entertain me

[TheRealDave]

instead of making another depressive topic about my sad and pants life, i'm trying to cheer myself up. Give it your best shot! :P

[bujub22]

masterbate it helps release stress and boredom





:( but dont get caught!

[TheRealDave]

i have a lock on my door, i never get caught :P

[Mr. Mulder]

unless you like getting caught :shifty:

[enoughfakefiles]

unless you like getting caught :shifty:

Now that would be entertaining but not for the real dave. :lol: :lol:

[bujub22]

he should go punch his mother in the face if he wants entertament

he'll get exercise running
someone who will talk to him :dry: shout at him :lol:
and all the fun of being locked in your room fo a week ;)

[TheRealDave]

my mams out, again. I havn't seen her in about 4 days

[Gemby!]

Well, according to my psychology lessons all women want to have a penis, which is why they hate their mother for not giving them one :blink:

Happy ?

[TheRealDave]

made me smile, only because i have no fecking idea what you're on about :lol:

[Gemby!]

Lol I will explain in time....

[Gemby!]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v437/gemby/scan0006.jpg
That's a theory , enjoy !

[ZaZu]

A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The show
begins, and the comedian comes out for his first show of the evening. The
comedian says, "A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his
arm..." The show begins, and the comedian comes out for his second show
of the evening. The show begins, and the comedian says, "A man walks into
a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm..."

Just then, a man stands up and says "I think I heard this one before."
The comedian says, "Maybe you caught my first show of the evening." The
man says "No, I just walked in here." The comedian says "Well there was a
guy who looked just like you walked in here with a beautiful girl on his
arm, maybe it was your twin brother." The man says "My twin brother is
dead." The comedian says "What is this, a wake?"

The man says "I don't have to stand for this..." and he stands up, and
walks outside of the nightclub. The comedian says "Hey, you still out
there? I can hear you breathing." The man says "I'm holding my breath."

"Well, I'm holding your wife."

Just then the man says "That's not my wife" and he walks back into the
nightclub with another beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian asks "Hey,
who's that lady I'm seeing you with?" The man says "THIS is my wife.
That other lady is my dead twin brother's wife. You can take her if you
want her." And the comedian says "Not unless you say please."

Just then a man walks into the nightclub with a tatoo of a beautiful girl
on his arm eating elbow macaroni. The comedian asks "Hey, is that lady
from Italy?" The man says "No, just Hungary."

Just then a man comes into the nightclub...he comes RIDING into the
nightclub on a pony, with a feather stuck in his hat. "What do you call
that?" the comedian asks. "An entrance," the man says, "but just forget
that, get me a beer, and get my pony a jockey."

The bartender says "I think that pony's had enough already."

"Well make it a short jockey," the man says, "and while you're at it, get
that lady's lawyer some breifs."

The lady stands up and says "I can defend mySELF, your honor." And the
lawyer stands up and says "But I'll defend her HONOR, your honor." The
judge says "Well let her offer; make up your mind." The comedian says
"Definately HONOR, that's the best offer I had all day."

"Well take it or leave it" says the judge.

"Couldn't we just drop it?" says thhe comedian.

"You have to drop leaflets before you bomb."

"Well I'm already bombing."

"Maybe it's your material."

"You don't think it fits?"

"Weeeell, it could be let out a little."

The comedian asks "How much do you think it'll cost me?" "It'll cost you
an arm and a leg" says the man. The comic says "Listen, can you put it
on the cuff?" The tailor says "I'll tell you what I'll do, we'll forget
the leg, and I'll just charge you an arm." And a beautiful arm it is.

"OK" says the comedian, so the tailor cuts off the comedian's arm, and
gives him his suit. The tailor goes home and calls up his girl; he wants
to take her out on the town that night in order to celebrate. He calls
on his girl, and gives her the beautiful arm as a gift, and she wears it
around her neck just like a stole. And they go out on the town.

The man walks into the nightclub with a beautiful arm on his girl. The
show begins, and the one-armed comedian comes out for his last show of the
evening. He does his act, and the audience stands up, and gives him a hand.

EDIT:
written and performed by
Brian Doyle-Murray (former cast member on Saturday Night Live, and Bill
Murray's older brother)

[bujub22]

wtf :blink: