View Full Version : Forum Sex.

01-01-2004, 09:26 AM
K\L forum Sex.

Balamm: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Balamm: I'm 5'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Kmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Balamm: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge,swelling bulge.

Balamm: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Balamm: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Balamm: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Balamm: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Balamm: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Balamm: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Balamm: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Balamm: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Balamm: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Balamm: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Balamm: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Balamm: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Balamm: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Balamm: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Balamm: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Balamm: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Balamm: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Balamm: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Balamm: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Balamm: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Balamm: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Balamm: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Balamm: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Balamm: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Balamm: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Balamm: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Balamm: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Balamm: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Balamm: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Balamm: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Balamm: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Balamm: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Balamm: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Balamm: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Balamm: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!



01-01-2004, 09:36 AM
tsk tsk.

just because you change the names around dont make it real :P lol

01-01-2004, 09:37 AM
oh my longest read - <_<

01-01-2004, 09:38 AM
thats a page turner, alright&#33;&#33; :lol:

01-01-2004, 09:41 AM
been posted many a times before :frusty:

01-01-2004, 09:46 AM
Originally posted by kAb@1 January 2004 - 05:41
been posted many a times before :frusty:
sometimes its nice to have this sorta thing reposted. with hundreds of new users signing up to this forum weekly... :)

01-01-2004, 09:48 AM
Originally posted by ivy+1 January 2004 - 03:46--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (ivy @ 1 January 2004 - 03:46)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-kAb@1 January 2004 - 05:41
been posted many a times before&nbsp; :frusty:
sometimes its nice to have this sorta thing reposted. with hundreds of new users signing up to this forum weekly... :) [/b][/quote]
including u - ;)

Rock Tonic Juice Magic
01-01-2004, 09:51 AM
Balamm: I&#39;ve realized that I&#39;ve peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I&#39;m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

01-01-2004, 09:53 AM
Originally posted by kurtsl0an+1 January 2004 - 05:48--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (kurtsl0an @ 1 January 2004 - 05:48)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
Originally posted by ivy@1 January 2004 - 03:46
<!--QuoteBegin-kAb@1 January 2004 - 05:41
been posted many a times before* :frusty:
sometimes its nice to have this sorta thing reposted. with hundreds of new users signing up to this forum weekly... :)
including u - ;) [/b][/quote]
well, ive actually seen this before.. but yes. im new :P i work quick though. im in pretty good with the admin. ;)

Evil Gemini
01-01-2004, 09:54 AM

I dont think Balamm would apologise :lol:

01-01-2004, 11:02 AM
U got that from albinoblacksheep.com didn&#39;t you?

01-01-2004, 11:20 AM
Originally posted by the.gringo@1 January 2004 - 20:02
U got that from albinoblacksheep.com didn&#39;t you?
I actually saw it first on the Australian Big Brother forum earlier this year, it was up for about 10 minutes before a mod saw it and deleted it.


Rip The Jacker
01-01-2004, 11:22 AM
He got it off albinoblacksheep.com, and changed the name Wellhung to Balamm.

EDIT: No wait, no he didn&#39;t, still pretty funny though. :P

01-01-2004, 11:23 AM
Originally posted by Billy_Dean@1 January 2004 - 00:26
Balamm: I&#39;m 5&#39;3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Kmart.I&#39;m also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny
i think that fat arse of his in his avatar weighs more than that :lol:

01-01-2004, 12:49 PM
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww *takes breath* wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww *takes another breath* wwwwwwwwwww.

01-01-2004, 01:35 PM
omfg....I haven&#39;t laughed that hard all week.
my stomach hurts now...

thanks :P

silent VI
01-01-2004, 02:10 PM
U got that from albinoblacksheep.com didn&#39;t you?

i first seen it in an old playboy

01-01-2004, 02:19 PM
thats fucking class :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

01-01-2004, 02:29 PM
Thank you Keikan for ruining what was a reasonably sized screen pic B)


01-01-2004, 04:36 PM
r we allowed to expose ourselves on webcam too?

:01: king of the hill&#33; Im HARDMAN&#33;&#33;&#33; (maybe i should make that my new sig)

01-01-2004, 05:28 PM

01-01-2004, 05:54 PM
Yes, SnnY, he is famous for his originality.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

edit: Caps Y on SnnY.

friggin&#39; wankers. (not you SnnY) but those that feel they can go to town on a grammatical or spelling error.


01-01-2004, 06:05 PM
he&#39;s loosing it ;) he had to do more than copy and paste to change the name and that just isn&#39;t natural for rikk.

:ghostface: :ghostface: :ghostface: :ghostface:


01-01-2004, 06:05 PM
:angry: Goddamit&#33; Outta Cock Sucking Cowboys .... outta bourbon ... will I open the bottle of champagne and really make an ass of myself? Well, why the flock not? BD & JP do it on a daily basis, and what&#39;s more, sober I suspect.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

01-01-2004, 06:08 PM
:devil: I like you Shella.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

01-01-2004, 06:12 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

lmfao&#33; 18.05 and 18.05 fecking fecking fecking hell we&#39;re good&#33;

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

01-01-2004, 06:14 PM

I like you both.

01-01-2004, 06:17 PM
:rolleyes: That&#39;s it little boys .... run away&#33;

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

01-01-2004, 06:17 PM
oh my&#33; this could get interesting :D but i have no champagne :(

01-01-2004, 06:18 PM
It&#39;s over-rated anyhow :x

I&#39;m speaking from very recent experience here.

01-01-2004, 06:18 PM
wheres balamm :lol:

01-01-2004, 06:19 PM
;) We like you too SnnY, a lot.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I just found some cans of bourbon so I&#39;ll avoid the champagne for the moment, but it IS there as a back up.

01-01-2004, 06:23 PM
:blink: Was that &#39;Oh Black Betty balamm balamm?&#39;

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

01-01-2004, 06:27 PM
mmm bourbon :) watch out there SnnY :wub: :devil:

01-01-2004, 06:30 PM
Oh SnnY is safe Shella, it&#39;s the prikks of the internet world that we&#39;d like to bring undone.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

01-01-2004, 06:57 PM
Originally posted by shella@1 January 2004 - 19:27
mmm bourbon :) watch out there SnnY :wub: :devil:
:devil: ? :ph34r:

01-01-2004, 07:06 PM
you snooze you lose ;) think we&#39;d wait that long for you? :lol: :lol: :lol:

01-01-2004, 07:08 PM
darn&#33; :lol:

serves me right for visiting softwareworld

01-01-2004, 07:28 PM
;) Shella is a woman after my own heart. I just know we&#39;re going to get along. Fucking hell&#33; Is that not a scary thought? No wonder Billy Dean and J&#39;Pol ran away.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

01-01-2004, 08:53 PM
Originally posted by Marius24@1 January 2004 - 19:18
wheres balamm :lol:
Balamm (http://klboard.ath.cx/index.php?showtopic=90705)

01-01-2004, 09:00 PM
What is this thread about? Does it mean that we can PM For...Um sex?

01-01-2004, 09:01 PM
Wot? :huh: wif Billy_Dean? :blink:

01-01-2004, 09:03 PM
Billy Dean, Dixie Dean? At my age you take what you can get.

01-01-2004, 09:07 PM
What&#39;ll mrs BB say? :rolleyes:

01-01-2004, 09:09 PM
Sssh&#33; She&#39;s reading a Mills & Boon at the moment. :ph34r: Your place or mine. :rolleyes:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

01-01-2004, 09:11 PM
On second thought, go with BD, It isn&#39;t really my thing. :ph34r:

01-01-2004, 09:13 PM
Thank goodness for that. Its too cold out there tonight. I got a cold the last time. :lol:

P.S. Does HAL know you feel this way? :o

01-01-2004, 09:16 PM
HAL, the computer from 2001?

Well, I do like robots :rolleyes:

01-01-2004, 09:17 PM
That&#39;s what I meant. You said that he turned you on. :lol: :lol: :lol:

01-01-2004, 09:18 PM
Did you lose the Sheri for a wee while about ten minutes ago?

01-01-2004, 09:19 PM
better watch what I say in the future :ph34r:

I wasn&#39;t there.

01-01-2004, 09:22 PM
OK :rolleyes: I know my place in the great scheme of things. I&#39;m off to wash the dishes. :lol: :lol: :lol:

01-01-2004, 09:22 PM
I&#39;m gonna go cook something :D

01-02-2004, 04:26 AM
What happened to the tarts? :ph34r:


01-02-2004, 04:39 AM
you&#39;re a brave man billy :lol:

Originally posted by Billy_Dean
are those scary girls gone yet ?&nbsp; :unsure:&nbsp; can i come back now?

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: