Today an Asian man put his fingers up my bottom.

[Mr. Mulder]

I have stomach problems you see, started around December. I get stabbing pains and such, I won't go into too much detail on that but previously I had gone to the docs and they took blood to test for IBS and something else. The tests came back ok and so I made another appointment.

It was a different doctor today, a small middle aged Asian man. I told him of my troubles and he said that I would need to see a specialist but first he just had to rule a few more things out, fair enough I said.

So he instructed me to lay on the tablebedthing and lift my shirt up, he then poked me many times - no pain from it at all. He then said ok Mr. Mulder I need you to pull your trousers down, lay on your side and bring your knees up to your chest I just need to check your back passage... I said uwotm8? He said please it will be quick. I said is there any other way? He said no you need to see the specialist and this needs to be done first. I said ok...

He put a glove on, lubed up a finger and I thought he was just gonna put the tip in but I swear he got down to the wrist and fucking hell was it painful!!! I'm no homophobe but there's no way thats enjoyable unless you have a lady bottom!!!1

I haven't told the misses.

[Something Else]

I didn't know you were so easily cajoled. That's a lie. Yes I did.

Maybe he had a spicy lunch with that same glove previously. That might be why it hurt a lot. There's many cuisines that use spices.

Hope you're not feeling too irritable from it all. I bowel to you for having the courage to deal with it. Even braver for telling us all about your possible syndrome(s).

[mjmacky]

I'm avoiding a brothel visit until I learn how to say, "Please don't put your finger in my butt."

I think I also might prefer colon cancer over an exam.

[mjmacky]

I'd offer my sympathies, but since I have none, I'm just pointing my finger at you and snickering, and then pointing my finger some more.

[JPaul]

I'm not sure which would be a preferable cause of arse pains.

Irritable bowel or something else.

[mjmacky]

My experience with IBS is that the bowel gets irritated rather than the person. Most times, I just experienced a tickle, like a hamster or some worms were at play/work.

[JPaul]

You deserve all you got if you put a hamster in there.

[mjmacky]

You deserve all you got if you put a hamster in there.
You say that like I was being mean. I gave it a wheel; what else is expected of me?

[Something Else]

This seems appropriate.

171678

[kwezme]

As Mulder would say, like anything else takes practice ; - )

[JPaul]

As Mulder would say, like anything else takes practice ; - )

Yeah, like it does.

Know weigh.

[chalice]

Misleading thread title. An Asian man did not put his fingers up your bum. It was one at most, you big poof.

Even if it was a thumb, that's still single digits.

[Mr. Mulder]

It felt like a leg. I always imagined it would be like taking a dump in reverse and I still don't know if that's true because I've never done that.

[JPaul]

"Right you're touching a lung"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXzPe8STuNg

[cnmes]

excellent , why no asians put their finger inside my butt ??

[Caballero]

At least the NHS paid for it.

I'm guessing.

[TrentMan69]

At least he used lube...that's all I'm sayin'...

[Something Else]

It felt like a leg. I always imagined it would be like taking a dump in reverse and I still don't know if that's true because I've never done that.

Space docking. Don't act like you've never heard of it.

[manker]

:eyebrows:

[Mr. Mulder]

If that's what that is then what's iceberging?? :unsure:

[manker]

wtf are you two arse-maniacs on about?

[Something Else]

iceberging (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=iceberging&defid=4775088)
the process in which a female will take an angled pictures for a profile picture on a popular social networking site. She looks cute from the picture but when you see the rest of it she is a lot larger than it looked like... so you get to see the tip of the iceberg... then the rest

[manker]

space docking
its when the mans puts his butts on the womans vaginzer and poops real hards and the womans vaginizer is bloody. the man sez 'wheres my fema trailer?'. this is russian space docking.
i once been putting my ass up near the womans special parts. it was real wet. i ates alot of salad. at this moment i realized we be russian space docking cuz she was also at that time of the month and i wasnt waitin' to take a big dump in her parts. mmm. it felt good that day.
#shit #poop #space dock #period #menstruate
by shizzyt February 17, 2006

:ermm:

[Mr. Mulder]

I don't know what one I'm thinking of then, its where you poop and put it in the freezer to use later as a p33n

[mjmacky]

space docking
its when the mans puts his butts on the womans vaginzer and poops real hards and the womans vaginizer is bloody. the man sez 'wheres my fema trailer?'. this is russian space docking.
i once been putting my ass up near the womans special parts. it was real wet. i ates alot of salad. at this moment i realized we be russian space docking cuz she was also at that time of the month and i wasnt waitin' to take a big dump in her parts. mmm. it felt good that day.
#shit #poop #space dock #period #menstruate
by shizzyt February 17, 2006

:ermm:

That's Russian space docking. What intrigues me more is you went and found a definition for an entry in which space and docking were spaced instead of closed or hyphenated.

...

It didn't intrigue me, but my segue warehouse is practically empty.

[manker]

space docking
its when the mans puts his butts on the womans vaginzer and poops real hards and the womans vaginizer is bloody. the man sez 'wheres my fema trailer?'. this is russian space docking.
i once been putting my ass up near the womans special parts. it was real wet. i ates alot of salad. at this moment i realized we be russian space docking cuz she was also at that time of the month and i wasnt waitin' to take a big dump in her parts. mmm. it felt good that day.
#shit #poop #space dock #period #menstruate
by shizzyt February 17, 2006

:ermm:

That's Russian space docking. What intrigues me more is you went and found a definition for an entry in which space and docking were spaced instead of closed or hyphenated.
Anything that distances myself from it is cool with me tbf.

[manker]

I don't know what one I'm thinking of then, its where you poop and put it in the freezer to use later as a p33nI got you bro

alaskan pipeline
n: the act of pooping in to a condom, freezing the rubber overnight, then inserting it in to ones anus.

Invented at the University of Iowa by Brian and Andy S. in 2001.
Andy: "Hey Brian, wanna come give me an alaskan pipeline?"

Brian: "You know I can't do that again. Dad will spank us!"

Andy: "Aww shucks Brian, you know how much I love those."

Brian: "I know Andy dear, I know."
by aseay_99 August 03, 2004

[mjmacky]

That's Russian space docking. What intrigues me more is you went and found a definition for an entry in which space and docking were spaced instead of closed or hyphenated.
Anything that distances myself from it is cool with me tbf.
Wouldn't you prefer to be with someone who's entirely willing to take your shit? There's really no better designed test than that.

[manker]

Anything that distances myself from it is cool with me tbf.
Wouldn't you prefer to be with someone who's literally willing to take your shit? There's really no better designed test than that.Not really, home boi. That wouldn't work for me.
Insight time:

I can only shit in one designated crapper, I get to make a choice and then I have to stick to it.
If I go on holiday, it's like okay, that shitter there - that's it. That's the one for me and I'm going to use it. I then don't use any other til I go home.
At home is also weird, you may think that my designated toilet would be one of the ones at home, but no. I spend a lot of time in work so my designated shitter is obviously there, so I make sure I only shit in work. After hours obviously because if there's someone within earshot, I don't even try.

A few months ago my eldest made a WhatsApp group called 'does dad poop' and invited me and my wife to join it :dabs:
True stories.

[Mr. Mulder]

:lol:

[mjmacky]

Wouldn't you prefer to be with someone who's literally willing to take your shit? There's really no better designed test than that.Not really, home boi. That wouldn't work for me.
Insight time:

I can only shit in one designated crapper, I get to make a choice and then I have to stick to it.
If I go on holiday, it's like okay, that shitter there - that's it. That's the one for me and I'm going to use it. I then don't use any other til I go home.
At home is also weird, you may think that my designated toilet would be one of the ones at home, but no. I spend a lot of time in work so my designated shitter is obviously there, so I make sure I only shit in work. After hours obviously because if there's someone within earshot, I don't even try.

A few months ago my eldest made a WhatsApp group called 'does dad poop' and invited me and my wife to join it :dabs:
True stories.
Ban incoming.

I'm pretty sure Shiba Inus are not allowed to post on the forum.