotLettingItGo]

There are worse places to be than Squeam's lap. :happy:

Like, say for instance, one of your threads... :yup:

Which begs the question of what the fuck are you doing here then?

[chalice]

I have a room. It's called the room. I go there. It's fucking fan-tastic.

True story.

It's so good that all of the music I want to blast at people in my family doesn't need to be blasted cos it's only me. So I don't bother myself.

I sit and I think about all of the music I might blast at them. Then I go into the living room and I tell them all about the music I would like to blast at them. They don't believe me cos I've squidged their grey matter from the get-go and they're fucked from day one anyway.

So I pollute their minds with threats about culture, knowing all the while, that all cognizant matter will inevitably worship at the twin temples of Morrissey and Cohen.

[mjmacky]

You people post like two lab geeks, an accountant, and a misogynist. :mellow:

There are just not enough jokes based on the coefficient of linearity.

[megabyteme]

Two lab geeks, an accountant, and a misogynist walk into a bar...*

Never mind, you've probably already heard it. :sadwalk:

*Or, feel free to work it into gold. :sly:

[NotLettingItGo]

A misandrist, a lab geek, an accountant, and a misogynist walk into a bar...*
...

Fixed.

[mjmacky]

Two lab geeks, an accountant, and a misogynist walk into a bar...*

The bartender turns to reject and says, "sorry we don't serve your kind here". Then all the nerds get laid.

It's not funny, but I'm not complaining.

[Squeamous]

There are worse places to be than Squeam's lap. :happy:

Like, say for instance, one of your threads... :yup:

A gilded cage is a cage nonetheless :smilie4:



Two lab geeks, an accountant, and a misogynist walk into a bar...*

The bartender turns to reject and says, "sorry we don't serve your kind here". Then all the nerds get laid.

It's not funny, but I'm not complaining.

Yup, I'm happy with that.

[manker]

Well I'm not.
I don't care if it is a mental construct. I want to get laid too.

[Squeamous]

Well I'm not.
I don't care if it is a mental construct. I want to get laid too.

I think the implication is that you're a nerd too, doofus.

[manker]

Well I'm not.
I don't care if it is a mental construct. I want to get laid too.

I think the implication is that you're a nerd too, doofus.Preposterous.
I'm clearly the socially competent jet-setter who deigns to hang around with nerds and misogynists every third Wednesday night to break up the debauched routine of cocaine, hookers and x-bawks wank offs.

[Squeamous]

Preposterous.
I'm clearly the socially competent jet-setter who deigns to hang around with nerds and misogynists every third Wednesday night to break up the debauched routine of cocaine, hookers and x-bawks wank offs.

Did you just say 'preposterous'?

[mjmacky]

Preposterous.
I'm clearly the socially competent jet-setter who deigns to hang around with nerds and misogynists every third Wednesday night to break up the debauched routine of cocaine, hookers and x-bawks wank offs.

That's something a nerd would say.

[NotLettingItGo]

Two lab geeks, an accountant, and a misogynist walk into a bar...*

The bartender turns to reject and says, "sorry we don't serve your kind here". Then all the nerds get laid.

It's not funny, but I'm not complaining.
I hate to have to piss on this parade, but I wouldn't be seen dead walking into a bar with the likes of you three in the first place.

[mjmacky]

I hate to have to piss on this parade, but I wouldn't be seen dead walking into a bar with the likes of you three in the first place.

You're right about that, as if we'd let you follow us all the way to the bar. Are there any other bar joke setups you'd like to refute, perhaps the one with the alcoholic grasshopper?

[NotLettingItGo]

You're right about that, as if we'd let you follow us all the way to the bar. Are there any other bar joke setups you'd like to refute, perhaps the one with the alcoholic grasshopper?

I was being serious, in fact I'll go further and state that if I walked into a bar and found any one of you in it, I'd leave and go to a bar that had nice people in it.

[chalice]

You're right about that, as if we'd let you follow us all the way to the bar. Are there any other bar joke setups you'd like to refute, perhaps the one with the alcoholic grasshopper?

I was being serious, in fact I'll go further and state that if I walked into a bar and found any one of you in it, I'd leave and go to a bar that had nice people in it.

That bar would immediately negate your criterion, though, in that it would have you in it, innit.

[NotLettingItGo]

That bar would immediately negate your criterion, though, in that it would have you in it, innit.

Ooooppppssss!!!111 LOGIC FAIL.

I'm the one out of four who isn't a self confessed wife beater, or someone who manipulates other people.

[chalice]

That bar would immediately negate your criterion, though, in that it would have you in it, innit.

Ooooppppssss!!!111 LOGIC FAIL.

I'm the one out of four who isn't a self confessed wife beater, or someone who manipulates other people.

How is that a logic fail? It's pretty fucking pristine from where I'm looking at it.

[mjmacky]

Ooooppppssss!!!111

Could you define this for me. I tried to look it up in the dictionary without success. I'm sure I would understand the rest of your post if you enlightened me.

[chalice]

Unless, of course, and I'm being the devil's apologist here, you think that trying (and failing) to be a cunt to cunts makes you a good person.

You're somewhat deluded on that score, sunshine.

[Squeamous]

I hate to have to piss on this parade, but I wouldn't be seen dead walking into a bar with the likes of you three in the first place.

You're right about that, as if we'd let you follow us all the way to the bar. Are there any other bar joke setups you'd like to refute, perhaps the one with the alcoholic grasshopper?

While we're taking everything very seriously, I'd just like to point out that anyone who refuses to let his partner in his shed/games room/wank den/man creche, probably doesn't possess the social skills to spend an evening in a bar in mixed company, and neither should he attempt it. I will go on my own with my bitches thank you very much.

[chalice]

You're right about that, as if we'd let you follow us all the way to the bar. Are there any other bar joke setups you'd like to refute, perhaps the one with the alcoholic grasshopper?

While we're taking everything very seriously, I'd just like to point out that anyone who refuses to let his partner in his shed/games room/wank den/man creche, probably doesn't possess the social skills to spend an evening in a bar in mixed company, and neither should he attempt it. I will go on my own with my bitches thank you very much.

Energetic apathy notwithstanding, you're still not having a go at my shed/bunker/silage unit.

[NotLettingItGo]

Unless, of course, and I'm being the devil's apologist here, you think that trying (and failing) to be a cunt to cunts makes you a good person.

You're somewhat deluded on that score, sunshine.

Oh! Fucks noes... the chief spastic thinks badly of me.

[NotLettingItGo]

Could you define this for me. I tried to look it up in the dictionary without success. I'm sure I would understand the rest of your post if you enlightened me.

I wouldn't be so sure if I were you, seriously I've seen your posts and I wouldn't hold out much hope of you understanding fuck all.

[chalice]

Unless, of course, and I'm being the devil's apologist here, you think that trying (and failing) to be a cunt to cunts makes you a good person.

You're somewhat deluded on that score, sunshine.

Oh! Fucks noes... the chief spastic thinks badly of me.

I don't think of you much. When I do it's more an amalgam of sympathy and exasperation.

Then I say stuff. Then you say stuff back which facilitates my win. You're your own worst enema.

[mjmacky]

You're right about that, as if we'd let you follow us all the way to the bar. Are there any other bar joke setups you'd like to refute, perhaps the one with the alcoholic grasshopper?

While we're taking everything very seriously, I'd just like to point out that anyone who refuses to let his partner in his shed/games room/wank den/man creche, probably doesn't possess the social skills to spend an evening in a bar in mixed company, and neither should he attempt it. I will go on my own with my bitches thank you very much.

Why are you replying to me with this? I decided not to go with being a shed owner for the purposes of this thread. The most you could take away is that I'm hiding out or breaking into other people's sheds. The reality is I live in a 1 bedroom condo, and when I move out of the country, I'm murdering 5 people.

On another note, I'm a very friendly drunk. I've excused more stupidity and horrendous personality traits on a drunken night than my cumulative adult summation of tolerance. I've even wrapped my arm around the guy hitting on my girlfriend (at the time). The place to avoid having me in mixed company is ANYWHERE else besides the bar, including my own home. Did you take me for a mean drunk or something?

[NotLettingItGo]

...You're your own worst enema.

I believe that bit is true... it must be, after all who would know more about enemas than an arsehole.

[mjmacky]

I wouldn't be so sure if I were you, seriously I've seen your posts and I wouldn't hold out much hope of you understanding fuck all.

I've never really tried to understand fuck all. I always found fuck all to be too vague a concept to bother with.
I was baiting you into an easy trap anyway. If you walked into it, I'm not sure if I would have lacked enough self-respect to finish it.

[chalice]

...You're your own worst enema.

I believe that bit is true... it must be, after all who would know more about enemas than an arsehole.

That's not very nice, mate. What did I ever do to you?

[NotLettingItGo]

...I'm not sure if I would have lacked enough self-respect to finish it.

From what I've read on here, I can't imagine you having any self respect to start with.

[NotLettingItGo]

That's not very nice, mate. What did I ever do to you?

Don't go taking it personally chavis, it's just words on a meaningless messageboard.

[mjmacky]

From what I've read on here, I can't imagine you having any self respect to start with.

Sorry about your limited imagination.

[chalice]

That's not very nice, mate. What did I ever do to you?

Don't go taking it personally chavis, it's just words on a meaningless messageboard.

Words are all we have, and when you choose to employ them like this, it hurts me. It hurts me deep inside.

You have destroyed my innocence. All men are cunts now.

[NotLettingItGo]

...

You have destroyed my innocence. All men are cunts now.

FFS!1 It's bad enough that I've started to believe there's hope for manker, don't you start. I'm not sure I can accept a world in which chavis is saveable too.

[chalice]

...

You have destroyed my innocence. All men are cunts now.

FFS!1 It's bad enough that I've started to believe there's hope for manker, don't you start. I'm not sure I can accept a world in which chavis is saveable too.

If saved means being like you, then I'm afraid I'll have to opt for damnation every sinkle time.

[NotLettingItGo]

Saved isn't being like me.

[chalice]

Saved isn't being like me.

Sorry. I was confusing saved with spastic.

Silly me.

[chalice]

brown under parts are really boring after a while ..

i am sick of life itself..

i seriously wish there was an apocalypse of some massive sorts and we were the only sole survivors


i have to think of myself as a retired german soldier from tomorrow onwards..

You can't have 'sole survivors'.

[mjmacky]

Saved isn't being like me.

Sorry. I was confusing saved with spastic.

Silly me.

In the context of christianity, it's pretty much the same thing.

[NotLettingItGo]

Sorry. I was confusing saved with spastic.

Silly me.

Lets try not to repeat the same old gags over and over again shall we, it'll get boring for the audience. We just did that one with the enemas and arsehole sketch.

Saved is a state whereby you recognise that the world is primarily occupied by cunts (both men and women) and are happy to acknowledge that to be the case, whilst still retaining the ability within yourself to give a fuck about one or two of those occupants. See that's why I fail, cause I don't give a fuck about any of them anymore.

[Squeamous]

Energetic apathy notwithstanding, you're still not having a go at my shed/bunker/silage unit.

I am. I'm going to sneak in there when you're out and move things about.




Why are you replying to me with this? I decided not to go with being a shed owner for the purposes of this thread. The most you could take away is that I'm hiding out or breaking into other people's sheds. The reality is I live in a 1 bedroom condo, and when I move out of the country, I'm murdering 5 people.

On another note, I'm a very friendly drunk. I've excused more stupidity and horrendous personality traits on a drunken night than my cumulative adult summation of tolerance. I've even wrapped my arm around the guy hitting on my girlfriend (at the time). The place to avoid having me in mixed company is ANYWHERE else besides the bar, including my own home. Did you take me for a mean drunk or something?

Just like I don't tend to go out drinking with people who practice gender apartheid, I also pretty much avoid anyone who has to be drunk to put up with me. It's important to have standards even in hypothetical situations.

Also, I don't know if you're aware of this, but the more you talk to me the more you sound like Oleg. I'm finding it hilarious :happy:.

[megabyteme]

Words are all we have, and when you choose to employ them like this, it hurts me. It hurts me deep inside.

You have destroyed my innocence. All men are cunts now.

:glag: <-------- First time I have used this. I'd say, "knocked it out of the park", but the ball has yet to touch earth. May never happen...

[NotLettingItGo]

...I'd say, "knocked it out of the park", but the ball has yet to touch earth. May never happen...

Absolutely, he definitively proved with that statement that all men are cunts beyond any doubt. Maybe that's not the earth you thought it would be landing on though.

[megabyteme]

You just fail to see the perfect parody he created of everything you have ever posted.

That ball will only touch ground when you stop being such a pathetic, one-note, sad song. I don't see it happening.

[NotLettingItGo]

No I didn't fail to see it at all, but I'm intelligent enough to understand that creating a parody of "all men are cunts" whilst behaving like a cunt doesn't work. He proved and thus nullified his own parody.

EDIT: Let try an example and see if you can't understand it when I explain it too you.

EDIT: Lets say Nick Griffin parodied that racist men thought all black men should be deported... do you think that would be funny?

Tell me are we going to have to continue to explain things to you like we do to a four year old child?

[megabyteme]

1. I didn't know who Nick Griffin was, so thanks for that. I found this video while searching his name:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEAdLNXP8sc&amp;noredirect=1


2. It is probably a little too deep to be discussing racism, and deportation with a four year old. Please just return him/her back to the parents unharmed. :mellow:

3. :blink:

[mjmacky]

Just like I don't tend to go out drinking with people who practice gender apartheid, I also pretty much avoid anyone who has to be drunk to put up with me. It's important to have standards even in hypothetical situations.

Also, I don't know if you're aware of this, but the more you talk to me the more you sound like Oleg. I'm finding it hilarious :happy:.

You know, you used to be nice to me before. We would be able to talk about things like the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath. I was going to let you be the first ladyboy to put it in me, but then you go and say stupid shit sometimes. It makes me so fucking mad I want to hurt you. Why did you change all of a sudden and call me autistic. I'm not autistic I went to the doctor and he said I didn't have any of the 3 forms of autism. I looked up autism and it says it's a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication with restricted and repetitive behavior. How is me wanting to have sex with a ladyboy in a shed repetitive behavior? You make no sense sometimes and I want to fucking kill you. I just want it to be like before when we could talk about things and you wouldn't say stupid shit like that sometimes.

[manker]

That was a decent read this sunny morn :D

Honourable mention to Mary for overcoming the double handicap of being an American autistic and seeing straight thro' the irony in my nerdy I'm not a nerd set-up.
I think we should cwtch now in celebration of your progress.

[mjmacky]

That was a decent read this sunny morn :D

Honourable mention to Mary for overcoming the double handicap of being an American autistic and seeing straight thro' the irony in my nerdy I'm not a nerd set-up.
I think we should cwtch now in celebration of your progress.

I think squeamish was going for the same thing, but with more subtlety. May have been too subtle as no one seemed to acknowledge it.

[Squeamous]

You know, you used to be nice to me before. We would be able to talk about things like the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath. I was going to let you be the first ladyboy to put it in me, but then you go and say stupid shit sometimes. It makes me so fucking mad I want to hurt you. Why did you change all of a sudden and call me autistic. I'm not autistic I went to the doctor and he said I didn't have any of the 3 forms of autism. I looked up autism and it says it's a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication with restricted and repetitive behavior. How is me wanting to have sex with a ladyboy in a shed repetitive behavior? You make no sense sometimes and I want to fucking kill you. I just want it to be like before when we could talk about things and you wouldn't say stupid shit like that sometimes.

:glag:

[manker]

That was a decent read this sunny morn :D

Honourable mention to Mary for overcoming the double handicap of being an American autistic and seeing straight thro' the irony in my nerdy I'm not a nerd set-up.
I think we should cwtch now in celebration of your progress.

I think squeamish was going for the same thing, but with more subtlety. May have been too subtle as no one seemed to acknowledge it.Mais oui. She was the straight man. Deftly squaring it for me to swell the onion-bag.
As it were.

If you get that within 30 seconds, I'm going to declare you fixed.

[mjmacky]

Deftly squaring it for me to swell the onion-bag.
As it were.

If you get that within 30 seconds, I'm going to declare you fixed.

Nope, you lost me at onion-bag, and stop trying to fix me.

[Barbarossa]

Suddenly I'm re-running that scene from Gavin and Stacey, in my head

[Squeamous]

I think squeamish was going for the same thing, but with more subtlety. May have been too subtle as no one seemed to acknowledge it.Mais oui. She was the straight man. Deftly squaring it for me to swell the onion-bag.
As it were.

If you get that within 30 seconds, I'm going to declare you fixed.

Nope, you lost me at onion-bag, and stop trying to fix me.

I can't remember what I said or what you said, or what's going on, but I'm definitely well pleased to be called 'subtle' because it makes me sound a bit intellectual :w00t:

I don't really know what 'onion bag' is pertaining to though Manky, and in any case I'm not sure I want to be responsible for paving its way.

[manker]

In this case, truth is remarkably more mundane than whatever you guise decided in your respective minds' eye that I meant.

Moving on suits me like a pink t-shirt with a designer motif :lookaroun