Ask Santa what you want for Christmas

[Darth Sushi]

Go ahead and ask Santa what you want:

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Dear Santa,

I want: :naughty:


An iPad Air (128GB)
A 13-inch MacBook Pros with Retina display (2.6GHz, 8GB mem, 1TB HD)
A 3D-Printer
A supermodel girlfriend
An end to all wars, conflict, whatever
Peace on Earth



But if you cannot give me everything, you can drop the last two items on the list. :D

Love,
Sushi

[IdolEyes787]

Sear Danta,

As you appear to be god-like or a least magic like that Harry Potter guy,please bring Paul Walker back to life and have Vin Diesel die in a car accident instead.

If that is not possible then I'm willing to settle for Ludacris.:)

[megabyteme]

Go ahead and ask Santa what you want:

Dear Santa,

What you want? :idunno:

[Mr. Mulder]

Dear somehow white, english speaking jesus:

i would like the following (with Amazon prime delivery):

1. peace in the middle east (i don't know where exactly that is or what’s going on over there but you should definitely have a word. I saw something about it on bbc news the other day and it didn't look good...)

2. A chicken tikka masala with rice and peshwari naan.

3. The will to stop smoking.

4. The ability to point at any woman and have them expose their breasts to me with a smile. (The way i see this working is that all women from 16 to 109 years of age are somehow born knowing they have to do this and so they wear nice bras or no bra at all and basically i can just point to any woman and they have to show me their hooters and smile at me. I don't want to slap them around or anything, i'm not greedy like that :ermm: )

5. A bus ticket for the month of December

6. i've been looking at a lot of pictures of Emma Stone recently, i think i'll marry her one day so i guess some help with that, maybe her email address so i can get the ball rolling

...That's all for now :smilie4:

[Darth Sushi]

Yikes, Mulder! You really want to see breasteses over 109 years old? You should add a tire pump to that list.

[Mr. Mulder]

Good thinking. Cross off peace in the middle east and change it to a titty pump :eyebrows:

[IdolEyes787]

1. peace in the middle east

You mean like Cambridge?

4.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM8ZJGTrEMQ

[Alien5]

I want a titty COck PUmP

[Artemis]

Dear Santa,

As the proud possessor of children, I would REALLY like a self cleaning house for Christmas.

[mjmacky]

Dear Santa,

As the proud possessor of children, I would REALLY like a self cleaning house for Christmas.

If a clean house is that important, move away from the children. Don't inform them, but leave them like the equivalent of $20 to create the smallest of buffers for their transition into fending for themselves.

[chalice]

Dear Mr Claus, if that is indeed your real name, I am petitioning you at this time not for any personal material gain, though that seems to be the procedure during this ever-adapting pagan celebration, but for the simple will to live.

If it's not too much trouble, I appreciate you're somewhat snowed under at present*, I'd like to sequester a motivation to go on breathing, my belief in your self proving quite inefficient in that area. As a prerequisite, I will be less than satisfied with rainbows, the existence of a benevolent deity, the laughter of little children, your dubious colleague The Easter Bunny, if indeed that is his real name, the tooth fairy, or global nuclear disarmament.

If you are not forthcoming in this request, as an alternative, I will expect you to arrange an appropriate burial when you discover my rotting corpse obstructing my chimney flue upon your all too infrequent visit.

Good will to all men, except Idol, naturally.

*Count them puns, kids.

[mjmacky]

Dear Mr Claus, if that is indeed your real name, I am petitioning you at this time not for any personal material gain, though that seems to be the procedure during this ever-adapting pagan celebration, but for the simple will to live.

If it's not too much trouble, I appreciate you're somewhat snowed under at present*, I'd like to sequester a motivation to go on breathing, my belief in your self proving quite inefficient in that area. As a prerequisite, I will be less than satisfied with rainbows, the existence of a benevolent deity, the laughter of little children, your dubious colleague The Easter Bunny, if indeed that is his real name, the tooth fairy, or global nuclear disarmament.

If you are not forthcoming in this request, as an alternative, I will expect you to arrange an appropriate burial when you discover my rotting corpse obstructing my chimney flue upon your all too infrequent visit.

Good will to all men, except Idol, naturally.

*Count them puns, kids.

My plan to go has always been envisioned like a mass stabbing incident while I run the corridors of a shopping mall. A shopping season like we have this time of year would be perfect for me, for it involves less running around (increasing my stab/step ratio). This is because if I'm controlling my own demise, I'll be damn sure to have my satisfaction.

You have our insincere apologies if you find our interception of your request to the Clauses a breach of privacy. We've decided repurpose it as a focal point in our Ask Mary column.

--------------------

Dear reader,

Have you considered what your ultimate desires are? There are surely some tasks, dispensaries of justice, achievements, etc. that you'd wish to garner before expiration. The daily rituals of survival and social dynamics tend to interfere with some of the items on our agenda since we are conscious of how we invest our actions and prefer to avoid the long-term consequences.
However, if you're ready to cash out, why not empty the vaults? Why not revel in the previously unattainable bliss during your relatively short commute beyond the walls? After the threshold, there's nothing, there's no deity granting you a retention of experience. Maybe you can even stew in the glory of such accomplishments for a time while reevaluating your destination.

Or don't, we're merely a stupid advice column.

Sincerely yours,
Conjunctive Initiators and Comma Splices.

[megabyteme]

My plan to go has always been envisioned like a mass stabbing incident while I run the corridors of a shopping mall. A shopping season like we have this time of year would be perfect for me, for it involves less running around (increasing my stab/step ratio). This is because if I'm controlling my own demise, I'll be damn sure to have my satisfaction.

May I suggest the Edmonton Mall. Being that the "police" aren't allowed to have guns, I'm guessing your rampage could continue for like 6 hours non-stop. :happy:

[chalice]

Mary, your circumlocutory omniscience is reason enough to sustain my circulatory system. If you haven't topped yourself already, who am I, with my mundane melodramatics, to even flirt with the option.

[mjmacky]

I once again fail to claim the life of another.

[Darth Sushi]

Egad, guys! I said Santa, not Satan. OMG, Santa was really an anagram?

[mjmacky]

Egad, guys! I said Santa, not Satan. OMG, Santa was really an anagram?

Given that neither exists, permit us the flexibility of swapping out the fictional characters of an incoherent story.

[IdolEyes787]

Dear reader,

Have you considered what your ultimate desires are? There are surely some tasks, dispensaries of justice, achievements, etc. that you'd wish to garner before expiration. The daily rituals of survival and social dynamics tend to interfere with some of the items on our agenda since we are conscious of how we invest our actions and prefer to avoid the long-term consequences.
However, if you're ready to cash out, why not empty the vaults? Why not revel in the previously unattainable bliss during your relatively short commute beyond the walls? After the threshold, there's nothing, there's no deity granting you a retention of experience. Maybe you can even stew in the glory of such accomplishments for a time while reevaluating your destination.

Or don't, we're merely a stupid advice column.

Sincerely yours,
Conjunctive Initiators and Comma Splices.

Santa is operating on the same principle that God does.If he were to give you everything you ask for right off the bat,there would be very little motivation to worship him past that point.

Obviously neither God not Santa were born yesterday.

[Artemis]

Dear reader,

Have you considered what your ultimate desires are? There are surely some tasks, dispensaries of justice, achievements, etc. that you'd wish to garner before expiration. The daily rituals of survival and social dynamics tend to interfere with some of the items on our agenda since we are conscious of how we invest our actions and prefer to avoid the long-term consequences.
However, if you're ready to cash out, why not empty the vaults? Why not revel in the previously unattainable bliss during your relatively short commute beyond the walls? After the threshold, there's nothing, there's no deity granting you a retention of experience. Maybe you can even stew in the glory of such accomplishments for a time while reevaluating your destination.

Or don't, we're merely a stupid advice column.

Sincerely yours,
Conjunctive Initiators and Comma Splices.

Santa is operating on the same principle that God does.If he were to give you everything you ask for right off the bat,there would be very little motivation to worship him past that point.

Obviously neither God not Santa were born yesterday.

You worship Satan Santa. :blink:

[mjmacky]

Santa is operating on the same principle that God does.If he were to give you everything you ask for right off the bat,there would be very little motivation to worship him past that point.

Obviously neither God not Santa were born yesterday.

Those teases, and that other needy fuck, can fuck off. I'll get my own stuff, and it will be on a day I choose and/or succeed.

[Stehle]

Obviously neither God not Santa were born yesterday.

Actually in a sense they were; at least in quantum relativity terms... I tried to narrow that exact focal point down, but after the whole "dinosaur / asteroid" fiasco I gave up.

(When did you pinpoint your observation?) :alien:

[Stehle]

I'll get my own stuff, and it will be on a day I choose and/or succeed.

Well said! :yup:


(I guess... well at least he didn't mention "Mt Junk" this time.) :alien:

[Damnatory]

Santa is operating on the same principle that God does.If he were to give you everything you ask for right off the bat,there would be very little motivation to worship him past that point.

I like to think of it as using cheat codes in video games. When you have everything, the normal pursuit loses value.

I think this year all I want is couple of days completely free of burden. Work, children, house work... Maybe even just a day to drink a few beers and catch up on missed TV episodes. :\

[Stehle]

I like to think of it as using cheat codes in video games. When you have everything, the normal pursuit loses value.

I think this year all I want is couple of days completely free of burden. Work, children, house work... Maybe even just a day to drink a few beers and catch up on missed TV episodes. :\

Sounds like an excellent plan to me. :yup: