The Virgin Mary News Network

[mjmacky]

I have avoided reading and writing here to spite the site for its data loss, and I am still bitter about it. Still, I stumbled into a mood to talk to my ungrateful online journal.

Should I start with the good news or the bad news?

I am fucking broke. The credit card I was relying on to get me through the next couple of months just chopped $13,700 off of my credit limit, leaving me vulnerable to accidental default since I have it linked to some automated recurring business expenses (I have never defaulted on a credit card). A recent exchange in a convenience store has inspired me to apply for food stamps. I bought him a pack a cigarettes in exchange for him buying my milk and cookies, and afterwards I interrogated him on the process of getting onto the program. This editing position has me working a lot, but I'm not pulling in enough to make budget, and there's no business being generated from my own company. I am hoping I get this job with tutor.com and that it will help with the financial woes.

I know I swore off seeking any kind of dating/relationship after the last debacle, but I met someone last month. As per my MO, we met online. Actually, it started off with me sending a snarky message to her fake profile about its fakeness. She actually responded with an admission and a synopsis of her agenda. Having actually done the same thing myself on a previous occasion, we got to talking about our socioneurotic experimentations and eventually met, then went on several dates. My natural self-confidence, which through some bureaucratic mess does not cover any romantic interactions, has not helped me in this situation. I have had to desperately rely on my wit and charm, and it somehow managed to get me by so far. The prognosis is positive if I dare speak prematurely. I have gone so far as to begin introducing her to my other social circles and friended her on Facebook, which is kind of telling since I tend to ignore FB like the plague.

It has not yet moved into a sexual domain because I seem to be entirely frightened to act aggressively on that front. I think it might be because this thing seems genuinely promising and I am afraid to bring out the freak. Well there's also the fact that I've just permitted her to think that I'm already divorced when in reality the final hearing is in two days. I would have told her if she pried, but it's something I don't want to force out without a tangible link in conversation... that could have consequences. If I can just keep my mouth shut for a couple more days, I'll be in the clear and still never talk about it.

Oh, and that amicable friendship I was maintaining with "that woman", who lies and turns you all against me, ended over a month ago. I cut her out completely. For anyone keeping count, the weening period is 6 months, after which cold turkey was much more desirable.

[megabyteme]

I have avoided reading and writing here to spite the site for its data loss, and I am still bitter about it. Still, I stumbled into a mood to talk to my ungrateful online journal.



I am fucking broke. The credit card I was relying on to get me through the next couple of months just chopped $13,700 off of my credit limit,

It wasn't like you posted anything interesting in those 9 months. :idunno:

Was that reduction based on your divorce or the medical bills? Just curious what info ratted you out...

[mjmacky]

It wasn't like you posted anything interesting in those 9 months. :idunno:

Was that reduction based on your divorce or the medical bills? Just curious what info ratted you out...

If only you knew just how much time I spend rereading my own stuff.

Anyways, I don't think it's based on anything in particular. Nothing has happened to negatively affect my credit. They did it to me before, and at that time I thought they were just correcting an astronomically inflated credit limit. Now I think they're trying to snag me in a trap.

[DngrMs]

...I have had to desperately rely on my wit and charm, and it somehow managed to get me by so far. The prognosis is positive if I dare speak prematurely.

One acts presumptuously on the balance of probability and prematurely on a whim. Dare I say your wit and charm are insufficient to carry any relationship, however sour.

[IdolEyes787]

If only you knew just how much time I spend rereading my own stuff.



No I already knew that you were a crazy egotist.:)

[megabyteme]

If only you knew just how much time I spend rereading my own stuff.

Surrounded by full length mirrors, pictures of yourself, and listening to Goodbye Horses (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wOYne7ivFs) no doubt.

[mjmacky]

I'll have you know that my vanity is entirely cerebral.

[mjmacky]

...I have had to desperately rely on my wit and charm, and it somehow managed to get me by so far. The prognosis is positive if I dare speak prematurely.

One acts presumptuously on the balance of probability and prematurely on a whim. Dare I say your wit and charm are insufficient to carry any relationship, however sour.

You may dare, you may be daring with that syntax.

[mjmacky]

Actually, I just thought of something; my use of the card has increased dramatically as of late. They cut my limit to just $150 over my current balance, so I think they fear I'm going to spend a shit load and then never pay them back. In that case, I'm going to make tiny payments until I'm about to leave the country and then never pay them back.

[IdolEyes787]

Good plan because credit card companies aren't multinational and doing something like that won't destroy your credit rating forever or something.

Of course maybe you're planning on moving to Mongolia to become a hermit goat herder in which case remember to pack for the cold.

[megabyteme]

Of course maybe you're planning on moving to Mongolia to become a hermit goat herder in which case remember to pack for the cold.

Wherever there are kids, Mary will make himself at home.

[IdolEyes787]

Just think if I had put "sheepherder" that joke would have been lost to posterity.

[megabyteme]

You set 'em up, I knock 'em to the shortstop out of the park. :01:

[mjmacky]

Good plan because credit card companies aren't multinational and doing something like that won't destroy your credit rating forever or something.

Of course maybe you're planning on moving to Mongolia to become a hermit goat herder in which case remember to pack for the cold.

To me, going global would signify that I'm so solvent that I don't need to rely on credit worthiness. I'm currently poor and living in the states, so I'll play their game now. Maybe I'm just deluded, or maybe I can ride box cars with WiFi hotspots.

P.S. It's a move based on pure spite, not a financial plan. Did I ever fawn over male models? No. Therefore, you can't expect me to behave like an accountant.

[mjmacky]

Of course maybe you're planning on moving to Mongolia to become a hermit goat herder in which case remember to pack for the cold.

Wherever there are kids, Mary will make himself at home.

I did my first hash run yesterday. Slogan, "A drinking group with a running problem". They do a lot of rituals and songs, so it's kind of like joining a cult. I needed some incentive to do the roadwork, and I figured, why not?

They only use nicknames when referring to each other, but n00bs make do with being referred to as virgins. After the run (chasing the hare through its own constructed trail with plops of flour as indicators), Virgin Mary was expected to pay recompense via joke/song/talent. I told a subtle child rape/murder joke, which received some laughter and intermittent gasps, and the immediate question was whether or not someone kept an eye on me around the playground.

It's like German class all over again.

[IdolEyes787]

For a moment I thought that in desperation you seriously turned to crime and started couriering drugs. :mellow:

Anyway if you don't mind could you please redo your story to adhere to this false assumption as I'm sure it will be a lot more entertaining then.:)

PS If it's not asking too much also include at least one fiery Mexican death and the line "pistol whipped him upside his head".:)

[mjmacky]

For a moment I thought that in desperation you seriously turned to crime and started couriering drugs. :mellow:

I completely forgot about that career option. Why do all of these good ideas slip my mind so often? Trafficking would surely solve many of my financial woes, and then I'd be able to lower my stress levels. I'm going to get right on that. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to have to update my CV and write a cover letter that simultaneously addresses my qualifications and disinterest in synthesis. I've done this before, so I'll just rehash my passion for transportation.

[megabyteme]

A drug courier with IBS will turn shitty in a hurry. :no:

[mjmacky]

A drug courier with IBS will turn shitty in a hurry. :no:

I don't have the runs when I'm on the run. I don't have to go when I'm on the go. I don't have to shit when I'm out doing shit.

[megabyteme]

A drug courier with IBS will turn shitty in a hurry. :no:

I don't have the runs when I'm on the run. I don't have to go when I'm on the go. I don't have to shit when I'm out doing shit.

Jeesh. Now I know why they call it "irritable". :O

[Artemis]

For a moment I thought that in desperation you seriously turned to crime and started couriering drugs. :mellow:

Anyway if you don't mind could you please redo your story to adhere to this false assumption as I'm sure it will be a lot more entertaining then.:)

PS If it's not asking too much also include at least one fiery Mexican death and the line "pistol whipped him upside his head".:)

Not to rain on your crazy parade, but fiery mexican deaths usually involve several car tyres, a 5 gallon can of gasoline and a zippo, the point being it is much more desirable that the subject victim be conscious at the time making the pistol whipping highly redundant. :idunno:

[megabyteme]

So many Mexicans, so few tires... :(

http://i44.tinypic.com/t6cs95.jpg

[IdolEyes787]

For a moment I thought that in desperation you seriously turned to crime and started couriering drugs. :mellow:

Anyway if you don't mind could you please redo your story to adhere to this false assumption as I'm sure it will be a lot more entertaining then.:)

PS If it's not asking too much also include at least one fiery Mexican death and the line "pistol whipped him upside his head".:)

Not to rain on your crazy parade, but fiery mexican deaths usually involve several car tyres, a 5 gallon can of gasoline and a zippo, the point being it is much more desirable that the subject victim be conscious at the time making the pistol whipping highly redundant. :idunno:The car skidded to a halt and two large Mexicans emerged with their guns drawn.
I (Mary) ducked behind the nearest cover,that being a young mother and her baby and likewise drew my own weapon.

Taking steady aim I fired off two quick shots,the first hitting the most evil looking of the two just below the sternum, immediately opening a large red hole and causing him to spin around backward.He would have little time to worry about either of these things though as the next bullet caught him directly in the large container of toluene which he inexplicably had strapped to his back and he unceremoniously exploded into a ball of fire.
Hasta la vista,motherfucker.

Witnessing his comrade's grisly demise instead of returning fire the second Mexican flung down his gun and began suing for mercy.
"God forgives,I don't ,taco jockey" and with that I preceded to pistol whip him upside his greasy head.

[megabyteme]

I'm reading that as a bedtime story for my daughter tonight. :happy:

[IdolEyes787]

I'm reading that as a bedtime story for my daughter tonight. :happy:

If I knew you were going to do that I would have named one of Mexicans Dirty Sanchez.

[mjmacky]

Not cool, not cool, bro. Stop putting guns and drugs in my hands, bro.

The story had too many guns and too few Danny Trejos.

[TheFoX]

A drug courier with IBS will turn shitty in a hurry. :no:

Courier? Don't you mean 'dealer'?

I've never heard of the term 'drug courier' before?

[IdolEyes787]

Drugged Courier was how Jim managed to win most of his matches back in the '90's

[mjmacky]

I've never heard of the term 'drug courier' before?

Yes, that would be the question on the minds of several individuals.

[megabyteme]

Seriously? Nobody has heard of a drug courier before? :blink:

http://definitions.uslegal.com/d/drug-courier-profile/

How about 'drug mule'?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mule_(smuggling)

[mjmacky]

How about 'drug mule'?

Now he's thinking about when he would run down to the Rite-Aid to pick up his mom's lithium. Fuck it, I'm sticking with the US reference.

[chalice]

Right, fuck all you fucking fuckers, my life has taken a turn for the more disastrous (no mean feat, considering I'm me) and I'm fucking off to facebook.

Problem is, I actually love some of you cunts and don't want you out of my life. If you love me, pm me with your facebook, or if you don't have one, make one anon and gimme it. If you hate me, and there's a massive likelihood of that, don't bother. I'm shite anyway.

Also, Mary, I'm coming to live with you. What racist, puerile larks we'll have. We'll pretend to like women. I've heard it works.

Sayonara suckers.

[IdolEyes787]

Right, fuck all you fucking fuckers, my life has taken a turn for the more disastrous (no mean feat, considering I'm me) and I'm fucking off to facebook.

Problem is, I actually love some of you cunts and don't want you out of my life. If you love me, pm me with your facebook, or if you don't have one, make one anon and gimme it. If you hate me, and there's a massive likelihood of that, don't bother. I'm shite anyway.

Also, Mary, I'm coming to live with you. What racist, puerile larks we'll have. We'll pretend to like women. I've heard it works.

Sayonara suckers.

Much I will miss you, I'm not creating a Facebook account for any reason less than being forced to by Law, $500,000 dollars cash or a reasonable shot at having sex with Kate Beckinsale.
And I'm not even joking.:no:

Anyway I've become accustomed to your and basically everyone who've ever post here absence so whatever,traitor.

[Alien5]

Because Facebook has a shortage of pricks...

[megabyteme]

I'm fucking off to facebook.

Life can't be that bad can it? :O

[anon]

It's sad to see how this forum is dying since most people seem to be moving on. I will miss your posts, chalice.

[Vestibule]

Fuck You!

I left Crackbook because IT WILL DESTROY YOU... At least people here are honest, even if you agree, disagree, (no how tu spell), or are incapable of stringing 3 coherent words together...
yah...I know.... I don't know you well enough to step up to say this... but, WTF... this is the fracking internet... if you cant spend two measly seconds of your time to touch base with the.... er.... um... other assholes here... well... I don't know what to say.... you will be missed.... jerkoff....

[Vestibule]

... Nice job.... Now I'm in an Elvis mood... first song, Suspicious Minds, then American Trilogy, now My Way....

Bastard!

[Vestibule]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeRqYLVL3rk

[piercerseth]

Goddamnit Vestibule, now I've got him in my head singing Little Less Conversation, but with the "In the ghettoooo" thrown in.

[Vestibule]

:guiness::guiness::guiness::guiness::guiness::guiness::guiness:

this may help...

[mjmacky]

Right, fuck all you fucking fuckers, my life has taken a turn for the more disastrous (no mean feat, considering I'm me) and I'm fucking off to facebook.

Problem is, I actually love some of you cunts and don't want you out of my life. If you love me, pm me with your facebook, or if you don't have one, make one anon and gimme it. If you hate me, and there's a massive likelihood of that, don't bother. I'm shite anyway.

Also, Mary, I'm coming to live with you. What racist, puerile larks we'll have. We'll pretend to like women. I've heard it works.

Sayonara suckers.

What are these developments that occur in my absence? Is this a trick to steal our facebooks?

Please complete the online survey that will be linked to you privately. It will assess the types and frequency of the racism you desire and automatically determine if you qualify.

[TheFoX]

Facebook?

Fuck. Things must be dire for someone intelligent to consider joining Facebook. Even George W. Bush didn't join Facebook, and most consider him stupid.

Still, given a choice between joining Facebook or invading Iraq and Afghanistan, I know which one I would choose.

[IdolEyes787]

It's sad to see how this forum is dying since most people seem to be moving on.
The forum was only active because bittards found they needed to pretend to interact with other people in order to get invites to kewl places that have long since stolen their money and fled closed or turned unconscionably Nazi become next to impossible to join.
Obviously the solution to this is to force the newbin fucktards to make a post every time they want to steal something.:)

Either that or tell everyone that if they post they will win stuff even though they won't as hundreds of millions in government lottery revenue can't be wrong.:mellow:

[mjmacky]

Facebook?

Fuck. Things must be dire for someone intelligent to consider joining Facebook. Even George W. Bush didn't join Facebook, and most consider him stupid.

Still, given a choice between joining Facebook or invading Iraq and Afghanistan, I know which one I would choose.

A Facebook account is like a Hotmail account, you just have one at some point and it possibly persists despite its suckiness.

[TheFoX]

Facebook?

Fuck. Things must be dire for someone intelligent to consider joining Facebook. Even George W. Bush didn't join Facebook, and most consider him stupid.

Still, given a choice between joining Facebook or invading Iraq and Afghanistan, I know which one I would choose.

A Facebook account is like a Hotmail account, you just have one at some point and it possibly persists despite its suckiness.

When I first read your response, my brain interpreted as the following...


A Facebook account is like a Homosexual, you just have one at some point and it possibly persists despite its suckiness.

In my tiny mind, a Hotmail account is synonymous with being gay. After all, who but a raving puff would coin the phrase, 'Hot Male', unless it was the idea of a woman.

[mjmacky]

A Facebook account is like a Hotmail account, you just have one at some point and it possibly persists despite its suckiness.

When I first read your response, my brain interpreted as the following...


A Facebook account is like a Homosexual, you just have one at some point and it possibly persists despite its suckiness.

In my tiny mind, a Hotmail account is synonymous with being gay. After all, who but a raving puff would coin the phrase, 'Hot Male', unless it was the idea of a woman.

The homosexual should be hot, otherwise what's the point? Fun fact, Gmail did not always exist.

For years, my hot male was ignored, and thus I didn't protect him from getting his inbox spammed by thousands of shady individuals. I'm glad I was in there BEFORE all that happened. Avoiding AIDS is an active venture these days.

[mjmacky]

Updates anyone? I thrust them into your unwilling orifices.

I'm still dating the same girl and still getting a little broker. Things of the carnal nature have progressed since last I spoke of them. Incidentally, I recently made some lewd remarks about my fetishes during a nearly blackout drunk episode. She shared with me a tale the following morning about how I was confiding in her that I'd love to watch another guy fuck her. My first thought was kicking my ass, what a fucking asshole I am. Not that it's all bad... she tasted my weirdness, yet keeps visiting my establishment.

Well, that's all I wish to purge right now, count your fucking blessings.

[megabyteme]

That was a colose one, Mary. Another shot, and you would have confided your lust for the elementary school's cheer leading squad. :no:

[IdolEyes787]

If you really want her to fuck another guy I hear OlegL is available.

[megabyteme]

If you really want her to fuck another guy I hear OlegL is available.

You know that would end with both Macky and the girl agreeing simultaneously, "That was weird." :blink:

[mjmacky]

That was a colose one, Mary. Another shot, and you would have confided your lust for the elementary school's cheer leading squad. :no:

Among all of our verbal banter, we also make pedophile jokes together, for she shares my tastes in offensive humor. It's one of the reasons why I've so easily taken to her.

She once asked me if anyone has ever walked in on me masturbating, and I said yeah. She then asked if I made them finish me off, and I said sure. She then asked, "ooh, who was it?" I said, "not sure, I used to babysit a lot of kids."

[mjmacky]

If you really want her to fuck another guy I hear OlegL is available.

It's a self-deprecating thing, i.e., I'd be watching with the sense of her thinking, "yeah, this is how a real man fucks me!" So, the pity for Oleg would really kill the fucking boner, wouldn't it?

[megabyteme]

Among all of our verbal banter, we also make pedophile jokes together, for she shares my tastes in offensive humor. It's one of the reasons why I've so easily taken to her.

She once asked me if anyone has ever walked in on me masturbating, and I said yeah. She then asked if I made them finish me off, and I said sure. She then asked, "ooh, who was it?" I said, "not sure, I used to babysit a lot of kids."

I like her already. I couldn't imagine a long-term relationship with anyone who lacks the ability to laugh at truly dark humor.

Post some pics (of her, NOT you masturbating), if possible.

[mjmacky]

Post some pics (of her, NOT you masturbating), if possible.

When I would post shit about Ivana, I'd have to lead her like an idiot goat to find this material. However, this one is sharp, and I'd like to postpone getting on her bad side. That shouldn't stop you from friending me on some kind of social networking destination though. Don't feel pressure, we could start ignoring each other after a day or so.

That Irish cunt never even replied to my last message, and you don't see me making a stink about about it. He's such a vagina, that selfish prick.

[megabyteme]

Would it be possible to somewhat tolerate your existence on said social site?

[Vestibule]

If you really want her to fuck another guy I hear OlegL is available.

... watching a few episodes of Glee might be a better alternative...

[mjmacky]

Would it be possible to somewhat tolerate your existence on said social site?

I hardly exist there anyway, I only keep it around for posterity on account of my extensive history.