Can anybody talk me down from buying a bicycle?

[mjmacky]

I'm an impulse buyer, and thankfully for my bank account my pulse frequency has a rather long average bandwidth. I almost impulse bought a bicycle today while I worked myself over a frenzy.

I was shopping by price point, expecting to spend $500-$1000 on a light weight bike. I'm trying to go as light as I can without breaking the bank or sacrificing comfort/durability (I'll be hanging it inside the apartment from a ceiling hook since our last two bikes were stolen from the bike room). It will only be for recreational use, short 1-3 mile runs as well as weekend 20-40 mile runs. I love going fast as well, and I'd like to commission my powerful thighs to keeping Idol or skiz off my backside if the need arises.

I'm no amateur enthusiast, let alone an expert, but this aluminum one caught my eyes:
http://www.bicyclebananasstore.com/2010_Jamis_Ventura_Comp_p/JA10_VenturaComp.htm

Can anyone talk me down from this purchase? My car insurance premiums are due in a week, and I'd hate to waste the wiggle room on a bad purchase. I visited one of my local bike stores once, their prices and overzealous natures ran me out the doors so I'm pretty adamant for buying online.


Update: 2010 Jamis Ventura Comp purchased.

[ckrit]

Looks decent for the price, except for the sora brifters, which may or may not be a bit dodgy.

TBH, if I was buying a Jamis, I'd go with a bosanova, though.

There's something about the cx-meets-tourer geometry that makes it really cool-looking.



So, to sum up, I've got no arguments against it, really.


Oh, and have a look here (http://www.bike-discount.de/) (radon bikes especially), here (http://www.biker-boarder.de/shopware/shopware.php) and here (http://www.chainreactioncycles.com/) (check out their Vitus road bikes, among others).

Since you're ordering online anyway, it might be worth looking at those. I've used all three, and their pricing beats anything local where I'm at.


edit: There's one argument in favour of waiting, and that is that there may be better deals in the fall, in my experience. That Jamis has a hefty discount on it as it is, though.

[mjmacky]

First off, I have no idea what a sora brifter is, so I'm off to google that. Oh OK, the shifters. I have no idea what I'd prefer there so I'm not yet wise enough to be too picky about it. I checked out this Bosa Nova (http://www.bicyclebananasstore.com/2011_Jamis_Bosa_Nova_p/ja11_bosanova.htm), and its added weight and price aren't seducing me.

German site: $1000 is 780€ so it's looking out of reach with all the international shipping and duties. Hehe, duties.

I am off to check out some reviews of the BeOne Storms that I spotted @ Chain Rxn.

[Barbarossa]

Bloke I know cycles to the station, leaves it locked up in the cycle locks, and gets the train to work.

A couple of months ago he had his bike stolen, "fair enough" he thought, shit happens, so he claimed it on the insurance and bought a better bike.

A few weeks later that got stolen too, (even though locked in a CCTV area blah blah blah), so he claimed that on the insurance too and bought an even better bike...


Last week the bike thief got sent to jail. Result! It was in the local paper and everything. :01:


Anyway, yesterday when cycling home he appears to have gone round a bend too fast and fell off this super duper bike, ripping a hole in his suit and all kinds of shit.

So there you are.

This has really nothing to do with what you're asking, by the way, except that it too involves bikes.

And an imbecile. :dabs:

[Barbarossa]

First off, I have no idea what a sora brifter is

I think that's what you get if your saddle is too hard.

[mjmacky]

Bloke I know cycles to the station, leaves it locked up in the cycle locks, and gets the train to work.

A couple of months ago he had his bike stolen, "fair enough" he thought, shit happens, so he claimed it on the insurance and bought a better bike.

A few weeks later that got stolen too, (even though locked in a CCTV area blah blah blah), so he claimed that on the insurance too and bought an even better bike...


Last week the bike thief got sent to jail. Result! It was in the local paper and everything. :01:


Anyway, yesterday when cycling home he appears to have gone round a bend too fast and fell off this super duper bike, ripping a hole in his suit and all kinds of shit.

So there you are.

This has really nothing to do with what you're asking, by the way, except that it too involves bikes.

And an imbecile. :dabs:

I'm surprised he isn't being investigated for insurance fraud (selling them off), but I guess there are already enough holes in the suit.

[Barbarossa]

Well it was captured on CCTV like, and they caught the "perp"... but they didn't recover either bike :unsure:

[mjmacky]

Well it was captured on CCTV like, and they caught the "perp"... but they didn't recover either bike :unsure:

If I was a filthy capitalist insurance lawyer, I'd be trying to link the perp with the client. They both seem like idiots, and that's just the starting thread without even considering motive.

[IdolEyes787]

$1000 is a tricky price point for a "road" bike.The best you can hope for at that price is a decent frame with semi-shite components.Personally if I was you I'd use a bike shop as they will assemble and properly fit the bike for you.Sure you'll be paying a couple of hundred dollars more but in the long run it's money well spent especially when you blow a tire or something breaks and you've already developed a bit of a rapport with the people there.
Anyway I'm probably the wrong person to be giving advice but you really need to be honest in assessing what you are going to do both short and long term with the bike.Except for pride of ownership you won't be getting much more from a $10000 bike than a $600 bike for 2 mile hops to the corner store.
Also if you are going to get anything semi-decent be aware that most come san pedals so factor in plus at least $200 more for clipless pedals ( a can't live without thing for "serious" riding )and shoes to match.Plus a helmet.Plus gloves,shorts,jersey,at least a couple spare tubes and tire levers,possibly a bike computer,water bottle .

Anyway this (http://www.bikeradar.com/gear/article/best-road-bikes-for-under-1000-32772/).All decent bikes and value for the money. Love me a good Trek or Felt or Cannondale or Specialized.
Think aluminum frame ,carbon fork, name brand components ,groups if possible since they are designed to work together, even if they are low end.

[ckrit]

First off, I have no idea what a sora brifter is, so I'm off to google that. Oh OK, the shifters. I have no idea what I'd prefer there so I'm not yet wise enough to be too picky about it.
I've heard they're not very responsive, due to the levers for shifting being a bit understated. Also, they won't have the sort of distinctive click you get with campagnolo shifters and gears, I don't think. Not tried anything sora myself, though. Closest I've come is a brief look at tiagra-levers.


I checked out this Bosa Nova (http://www.bicyclebananasstore.com/2011_Jamis_Bosa_Nova_p/ja11_bosanova.htm), and its added weight and price aren't seducing me.


It's more of a multi-purpose all-rounder than a pure road bike. The steel frame, mudguards and disc brakes add weight, but in return it'll be tough as nails and better when the weather is shit. In all fairness, though, I'd not get rid of any of my other bikes if I bought it.

My main bike is a cyclocross, although I currently mostly ride it on the road and have kitted it out for touring. Without any added extras it weighs just below 9kgs, iirc, and the comparatively low weight makes it really nice to ride, so I'm not saying weight is irrelevant.

Also, if you're really short on space, a folding bike would be worth looking into, except that I don't see you getting anything lightweight and/or race-oriented (fex Dahon Vector x10 or x27, Tern Verge x30) sub $1000. Not this time of the year, anyway. Only mentioning folders cos I just got one I'm using back and forth to work, and it's been a lot of fun thus far, in a bmx sort of way, so I think I might be looking into something more srs along those lines next year.

[ckrit]

Also if you are going to get anything semi-decent be aware that most come san pedals so factor in plus at least $200 more for clipless pedals ( a can't live without thing for "serious" riding )and shoes to match.Plus a helmet.Plus gloves,shorts,jersey,at least a couple spare tubes and tire levers,possibly a bike computer,water bottle
CRC is good for this sort of thing^

Also, there's a Jamis Ventura Comp in idle's test.

[mjmacky]

$1000 is a tricky price point for a "road" bike.The best you can hope for at that price is a decent frame with semi-shite components.Personally if I was you I'd use a bike shop as they will assemble and properly fit the bike for you.

The only bike I ever had that wasn't a complete piece of shit was given to me. But after experiencing all the cheap bikes afterwards, I realized the world of difference (and should probably have taken extra precautions to keep it from getting stolen). Anyhow with the point I'm making, I've bought nothing but cheap department store bikes my whole adult life, and am finally calling it quits. I don't expect my first purchase to be my permanent purchase, feel me?

You ween a man off of Cheez Whiz, you don't just start feeding him Stilton. So that's why I'm starting on the low/mid end. I am interested in developing my appreciation, and through experiencing both the joys and grievances, I'll have a much better idea of what I want after a few years, if I'm interested.

The bike I linked to in the OP is on the list in your link, has the aluminum alloy frame and carbon composite fork (details in spoiler). However, you didn't name Jamis (no love for them?). On sale for $600, do you think it's good for the money?



Frame: Kinesis 7005 double-butted main frame, SST tubing diameters, sloping top tube frame design, replaceable derailleur hanger
Fork: Full carbon composite straight blade road fork, forged alloy dropouts
Headset: FSA Integrated, threadless, 1 1/8”
Wheels: Mavic CXP-22 rims with CNC sidewalls, 28/32H, Formula alloy hubs with QR, 14g stainless steel spokes
Tires: Vittoria Zaffiro, 700 x 23c
Derailleurs: Shimano Tiagra RD-4500 rear and Sora FD-3400 front, 31.8mm clamp
Shiftlevers: Shimano Sora ST-3400 Dual Control STI, 18-speed
Chain: KMC Z-9000
Cassette: SRAM PowerGlide 950, 9-speed, 11-26T
Crankset: FSA Vero compact, 50/34T, 170mm (48/51) 172.5mm (54/56) 175mm (58/61)
BB Set: Sealed cartridge, 68 x 110.5mm
Pedals: Touring platform style, full alloy with toe clips
Brakeset: Tektro dual-pivot calipers with Shimano Sora ST-3400 STI levers
Handlebar: Ritchey Road, 31.8mm, 400mm (48/51) 420mm (54/56), 440mm (58/61)
Stem: Ritchey Road 6D x 90mm (48/51) 100mm (54/56), 120mm (58/61)
Grips: Jamis suede bar tape
Seat Post: Ritchey Road, 2 bolt, 300mm x 27.2mm with alloy clamp
Saddle: Selle San Marco Ischia
Sizes: 48, 51, 54, 56, 58, 61cm
Color: British Racing Green, Gloss Black
Weight: 21.75 lbs

[Barbarossa]

You're determined to have a serious conversation about this aren't you... you lot ... :sadwalk:

[mjmacky]

Also, if you're really short on space, a folding bike would be worth looking into, except that I don't see you getting anything lightweight and/or race-oriented (fex Dahon Vector x10 or x27, Tern Verge x30) sub $1000. Not this time of the year, anyway. Only mentioning folders cos I just got one I'm using back and forth to work, and it's been a lot of fun thus far, in a bmx sort of way, so I think I might be looking into something more srs along those lines next year.

Space is an issue, which is why I looked into those. In the end, my thoughts were that I could get more bike pleasure for less money. That's why I've gone the route of hanging it from my ceiling.

[mjmacky]

You're determined to have a serious conversation about this aren't you... you lot ... :sadwalk:

I can do both, but I remember Idol requesting that I ask him anything of consequence, look at him go.

[IdolEyes787]

I don't expect my first purchase to be my permanent purchase, feel me?

You ween a man off of Cheez Whiz, you don't just start feeding him Stilton. So that's why I'm starting on the low/mid end. I am interested in developing my appreciation, and through experiencing both the joys and grievances, I'll have a much better idea of what I want after a few years, if I'm interested.

The bike I linked to in the OP is on the list in your link, has the aluminum alloy frame and carbon composite fork (details in spoiler). However, you didn't name Jamis (no love for them?). On sale for $600, do you think it's good for the money?



Frame: Kinesis 7005 double-butted main frame, SST tubing diameters, sloping top tube frame design, replaceable derailleur hanger
Fork: Full carbon composite straight blade road fork, forged alloy dropouts
Headset: FSA Integrated, threadless, 1 1/8”
Wheels: Mavic CXP-22 rims with CNC sidewalls, 28/32H, Formula alloy hubs with QR, 14g stainless steel spokes
Tires: Vittoria Zaffiro, 700 x 23c
Derailleurs: Shimano Tiagra RD-4500 rear and Sora FD-3400 front, 31.8mm clamp
Shiftlevers: Shimano Sora ST-3400 Dual Control STI, 18-speed
Chain: KMC Z-9000
Cassette: SRAM PowerGlide 950, 9-speed, 11-26T
Crankset: FSA Vero compact, 50/34T, 170mm (48/51) 172.5mm (54/56) 175mm (58/61)
BB Set: Sealed cartridge, 68 x 110.5mm
Pedals: Touring platform style, full alloy with toe clips
Brakeset: Tektro dual-pivot calipers with Shimano Sora ST-3400 STI levers
Handlebar: Ritchey Road, 31.8mm, 400mm (48/51) 420mm (54/56), 440mm (58/61)
Stem: Ritchey Road 6D x 90mm (48/51) 100mm (54/56), 120mm (58/61)
Grips: Jamis suede bar tape
Seat Post: Ritchey Road, 2 bolt, 300mm x 27.2mm with alloy clamp
Saddle: Selle San Marco Ischia
Sizes: 48, 51, 54, 56, 58, 61cm
Color: British Racing Green, Gloss Black
Weight: 21.75 lbs




I didn't mention Jamis since I've never been hands on with one .The brand's fine though if lacking the mass market appeal of the bigger companies.The good thing though that that also requires them to live more on performance and less on cache as reflected by the specs which are probably as good as you are gong to get at that price.
The only real downside is the weight .22 lbs seems a tad heavy for anything other than a steel bike.Most people tend to put the money into the frame and upgrade components when and if they feel it's necessary. Anyway rotating weight is more important frame weight. Actually the motor is the most important component and you already have one of those.

Anyway like I said I'm not the best person to give you advice.Self acknowledged bike snob.

[ckrit]

I don't expect my first purchase to be my permanent purchase, feel me?

If it turns out you really enjoy it, no one bike will ever be enough. True story.

I've made it a rule that I'm only allowed to buy one whole new bike per year, and I'm only allowed to build one from parts at a time.

[IdolEyes787]

Also, if you're really short on space, a folding bike would be worth looking into, except that I don't see you getting anything lightweight and/or race-oriented (fex Dahon Vector x10 or x27, Tern Verge x30) sub $1000. Not this time of the year, anyway. Only mentioning folders cos I just got one I'm using back and forth to work, and it's been a lot of fun thus far, in a bmx sort of way, so I think I might be looking into something more srs along those lines next year.

Space is an issue, which is why I looked into those. In the end, my thoughts were that I could get more bike pleasure for less money. That's why I've gone the route of hanging it from my ceiling.

Is a car that comes in two halves ever going to be as good,functional or safe as an integrated one?

[mjmacky]

Is a car that comes in two halves ever going to be as good,functional or safe as an integrated one?

There's a youtube video of that, I know it. I think I've seen it.

[mjmacky]

I didn't mention Jamis since I've never been hands on with one .The brand's fine though if lacking the mass market appeal of the bigger companies.The good thing though that that also requires them to live more on performance and less on cache as reflected by the specs which are probably as good as you are gong to get at that price.

Call me a Mexican cherry picker, but that's a huge affirmative nod in my book.

[mjmacky]

I don't expect my first purchase to be my permanent purchase, feel me?

If it turns out you really enjoy it, no one bike will ever be enough. True story.

I've made it a rule that I'm only allowed to buy one whole new bike per year, and I'm only allowed to build one from parts at a time.

I was a bit like that with cars for awhile, until I finally found one that I could settle down and be monogamous with.

Edit: I'm hoping I'm not like that with bikes, I have expensive enough hobbies as it is.

[IdolEyes787]

Do it and then we can ride together and you can suck my wheel.

[ckrit]

Space is an issue, which is why I looked into those. In the end, my thoughts were that I could get more bike pleasure for less money. That's why I've gone the route of hanging it from my ceiling.

Is a car that comes in two halves ever going to be as good,functional or safe as an integrated one?
TBH, a good quality folding bike shouldn't have issues with stiffness or flex, or any safety issues, unless you weigh a whole lot. The hinges and whatnot add weight, however. Seems to me the smaller wheels make them faster at accelerating, though.

That said, they're something you get because the situation demands it. Ie you're really short on space, or need to be able to bring them on the bus, or whatever. Should be more of a complement to a proper bike, if possible.

[mjmacky]

Do it and hen we can ride together and you can suck my wheel.

I'm just going to be riding in gym shorts and an old t-shirt, no helmet either. So, no, I'm not going to let you Mork my Mindy.

[mjmacky]

Should be more of a complement to a proper bike, if possible.

That's if you're going to have a collection.

[megabyteme]

Anyway this (http://www.bikeradar.com/gear/article/best-road-bikes-for-under-1000-32772/).All decent bikes and value for the money. Love me a good Trek or Felt or Cannondale or Specialized.
Think aluminum frame ,carbon fork, name brand components ,groups if possible since they are designed to work together, even if they are low end.

A few years ago, I bought a Specialized Allez. I haven't found anything disappointing with it. I believe it goes as far as possible without jumping off into REALLY expensive.

[Snee]

Maybe we should have a general all-purpose cycling thread in sportsworld. It would make a nice change to the tards listing their favourite footballers for no good reason.

[IdolEyes787]

Maybe we should have a general all-purpose cycling thread in sportsworld. It would make a nice change to the tards listing their favourite footballers for no good reason.

Jens Voigt

[megabyteme]

Paylay

[IdolEyes787]

Paylay

Shut up.

113295

Ironically the bike's weight and the bike's cost in ounces of gold are exactly the same.

[ajkent]

Just make sure that you will look for a quality and dependable bicycle but should not be a pain in your pocket.

[Something Else]

Paylay

Shut up.

113295

Ironically the bike's weight and the bike's cost in ounces of gold are exactly the same.

I like the chest of drawers.

[chalice]

Shut up.

113295

Ironically the bike's weight and the bike's cost in ounces of gold are exactly the same.

I like the chest of drawers.

Yes, noice chair. Clearly pilfered from Versailles during the Vichy. You can't pedal yourself away from the holocaust, you monster.

I bet that's Hitler's left testicle in that little wooden shrine, too.

[megabyteme]

113298

[Snee]

Paylay

Shut up.

113295

Ironically the bike's weight and the bike's cost in ounces of gold are exactly the same.
Noice. Just above the minimum weight allowed by UCI for racing, innit?

I'm not liking your pedals, but then I'm not really a roadie. Time ATAC ftw. I'd not mind your wheels one bit, however.

Also, I'd have guessed you'd be sporting super record.

Not that Sram Red isn't several steps up from what I'm using, or anything.

[Something Else]

113302

[IdolEyes787]

I'm not liking your pedals, but then I'm not really a roadie. Time ATAC ftw.



I have an inflexible ankle and a corresponding collapsed arch on one side from an accident and I find that the float in the Speedplays compensate better than the Times.Otherwise I like the Times better.

[Snee]

I'm not liking your pedals, but then I'm not really a roadie. Time ATAC ftw.



I have an inflexible ankle and a corresponding collapsed arch on one side from an accident and I find that the float in the Speedplays compensate better than the Times.Otherwise I like the Times better.

Ah, welp. I started out with Shimano SPDs (not SL as I rode MTB then later CX) anything half-decent beats the (very limited) float in the ones I used.

Is that your only bike, or do you do touring or anything like that with something else? I think I remember you saying you don't do much off-road.

[chalice]

Bikes don't kill people, accidents do.

Idol, lay your flesh bare and regale us with tales of your hideous accident, which plainly left you bereft of optimism and taste in bicycles. You don't have to if you don't want to, but I feel all I know of you is a muscular propensity, too much celluloid, and a stalwart refusal for all things stupid.

Let me in, or I'll blow the bloody doors off your bike to the max.

[IdolEyes787]

Bikes don't kill people, accidents do.

Idol, lay your flesh bare and regale us with tales of your hideous accident, which plainly left you bereft of optimism and taste in bicycles. You don't have to if you don't want to, but I feel all I know of you is a muscular propensity, too much celluloid, and a stalwart refusal to for all things stupid.

Let me in, or I'll blow the bloody doors off your bike to the max.

I've not only crashed in every way known to Man I'm pretty sure that I invented a few new ones.Uphill,downhill,alone,in groups,at starts, at finishes,into moving objects and stationary ones.I've even managed to crash standing still.
The one for the lingering injury though was on a sweeping left turn right before the finish of a race in a meaningless sprint for 11th place or something. I was second wheel which would usual be relatively safe but the guy in front of me suddenly decided that he needed a closer view of the pavement.I have clear memory of sliding to a stop and looking over to see my bike a few yards away, still had the shoes in the pedals but thankfully minus my feet.

That taught me that basically life's a joke and at the end of the day the best you can really hope for is the company of people who make fun of your misery and a back room with some trashy furniture in it.

[Something Else]

That was your trashy furniture. :O

[IdolEyes787]

The paycheck is spent on bike parts and protein powder and whatever is left over goes to the necessities of life.
Jesus grow up and start living like a responsible adult will you.

[chalice]

Bikes don't kill people, accidents do.

Idol, lay your flesh bare and regale us with tales of your hideous accident, which plainly left you bereft of optimism and taste in bicycles. You don't have to if you don't want to, but I feel all I know of you is a muscular propensity, too much celluloid, and a stalwart refusal to for all things stupid.

Let me in, or I'll blow the bloody doors off your bike to the max.

I've not only crashed in every way known to Man I'm pretty sure that I invented a few new ones.Uphill,downhill,alone,in groups,at starts, at finishes,into moving objects and stationary ones.I've even managed to crash standing still.
The one for the lingering injury though was on a sweeping left turn right before the finish of a race in a meaningless sprint for 11th place or something. I was second wheel which would usual be relatively safe but the guy in front of me suddenly decided that he needed a closer view of the pavement.I have clear memory of sliding to a stop and looking over to see my bike a few yards away, still had the shoes in the pedals but thankfully minus my feet.

That taught me that basically life's a joke and at the end of the day the best you can really hope for is the company of people who make fun of your misery and a back room with some trashy furniture in it.

Fantastic. That's stupider than war.

[IdolEyes787]

Fantastic. That's stupider than war.

If only I'd had the foresight to strap a bomb to me.:(

[mjmacky]

You know how long it took me to notice that you guys decked out Idol's ride with truck nuts and Daves, and that they weren't just replies? A full 2 minutes.

I've only had one bike accident myself. I don't do sports stuff with bikes, so it was a recreational/utility type accident. It's really hard to describe, so I'm aiding the explanation with a MS Paint depiction on my laptop.

113306

Before I had Lasik surgery, I was pretty blind without glasses or contacts (-5.75 prescription strength). I went out riding to Blockbuster one night, and decided to do so without any vision correction aids. It was close by, and I just wanted to jump out quickly to avoid late fees. I made it there just fine, but on my way back I was racing along the sidewalk. The particular section of road was not lit, but on I sped. I didn't spot the turn in the sidewalk and slammed straight into the sign post with the left side of my body, the bike traveled another 50-75 feet (like 20-25 meters?) without me. I had bruising on my inner thigh, pectoral, swelling of my face, for a little while. I somehow just caught a nice fine edge, hurt like hell and shocked the shit out of me.

[IdolEyes787]

Adult bikes are vehicles and don't belong on the sidewalk.The Universe was merely telling you that you're a putz.
If I was the Universe I would have also had a dog come along and piss on you as you lay there.

[mjmacky]

Adult bikes are vehicles and don't belong on the sidewalk.The Universe was merely telling you that you're a putz.
If I was the Universe I would have also had a dog come along and piss on you as you lay there.

It might be different in Canada, but personally, I put very little faith in the American driver.

[Artemis]

I have done some really horrible things to my body through various sports, including a partial malfunction while skydiving which didn't end well, daddy teaching his four year old to drive the nice big boat while I'm bringing my jetski in to dock, surprise! and various other assorted bad karma including being the meat in a car sandwich, but my one contribution to the this is going to hurt from a bike perspective was when I was a teen. I decided to ride down to a local park/nature reserve, this only had a grassy path and it had been raining lightly, the incline down to the park was steep, the brakes were wet, there was just no stopping power and there were these HUGE volcanic rocks dotted all over the countryside in the park. I avoided most but not all of the rocks, I hit one squarely, impacted the frame and buckled it right back to the point where it had arced up by about 15 degrees and left handlebar rammed straight into my leg. The crush injury caused my thigh to swell to 29" and stayed that way for over a month, I looked severely deformed. Those were the days......

[mjmacky]

I have done some really horrible things to my body through various sports, including a partial malfunction while skydiving which didn't end well, daddy teaching his four year old to drive the nice big boat while I'm bringing my jetski in to dock, surprise! and various other assorted bad karma including being the meat in a car sandwich, but my one contribution to the this is going to hurt from a bike perspective was when I was a teen. I decided to ride down to a local park/nature reserve, this only had a grassy path and it had been raining lightly, the incline down to the park was steep, the brakes were wet, there was just no stopping power and there were these HUGE volcanic rocks dotted all over the countryside in the park. I avoided most but not all of the rocks, I hit one squarely, impacted the frame and buckled it right back to the point where it had arced up by about 15 degrees and left handlebar rammed straight into my leg. The crush injury caused my thigh to swell to 29" and stayed that way for over a month, I looked severely deformed. Those were the days......

I don't imagine many make it out of their skydiving accident in a capable enough position to talk about hitting pumice with their bike tires.

[Artemis]

I have done some really horrible things to my body through various sports, including a partial malfunction while skydiving which didn't end well, daddy teaching his four year old to drive the nice big boat while I'm bringing my jetski in to dock, surprise! and various other assorted bad karma including being the meat in a car sandwich, but my one contribution to the this is going to hurt from a bike perspective was when I was a teen. I decided to ride down to a local park/nature reserve, this only had a grassy path and it had been raining lightly, the incline down to the park was steep, the brakes were wet, there was just no stopping power and there were these HUGE volcanic rocks dotted all over the countryside in the park. I avoided most but not all of the rocks, I hit one squarely, impacted the frame and buckled it right back to the point where it had arced up by about 15 degrees and left handlebar rammed straight into my leg. The crush injury caused my thigh to swell to 29" and stayed that way for over a month, I looked severely deformed. Those were the days......

I don't imagine many make it out of their skydiving accident in a capable enough position to talk about hitting pumice with their bike tires.

A 'partial mal' is a skydiving term for a partial malfunction where your drogue parachute tangles some of your lines this can be slightly bad to to very bad. In my case it caused a loss of control and a hard landing. If the drogue becomes fully involved, it can cause the chute to fail to deploy, you have a secondary chute if the main fails you cut away and use that, if that fails you flap.

[mjmacky]

if that fails you flap.

:glag:

[mjmacky]

I bought the bike. The ultimate deciding factor is that I ended up buying 2 bikes today.

You see, I don't have to clear purchases through the wife, I just tell her I'm buying shit. This laissez faire arrangement goes both ways, so she wanted a nice bike too. However, she wouldn't go for the online purchase, so off to the bike shop we went. There were very few bikes that would permit her to reach the ground, which was a must for her. We test drove a few, she ended up getting the Giant Cypress DX W (http://www.giant-bicycles.com/en-us/bikes/model/cypress.w/9051/48942/) (the W is for wimminz) for $500 and change. She already has a gay white basket up front. It's sitting not 10 feet from me now, upside down with both wheels off.

Only problem is, now there's more space we need to allocate for bike storage in the apartment, and the bike is a little too heavy to hang from a single hook. I have to rethink the entire storage strategy. :sigh:

[mjmacky]

I think I've found my storage solution:

http://www.amazon.com/Kettler-8959-500-Spezi-Bicycle-Lifter/dp/B000BTH210/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

[megabyteme]

I think I've found my storage solution:

http://www.amazon.com/Kettler-8959-500-Spezi-Bicycle-Lifter/dp/B000BTH210/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

There's this (http://www.amazon.com/RAD-Cycle-Products-Ceiling-Mount/dp/B000PEURIQ/ref=pd_sim_sbs_sg_2) on the same page.

Also, don't rule out Harbor Freight's similar product (http://www.harborfreight.com/bicycle-lift-95803.html) that's usually under $10.

[Funkin']

You guys are insane. Those most I've ever paid for a bicycle was $99 from Wal Mart. Then again I've never had nothing but problems with those types of bikes so maybe I should stop being so cheap.

[Artemis]

I think I've found my storage solution:

http://www.amazon.com/Kettler-8959-500-Spezi-Bicycle-Lifter/dp/B000BTH210/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

That's fine if you happen to be a dwarf or you live in an apartment with very high ceilings, otherwise you'll be doing impromptu impressions of Quasimodo, while navigating the multiple dangling obstacles bicycles.

I know you loathe organic chemistry, but shirley a little bit of curare will dissuade the casual thief from purloining your wheels, and you will have the satisfaction of kicking said shitheel while he's down for having the temerity to think of trying it on with you...... :naughty:

[megabyteme]

You guys are insane. Those most I've ever paid for a bicycle was $99 from Wal Mart. Then again I've never had nothing but problems with those types of bikes so maybe I should stop being so cheap.

For a $100, I'll help you track down a Giant Cypress DX W (http://www.giant-bicycles.com/en-us/bikes/model/cypress.w/9051/48942/) and a 2010 Jamis Ventura Comp (http://www.bicyclebananasstore.com/2...enturaComp.htm). Might even have ceiling hangers... :sly:

[ckrit]

I think I've found my storage solution:

http://www.amazon.com/Kettler-8959-500-Spezi-Bicycle-Lifter/dp/B000BTH210/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
I just use my balcony for the normal-sized ones I use on a regular basis. I've got a pretty hefty chain to lock them to the railing, just in case ninjas rapel down the side of the building to steal them.

My folding bike sits by the door.

I've got two more in storage. They're kind of shit, though.

[ckrit]

Is that your only bike, or do you do touring or anything like that with something else? I think I remember you saying you don't do much off-road.
Going by the way idle cunningly dodged that question by means of not answering, I'm going to assume that idle's other bikes are either deeply embarrassing or horribly expensive (so that he avoids answering in fear of being targeted by rings of international bike thieves).

Tadpole trikes and/or penny-farthings made of gold, is my guess.

[IdolEyes787]

Is that your only bike, or do you do touring or anything like that with something else? I think I remember you saying you don't do much off-road.
Going by the way idle cunningly dodged that question by means of not answering, I'm going to assume that idle's other bikes are either deeply embarrassing or horribly expensive (so that he avoids answering in fear of being targeted by rings of international bike thieves).

Tadpole trikes and/or penny-farthings made of gold, is my guess.

Sorry I got distracted by cheap booze and expensive women and forgot to reply.
I've got like half a dozen bikes although a couple are lacking parts as have donated some of theirs to their betters .
Rocky Mountain .Redline .Cervelo Trek Marinoni a couple of battered and much abused Bianchi team bikes from when people still rode those sort of things in races. .Haven't done any touring.Nary ever turned a pedal not in anger even before I started and after I stopped racing.:pinch:

[IdolEyes787]

I have done some really horrible things to my body through various sports, including a partial malfunction while skydiving which didn't end well, daddy teaching his four year old to drive the nice big boat while I'm bringing my jetski in to dock, surprise! and various other assorted bad karma including being the meat in a car sandwich, but my one contribution to the this is going to hurt from a bike perspective was when I was a teen. I decided to ride down to a local park/nature reserve, this only had a grassy path and it had been raining lightly, the incline down to the park was steep, the brakes were wet, there was just no stopping power and there were these HUGE volcanic rocks dotted all over the countryside in the park. I avoided most but not all of the rocks, I hit one squarely, impacted the frame and buckled it right back to the point where it had arced up by about 15 degrees and left handlebar rammed straight into my leg. The crush injury caused my thigh to swell to 29" and stayed that way for over a month, I looked severely deformed. Those were the days......

I really had my hopes up that it would involve dingos.:(

[IdolEyes787]

I bought the bike.


My bet is give it 2 months and you'll be shaving your legs.

[ckrit]

Does this mean you hardly ever ride just for the fun of it? 'cos that would be sad.

Also, touring can be good times and you should totally have a go at it, some time. It's only fun when you've got somewhere decent to sleep if it's more than a day of riding, ofc.

I've even been thinking of getting a recumbent especially for long tours.

[Artemis]

I really had my hopes up that it would involve dingos.:(

Sadly yet another animal that hangs out in the big brown country over to the left of us. They have Dingoes, Kangaroos, Wallabies, Koalas, Platypus and lots of loudmouth irritating cunts, you'd be right at home. :blink:

[ckrit]

I really had my hopes up that it would involve dingos.:(

Sadly yet another animal that hangs out in the big brown country over to the left of us. They have Dingoes, Kangaroos, Wallabies, Koalas, Platypus and lots of loudmouth irritating cunts, you'd be right at home. :blink:

Welp, at least you got tasmanian devils.

[IdolEyes787]

I really had my hopes up that it would involve dingos.:(

Sadly yet another animal that hangs out in the big brown country over to the left of us.


So I guess my next question have you ever lost any children to them is rather pointless now.

Actually I bet someone knew that there weren't any dingos in your cuntry but somehow putting sheep sort of didn't have the same appeal.:(

What about crocs.I bet you have a lot of those lurking about don't you?Crikey.

[Artemis]

Sadly yet another animal that hangs out in the big brown country over to the left of us. They have Dingoes, Kangaroos, Wallabies, Koalas, Platypus and lots of loudmouth irritating cunts, you'd be right at home. :blink:

Welp, at least you got tasmanian devils.

Errr... no, they got them too. All we really got out of the deal was alot of birds( and some of them don't even fly :idunno:), a native pig and a really, really old lizard (200 million years) called the Tuatara.

[IdolEyes787]

Does this mean you hardly ever ride just for the fun of it? 'cos that would be sad.

I would say that I'm a sad little man but I'm not that little.
Anyway I get your point and I totally agree but strange as it sounds some people are cursed to get pleasure in abusing themselves to no good end. If there wasn't then the World wouldn't be blessed with the Ironman Triathlon.:mellow:
Actually after I retired from racing and finally stopped crying instead of slowing down to smell the roses I put a fixed gear on one of my bikes and regularly TTed around a fifty Km loop trying to improve my times.:blink:

I believe this senselessly driven part of me comes from not really having a regular job for most of my life to properly suck the ambition out of me.

[Et tu]

Oh, so that's why they're called tasmanian devils, then.

I'd never have guessed.

[ckrit]

Does this mean you hardly ever ride just for the fun of it? 'cos that would be sad.

I would say that I'm a sad little man but I'm not that little.
Anyway I get your point and I totally agree but strange as it sounds some people are cursed to get pleasure in abusing themselves to no good end. If there wasn't then the World wouldn't be blessed with the Ironman Triathlon.:mellow:
Actually after I retired from racing and finally stopped crying instead of slowing down to smell the roses I put a fixed gear on one of my bikes and regularly TTed around a fifty Km loop trying to improve my times.:blink:

I believe this senselessly driven part of me comes from not really having a regular job for most of my life to properly suck the ambition out of me.

Oh. Triathlons. I know all about triathletes (http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.se/2012/05/i-wanna-be-doored-getting-it-backwards.html) (scroll down a bit).

Otherwise, I don't think I could ever be arsed to do anything with a bike but ride it for fun or get from a to b (preferably passing by x on the way). Your job-theory may have some merit, there.

[IdolEyes787]

I've even been thinking of getting a recumbent especially for long tours.

Comfortable and fast on the flats but I've heard that they're a bitch on even small climbs.Of course that's just something that I read or heard and so totally believe even if it's wrong.

[IdolEyes787]

Also thank God for triathletes or cyclists would have no one to look down on.
Besides the French I mean.

[mjmacky]

I think I've found my storage solution:

http://www.amazon.com/Kettler-8959-500-Spezi-Bicycle-Lifter/dp/B000BTH210/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

There's this (http://www.amazon.com/RAD-Cycle-Products-Ceiling-Mount/dp/B000PEURIQ/ref=pd_sim_sbs_sg_2) on the same page.

Also, don't rule out Harbor Freight's similar product (http://www.harborfreight.com/bicycle-lift-95803.html) that's usually under $10.

I've been reading some unnerving shit about the craftsmanship of those other products (Rad, Racor, Delta Force Tactical Unit G). I think I'm going to take a drive out to Toys R Us or Sears, if either is still in existence, and see if I can't buy it in store.


You guys are insane. Those most I've ever paid for a bicycle was $99 from Wal Mart. Then again I've never had nothing but problems with those types of bikes so maybe I should stop being so cheap.

I used to be like that too, which was well enough since all of my bikes have been stolen. But once you commit to keep him/her safe, shoot higher (they feel great). I'd probably have more to say in about a week or two.



I think I've found my storage solution:

http://www.amazon.com/Kettler-8959-500-Spezi-Bicycle-Lifter/dp/B000BTH210/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

That's fine if you happen to be a dwarf or you live in an apartment with very high ceilings, otherwise you'll be doing impromptu impressions of Quasimodo, while navigating the multiple dangling obstacles bicycles.

I have high ceilings. We've got some thieving motherfuckers living here, busting locks and stealing them straight out of the bike room. We've got an incompetent greedy board and a disinterested staff. The other problem is I'm ground level with my patio.

[IdolEyes787]

Have you formed an echelon and ridden some wheel-sucking guido into the gutter yet?

[mjmacky]

Have you formed an echelon and ridden some wheel-sucking guido into the gutter yet?

I was going to ask you what echelon means here, but I decided to first consult wikipedia.


Riding in an echelon, a road bicycle racing technique to make maximum use of another rider's slipstream in a crosswind.

What does echelon mean here?

[Snee]

113450

[megabyteme]

There's this (http://www.amazon.com/RAD-Cycle-Products-Ceiling-Mount/dp/B000PEURIQ/ref=pd_sim_sbs_sg_2) on the same page.

Also, don't rule out Harbor Freight's similar product (http://www.harborfreight.com/bicycle-lift-95803.html) that's usually under $10.

I've been reading some unnerving shit about the craftsmanship of those other products (Rad, Racor, Delta Force Tactical Unit G). I think I'm going to take a drive out to Toys R Us or Sears, if either is still in existence, and see if I can't buy it in store.

I've seen the Harbor Freight ones in-store, and while I'd expect to do a little bit of modifying, the majority of the system is capable. The difference between $60 and $8 (especially since you need 2) is enough for me to take a trip to the hardware store and replace the shoddy parts. The basic principle is the same regardless of the brand name. Before I purchase anything from HF, I read all the comments, and heed the ones who stand out as knowing what they are talking about. If you find one of the more expensive ones in-store, look at the fine points, and make the mods on the cheap ones.

From what I've seen, people are replacing the ropes (too thin; too short) and modifying the rollers so that they don't derail, and buying stronger bolts. The benefit of doing it yourself this way, is that you know the quality of each part being used. Even the expensive ones have been accused of cutting some corners like ropes being too short.

Of course you don't want $1000 worth of bikes falling from the ceiling, I do think you can save nearly $100 by making some cheap upgrades.

[mjmacky]

I've been reading some unnerving shit about the craftsmanship of those other products (Rad, Racor, Delta Force Tactical Unit G). I think I'm going to take a drive out to Toys R Us or Sears, if either is still in existence, and see if I can't buy it in store.

I've seen the Harbor Freight ones in-store, and while I'd expect to do a little bit of modifying, the majority of the system is capable. The difference between $60 and $8 (especially since you need 2) is enough for me to take a trip to the hardware store and replace the shoddy parts. The basic principle is the same regardless of the brand name. Before I purchase anything from HF, I read all the comments, and heed the ones who stand out as knowing what they are talking about. If you find one of the more expensive ones in-store, look at the fine points, and make the mods on the cheap ones.

From what I've seen, people are replacing the ropes (too thin; too short) and modifying the rollers so that they don't derail, and buying stronger bolts. The benefit of doing it yourself this way, is that you know the quality of each part being used. Even the expensive ones have been accused of cutting some corners like ropes being too short.

Of course you don't want $1000 worth of bikes falling from the ceiling, I do think you can save nearly $100 by making some cheap upgrades.

I did see all those points people were making, and will be using my own screws + anchors regardless. The biggest problem I have are the "hooks". That's why I want to take a trip down and examine something tangible. Most of those people were complaining that what is depicted in the image is not what they send you (all the manufacturers made changes to L-shaped grabber thingies). Even if I am getting a cheap one, I need some visual confirmation that I'm getting a hook, and apparently Toys R Us and Sears are the only outfits selling these items in store.

[mjmacky]

113450

They are riding their bikes the same way the Chinese drive on their highways. Maybe it's some Asian secret, or all of those bikers are gay and want to be close enough to smell each other's Lycra ballsweat.

[IdolEyes787]

113450

They are riding their bikes the same way the Chinese drive on their highways. Maybe it's some Asian secret, or all of those bikers are gay and want to be close enough to smell each other's Lycra ballsweat.

Drafting 101

Almost all the energy that you expend while a bike is used overcoming air resistance.The closer you can "draft" off of something the lesser the effort.Pros regularly ride inches apart.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxYC4gxwBOY&feature=related

or more poetically


http://www.metacafe.com/watch/mv-yXM8/chasing_a_truck/

[megabyteme]

^Lies. You know "drafting" is the cycling term for getting ball sweat straight from the tap.

[IdolEyes787]

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that given enough time every thread turns ghey?

[Artemis]

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that given enough time every thread turns ghey?

Fuck! now I've got to wipe soup off the curtains. Thanks for that. :blink:

[mjmacky]

They are riding their bikes the same way the Chinese drive on their highways. Maybe it's some Asian secret, or all of those bikers are gay and want to be close enough to smell each other's Lycra ballsweat.

Drafting 101

Almost all the energy that you expend while a bike is used overcoming air resistance.The closer you can "draft" off of something the lesser the effort.Pros regularly ride inches apart.

or more poetically

I've drafted to save on fuel use, but I thought one of the better things about bike riding was getting to put some effort, the drag and all. It feels cheap otherwise :idunno:

[IdolEyes787]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2kxlZDOHeQ

[mjmacky]

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that given enough time every thread turns ghey?

Well, it'll always be reached we hit Nazi Hitler. Anyways, what a gay observation to make.

[IdolEyes787]

I've drafted to save on fuel use, but I thought one of the better things about bike riding was getting to put some effort, the drag and all. It feels cheap otherwise :idunno:

No I think you probably maintain a constant state of cheapness and only notice when riding a bike because of the fresh air.

[mjmacky]

*getting to put in some effort.

Anyways, worrying about wind resistance is for lugers.

[IdolEyes787]

Nazi pistols?

[IdolEyes787]

Come ride the Stelvio with me and a lot of idiot Italians.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3RH7-zzy_U&feature=related

[Quarterquack]

A guy I work with just participated in the Gatineau Grand Prix (http://www.grandprixcyclistegatineau.com/?lang=en). He rode the S-Works Tarmac SL4 which apparently cost him $3800 (oh, the french). He told me, later discovered as a non-exaggeration, that the entire thing could basically be lifted up on a pinky, and that's when my fascination with bikes started this week. Then I come to FST and see this thread.

I'm going to repair my trodden mountain bike and go for a spin soon. Then I'm going to feel awful about people owning bikes that cost a 100 times more than mine.

[megabyteme]

Then I'm going to feel awful about people owning bikes that cost a 100 times more than mine.

Don't hate on Funkin' just because he's better than you, and has a nicer bike.

[IdolEyes787]

A guy I work with just participated in the Gatineau Grand Prix (http://www.grandprixcyclistegatineau.com/?lang=en). He rode the S-Works Tarmac SL4 which apparently cost him $3800 (oh, the french). He told me, later discovered as a non-exaggeration, that the entire thing could basically be lifted up on a pinky, and that's when my fascination with bikes started this week. Then I come to FST and see this thread.

I'm going to repair my trodden mountain bike and go for a spin soon. Then I'm going to feel awful about people owning bikes that cost a 100 times more than mine.

I've actually raced Gatineau and the course profile makes it look like it's all hills but the only one you really notice is Camp Fortune and that's only because you come onto it of a slow left turn .Even then it's <2 kms and immediately followed by a downhill.
The course is actually harder to get away than to get dropped on .
Unless you start on the Quebec side and have the French National development team decide to do a TTT onto the base at 60km a hour.:angry:

[IdolEyes787]

@Mary Quick what's the rollout on a 53 x 17 chainring /cog combination?

[mjmacky]

@Idol Quick what's the primary reason carbon monoxide doesn't form on bimetallic platinum-based catalysts during hydrogen generation?

[IdolEyes787]

Probably because it doesn't feel like it.

[IdolEyes787]

+1 for me.

[IdolEyes787]

6 years of University didn't go for naught.

[mjmacky]

+1 for me.

I was going to make a joker reference, but I didn't understand this page (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollout_%28poker%29) either

[chalice]

6 years of University didn't go for naught.

Well, they could've taught you grammar. How long did it take you to learn to ride a bike. I had that shit nailed when I was about six.

[IdolEyes787]

I didn't take Englishe.

[mjmacky]

6 years of University didn't go for naught.

I heard most people could graduate Bicycle Academy in just a few weekends.

[chalice]

Bike, riding, like.

Grammar, I was born with.

[IdolEyes787]

How long did it take you to learn to ride a bike. I had that shit nailed when I was about six.

I'm a physical genius so naught very long.

[mjmacky]

How long did it take you to learn to ride a bike. I had that shit nailed when I was about six.

I'm a physical genius so naught very long.

How many nots per hour do you go while racing?

[IdolEyes787]

Depends if I'm riding in an echelon or knot.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1jzs6dk4bs

@chavis The weird little guy from Watchmen is the weird little guy in this one.

[megabyteme]

6 years of University didn't go for naught.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOsQ2epsI2M

[mjmacky]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1jzs6dk4bs

@chavis The weird little guy from Watchmen is the weird little guy in this one.

I guess that's what happens if you ride a bicycle instead of riding Mrs. Robinson

[IdolEyes787]

It one an Academy Award for best original screenplay whereas all Mrs. Robinson had going for her were her saggy old tits.:ermm:
Anyway if you are going to riff coming of age Summer of '42 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067803/) .Jennifer O'Neill I'd ride like a tricked out Colnago.

[mjmacky]

It one an Academy Award for best original screenplay whereas all Mrs. Robinson had going for her were her saggy old tits.:ermm:
Anyway if you are going to riff coming of age Summer of '42 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067803/) .Jennifer O'Neill I'd ride like a tricked out Colnago.

I haven't seen it, but I gathered from the description it's about a dude who fucks a little girl. Sounds like a solid recommendation to me.

No really, I might actually watch it.

[megabyteme]

It one an Academy Award for best original screenplay whereas all Mrs. Robinson had going for her were her saggy old tits.:ermm:
Anyway if you are going to riff coming of age Summer of '42 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067803/) .Jennifer O'Neill I'd ride like a tricked out Colnago.

I just can't get turned on by B&W chicks. I've tried, guess I'm just a bit grey scale racist. :(

[IdolEyes787]

It one an Academy Award for best original screenplay whereas all Mrs. Robinson had going for her were her saggy old tits.http://filesharingtalk.com/images/smilies/ermm.gif
Anyway if you are going to riff coming of age Summer of '42 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067803/) .Jennifer O'Neill I'd ride like a tricked out Colnago.

I haven't seen it, but I gathered from the description it's about a dude who fucks a little girl. Sounds like a solid recommendation to me.

No really, I might actually watch it.
Try to get the unrated version as there's an anal scene.

[IdolEyes787]

It one an Academy Award for best original screenplay whereas all Mrs. Robinson had going for her were her saggy old tits.:ermm:
Anyway if you are going to riff coming of age Summer of '42 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067803/) .Jennifer O'Neill I'd ride like a tricked out Colnago.

I just can't get turned on by B&W chicks. I've tried, guess I'm just a bit grey scale racist. :(

It's in colour so you need to see either an ophthalmologist or a vet.

[megabyteme]

I just can't get turned on by B&W chicks. I've tried, guess I'm just a bit grey scale racist. :(

It's in colour so you need to see either an ophthalmologist or a vet.

I'm not falling for your old school CGI tricks. I've heard what they did with Bogart, shirley they could make this woman:

113643

not look of the Grey Scalian race. Damn liberals. :ermm:

[IdolEyes787]

I don't want to overly worry you but even I am not willing to stoop to that level of idiocy.

[chalice]

Depends if I'm riding in an echelon or knot.

[video]

@chavis The weird little guy from Watchmen is the weird little guy in this one.

I've never seen Watchmen. True story. It would annoy me too much.

[IdolEyes787]

Depends if I'm riding in an echelon or knot.

[video]

@chavis The weird little guy from Watchmen the All The King's Men remake is the weird little guy in this one.

I've never seen Watchmen. True story. It would annoy me too much.

..

[chalice]

I've never seen Watchmen. True story. It would annoy me too much.

..

Oh, him.​

[IdolEyes787]

If I didn't know better I would think that you were being sarcastic.

[chalice]

Sarcastic, moi?

[mjmacky]

Sarcastique, moi?

/fixed

You fag.

[mjmacky]

I've never seen Watchmen. True story. It would annoy me too much.

It wasn't all bad. But all you're missing really is some cool choreographed badassery, blue cock, and giant blue cock.

I wouldn't say there was much of anything to the plot.

[mjmacky]

Try to get the unrated version as there's an anal scene.

I wonder what the edit was.

As far as anal scenes go, it's not an automatic sell, I need to know who's anus it is so that I determine if I care about said anus.

[chalice]

Me? Sarcastic?

/fixed

You fagin.

/re-fixed

Keep it in English, or I'll get manker for you. French is the only obscenity not permitted on this board. Even a throwaway 'sacre bleu' can get you banned.

[mjmacky]

/fixed

You fagin.

/re-fixed

Keep it in English, or I'll get manker for you. French is the only obscenity not permitted on this board. Even a throwaway 'sacre bleu' can get you banned.

Do you promise? He's been AWOL. I am this close to going on a tirade of grammatical err.

[IdolEyes787]

I've never seen Watchmen. True story. It would annoy me too much.

It wasn't all bad. But all you're missing really is some cool choreographed badassery, blue cock, and giant blue cock.



I would have gone with Silk Spectre II naked but then again I'm straight.

[mjmacky]

It wasn't all bad. But all you're missing really is some cool choreographed badassery, blue cock, and giant blue cock.



I would have gone with Silk Spectre II naked but then again I'm straight.

No, you're just a homophobe. Magic blue cock is magic.

[chalice]

The blue cock is more magnificent in two dimensions. Fact.

[IdolEyes787]

Length and width?

[chalice]

All lengths and widths simultaneously.

[chalice]

/re-fixed

Keep it in English, or I'll get manker for you. French is the only obscenity not permitted on this board. Even a throwaway 'sacre bleu' can get you banned.

Do you promise? He's been AWOL. I am this close to going on a tirade of grammatical err.

He does that. Sometimes for years at a time. He's kinda like Christ only more christian.

There's always the chance that Dave got lucky. Which means that Dave hired an assassin, cos nobody else could've covered that alibi and posted all that uniquely Dave wank. Daniel Day Fucking Lewis couldn't have even approached being Dave, and he's good at playing spastics and psychopaths.

[mjmacky]

He does that. Sometimes for years at a time. He's kinda like Christ only more christian.

Yeah, he's already done it once since I've been here. I thought agreeing to be a moderator was some indication that he wasn't planning to do that for awhile. He's been missing for 4 days now, people insinuated that I was dead or in jail when I was gone for that long.


There's always the chance that Dave got lucky. Which means that Dave hired an assassin, cos nobody else could've covered that alibi and posted all that uniquely Dave wank. Daniel Day Fucking Lewis couldn't have even approached being Dave, and he's good at playing spastics and psychopaths.

You might be overlooking the fact that an assassin could stand Dave's company long enough to explain who he wants hit and why, especially the why. You know Dave couldn't just hire someone and name a target then shut his damn mouth. I think when Dave tries to hire an assassin, there's going to be an underground hitman forum lit up with a new user crying about how those "professionals" are incompetent with all aspects of their job and are nothing but bile spewing liars with poor customer service skills.

Also, Day Lewis doesn't have the right look for Dave. I imagine more of a Joel Tobeck (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0864835/) or Jared Harris (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0364813/) capturing his personality's visage, but with addition of a ridiculous mustache.

[Et tu]

He's been missing from the known internets for two daze :o

I've told him he shouldn't get involved with the welsh mob wot runs the sugar mines, but I feaf he didn't listen :no:

[manker]

I was going to trash this pile of wank into sportsworld until you started talking about me at the end.

Bikes :dry:

[megabyteme]

Yeah, he's already done it once since I've been here. I thought agreeing to be a moderator was some indication that he wasn't planning to do that for awhile. He's been missing for 4 days now, people insinuated that I was dead or in jail when I was gone for that long.

Not a day goes by that we don't speculate you either dead, or in jail. You just post too often for the rumors to go anywhere... :idunno:

[IdolEyes787]

Just to clear things up when he was gone those few days he was both dead and in jail .

[IdolEyes787]

I was going to trash this pile of wank into sportsworld until you started talking about me at the end.

Bikes :dry:

Shut or risk having something carbon fibre shoved up your ass.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxVM_GH-XOg&amp;feature=related


:eyebrows:

[megabyteme]

I was going to trash this pile of wank into sportsworld until you started talking about me at the end.

Bikes :dry:

Shut or risk having something carbon fibre shoved up your ass.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxVM_GH-XOg&amp;feature=related


:eyebrows:

2:48 CANNOT be unseen. :blink:

[manker]

This man speaks the truth ^

I'm still gonna watch it to the end, however ... so long as when I hit alt+s it doesn't stop the clip.
If so, I won't bother unless someone tells me that someone has epic tits or that Squeamous is in it or something else.

[megabyteme]

It does seem like the kind of event Squeams would turnip.

[megabyteme]

Squeams aside, what is it about people who should NOT be seen naked who dominate areas/events of naked people? :unsure:

[manker]

I didn't notice too many of those.
I mainly focused on that burd with the light brown short hair and magnificent tits the whole time. And when she wasn't in shot, I looked out for Squeams.

I thought I saw her once but it turned out to be a middle aged guy with a landing strip :dabs:

[megabyteme]

I was mainly talking about nude beaches, and stuff. The majority in the biking thing were average-ish. I thought the chick at the beginning getting paint on her tits but walking about full-bushed was a bit strange. :idunno:

[manker]

I think you accidentally an adjective and a verb, there.

Another point on that vid is that there were many involved in the nude bike ride who weren't naked. Like who the feck goes to a nude bike ride and wears shorts.
Idol wouldn't have let it happen. Not on his watch. Not if it involved bikes.

[megabyteme]

I think you accidentally an adjective and a verb, there.

Another point on that vid is that there were many involved in the nude bike ride who weren't naked. Like who the feck goes to a nude bike ride and wears shorts.
Idol wouldn't have let it happen. Not on his watch. Not if it involved bikes.

He'd have 'em all shaved, at least...

[IdolEyes787]

He'd have 'em all shaved, at least...

I am so repulsed by hairy pussies I even shaved my cat.

[mjmacky]

He'd have 'em all shaved, at least...

I am so repulsed by hairy pussies I even shaved my cat.

Right, because I wouldn't mind this thing creeping around my house.

113800

[megabyteme]

I am so repulsed by hairy pussies I even shaved my cat.

Right, because I wouldn't mind this thing creeping around my house.

113800

Damn thing's even got the same dry, leathery folds of a 35+ year old vagina. :mellow:

[Quarterquack]

I think you accidentally an adjective and a verb, there.

:photo:

[Quarterquack]

Damn thing's even got the same dry, leathery folds of a 35+ year old vagina. :mellow:

Can Funkin' confirm?

[manker]

dry, leathery folds of a 35+ year old vagina. :mellow::eyebrows:

I better keep trading them in before such an atrocity occurs.

[brotherdoobie]

I need to get a bike. I think I would look cool riding one and smoking a cig to pick up more cigs.



-doobs

[IdolEyes787]

I need to get a bike. I think I would look cool riding one and smoking a cig to pick up more cigs.



-doobs

While you're at it you might want to pick up a shovel so you'll have something to dig holes and fill them in with.

[manker]

I need to get a bike. I think I would look cool riding one and smoking a cig to pick up more cigs.



-doobs

While you're at it you might want to pick up a shovel so you'll have something to dig holes and fill them in with.That would be a much more interesting and physically beneficial activity than going for a bike ride to back where you started :mellow:

[JPaul]

Man City

What the fuck was that all about.

Jesus H Fuck.

[IdolEyes787]

Man City

What the fuck was that all about.

Jesus H Fuck.

I believe they were dropped on the Passo dello Stelvio.

[Snee]

Man City

What the fuck was that all about.

Jesus H Fuck.

ffs. A scotsman.

Hide the fine china and something else.

[manker]

Man City

What the fuck was that all about.

Jesus H Fuck.
At least liverpool are still shite.

How are things, Mr. McBannockburn. Made any new kids or wot.

[JPaul]

I have mostly been overseeing the downfall of Glasgow Hungers.

[JPaul]

Oh and writing Dr Who and Sherlock obviousement.

[Something Else]

I have mostly been overseeing the downfall of Glasgow Hungers.


I thought you would be enjoying that.

City. Bloody hell.

[Snee]

I have mostly been overseeing the downfall of Glasgow Hungers.


I thought you would be enjoying that.

City. Bloody hell.

I thought I said we should hide you.

[JPaul]

You have no idea how much i have been enjoying it.

Cheating bastards.

[JPaul]

No not cheating bastards.

Thieving cunts

[JPaul]

No, not thieving cunts.

Mendacious mendicants.

That's it.

[manker]

I have mostly been overseeing the downfall of Glasgow Hungers.
I was talking about that with Chalice just the other week.


I was of the opinion that you'd feel a slight tug at your heartstrings and feel a peculiar sadness at the downfall of your age-old rivals - whereas if it was liverpool facing imminent disbansion, I'd be filled with a real type of glee.
I forget what he opined. I don't think he likes puntsphere.

[manker]

I don't think anyone does except Bo. And he's not even a real fan because it was his fault Man City won the thing in the first place.

[Snee]

I just went and tried to look up "disbansion". True story.

[manker]

I just went and tried to look up "disbansion". True story.:lol:
Mary3

[mjmacky]

Foreshadowing


I was going to trash this pile of wank into sportsworld

[mjmacky]

:eyebrows:

[IdolEyes787]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cycling/18229220

I knew him when he was a snot nosed mountain biker who dyed his hair platinum blond.:mellow:

[Barbarossa]

Foreshadowing


I was going to trash this pile of wank into sportsworld

unwritten board rule #354 - JPaul can talk about any subject wherever he likes.

WB Mr Bannatyne :smilie4:

[Artemis]

Foreshadowing



unwritten board rule #354 - JPaul can talk about any subject wherever he likes.


WB Mr Bannatyne :smilie4:

Then by your own egalitarian sense of laissez faire I should be able to murder freds whenever I like? :blink:

[Barbarossa]

Like I can stop you... :rolleyes:

[mjmacky]

Foreshadowing



unwritten board rule #354 - JPaul can talk about any subject wherever he likes.

WB Mr Bannatyne :smilie4:

I barely follow written rules so keeping track of the unwritten ones is out of mind. Actually, enough talk about rules, they're fucking downers.

[megabyteme]

Actually, enough talk about rules, they're fucking downers.

What does my son's condition have to do with rules? :angry:

[manker]

:lol:


I typed out a post saying something along the lines of; 'unwritten board rule #355 - no jokes about molesting Down's Syndrome sufferers'
But then I wimped out.

[megabyteme]

:lol:


I typed out a post saying something along the lines of; 'unwritten board rule #355 - no jokes about molesting Down's Syndrome sufferers'
But then I wimped out.

Their eyes say "no", but their oversized tongues fail to form the word, so it's not molestation. :no:

[manker]

:lol:


I typed out a post saying something along the lines of; 'unwritten board rule #355 - no jokes about molesting Down's Syndrome sufferers'
But then I wimped out.

Their eyes say "no", but their oversized tongues fail to form the word, so it's not molestation. :no:Jamie Oliver jokes are definitely allowed.
The mockney cuntlord.

[megabyteme]

Their eyes say "no", but their oversized tongues fail to form the word, so it's not molestation. :no:Jamie Oliver jokes are definitely allowed.
The mockney cuntlord.
he's known here, but not as known as he must be in the UK...



Bristol - Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver was stunned to learn that he was born with Down's Syndrome, a genetic condition caused by the presence of a 21st chromosome.
Oliver was publically challenged to be tested by Professor Walter McAllister of Cambridge University, who says the 33 year old beacon fellowship prize winner clearly exhibits every symptom of the disorder.
"I'm a big fan of his (Jamie's) work on television, but it's always been quite apparent to me, and all of my colleagues, that he suffers from trisomy 21" the Professor told the british press this morning, "his mongolistic facial features, the ringing timbre of his voice, his large thick tongue, the oblique fissures with epicanthic skin folds on the inner corner of his eyes, his obvious cognitive inadequacies... I suppose I'm really more a fan of marvelling over the fact he is working on television, than I am a fan of his actual work".
Oliver was reluctant to take the test, but was eventually persuaded by wife and former model Juliette Norton, "I just thought we should know, he really didn't want to have anything to do with the tests, I had to distract him with my keys so they could take the blood sample", the mother of 2 told a BBC reporter, "I've regularly wondered myself if he had a mental disability, he often drools while calling me jools, and if I leave him alone with the kids he'll start drawing on them with a texta, when I heard a professor suspected he could have down's syndrome I just knew it was true".
When asked if she was concerned about the possibility of the children having the syndrome she was quite candid, "haha, no no, these aren't his, I've never even slept with Jamie, yeah just let him suck my tits a few times, he thinks that is sex, no these are (cricketer)freddie flintoff's kids, little known fact, I was keeping it a secret but you know, rather be seen as a cheating whore than a tard fucker with spacker kids".

When reached for comment Jamie Oliver appeared upbeat and simply repeated "doc says I'm abnormal" over and over again in his trademark mockney accent, his publicist later clarified that Jamie was "unphased by the findings and will continue his work on the third season of his critically acclaimed series Jamie at home".

Professor McAlister's final thoughts on the issue were expressed at a press conference this morning "I think it's just remarkable that someone so unambiguously affected by Down's syndrome can rise to the ranks of world beating TV chef, and perhaps most remarkable of all is the fact his food is terrible. Seriously, he brought me muffins as a gift - for proving he is a retard mind you, which in itself is retarded- and they had human dung and toy cars strewn through them, his fame is apparently all on the back of his querky personality, which is entirely a result of his unfortunate genetic disorder".

113968

[manker]

"haha, no no, these aren't his, I've never even slept with Jamie, yeah just let him suck my tits a few times, he thinks that is sex, no these are (cricketer)freddie flintoff's kids, little known fact, I was keeping it a secret but you know, rather be seen as a cheating whore than a tard fucker with spacker kids". :glag: :glagpinch: :glag:

srsly did the lol :earl: thing a lot

[mjmacky]

I think it's about time I asked what an Earl face looks like, before it's too late and I don't get the next 150 references to it.

[megabyteme]

My favorite part:


Seriously, he brought me muffins as a gift - for proving he is a retard mind you, which in itself is retarded-

:D

[Artemis]

"haha, no no, these aren't his, I've never even slept with Jamie, yeah just let him suck my tits a few times, he thinks that is sex, no these are (cricketer)freddie flintoff's kids, little known fact, I was keeping it a secret but you know, rather be seen as a cheating whore than a tard fucker with spacker kids". :glag: :glagpinch: :glag:

srsly did the lol :earl: thing a lot

It may be an overused term but I was rolling on the floor laughing at that point :glag: & :glag:

[manker]

I think it's about time I asked what an Earl face looks like, before it's too late and I don't get the next 150 references to it.114087

[mjmacky]

I think it's about time I asked what an Earl face looks like, before it's too late and I don't get the next 150 references to it.114087

That's a weird way to read an article then.

[manker]

I literally just posted in a different thread that you're not hard of getting it.
Five minutes ago. Maybe less.

[mjmacky]

I literally just posted in a different thread that you're not hard of getting it.
Five minutes ago. Maybe less.

That's what you get when you argue with people. Live with the consequences.

[manker]

I literally just posted in a different thread that you're not hard of getting it.
Five minutes ago. Maybe less.

That's what you get when you argue with people. Live with the consequences.
Arguing.
I was talking you up in a manner befitting a proud uncle who'd just witnessed the first unaided and tentative steps of his hitherto manacled thalidomide afflicted nephew.

[Artemis]

What do you call a thalidomide baby in a swimming pool?











bob

[manker]

What's the difference between a thalidomide baby and a freezer?

I can't bring myself to issue the punchline, but rest assured - it's punchily funny. I glagged guiltily for ages when my niece told me told this joke.
I think there's something wrong with me.

[brotherdoobie]

What's the difference between a thalidomide baby and a freezer?

I can't bring myself to issue the punchline, but rest assured - it's punchily funny. I glagged guiltily for ages when my niece told me told this joke.
I think there's something wrong with me.


I'm slow witted. What's the punchline?


-doobs

[chalice]

A thalidomide victim goes up to an ice cream van and asks for an ice cream.

'Do you want a flake in that'? asks the ice cream guy.

'Doesn't matter, I'm gonna drop it anyway'

[brotherdoobie]

A thalidomide victim goes up to an ice cream van and asks for an ice cream.

'Do you want a flake in that'? asks the ice cream guy.

'Doesn't matter, I'm gonna drop it anyway'

:lol:


-doobs

[chalice]

What's the difference between a thalidomide baby and a freezer?

I can't bring myself to issue the punchline, but rest assured - it's punchily funny. I glagged guiltily for ages when my niece told me told this joke.
I think there's something wrong with me.

A freezer has fish fingers on the inside​? :dunno:

[manker]

Fuck it.

A freezer doesn't scream when I pack my meat into it.

[brotherdoobie]

Fuck it.

A freezer doesn't scream when I pack my meat into it.

You are sick.

BTW, I'm still loling ...


-doobs :whistling

[manker]

i am indeed.
It kinda loses something, i think, when some cawk from the internet tells it but coming from a 16 year old girl, it was a genuinely shocking moment.

missus; he is still laughing
neice: yeah
missus; what did you tell him
neice; ask him
missus; hoi, tell me
me; ok <tells it>
missus; <stonefaced> you both disgust me.

[mjmacky]

I've told that joke, but it was just a regular baby.

[manker]

I've told that joke, but it was just a regular baby.I find referential humour to be wasted on infants.

[mjmacky]

I've told that joke, but it was just a regular baby.I find referential humour to be wasted on infants.

I find my seed to be wasted on infants.

[megabyteme]

i am indeed.
It kinda loses something, i think, when some cawk from the internet tells it but coming from a 16 year old girl, it was a genuinely shocking moment.



Wood. Would Both.

[manker]

:lol: :o

You cad.

[Asylum]

For the love of God man ... don't do it ... oh - sorry, I thought we were still trying to talk mj out of buying that bike or did I miss something. While we're on the topic of old deformed child jokes, what do you call a kid with no arms or legs?





second base :D

[IdolEyes787]

While we're on the topic of old deformed child jokes, what do you call a kid with no arms or legs?





second base my superior :D

Sad but true.:(

[Snee]

While we're on the topic of old deformed child jokes, what do you call a kid with no arms or legs?





second base my superior :D

Sad but true.:(

Bile-spewer.

[IdolEyes787]

Sad but true.:(

Bile-spewer.

Sad but true.:(

[mjmacky]

It took my bike forever to get here, but I got it in yesterday and took it out for its first ride in the evening. Overall, a pretty good experience even though I had not properly adjusted the seat height, handlebar angle or made sure the front tire was properly inflated and I managed to take a small tumble on my way back home. I'll ride it down to the bike shop this weekend to get a bike pump.

Oh yeah, did I mention a tumble? A thunderstorm had just finished but I was too excited to wait for a blistering sun, so I took it out for its first spin for maybe 5 miles. On my return, not two blocks away from my home I was riding on the sidewalk since I live downtown. There was a guy and two cunts walking in the opposite direction. The guy had the sense of reason to stay right, but the two ignorant cunts felt it was their due privilege to expand the entire width of the sidewalk, a wide one mind you, and eventually I was forced into a patch of grass. I learned something about road bikes, they don't ride really well in wet grass. So the tire decided to do a little slip and slide until the wheel got caught up between the grass and sidewalk eventually forcing me into a maneuver I hadn't used since little league.

115186

Basically I scraped up my shin, and it was swollen for the night, for which I iced it. Then I kept it wrapped up in gauze and antibacterial ointment. Looks fine now.

115187

The bike is OK, suffered pretty much no damage. Now I just have to break those mountain bike instincts.

This is a picture of the bike --->http://content.imgbox.com/aao0vuMH.jpg<---

[IdolEyes787]

I would feel compelled to laugh except I feel sorry for your bike.
Could you please provide a picture of it just so I can be assured that it's OK.

PS fuck your leg.

[chalice]

You've got some serious skinny ankles going on there, fat boy.

I worry about myself when I can grip my middle finger and thumb around my lower ankle. I take it as my body telling me I need to eat. I'm somewhat reassured, however, that even Americans suffer from twig ankle syndrome.

[IdolEyes787]

Also what you need is a good jersey to inspire more respect from the locals.

Since I was unable to find a drug lord one I suggest maybe this.

115189

[IdolEyes787]

You've got some serious skinny ankles going on there, fat boy.

I worry about myself when I can grip my middle finger and thumb around my lower ankle. I take it as my body telling me I need to eat. I'm somewhat reassured, however, that even Americans suffer from twig ankle syndrome.

I was going to put in my post that he mistakenly posted a picture of his arm but I was confused because I've never seen an arm that small either.

[mjmacky]

Clearly you're all being thrown off by the massiveness of my calves

[megabyteme]

We might have made different suggestions if we'd known the bike was going to be ridden by someone with the body of a 10 year old. That's alright, maybe you can just grow into it.

[mjmacky]

I would feel compelled to laugh except I feel sorry for your bike.
Could you please provide a picture of it just so I can be assured that it's OK.

PS fuck your leg.

P.S. there was a picture, FST just doesn't recognize imgbox as a legitimate image hosting service :idunno:

[mjmacky]

Seriously guys, I'm not getting it. They look like perfectly normal ankles to me.

115243

[mjmacky]

Also what you need is a good jersey to inspire more respect from the locals.

I was wearing my predator's asshole t-shirt, true story. If that doesn't demand subservience, I don't know what will.

[megabyteme]

Also what you need is a good jersey to inspire more respect from the locals.

I was wearing my predator's asshole t-shirt, true story. If that doesn't demand subservience, I don't know what will.

:pimp:

[brotherdoobie]

Also what you need is a good jersey to inspire more respect from the locals.

I was wearing my predator's asshole t-shirt, true story. If that doesn't demand subservience, I don't know what will.


You didn't tear the shirt did you?



-doobs :ermm:

[mjmacky]

I was wearing my predator's asshole t-shirt, true story. If that doesn't demand subservience, I don't know what will.


You didn't tear the shirt did you?



-doobs :ermm:

Camouflage still intact. My shin took the the dive for all my body parts, the clothing, and the bike. On top of that I must have been up and back on the bike in less than half a second. It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to call them selfish cunts or stalk them with laser beams.

[brotherdoobie]

I decided to ride my daughter's bike to pick up some doobage last summer and wrecked it twice in five minutes. I laid on the front brakes both times.

Mind you, I had polished off a liter of Busmills before the trip. But still ...


-doobs.

[Artemis]

I decided to ride my daughter's bike to pick up some doobage last summer and wrecked it twice in five minutes. I laid on the front brakes both times.

Mind you, I had polished off a liter of Busmills before the trip. But still ...


-doobs.

Slightly less athletic, but still with copious amounts of alcohol as a theme, I went to dinner one night with my wife at rather upscale restaurant, and during the feast was caught up in showing off my knowledge of agreeable local wines. It was a great night, the wife was suitably impressed and rosey cheeked, and I was quite merrily warm and relaxed myself. We returned home (not of our own volition), to find a pony had gotten out on to a whole paddock by itself. Right you bastard! we got out the quad bikes and chased the smartarse around that paddock with the bikes till it's eyes were bugging out. Not very PC, but something I still remember and have a quiet cackle about every now and then.

[IdolEyes787]

On top of that I must have been up and back on the bike in less than half a second. It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to call them selfish cunts or stalk them with laser beams.
Adrenaline brought on by extreme embarrassment will do that to you.

[mjmacky]

to find a pony had gotten out on to a whole paddock by itself. Right you bastard! we got out the quad bikes and chased the smartarse around that paddock with the bikes till it's eyes were bugging out. I take it you had more horsepower.

[mjmacky]

On top of that I must have been up and back on the bike in less than half a second. It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to call them selfish cunts or stalk them with laser beams. Adrenaline brought on by extreme embarrassment will do that to you. I wish I crashed into them.

[Biggles]

Bloke I know cycles to the station, leaves it locked up in the cycle locks, and gets the train to work.

A couple of months ago he had his bike stolen, "fair enough" he thought, shit happens, so he claimed it on the insurance and bought a better bike.

A few weeks later that got stolen too, (even though locked in a CCTV area blah blah blah), so he claimed that on the insurance too and bought an even better bike...


Last week the bike thief got sent to jail. Result! It was in the local paper and everything. :01:


Anyway, yesterday when cycling home he appears to have gone round a bend too fast and fell off this super duper bike, ripping a hole in his suit and all kinds of shit.

So there you are.

This has really nothing to do with what you're asking, by the way, except that it too involves bikes.

And an imbecile. :dabs:

As a bleeding heart liberal I think bike thieves should have their dicks* nailed to a busy main road.


*Still attached to their bodies obviously...I'm not an inhuman monster.

[mjmacky]

Took it out for a planned 50 mile ride today (round trip to and from my brother's). Ended up doing 25 miles and having my brother drive us back home. My neck and ass were fucking killing me. The bike is clearly way too small for me (when I thought it might only be slightly too small when I bought it). I have the seat adjusted comfortably, but I can't in any way ride erect, I'm having to lean too far forward (the handlebars don't go any higher). I'm also afraid to put too much weight on the seat itself by riding with no hands as I have it extended just about as far as the indicator allows.

I want to install an extension for the handlebars, but the guy at the bike shop refused to even advise any solutions other than "it won't be safe" and "your bike is too small for you" (I think he didn't give a shit since I didn't buy it there) :/
I'm thinking I can an install some sort of square or u-shaped bar with an extra clamp, is this workable or am I going to end up putting too much torque on the whole fork mechanism?

[ckrit]

Maybe swap the bar for a trekking/butterfly bar, or a bullhorn bar (bullhorn bar won't do much, however), or get something like this: http://www.chainreactioncycles.com/Models.aspx?ModelID=51648

A longer stem from there might help too.

Gonna look silly if the angles end up extreme, though.




I'm sorry about not linking you a fitting tool or a diagram of some sort, I guess I thought you'd thought of it already.

http://www.competitivecyclist.com/za/CCY?PAGE=FIT_CALCULATOR_INTRO
http://www.ebicycles.com/bicycle-tools/frame-sizer/road-bike

etc.


I've got a pretty good notion of what size road (and what size mtb) frame I should have by now, so I just check if the manufacturer does something particular with frame sizes and up- or downscale a size accordingly if necessary, before buying. Or have, the two times I picked up new frames for myself (not whole bikes. The last bike I bought I checked in the store (one-size folding bike), and the one before that, I checked my existing bike, then used a couple of fitting tools for good measure).





edit: if the bar is simply too low, a steam raiser might work too. Scroll down a bit for examples: http://sheldonbrown.com/harris/stems/index.html

Or you could just get a new fork and stick a bunch of spacers under the stem, and cut the steerer tube higher.


Obviously, anything I suggest comes with the qualification that it'll potentially make the bike look bad, will tack on weight, and people might call you a nub/fred.

editII: The very first thing I'd do is check whether you can move the saddle any further back, and look at a longer stem, or one with steeper rise, or both. If you're really lucky, that might be workable.

[IdolEyes787]

I'm going to try and be helpful as I can but whereas anyone with any experience could tell you precisely what is wrong within 10 seconds of seeing you ride this is all going to be throwing shite out there and see if any sticks.

Fifty miles is an extraordinarily long way to ride for a novice so I'd be surprised if a lot of things didn't end up hurting.Since it's your "ass" and neck though I would first suggest the "unaccustomed stress" thing before starting to panic and throw good money after bad.Other than that a "sore ass" is usually a symptom of having your saddle tilted forward instead of level or preferably very slightly backward to hold you in place and distribute the stress properly on your pubic bones / coccyx.Neck pain could be attrutibrted to the same thing -putting too much weight forward.

As for sizing going old school to simplify to something you can check in a few seconds.Stand over your bike wearing whatever shoes you wear when you ride(feet on either side of the top tube).Lift the handlebars/front wheel up.You should have about 2 inches of clearance.Anything close 1-4 inches you can live with.Greater than that you may have a problem.

Next thing when you sit on your bike you should (again shoes will have a big effect here) and place your heels on the pedals you be able to "backpedal" and have your legs fully extended (but in solid contact with the pedals) at the point of greatest stretch.That will ballpark you to correct saddle height and if your current seatpost is long enough.
Next still sitting on your bike place the cranks parallel to the ground and with the bll of you feet over the spindles of your pedals a plumb line should intersect the bony protrudence just under your kneecap.Slide your saddle forward/back until you achieve this.
Lastly with the top of your handlebars somewhere between 1-4 inches below the top of you saddle (height of bars determined more by hip flexibility than anything else) and hands on handlebar drops your front axle should be obscured or at least in danger of it.

Note cycling shoes/clipless pedals have a big effect on what the optimal height is but since you are setting up to ride a TT in the Tour de France I think if you give your body time to adapt then anything ballpark will do until ,if ever you decide you want to really start pushing.

PS Snee probably knows more about everyday stuff than I do, so understand everything I say is merely suggestion.That and a pro "breaking in " a slight variation in setup would be seriously fucked on a straight out of the box 50 miles.Don't believe me then try typing for 2 hours straight and tell me if your fingers don't hurt.

[megabyteme]

I thought you knew what local bike shops were for- getting them to size you up on one of their bikes before ordering online. What kind of return policy does the online store have? It might be worth the cost to get the proper size.

[Snee]

Just to put some emphasis on the butterfly bar part (and the switching fork part, I guess):

We built up a hybrid for my younger brother a while ago. Only, while the frame was marketed as a hybrid frame, it's got compact road bike geometry and sizing. And as you might know, the size in inches (or cm) for a road bike can be more than two inches off compared to mtb (or hybrid sizing. If it's not somewhere in the middle) for the same size person.

So what he's got is essentially a small road bike with mtb gearing. What makes it work, and work well at that, is the fact that he kept a couple of inches of steerer tube, stuck some spacers on, and put butterfly bars on top (he never wanted drop bars to begin with). I think his stem is about level with the saddle, or slightly higher.

He toured with me last summer, and rode as far as me. Afaik, the bike is just right for him.



Idle does have a good point, however - you only just started, so it might well also be an issue of not being used to it. I would assume, however, that your lbs guy isn't completely full of shit, so it probably is too small, as you say. I'd get a second opinion, though.

And for what it's worth, I'd rather have a too small, than a too large bike. You've got lots more options to adjust how it fits you, that way. Spacers under the stem, seat post with offset (how you get the saddle to go further back), wide range of possible stems etc etc.


Could you run your measurements through one of those fitting tools and tell us how the results compare to the size of the bike?


edit: Oh, and as far as riding erect? Yeah, I don't do that on my cyclocross bike, either. Just had a really quick look, and I put the bars at around two inches below saddle height, when last I changed it around. I do use an offroad drop bar, so it's shallower, and somewhat flared.

[Snee]

Conan O'Brien's Serrotta, built to fit him, apropos of nothing:

115481

[IdolEyes787]

Snee's right,except for extreme cases the smaller the frame the better.Lighter stiffer and so more responsive. Giant actually builds there bikes that way with extended seat and sloping top tubes allowing for proper height and drop.
Actually they didn't even use to slope the top tube and used spacers and stems with rise (http://www.ritcheylogic.com/dyn_prodfamily.php?k=451156)to make up the difference.
Like Snee also says though do the calculations and see just how far (if any) you are off in fit. If it's less than a couple inches it's a pretty easy fix.

[IdolEyes787]

Conan O'Brien's Serrotta, built to fit him, apropos of nothing:

115481

I didn't even realize that they still made Serrottas.

Seven foot six NBAer Shawn Bradley making a very large bike look very small.

115482

[IdolEyes787]

Hall of Famer Bill Walton was quite a cyclist actually.

115483

Wonder if they still make Holland's?

[mjmacky]

Seriously, that's a lot of info and I am really appreciative of all the feedback. I'm sorting through it all now, so just some quick notes.



I have two spacers under the stem and if I put any more, I'd have no stem left clamp the bars to. I'm looking at those stem extenders right now to see if it will work.
I ordered the only size they had available, and I did recognize the numbers as being on the smaller end. I just checked and I have about 5" between my taint and the frame with no shoes on. I had the same thought process of thinking I could easily make something smaller fit than something too large to fit. Since I am such a pneub I didn't really have a sense with the numbers. So with that, I'm going to keep the bike because I still think it's awesome and I'm going to tweak it to fit.
I know I have the saddle height right, but I'm going to try tilting it back a little.
After my long rest, I don't feel all that sore (just some very mild butt bruising), so it can't be all bad, right?

[IdolEyes787]

Do you have erectile dysfunction?

[megabyteme]

Seriously, that's a lot of info and I am really appreciative of all the feedback. I'm sorting through it all now, so just some quick notes.


I have two spacers under the stem and if I put any more, I'd have no stem left clamp the bars to. I'm looking at those stem extenders right now to see if it will work.
I ordered the only size they had available, and I did recognize the numbers as being on the smaller end. I just checked and I have about 5" between my taint and the frame with no shoes on. I had the same thought process of thinking I could easily make something smaller fit than something too large to fit. Since I am such a pneub I didn't really have a sense with the numbers. So with that, I'm going to keep the bike because I still think it's awesome and I'm going to tweak it to fit.
I know I have the saddle height right, but I'm going to try tilting it back a little.
After my long rest, I don't feel all that sore (just some very mild butt bruising), so it can't be all bad, right?


Perhaps it would help if you posted some pics of yourself with the bike in positions where the experts here could see how far off you are on sizing. Maybe hold a ruler near your legs to indicate spacing.

I imagine as my kids get bikes and begin to outgrow them, this info will be valuable for me as well.

[Snee]

After my long rest, I don't feel all that sore (just some very mild butt bruising), so it can't be all bad, right?

Might just be due to you not being used to the saddle. But if it keeps being that way for weeks or months after long rides, it's probably too narrow. Could be too broad, but I doubt it considering what generally ships with road bikes.

The stem you've got on now, does it have a downward tilt? If so, flip it.


What idol is refering to is this (http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/04/health/nutrition/04bike.html?pagewanted=all).





How to figure out saddle width. (http://www.mrbike.com/ask%20seatwidth.php)

[IdolEyes787]

What idol is refering to is this (http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/04/health/nutrition/04bike.html?pagewanted=all).



Yeah bikes let's go with that.

[Snee]

Incidentally, I know a whole lot about what it feels like to roll with the wrong saddle, and a ~3" too large frame, even, for long-ish runs (20+ miles). Painful.



I rode a vintage racer, anno 1979, fitted with one of these (http://www.chainreactioncycles.com/Models.aspx?ModelID=12121). Oddly enough, that bike is what got me really into riding, this time around. Before it, I'd had a long brake from bikes, and before that I started off with bmx, then went over to mtbs, via standard bikes.


I currently find myself fitting bmx bits to my folding bike, so maybe I'm coming full circle soon.

[mjmacky]

Looks like I'm going to be measuring my seat bones on some cardboard, sounds strangely exciting.

For reference, here's the front part of the bike.

115500

I went and ordered this based on mine being 1 1/8" threadless.

115501

It's the first time I thought of a stem raiser as not being a scantily dressed little girl. :ohmy:

[IdolEyes787]

If you have your saddle set at what you think is a good height and it isn't above the line that says "Don't raise above this line or you will possibly suffer a painful death " line then your frame should be OK to live with,even if you intended to anyway.
Now how much lower is the top of your handlebars than the top of your saddle? Just curious ,not going to try and make you do anything.

Mine's 10 cm which isn't advisable but then I'm a wank.

[mjmacky]

If you have your saddle set at what you think is a good height and it isn't above the line that says "Don't raise above this line or you will possibly suffer a painful death " line then your frame should be OK to live with,even if you intended to anyway.
Now how much lower is the top of your handlebars than the top of your saddle? Just curious ,not going to try and make you do anything.

Mine's 10 cm which isn't advisable but then I'm a wank.

Hard to tell, but looks about 4" which is 10 cm. What's it supposed to be?

[IdolEyes787]

Some would say a lot less than that. Bodies aren't cookie cutter though so whateverworks for you works for you.:)
Usually though you start high and adapt. Other than that tourists may have it level or close to because to them comfort is more important than going fast via aerodynamics while pro's have been steadily getting lower year by year.

A couple of inches used to be the rule but now you see 5 or more as often as not.

One - two at the Tour Contador's and Andy Schleck's bikes for instance.

115506

115505

Used to only see something like that on the track.

Remember in the end you are the only one that knows what is comfortable for you.

[IdolEyes787]

Nice front end btw.:)

http://forums.competitor.com/topic/7266

It should be noted though that brake hoods used to set lower on the bars though and as most people spend the majority of their time on the hoods the overall effect probably isn't that much lower than it used to be.

[mjmacky]

I think eventually I'd be able to get more comfortable with the current height, but right now having to keep my head bent up over 45 degrees was a bit of a pain. I'd like to be able to relax and keep pace upright and not always have to focus on pedaling like an angry demon.

I knew in the end this would be all things exploration, which is why I'm glad I didn't spend too much on my first bike. I could see myself selling this bike and buying one more expensive and attuned to my personal tastes (at which point I'll have a better sense of what that is) a year or so down the road. I'm a creature of strategy and troubleshooting, I can't help but find myself amused to see it enter into every aspect of my life :happy:

[ckrit]

If that should put the bar too close for comfort, the next step will be to either switch out the stem for a longer one, or the seatpost for one with more offset.

http://www.jensonusa.com/Thomson-Elite-Setback-Seatpost
or
http://www.jensonusa.com/Profile-Design-Fast-Forward-Seatpost

For the latter, maybe, if they fit the frame.

I'm just picking stores in the US I've heard of at random, btw. Ordering from the former workplace of bicycle Jesus (http://sheldonbrown.com/harris/index.html) if you did, though - That is FTW.

Also, I'm liking the Dimension raiser better as well. Two smaller bolts compared to one big one and it's black, and idk about Zoom as a brand. I've seen Zoom bars, seatposts and really shitty suspension forks fitted to very low end department store bikes, and was not impressed. But then again, the same bikes had shimano gearing, so. Dimension makes forks I've seen get good reviews, at least.


edit: Oh, and in that pic it does look a bit as if you could turn the stem upside down. But maybe it's just the angle in which it was taken.

[ckrit]

Btw: If you think you'll end up doing a lot of adjustments to your bike, a torque wrench which comes with allen key sockets (and others, ofc) might be worth it. I generally wing it, but if you're gonna do it absolutely properly, different parts often have different tolerances stamped on them, in nm, which you can follow when tightening them.

Other useful things would be a set of allen keys, or maybe two - one with mm measurements, one with inches, and then wire cutters (for gear- and brake cabling), a tube of grease (when joining metal parts together, say pedals to cranks, you put some in between to avoid creaking) and cables ties (useful for all sorts of things). That generally does it for most things bike related. You want tyre tools and a spare tube too, ofc. It's annoying as hell getting home with a puncture and having to walk back and buy new tubes. Also, new tubes aren't expensive, so don't bother with puncture repair kits, imo. And get a pump that works with presta valves.

Another tip is to switch out quick releases for allen key, or similar, ones on the seat clamp and wheels, if you leave the bike locked outside in the city a lot. You shouldn't do that, but still.