Who's got a big dick and just been made redundant? This guy!

[Mr. Mulder]

Just got called into a meeting and was given my letter along with poorly worded criteria for reasoning.

Four and a half years I’ve been here, watching the company slowly bleed money. I’ve seen CEO’s, branch offices, operating systems and fellow employees come and go. Personally harassed 3 female receptionists, broken countless servers, and stolen countless licensed software. Drank my bodyweight in coffee on a daily bases, looked at over a million cat pictures with hilarious captions and spent 14 hours a week on busses for the pleasure of doing so.

Perhaps I’ll go back to the thug life though apparently it can’t be chosen? Or perhaps I’ll go home, get high and play GTA – the possibilities are truly endless…

[Something Else]

Don't forget to steal stuff on the way out. /cunts

I've got the day off. Shoot some online gypsies. :unsure:

[Mr. Mulder]

you gonna give me that serial for Half-Life 3 GOTY edition? :sneaky:

[Something Else]

and some.

[Mr. Mulder]

sick!! I can't steam at work, i'll be on it this eve. Our firewall policy prevents steam from reaching its servers and i can't find the rule to change it. Maybe they're right to fire me... :unsure:

[Barbarossa]

Did you set fire to the pier in your anguish?

Although that might have happened before, I'm confused, you're the one with the time machine, no?

[Mr. Mulder]

not yet i'm not but also yes :ph34r:

[Barbarossa]

Good luck!

[megabyteme]

Perhaps you should spend your day finding where that firewall thingy is. And add commonly used sites to it. It'll make them miss you more. :)

[TheFoX]

You've spent four years watching CEO's and fellow workers come and go, and now someone is watching you go.

Maybe someone did an accounting exercise and realised that what you've cost them in broken servers and stolen licenses outweighs your value to the organisation, and that they want to cut their losses before you bring their company to its knees.

About the only thing you can really brag about is your harrassment, I presume sexually, of those three female receptionists. Were they worth it?

Still, life is a learning curve, and any mistakes you have made at this employment are there to be made in your next employment, if you so wish. At least it was women, or young ladies, you harrassed. If you had told us you had harrassed three male colleagues, I would have been mortified. Not that I have anything against homosexuals, but they should all be rounded up and shot.

Still, you have plenty of years ahead of you, and there are plenty more women to harrass, so here's looking to the future for you.

[ckrit]

Just got called into a meeting and was given my letter along with poorly worded criteria for reasoning.

Four and a half years I’ve been here, watching the company slowly bleed money. I’ve seen CEO’s, branch offices, operating systems and fellow employees come and go. Personally harassed 3 female receptionists, broken countless servers, and stolen countless licensed software. Drank my bodyweight in coffee on a daily bases, looked at over a million cat pictures with hilarious captions and spent 14 hours a week on busses for the pleasure of doing so.

Perhaps I’ll go back to the thug life though apparently it can’t be chosen? Or perhaps I’ll go home, get high and play GTA – the possibilities are truly endless…

That sucks baws.

I hope you get a new and better jawb soon-ish (before the money runs out, but not until you've had liek weeks to relax like a boss).

[megabyteme]

Not that I have anything against homosexuals, but they should all be rounded up and shot.

Yeah, but you'd shoot 'em with yer peen. :yup:

[Skiz]

Fuck it. GTA it is. You're allowed to required to fuck off a bit after getting the ax.

[IdolEyes787]

Shockingly, people who employ words like "redundant" to describe other human beings prove to be soulless cunts.

Who'd have ever figured?

[TheFoX]

Shockingly, people who employ words like "redundant" to describe other human beings prove to be soulless cunts.

Who'd have ever figured?

Oh, it's never the person that is redundant, only the job. As if. If they really wanted you to stay, they'd find a reason, sure enough.

I had a friend who worked in HR, and she said that they were always looking at nice ways of fucking people off, rather than using the tired old saying, 'There's the door. USE IT'.

[Artemis]

Then of course there is the 'mission critical' redundancy. That is where you are seen as a security problem when your job is 'phased out'. One of my first jobs in the IT industry was as an operator for Databank Systems. When the center I was working in was 'downsized' (what a lovely euphemism), four positions were also downsized out of existence. Operating on a LIFO scheme (Last In, First Out) my arse was one of the lucky downsize'es.
Being as redundant operators could probably do something really horrible to the electronic banking for the major banks, I was called into the managers office where all of my possessions were already assembled, along with reference letter, final pay check, plus a redundancy payment, told I was toast and escorted from the premises.... :blink:


Cunts.



Which leads me to my next thought..... Being as you are a systems administrator Mr. Mulder, there are several fairly horrible things (and untraceable) that you can do to those that have pissed you off over the years, before you leave... :naughty:

[TheFoX]

Everything is traceable, if you look deep enough. Reminds me of Steve Gibson, when someone used a botnet attack on his website. Through patient research, log checking and a few other tricks, he finally traced the attacker to a hidden IRC channel, which he then joined after gaining channel operator status. Imagine the shock on the faces of those nameless ones, when someone popped into their ultra secret channel and said, 'Hello guys. Remember me? The guy you dDOS'd off the net.'

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the young chap who initiated the attack got ostracised by his peers, and GRC learned something new about dDOS attacks.

Now, if a civilian security expert can trace the untraceable, imagine the resources the intelligence world has at its disposal. I bet they have software and hardware that we can only dream about. If a screenwriter can dream about it, someone has already created it.

There is no such thing as anonymity when using the internet. If you truly want anonymity, you need to totally disconnect yourself from the digital world. No phones. No Internet. No nothing. Deal in cash only, and leave no trail, paper or otherwise. Even then, you have to hope that someone doesn't recognise you and inform on you. That's what happened to Bin Laden.

[Cruise1]

Nah... If you don't post the letter it didn't happen and you're just crying for attention. :cool:

[Skiz]

Was it all super official?


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[IdolEyes787]

Oh, it's never the person that is redundant, only the job. As if. Those are the same corporate types that replaced the word "used" with "previously enjoyed" or that told Chuck Heston that Soylent Green wasn't people.

[Mr. Mulder]

Had an interview today for a better jawb at a supposedly better company, it went really well lyke. It's moar monies too. They did a strength based interview which I had never heard of but it’s actually a lot easier than the norm. They did a techy test too which I pwnd :smilie4: should hear back in a couple of days. The clock is ticking, 27 days to secure employment :eyebrows:

http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/interviews/strength-based-interviews.htm

[megabyteme]

http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/interviews/strength-based-interviews.htm


Competencies can be defined as “what you CAN do”, while strengths are “what you really ENJOY doing”.

I CAN do a whole lot. Getting me to do any of it is their job. :snooty: Mainly, I enjoy NOT working...

[Mr. Mulder]

I told them I enjoyed doing their mums!!!!!!1 If in doubt, whip it out :smilie4:

[megabyteme]

I told them I enjoyed doing their mums!!!!!!1 If in doubt, whip it out :smilie4:

An IT guy who's a pervert. I believe that's kinda just expected... :idunno:

[Artemis]

Everything is traceable, if you look deep enough. Reminds me of Steve Gibson, when someone used a botnet attack on his website. Through patient research, log checking and a few other tricks, he finally traced the attacker to a hidden IRC channel, which he then joined after gaining channel operator status. Imagine the shock on the faces of those nameless ones, when someone popped into their ultra secret channel and said, 'Hello guys. Remember me? The guy you dDOS'd off the net.'

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the young chap who initiated the attack got ostracised by his peers, and GRC learned something new about dDOS attacks.

Now, if a civilian security expert can trace the untraceable, imagine the resources the intelligence world has at its disposal. I bet they have software and hardware that we can only dream about. If a screenwriter can dream about it, someone has already created it.

There is no such thing as anonymity when using the internet. If you truly want anonymity, you need to totally disconnect yourself from the digital world. No phones. No Internet. No nothing. Deal in cash only, and leave no trail, paper or otherwise. Even then, you have to hope that someone doesn't recognise you and inform on you. That's what happened to Bin Laden.

I was jogging along the track of internal system security. While computer systems are hardened against external probing, if you log on from within the network it is assumed that you have a right to be there, the security is very lax usually, a username and password with your access rights controlled by your group policy. As an administrator one of the more tedious and repetitive jawbs is logging on users who have forgotten their passwords... you therefore have access to other peoples accounts and can do things to ruin their day, make their contacts list evaporate or their software certificates expire, things to just generally ruin the day of those who have irked you over the years. So long as there isn't biometric verification involved then this kind of mayhem is extremely hard to detect. :naughty:


As for being anonymous on the net, a laptop with a live linux distro booted, a Starbucks or McDonalds free WiFi connection and anonymous email address plus a VPN and the most they will get is the city location where the 'incident' happened. :whistling

[Artemis]

Had an interview today for a better jawb at a supposedly better company, it went really well lyke. It's moar monies too. They did a strength based interview which I had never heard of but it’s actually a lot easier than the norm. They did a techy test too which I pwnd :smilie4: should hear back in a couple of days. The clock is ticking, 27 days to secure employment :eyebrows:

http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/interviews/strength-based-interviews.htm

Awesome news! Did you inquire as to how many good looking secretaries/personal assistants there are available for you to harass/send peen pix to?

[Mr. Mulder]

I got the job!1 Just arguing with these scumbags if i can leave in two weeks instead of a month!1 :01: That was suspiciously easy.... :unsure:

[Something Else]

Noice one Muld Star. Go get 'em.

[megabyteme]

I got the job!1 Just arguing with these scumbags if i can leave in two weeks instead of a month!1 :01: That was suspiciously easy.... :unsure:

Tell them they have become redundant.

[Mr. Mulder]

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[megabyteme]

http://i.imgur.com/vlHJaxT.gif?1

[TheFoX]

http://i.imgur.com/vlHJaxT.gif?1

One day, you might make a post with some real substance, instead of plagiarising some one elses work.

There's hope for you yet, although it is fucking slim.

[megabyteme]

One day, you might make a post with some real substance, instead of plagiarising some one elses work.

There's hope for you yet, although it is fucking slim.

http://i.imgur.com/tQ8H1yF.gif?1

[IdolEyes787]

One day, you might make a post with some real substance, instead of plagiarising some one elses work.

There's hope for you yet, although it is fucking slim.

If "none" is included in the lexicon of slim then, indubitably.

Clearly the reason besides stupidity that I can't punctuate properly is that my brain is too filled with words.

[IdolEyes787]

Just as a casual observation there's far too much cliquishness,territorialism and sucking up here but then you are.... queers.

[Artemis]

Just as a casual observation there's far too much cliquishness,territorialism and sucking up here but then you are.... queers.

To plagiarise someone else's work... It takes one to know one, fudgepacker.

[TheFoX]

One day, you might make a post with some real substance, instead of plagiarising some one elses work.

There's hope for you yet, although it is fucking slim.

http://i.imgur.com/tQ8H1yF.gif?1

Replace slim with 'micro fucking thin'. Isn't it about time you came up with something original.

[IdolEyes787]

More inciteful than insightful but in your defense I doubt that most here know the difference.:unsure:

[megabyteme]

Replace slim with 'micro fucking thin'. Isn't it about time you came up with something original.

Kinda like complaining about other people's posts. That'd be totally original. :yup:

http://i.imgur.com/T8EXQ30.gif?1

[Artemis]

More inciteful than insightful but in your defense I doubt that most here know the difference.:unsure:

Like 'merkins need anything else to incite them right now. :blink:

[TheFoX]

Replace slim with 'micro fucking thin'. Isn't it about time you came up with something original.

Kinda like complaining about other people's posts. That'd be totally original. :yup:

http://i.imgur.com/T8EXQ30.gif?1

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[chalice]

If ever anyone's development, or lack thereof has been chronicled through the spastic vehicle of this forum, whateverthefuck it's called, then it is of that of the youngster freak sociopath we know and love as Mr Mulder.

He is consistently the funniest, most innovative, honest and inventive fucker this lounge is ever likely to have the pleasure to encounter.

Love him, children. He's likely to vanish, like a big poof, at any time. You are the best Mulstar. I mean that most sincerely.

:kiss:

[TheFoX]

He's likely to vanish, like a big poof, at any time.

You don't mean in a Paul Daniels sort of way, do you?

I cannot See Mr. Mulder disappearing any time soon, unless he disappears in to the Twilight Zone, or the X Files.

Anyway, have you inside information or something, or know something that we don't?

Not that I am questioning you, but I am questioning you, in a friendly sort of way, if you know what I mean, Harry.

[megabyteme]

He's likely to vanish, like a big poof

That would be Idol.

[Mr. Mulder]

I need an adult.

They made my face redundant yeah, and I start work at a new place in a couple of days yeah. But, they’re being super cool at my old place and paying me up until the 19th of September and I start work at the new place on the 1st September.

So, do I give them a P46 like? I imagine that’s gonna result in being on emergency tax for the first month? Unless they’re willing to wait till after the 19th for a P45 :unsure:

And should I tell them I’m still on the books at the old place, that’s not illegal right? As they agreed to let me go early and still pay me? :eyebrows:

[TheFoX]

When I got made redundant, they allowed me to leave up to one month early without penalty to my redundancy payment, including the ex gracia payment on top for company secrets.

Even though they are paying you up to a certain date, it is the date of leaving that counts. This is known as payment in lieu, especially for those who may have unspent holiday entitlement, or who are allowed to leave early, even though their finish date may be later.

The fact that you are being made redundant will mean your current employer has a duty of care in helping you find new employment, and is not allowed to obstruct such a venture. For example, if you needed time off to attend job interviews, or retraining, they are obliged to allow you these facilities. If they were to obstruct you in finding new employment or retraining, you could also claim for constructive dismissal on top of redundancy, as Employment Tribunals take a dim view of employers who are not flexible when dismissing employees for whatever reason.

[slawko]

perhaps you could spend the day fishing? I find it calms the nerves and teaches one to roll with the punches life throws at you.

[Mr. Mulder]

Quitting my new Jawb!!1 :01: After around 3/4 months of being there I've discovered they're all total douche-bags and offer no means of progression.

Thanks to working with recruiters for the past 4 years, I approached some last week and they got me and interview yesterday to do 'puter support for a merchant bank and I have the second interview this afternoon!!1111 :01: :manker:

[megabyteme]

Good luck, Mulder!

[TheFoX]

Four years ago, I joined an agency and got a months worth or work at a small plant building generators and lighting towers. That month got extended to another month, then another month. After four years, I am still there, on a full time contract, and working with R & D.

My electrical qualifications helped secure the initial post, and my ability secured further promotion.

This employer does not employ directly, but rather through agencies, and many others also do the same, such as Perkins Engines in Peterborough, UK. Direct recruitment seems to be disappearing fast, in favour of a 'try before you buy' technique.

Anyway, sometimes the job you land is not what you think it should be, and you must decide whether to weather that job, or change again. Sometimes, if you change too often, you can frighten off future employers, because they see you as a fleeting employee.

Still, if the job has no potential, and you feel wasted, the best thing you can do is to move on. Alternatively, take a shotgun to work and start blasting your co-workers. Eventually, you'll be disarmed by Police and prosecuted. This is where the fun begins, as you will find your celebrity status climbs. Write a few books, sell your film rights, and appear on Big Brother and I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, and the job offers will start to flood in. Next thing you know is that you will be appearing on GMTV with Phillip Schofeld and Holly Willoughby, and be offered your own daytime show in a similar vein to Jeremy Kyle (with a shotgun).

The future does look bright for you...

[cleptomaniac]

Vampires visit me while I sleep and have been taking my blood every night for about 2 years now. I keep hoping that one day they will turn me. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

[TheFoX]

Vampires visit me while I sleep and have been taking my blood every night for about 2 years now. I keep hoping that one day they will turn me. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

So, Meg has bitten you, then.

[voodoo55]

i've got sick pants meat. seriously, it's heavy. stupid girls aren't into me though, so i pull it out sometimes. i don't get why they all run away. you want this... you want this.