hippychick
08-07-2004, 07:35 PM
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
>
>Smart boss + smart employee = profit
>
>Smart boss + dumb employee = production
>
>Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
>
>Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
>
>
>SHOPPING MATH
>
>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
>
>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
>
>
>
>GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
>
>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
>
>A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
>
>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
>
>HAPPINESS
>
>To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
>little.
>
>To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
>her at all.
>
>
>
>LONGEVITY
>
>Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
>willing to die.
>
>
>
>PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
>
>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
>
>A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
>
>
>
>DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
>
>A woman has the last word in any argument.
>
>Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>
>
>
>HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
>
>Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
>cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
>same thing to them at funerals.
>
>Smart boss + smart employee = profit
>
>Smart boss + dumb employee = production
>
>Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
>
>Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
>
>
>SHOPPING MATH
>
>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
>
>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
>
>
>
>GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
>
>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
>
>A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
>
>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
>
>HAPPINESS
>
>To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
>little.
>
>To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
>her at all.
>
>
>
>LONGEVITY
>
>Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
>willing to die.
>
>
>
>PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
>
>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
>
>A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
>
>
>
>DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
>
>A woman has the last word in any argument.
>
>Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>
>
>
>HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
>
>Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
>cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
>same thing to them at funerals.