hippychick
02-22-2005, 02:19 AM
Blonde Jokes
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A DEAD BMW
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
_____________________________________________________
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you!"
______________________________________________________________________
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank.
Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second
blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You
ARE on the other side."
___________________________________________________________________
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads. You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said
the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!" ___________________________________________________________________________
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY,!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
Hellooooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES !
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer ji gsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's
finished? "The blonde said , "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. "
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed, ...... "Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."
--------------------------------------------------------------
A DEAD BMW
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
_____________________________________________________
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you!"
______________________________________________________________________
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank.
Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second
blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You
ARE on the other side."
___________________________________________________________________
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads. You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said
the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!" ___________________________________________________________________________
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY,!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
Hellooooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES !
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer ji gsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's
finished? "The blonde said , "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. "
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed, ...... "Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."