[GUIDE] How to switch your computer on

[Cheese]

First of all ensure you actually have a computer and haven't confused a microwave for your pc.

Computer:http://www.btinternet.com/~shawweb/stephen/pc.jpg

Not a computer:http://www.gananoque.com/nhl/microwave.jpg

Next ensure that it is plugged in at the mains. There is no need to lick the plug before plugging it in. Below is a standard plug for the UK and Malaysia.

http://www.firstphoneshop.co.uk/2004-images/plug.jpeg

If you are in the US or Canada then you will have a plug set-up like this below. Please don't try to plug a US plug into a UK mains. Though this shouldn't be a problem unless you have a very long wire.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/Withcheese/usplug.jpg

Please ensure at all times that it is a plug that you are trying to insert into the mains.

WRONG:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/Withcheese/key2.jpg

Before you actually switch on your machine ensure that no pets are inside the computer. Cats are especially notorius for getting inside your machine trying to "fix" things.

WRONG:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/Withcheese/catinaflap2.jpg

Next press the 'ON' button. This is usually located at the front of the computer. This needs to be pressed firmly, saying "Make it so" as you press it is optional.

http://www.im-visions.com/pro/data/media/42/pc_187.jpg


*Note: This is my guide so far, it's still a work in progress but I'm hoping to get it moved to the Guide Section. Any comments would be helpful, particularly from other countries because you have wierd plugs.

Special thanks to Rossco for his invaluable help with US/Canadian plugs and thanks to Maskawaih for help with Malaysian plugs.

Thanks also to my Health and Safety advisor, Arcadia.

[DanB]

Very informative :D

[ziggyjuarez]

lol haha love the cat

[Cheese]

Very informative :D
Thanks Dan, I appreciate your support.

My next project, when I've finished this one, is to write a guide on how to turn off your computer. I'm going to have to do some research first though.

[100%]

ok ok i think i got it

yes ok

I got that far - its on (making buzzing noises n stuff)
what now?

[Cheese]

lol haha love the cat
Perhaps the cat will confuse people? Maybe I should change the picture...

[DanB]

I have just recommended your guide to be pinned via the report system :)

[tesco]

canadian, us, and possibly somewhere else wall outlet: http://nominimumstore.com/catalog/images/SR227.jpg

and the plug: http://www.tonycolter.com/photos/potd/potd-20030620.jpg

:)

edit: got the two pis screwed up. :rolleyes:

[Cheese]

Cheers Ross, I'll add them to my guide.

[tesco]

rossco claps.

[maskawaih]

Malaysia use something like this too

http://www.firstphoneshop.co.uk/2004-images/plug.jpeg

[Cheese]

Cheers Mask. I've added the relevant info.

[Mr. Mulder]

Perhaps explain the dangers of sending you pets in to have a look when it won’t turn on? :unsure:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v219/Arcadiaculttv/insidecomp.jpg

(He’s called Timmy, doesn’t say much, keeps to him self, doesn’t care for peripheral components)

[100%]

:oso thats how the cat face gets on the screen!?!

[Cheese]

Cheers Rob I've added an ammendment to the guide and a special thanks.

[Mr. Mulder]

aawwwww shucks :blushing:

[maskawaih]

aawwwww shucks :blushing:
:lol: blushing... :lol:

[Busyman]

Ok please help me and go over the part about the plugging in.

Do I strip the wire first or not?

You were not very clear.

Also, is the cat an integral part of the computer? Mine did not come with one and I'm worried that Dell Computer shafted me. :angry:

Your help would greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!!! :)

[Cheese]

Some questions will have to wait until Part Two: Advanced Computer Inialization Theory.

With regards to the cat it's a well known fact that no-one ever got pussy with a computer. :(

[Mathea]

I would test it out except I have yet to see your guide to turning it off...... please help

[Cheese]

I would test it out except I have yet to see your guide to turning it off...... please help
Robert00000000 is helping me co-author that guide. He is an expert in turning things off.

[Busyman]

Some questions will have to wait until Part Two: Advanced Computer Inialization Theory.

With regards to the cat it's a well known fact that no-one ever got pussy with a computer. :(
Come on man. Just help me out.

I want to like really use this doohickey one day. :01:

I heard that you could get pussy through a computer.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v219/Arcadiaculttv/insidecomp.jpg The pic clearly shows you did. Why can't I?

(Even though it seems you only could get the head through) :dry:

Btw has anyone ever told you that your pussy has a big head? :blink:

[Busyman]

I would test it out except I have yet to see your guide to turning it off...... please help
I'm with you on that Mathea. Withoutchedda if you are going to start something, follow through DAMNIT!! :angry:

[Mathea]

Robert00000000 is helping me co-author that guide. He is an expert in turning things off.
:lol: :lol:

too true!

okies well as u can see you now got me n busyman ready to test out ur guide, but we need a little more effort on your side first

[manker]

Help! I cannot connect to the internet :(




Quality guide, Cheese :lol: :lol:

[Mathea]

oh dear poor manker... i hope u get the internet soon as ur missing out on loads of stuff

[Busyman]

Help! I cannot connect to the internet :(




Quality guide, Cheese :lol: :lol:
Your on the internet, STUPID!!! :blink:

Stop wasting his time with dumbass questions ya wanker bastard!!! :angry:

Now let's get back to this turning my computer on...........

:)

[Mathea]

now now i think cheese will just have to put his social life on hold so he can help everyone out

after all, Busyman needs help turnin his comp on and mankers still stuck without an online connection


hurry the fuck up cheese.. you started this mess now fix it! :P

[manker]

:lol:

I feel so dumb now. I still can't connect to the internet tho' and I'm missing out on all the DVDs that my friends download from the internet. Whenever I open my DVD drive it's still empty :crying:

[Mathea]

:lol:

I feel so dumb now. I still can't connect to the internet tho' and I'm missing out on all the DVDs that my friends download from the internet. Whenever I open my DVD drive it's still empty :crying:
damn! i would help if i could, but my comp doesnt even have a dvd thingy.... tho it does have a lovely cup holder.. .so if u ever want coffee lemme know

[ZaZu]

I've followed your guide setp-by-step but my computer still won't start what should I do now :huh:

note:the pussy that came with it said this is how it's supposed to look,I'm not so sure :dry:

http://img79.exs.cx/img79/292/StupidComputer.jpg

[Robert00000]

Robert00000000 is helping me co-author that guide. He is an expert in turning things off.
Damn, that Robert00000000 is smart cos i can't figure out how to do that. Its prolly cos i only have 5 zero's :(

I've been trying to switch off this machine but the chick keeps saying 'Stop pressing my nipples' and hits me :huh:

[Cheese]

Sorry guys,

A rogue cat turned my computer off and without the benefit of my helpful guide it took me ages to get back online.

[Mathea]

thank god uve returned. manker is in some serious trouble cheese and it looks as though ur the only one with the proper knowledge to save the day

[Cheese]

Does anyone have a guide on how to read threads?

[Spicker]

This should be pinned in hardwareworld :lol:

[DanB]

Does anyone have a guide on how to read threads?


I think BAwa is working on that one :huh:

[Guillaume]

Maybe you could write a second part on laptops?
Had to call the support line for mine this very afternoon...
Those buggers want 20 euros now! :angry:

[DanB]

Maybe you could write a second part on laptops?
Had to call the support line for mine this very afternoon...
Those buggers want 20 euros now! :angry:


Could you not turn it on? :unsure:

[lynx]

I have just recommended your guide to be pinned via the report system :)The thread reporting mechanism is not a toy. http://www.mcbriens.net/liam/img/smilies/whack.gif

[DanB]

The thread reporting mechanism is not a toy. http://www.mcbriens.net/liam/img/smilies/whack.gif

http://www.mcbriens.net/liam/img/smilies/whistle.gif

[Guillaume]

Could you not turn it on? :unsure:

One has to know where the on button is in the first place.

[lynx]

One has to know where the on button is in the first place.
Button? :blink:

Haven't worked those out yet. Zips are about my limit.

[Mathea]

One has to know where the on button is in the first place.
when will you guys learn, it isnt just a button that can be pushed easily


its a technique :P

[DanB]

when will you guys learn, it isnt just a button that can be pushed easily


its a technique :P


Now who's the dirty one? :nono:

[Mathea]

Now who's the dirty one? :nono:

now when did i have say i wasnt?

[DanB]

now when did i have say i wasnt?


Erm, I sure you have somewhere

[Mathea]

nah cuz theres no way i could even pretend to back it up

[DanB]

:lol: :lol:

[Mathea]

well at least im honest

[DanB]

well at least im honest


Thats a very good thing :D

[Mathea]

so ive been told.... but it has yet to come in handy thus far in life

[DanB]

so ive been told.... but it has yet to come in handy thus far in life


Hmmm, you just need to be selective about the times you apply it

[Mathea]

yeah, whereas ive also learned that sometimes too much truth can be a bad thing

[DanB]

that is also very true.

Sometimes its best to just stfu :D

[Mathea]

hope that wasnt a hint cuz im not gettin it :P

[Snee]

First of all ensure you actually have a computer and haven't confused a microwave for your pc.

Computer:http://www.btinternet.com/~shawweb/stephen/pc.jpg

Not a computer:http://www.gananoque.com/nhl/microwave.jpg

Next ensure that it is plugged in at the mains. There is no need to lick the plug before plugging it in. Below is a standard plug for the UK and Malaysia.

http://www.firstphoneshop.co.uk/2004-images/plug.jpeg

If you are in the US or Canada then you will have a plug set-up like this below. Please don't try to plug a US plug into a UK mains. Though this shouldn't be a problem unless you have a very long wire.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/Withcheese/usplug.jpg

Please ensure at all times that it is a plug that you are trying to insert into the mains.

WRONG:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/Withcheese/key2.jpg

Before you actually switch on your machine ensure that no pets are inside the computer. Cats are especially notorius for getting inside your machine trying to "fix" things.

WRONG:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/Withcheese/catinaflap2.jpg

Next press the 'ON' button. This is usually located at the front of the computer. This needs to be pressed firmly, saying "Make it so" as you press it is optional.

http://www.im-visions.com/pro/data/media/42/pc_187.jpg


*Note: This is my guide so far, it's still a work in progress but I'm hoping to get it moved to the Guide Section. Any comments would be helpful, particularly from other countries because you have wierd plugs.

Special thanks to Rossco for his invaluable help with US/Canadian plugs and thanks to Maskawaih for help with Malaysian plugs.

Thanks also to my Health and Safety advisor, Arcadia.

I have to say this is a most excellent guide, and that it indeed does deserve to be pinned in hardwareworld.

[sArA]

Sorry.....I don't get it.....could you explain that again please? :blink:

[Cheese]

Sorry.....I don't get it.....could you explain that again please? :blink:
Sure thing boss:

http://filesharingtalk.com/vb3/showthread.php?t=83466&page=1&pp=20

[tesco]

Sure thing boss:

http://filesharingtalk.com/vb3/showthread.php?t=83466&page=1&pp=20[/url]
[url=http://filesharingtalk.com/vb3/showthread.php?t=83466&page=1&pp=20]Another excellent guide (http://filesharingtalk.com/vb3/showthread.php?p=890916#post890916) to read afterwards.

[100%]

Can you make money from having your computer on?



.

[100%]

Anyway....
my computer has been on for almost a week now
so jhow do you turn it off??

[Cheese]

Just read my switching on guide backwards.

Well not literally backwards else you'll get a message from my boss. Just follow the guide backwards, not sitting backwards else you won't be able to see the screen, etc.....

[DanB]

The cat in my pc keeps trying to catch my mouse :(

[Busyman]

The cat in my pc keeps trying to catch my mouse :(
You don't want your pussy catching anything Dan.

You might get a virus and some viruses have no cure. Not even Dr. Norton or Dr McAlfee can help you. :(

[DanB]

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/hewo.php

Dam cat gets in all the wrong places :(

Busyman do you mean Gonnorhea for life :ph34r:

[Busyman]

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/hewo.php

Dam cat gets in all the wrong places :(

Busyman do you mean Gonnorhea for life :ph34r:
Yuh huh..... and also worms and other macroviruses.

[Cheese]

Why isn't this in the guide section?

VB sux0rs!!!!!1111

[100%]

Finally..
My computer is on.
now what?

[Seedler]

Ty for the great guide.

[Virtualbody1234]

Finally..
My computer is on.
now what?

You could turn it off.

To do that you need to click the Start button. :blink:

[Proper Bo]

or ctrl+alt+delete :dabs:

[clocker]

From: HardwareWorld Editorial Submission Board
Subject: Proposed article "How to turn on your computer".

Thank you for your recent submission.
Although we found it lacking in several important repects, HW World appreciates the time and energy you have expended and with a little work your piece may become acceptable in the future.

Specific areas of complaint are as follows:

-Safety was not comprehensively addressed.
A "pre-initialization" check of the wiring should be performed every time the PC is to be started.
Proper wiring is a must...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/clocker/wires.jpg

As in the rest of life, "Cleanliness is next to Godliness".
Never try to turn on a dirty computer.
When in doubt, a quick rinse is never a bad idea...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/clocker/clean.jpg

Be sure that you, your computer and all it's peripherals are properly arranged for safe comfortable computing before initializing the startup protocol...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/clocker/seated.jpg

Failure to adhere to the above suggestions can lead to a bad day at the office.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/clocker/problem.jpg

Please address the above concerns and feel free to resubmit your article.

Thank you.

[peat moss]

I see Ross was a journeyman Electrician even way back then . :D

[Cheese]

Heh, that Cheese and his crazy quest to get a topic pinned in the Guides section.