Vamp
07-09-2004, 09:02 PM
We're trying to make it like a cross between Spawn and Silent Hill, with more Silent-Hill type horror than Spawn Action... It's reading to much like Spawn, Comic-Book style adventure... Tips on horrifying it up!
ARDETH
FADE IN
INT. BEACH - DUSK
Dull colored waves crash against the shore; the only sounds are that of the ocean, the sea seems to stretch on for eternity.
CUT TO:
Lying on his back, on the pale sand is a teenage boy, ARDETH. He is sleeping peacefully. The monotonous roar of the ocean continues. Ardeth begins to stir in his sleep, his feet twitching slightly. He suddenly sits up, confused, his hand resting on his temple. He looks around.
CUT TO:
We see the beach he’s upon. It is totally empty; the sand is fine yet gray and the sky is dark and shrouded in twilight and cloud.
Ardeth stands; his legs are numb and cannot support him. He falls back to the sand. Panic seems to grip him and he frantically rubs his legs, trying to get his blood flowing.
ARDETH
(Whimpering softly)
Tisha’ah?
Where am I?
We hear the sound of thunder in the distance, and the cry of a raven nearby. Ardeth looks to the left, his eyes widen.
CUT TO:
A figure. He disappears suddenly. He re-appears, almost as quickly as he disappears, only significantly closer. He is not yet close enough to clearly make him out.
CUT TO:
Ardeth is breathing heavily. His body is shaking.
CUT TO:
THE BOY is even closer now. He doesn’t seem old, maybe a year or two older than Ardeth, and we see that he’s wearing ominous, shoulder-spiked black armor. Once again he disappears, seconds later, reappears right in front of the camera. We can see him perfectly. His hair is short, ebony and spiked, he is indeed wearing armor, yet we can see it in greater detail, it’s made of tough leather and lined with stitches and brass loops, his arms are adorned in spiked bands. In his hand he carries a thick, black handled short sword, his nails are black. His face pale, black ink lines run down from his lower eyelids till they’re parallel with his nostrils, the same patterns from his expression lines to the tip of his chin.
CUT TO:
We see The Boy and Ardeth in profile, Ardeth feet resting right in front of The Boy’s.
CUT TO:
We are once again facing The Boy. He stands still for a few seconds, lifts his head to the skies and screams the most painful sound heard. His voice seems to be the voices of thousands mixed together.
CUT TO:
Ardeth struggles to breath, he takes heavy gasps, his eyes blinking compulsively, pushes himself up to his feet and begins to stumble away from The Boy, his legs seem to be functioning better and he begins to run.
The camera follows him as he runs without look back, the scream continuing, he runs through small, dirty patches of grass, pushes through some lone bushes and emerges on an unfamiliar street. He falls to the pavement, crying.
FADE TO BLACK
TITLE CREDITS
FADE IN
EXT, BEACH - DAY
It’s afternoon on the beach. Seagulls fly happily, the sun shining through the clouds. A nice looking, innocent boy plays with a soccer ball on the golden sands. He is Ardeth, before his awakening on the melancholy shores. He bounces the ball on his knees, commentating to himself. The ambient sounds of the beach are relaxing and joyous.
A whisper runs through the air.
WHISPER
Praise my name.
Ardeth freezes… The soccer ball drops from his hands with a dull thud. He looks to the sky; a bright flash of light hits him and is gone. Ardeth stands still and silent, swaying very slightly. A small trickle of blood begins to drip from his nose. Suddenly he screams as blood sprays from his mouth, he claws at his face before falling to the sand writhing in pain. His convulsions become calmer and after a few moments… He is silent. There is the faint sound of thunder in the distance.
CUT TO:
EXT, PAVEMENT - DAY
Ardeth awakes suddenly on the pavement he fell on. He is freezing and he cannot tell the time. Its still late afternoon, night has not yet fallen. The wind whispers again.
WHISPER
Rise Ardeth! Rise!
Ardeth sits up, shivering on the empty pavement.
WHISPER
Speak in the tongue of your father.
Ardeth looks to the sky, swallows. And speaks.
ARDETH
(Subtitled Angelic)
Abba, Tishtaya
I am here, father.
WHISPER
Da rak Kaleen, Kreddagoth rak zanis. Si zarkon po lius krai ha yatan shy Earth. Kalai astis. Metai ha ach son va Krull asti polai thalius garlos!
It has begun. Kreddagoth has arrived. His army is slipping through the cracks of Earth. Find them. Destroy the first wave, and lead us into glorious battle!
ARDETH
Shah zai, Kreddagoth? Ti Klai si shach oplith ti. Ti loh si shach thalius Tilai.
What of Kreddagoth? I feel his evil pierce me. I cannot battle his darkness alone.
WHISPER
Earth zal so thalius-rike. Mai ha ach son metai, kavo si lavch , as zarkon keel bazta ha shach mutais. As keel yai viktrai bi Armageddon
Earth will be a battle-field. With the first wave destroyed, praise your courage, our army will butcher the dark abominations. We shall be victorious in Armageddon.
ARDETH
Ti keel besti, Abba. Va ha chulum?
I will begin, father. And the humans?
WHISPER
Yorai astis! Yorai astis sal ha tilai mutai gal.
Protect them! Protect them from the rogue, abominable grunts.
ARDETH
Ti keel. Va ti trach?
I shall. And my speech?
WHISPER
Trach be ha trach shal ha chulum. Ki chulum, bai metai shal rastephli angelik, poi nachan. Chulum ferai… Marai si shal walath shal Earth. Talep si angelic astile. Va metai. Stal stons, ha ach mutais narsai walit hi sker. Si stal meer hi paras, metai mordan si metai. Stal.
Speak the speech of the humans. Be human, but kill with angelic brutality, if needed. Man is ferocious; arm yourself with the weapons of Earth. Untap your angelic ability, and kill. Journey south, the first demon awaits his prey. Kill before he does. Begin
ARDETH
Ti ka si, aba. Kavo si nacham.
I love you father, praise your name
WHISPER
Kol as kavod, Ardeth. Metai ha shach ve pastilai eh as korlaile met.
All our honor, Ardeth. Defeat the darkness and prepare for our forthcoming.
The wind dies down and Ardeth begins to walk south.
FADE TO BLACK
EXT, SHOPPING CENTER – DAY
We see the exterior of an up-market shopping center; there is the usual hustle of people all around.
CUT TO:
INT, PARKING LOT – DAY
A (familiar) red car pulls into the parking lot of the mall. The lot is indoors yet dark and cold; it’s almost entirely empty. The car brakes in a desolate parking space. A MAN in his mid-twenties sporting denim jeans and a leather jacket steps out, as he’s about to close his door a shadow moves swiftly in front of the camera, a raspy chuckle echoes through the lot. The man looks around, startled. He hears shuffling footsteps to the far left of him yet he cannot see anything. He quickly gets back in his car and locks the door. After a moments thought, he reaches over, opens his cubbyhole and removes a small, sleek pistol. He remains seated, breathing slowly and calmly, embracing the gun. There is silence. The man exhales. Suddenly, something slams onto his windscreen, a scrawny, hissing THING in a hooded shroud.
THE MAN
Jesus!
The rasping THING climbs onto the roof of his car and starts banging on the roof. The Man pushes open his door and runs out his car he swings around, gun ready. The Thing is gone. The man swallows compulsively and aims all around him with shaky hands… Something leaps from behind one wide pillar to behind another; The Man fires off two shots without any precision, the concrete of the pillars crumble as the bullets slam into them. The man spins around, shuddering. Nothing. He turns to his left. Nothing. He turns back half-circle. The Thing leaps at him, he screams.
CUT TO:
A wave of blood splatters against a white pillar. A scream.
CUT TO:
EXT, SHOPPING CENTER – DAY
A final faint scream echoes through the sky.
CUT TO:
EXT, STREET - DAY
Ardeth stumbles through the streets parallel of the mall, he appears unfamiliar of the feeling his feet feel against that concrete pavement. His eyes dart all around, focusing on every person, shop, car, it seems hard for him to take in everything he’s observing. He sees street kids fighting and looks revolted at their violence. He casually looks up in wonder at the mall and head pounds with a distorted, unfamiliar speech. He realizes this is as south as he will have to head and he walks up a ramp towards the mall parking lot.
INT, PARKING LOT – DAY
Ardeth cautiously walks through the parking lot, his footsteps echoing, that distorted rasping running through his mind in intervals. He steps in something that squelches and looks down. He is standing on a puddle of blood. His eyes widen as he sees the mutilated body of The Man, this is the first instance of death he’s witnessed in his eternity. He is horrified.
ARDETH
Hel-lo?
He practices his English, yet his attention is soon focused on the gun lying by The Man’s side. He bends down and picks it up; he rolls it around in his hands, inspecting it. He looks up… Into the face of The Thing as it leaps at him, hands outstretched, screeching. Instinctively, Ardeth leaps against a pillar and pushes off, as he leaps off the pillar he fires a shot with the gun, it misses The Thing and slams into the concrete floor. Ardeth lands gracefully and looks at the gun in surprise; a grin spreads across his face. He turns to The Thing, it hisses at him. Ardeth looks at the gun.
ARDETH
Man… Is fer-ocious!
The Thing leaps, Ardeth kicks it squarely in the jaw with a satisfying crunch, as he kicks, he spins around to it’s rear, curls his hand into a claw and plunges it into The Thing’s back. The Thing screeches in agony and begins to squirm, impaled on Ardeth’s arm. Ardeth pulls his hand out, clutching The Thing’s spine, he looks at it before ripping it fully out with a squelching sound. The Thing goes limp, yet still whimpers. Ardeth lets go of it, and as it’s crumpled, yet limp body falls to the floor, Ardeth fires a shot to the back of it’s head. Blood sprays on his face.
Ardeth carefully lays the long, bloodied spine on the ground; he grabs The Thing by the legs and pulls it across the concrete, towards The Man’s corpse. He looks down at The Man’s leather jacket and he shivers, realizing that he’s wearing only a slightly torn T-Shirt and shorts. Teenager clothing. He places the gun on the ground and gently lifts the jacket off The Man. He makes a circulating motion with his hands around The Man and The Thing.
ARDETH
Abba, taralai asti.
Father, relieve them.
Blue smoke begins to rise and cover the bodies, when it disperses; they are gone.
FADE TO BLACK
EXT, RAMP – DAY
FADE IN
Ardeth walks down the ramp slowly, He is wearing the leather jacket, it is far too big for him and the sleeves are longer than his arms. You can just make out the barrel of the gun poking out of sleeve; in his other hand, he is holding the spine. His face is speckled with dry blood. There are still people going about, but none of them pay him any attention. The light is fading.
FADE TO BLACK
ARDETH
FADE IN
INT. BEACH - DUSK
Dull colored waves crash against the shore; the only sounds are that of the ocean, the sea seems to stretch on for eternity.
CUT TO:
Lying on his back, on the pale sand is a teenage boy, ARDETH. He is sleeping peacefully. The monotonous roar of the ocean continues. Ardeth begins to stir in his sleep, his feet twitching slightly. He suddenly sits up, confused, his hand resting on his temple. He looks around.
CUT TO:
We see the beach he’s upon. It is totally empty; the sand is fine yet gray and the sky is dark and shrouded in twilight and cloud.
Ardeth stands; his legs are numb and cannot support him. He falls back to the sand. Panic seems to grip him and he frantically rubs his legs, trying to get his blood flowing.
ARDETH
(Whimpering softly)
Tisha’ah?
Where am I?
We hear the sound of thunder in the distance, and the cry of a raven nearby. Ardeth looks to the left, his eyes widen.
CUT TO:
A figure. He disappears suddenly. He re-appears, almost as quickly as he disappears, only significantly closer. He is not yet close enough to clearly make him out.
CUT TO:
Ardeth is breathing heavily. His body is shaking.
CUT TO:
THE BOY is even closer now. He doesn’t seem old, maybe a year or two older than Ardeth, and we see that he’s wearing ominous, shoulder-spiked black armor. Once again he disappears, seconds later, reappears right in front of the camera. We can see him perfectly. His hair is short, ebony and spiked, he is indeed wearing armor, yet we can see it in greater detail, it’s made of tough leather and lined with stitches and brass loops, his arms are adorned in spiked bands. In his hand he carries a thick, black handled short sword, his nails are black. His face pale, black ink lines run down from his lower eyelids till they’re parallel with his nostrils, the same patterns from his expression lines to the tip of his chin.
CUT TO:
We see The Boy and Ardeth in profile, Ardeth feet resting right in front of The Boy’s.
CUT TO:
We are once again facing The Boy. He stands still for a few seconds, lifts his head to the skies and screams the most painful sound heard. His voice seems to be the voices of thousands mixed together.
CUT TO:
Ardeth struggles to breath, he takes heavy gasps, his eyes blinking compulsively, pushes himself up to his feet and begins to stumble away from The Boy, his legs seem to be functioning better and he begins to run.
The camera follows him as he runs without look back, the scream continuing, he runs through small, dirty patches of grass, pushes through some lone bushes and emerges on an unfamiliar street. He falls to the pavement, crying.
FADE TO BLACK
TITLE CREDITS
FADE IN
EXT, BEACH - DAY
It’s afternoon on the beach. Seagulls fly happily, the sun shining through the clouds. A nice looking, innocent boy plays with a soccer ball on the golden sands. He is Ardeth, before his awakening on the melancholy shores. He bounces the ball on his knees, commentating to himself. The ambient sounds of the beach are relaxing and joyous.
A whisper runs through the air.
WHISPER
Praise my name.
Ardeth freezes… The soccer ball drops from his hands with a dull thud. He looks to the sky; a bright flash of light hits him and is gone. Ardeth stands still and silent, swaying very slightly. A small trickle of blood begins to drip from his nose. Suddenly he screams as blood sprays from his mouth, he claws at his face before falling to the sand writhing in pain. His convulsions become calmer and after a few moments… He is silent. There is the faint sound of thunder in the distance.
CUT TO:
EXT, PAVEMENT - DAY
Ardeth awakes suddenly on the pavement he fell on. He is freezing and he cannot tell the time. Its still late afternoon, night has not yet fallen. The wind whispers again.
WHISPER
Rise Ardeth! Rise!
Ardeth sits up, shivering on the empty pavement.
WHISPER
Speak in the tongue of your father.
Ardeth looks to the sky, swallows. And speaks.
ARDETH
(Subtitled Angelic)
Abba, Tishtaya
I am here, father.
WHISPER
Da rak Kaleen, Kreddagoth rak zanis. Si zarkon po lius krai ha yatan shy Earth. Kalai astis. Metai ha ach son va Krull asti polai thalius garlos!
It has begun. Kreddagoth has arrived. His army is slipping through the cracks of Earth. Find them. Destroy the first wave, and lead us into glorious battle!
ARDETH
Shah zai, Kreddagoth? Ti Klai si shach oplith ti. Ti loh si shach thalius Tilai.
What of Kreddagoth? I feel his evil pierce me. I cannot battle his darkness alone.
WHISPER
Earth zal so thalius-rike. Mai ha ach son metai, kavo si lavch , as zarkon keel bazta ha shach mutais. As keel yai viktrai bi Armageddon
Earth will be a battle-field. With the first wave destroyed, praise your courage, our army will butcher the dark abominations. We shall be victorious in Armageddon.
ARDETH
Ti keel besti, Abba. Va ha chulum?
I will begin, father. And the humans?
WHISPER
Yorai astis! Yorai astis sal ha tilai mutai gal.
Protect them! Protect them from the rogue, abominable grunts.
ARDETH
Ti keel. Va ti trach?
I shall. And my speech?
WHISPER
Trach be ha trach shal ha chulum. Ki chulum, bai metai shal rastephli angelik, poi nachan. Chulum ferai… Marai si shal walath shal Earth. Talep si angelic astile. Va metai. Stal stons, ha ach mutais narsai walit hi sker. Si stal meer hi paras, metai mordan si metai. Stal.
Speak the speech of the humans. Be human, but kill with angelic brutality, if needed. Man is ferocious; arm yourself with the weapons of Earth. Untap your angelic ability, and kill. Journey south, the first demon awaits his prey. Kill before he does. Begin
ARDETH
Ti ka si, aba. Kavo si nacham.
I love you father, praise your name
WHISPER
Kol as kavod, Ardeth. Metai ha shach ve pastilai eh as korlaile met.
All our honor, Ardeth. Defeat the darkness and prepare for our forthcoming.
The wind dies down and Ardeth begins to walk south.
FADE TO BLACK
EXT, SHOPPING CENTER – DAY
We see the exterior of an up-market shopping center; there is the usual hustle of people all around.
CUT TO:
INT, PARKING LOT – DAY
A (familiar) red car pulls into the parking lot of the mall. The lot is indoors yet dark and cold; it’s almost entirely empty. The car brakes in a desolate parking space. A MAN in his mid-twenties sporting denim jeans and a leather jacket steps out, as he’s about to close his door a shadow moves swiftly in front of the camera, a raspy chuckle echoes through the lot. The man looks around, startled. He hears shuffling footsteps to the far left of him yet he cannot see anything. He quickly gets back in his car and locks the door. After a moments thought, he reaches over, opens his cubbyhole and removes a small, sleek pistol. He remains seated, breathing slowly and calmly, embracing the gun. There is silence. The man exhales. Suddenly, something slams onto his windscreen, a scrawny, hissing THING in a hooded shroud.
THE MAN
Jesus!
The rasping THING climbs onto the roof of his car and starts banging on the roof. The Man pushes open his door and runs out his car he swings around, gun ready. The Thing is gone. The man swallows compulsively and aims all around him with shaky hands… Something leaps from behind one wide pillar to behind another; The Man fires off two shots without any precision, the concrete of the pillars crumble as the bullets slam into them. The man spins around, shuddering. Nothing. He turns to his left. Nothing. He turns back half-circle. The Thing leaps at him, he screams.
CUT TO:
A wave of blood splatters against a white pillar. A scream.
CUT TO:
EXT, SHOPPING CENTER – DAY
A final faint scream echoes through the sky.
CUT TO:
EXT, STREET - DAY
Ardeth stumbles through the streets parallel of the mall, he appears unfamiliar of the feeling his feet feel against that concrete pavement. His eyes dart all around, focusing on every person, shop, car, it seems hard for him to take in everything he’s observing. He sees street kids fighting and looks revolted at their violence. He casually looks up in wonder at the mall and head pounds with a distorted, unfamiliar speech. He realizes this is as south as he will have to head and he walks up a ramp towards the mall parking lot.
INT, PARKING LOT – DAY
Ardeth cautiously walks through the parking lot, his footsteps echoing, that distorted rasping running through his mind in intervals. He steps in something that squelches and looks down. He is standing on a puddle of blood. His eyes widen as he sees the mutilated body of The Man, this is the first instance of death he’s witnessed in his eternity. He is horrified.
ARDETH
Hel-lo?
He practices his English, yet his attention is soon focused on the gun lying by The Man’s side. He bends down and picks it up; he rolls it around in his hands, inspecting it. He looks up… Into the face of The Thing as it leaps at him, hands outstretched, screeching. Instinctively, Ardeth leaps against a pillar and pushes off, as he leaps off the pillar he fires a shot with the gun, it misses The Thing and slams into the concrete floor. Ardeth lands gracefully and looks at the gun in surprise; a grin spreads across his face. He turns to The Thing, it hisses at him. Ardeth looks at the gun.
ARDETH
Man… Is fer-ocious!
The Thing leaps, Ardeth kicks it squarely in the jaw with a satisfying crunch, as he kicks, he spins around to it’s rear, curls his hand into a claw and plunges it into The Thing’s back. The Thing screeches in agony and begins to squirm, impaled on Ardeth’s arm. Ardeth pulls his hand out, clutching The Thing’s spine, he looks at it before ripping it fully out with a squelching sound. The Thing goes limp, yet still whimpers. Ardeth lets go of it, and as it’s crumpled, yet limp body falls to the floor, Ardeth fires a shot to the back of it’s head. Blood sprays on his face.
Ardeth carefully lays the long, bloodied spine on the ground; he grabs The Thing by the legs and pulls it across the concrete, towards The Man’s corpse. He looks down at The Man’s leather jacket and he shivers, realizing that he’s wearing only a slightly torn T-Shirt and shorts. Teenager clothing. He places the gun on the ground and gently lifts the jacket off The Man. He makes a circulating motion with his hands around The Man and The Thing.
ARDETH
Abba, taralai asti.
Father, relieve them.
Blue smoke begins to rise and cover the bodies, when it disperses; they are gone.
FADE TO BLACK
EXT, RAMP – DAY
FADE IN
Ardeth walks down the ramp slowly, He is wearing the leather jacket, it is far too big for him and the sleeves are longer than his arms. You can just make out the barrel of the gun poking out of sleeve; in his other hand, he is holding the spine. His face is speckled with dry blood. There are still people going about, but none of them pay him any attention. The light is fading.
FADE TO BLACK