hippychick
08-06-2004, 08:45 PM
> >2004 IDIOT BADGE winners.....
> >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >>I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
> >>the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
> >>because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
> >>reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
> >>need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at
> >>the end of the conversation happened to
> >>mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
> >>kill
> >>the ants. I told her that she'd better bring her daughter into the
> >>emergency
> >>room right away.
> >>
> >>
> >> Here's your badge, lady. Wear it with pride.
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Number Two Idiot of 2004
> >>Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
> >>steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
> >>getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for
> >>a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming
> >>towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the
> >>emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
> >>They are no longer employed at Boeing.
> >>
> >>
> >> Here's your badge, guys. .
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Number Three Idiot of 2004
> >>
> >> A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
> >>downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "t his iz
> >>a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line,
> >>waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
> >>someone had seen him write the note
> >>and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he
> >>left
> >>the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting
> >>a
> >>few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She
> >>read
> >>it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
> >>light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
> >>because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
> >>would
> >>either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
> >>America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was
> >>arrested a few minutes later , as he was waiting in the back at Bank of
> >>America.
> >>
> >>
> >> Don't bother with this guy's badge. He probably couldn't read it
> >>anyway.
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Number Five Idiot of 2004
> >>
> >> A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
> >>demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put
> >>the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
> >>behind the counter on
> > >the
> >>shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
> >>cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over 21."
> >>The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
> >>him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took
> >>his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The
> >>clerk looked it over and agreed that
> >>the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
> >>then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
> >>police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
> >>license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
> >>
> >>
> >> This guy definitely needs a badge!
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Idiot Number Six of 2004
> >>
> >> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
> >>revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
> >>moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
> >>
> >>This guy doesn't need a badge, he probably
> >>figured it out himself.
> >>
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Idiot Number Seven of 2004
> >>
> >> Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
> >>just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
> >>booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
> >>head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would
> >>be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor
> >>store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
> >>videotape. Oh, that smarts.
> >>
> >> Give him his badge.
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Idiot Number Eight of 2004
> >>
> >> Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
> >>walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M.,
> >>flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because
> >>he said he couldn't open
> >>the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
> >>rings,
> >>the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
> >>frustrated,
> >>walked away. Give him a badge.
> >>
> >>
> >>Please note that all of the above people are allowed
> >>to vote (and breed).
>
> >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >>I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
> >>the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
> >>because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
> >>reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
> >>need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at
> >>the end of the conversation happened to
> >>mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
> >>kill
> >>the ants. I told her that she'd better bring her daughter into the
> >>emergency
> >>room right away.
> >>
> >>
> >> Here's your badge, lady. Wear it with pride.
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Number Two Idiot of 2004
> >>Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
> >>steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
> >>getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for
> >>a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming
> >>towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the
> >>emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
> >>They are no longer employed at Boeing.
> >>
> >>
> >> Here's your badge, guys. .
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Number Three Idiot of 2004
> >>
> >> A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
> >>downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "t his iz
> >>a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line,
> >>waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
> >>someone had seen him write the note
> >>and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he
> >>left
> >>the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting
> >>a
> >>few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She
> >>read
> >>it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
> >>light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
> >>because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
> >>would
> >>either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
> >>America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was
> >>arrested a few minutes later , as he was waiting in the back at Bank of
> >>America.
> >>
> >>
> >> Don't bother with this guy's badge. He probably couldn't read it
> >>anyway.
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Number Five Idiot of 2004
> >>
> >> A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
> >>demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put
> >>the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
> >>behind the counter on
> > >the
> >>shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
> >>cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over 21."
> >>The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
> >>him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took
> >>his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The
> >>clerk looked it over and agreed that
> >>the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
> >>then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
> >>police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
> >>license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
> >>
> >>
> >> This guy definitely needs a badge!
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Idiot Number Six of 2004
> >>
> >> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
> >>revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
> >>moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
> >>
> >>This guy doesn't need a badge, he probably
> >>figured it out himself.
> >>
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Idiot Number Seven of 2004
> >>
> >> Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
> >>just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
> >>booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
> >>head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would
> >>be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor
> >>store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
> >>videotape. Oh, that smarts.
> >>
> >> Give him his badge.
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >> Idiot Number Eight of 2004
> >>
> >> Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
> >>walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M.,
> >>flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because
> >>he said he couldn't open
> >>the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
> >>rings,
> >>the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
> >>frustrated,
> >>walked away. Give him a badge.
> >>
> >>
> >>Please note that all of the above people are allowed
> >>to vote (and breed).
>