Canada has problems too; our whole hemisphere is F'ed up!

[j2k4]

Now, you guys know I love ya, right?

With that in mind, I hereby submit, along with this column, the idea that idiocy is indeed all-pervading, and that I am comforted that the U.S. and it's citizens are not alone in their suffering.

Enjoy-

What will Alec Baldwin find in Canada?
John Leo
February 14, 2005

Some 10,000 to 20,000 Americans, unable to come to terms with the re-election of President Bush, are believed poised to leave the United States and become Canadians. Many, of course, will remain permanently in the poised position, just like Alec Baldwin, who has apparently been on the tarmac for four years awaiting a plane to some other country.

But suppose the disaffected 10,000 to 20,000 actually depart. Will they find happiness? Will they achieve peace of mind north of the border? No, they won’t. Instead they will find the following:

Strange and maddening football games.
For reasons nobody can fathom, Canadian football is played on an enormous field, with 12 players on a side and only three downs, so every third play tends to be a punt. Canadian football alone is said to have driven an estimated 2 million Canadians across the border to become U.S. citizens. Many believe Bush could not have won without the disaffected Canadian football vote.

More Canadian music than you can imagine.
Radio stations must play Canadian music at least 35 percent of the time. Strict rules determine what music is Canadian enough to fill the quota. Though Celine Dion is Canadian, her hit “My Heart Will Go On” was insufficiently Canadian, since the lyricist, the songwriter, and the recording were non-Canadian. As a result, thoroughly Canadian pop music stays on the radio long enough to drive many Canadians to distraction, drink, and even Canadian football.

Except for murder, a rate of violent crime as disgraceful as that of the United States.
Many U.S. newspapers salute Canada for its low crime rate. But according to the International Crime Victimization Survey, the rate of certain “contact” crimes (robbery, sexual assault, and assault with force) is over 1.5 times higher in Canada than in the United States.

A national political leader every bit as hard to look at as George Bush.
People who detest President Bush’s syntax or cocky gait must consider Prime Minister Paul Martin’s disastrous smile. Martin’s speechwriter said the PM’s “fake smile leads one to assume that Martin’s foot is being stepped on by an antelope.”

Perplexing food decisions.
Never ask a grocer in Canada for “American” cheese or “Canadian” bacon. Un-Canadian anger may ensue. Also, approach the famous national dessert, the Canadian butter tart, with extreme caution. It is made with brown sugar, eggs, flour, vanilla, and lead. Strong men have been known to eat two at a single sitting, though, because of the lead content, they are usually unable to move for several days afterward.

The customary problems of socialized medicine.
A 2000 report from the Heritage Foundation found long waiting lists, government rationing, and substandard care in Canada’s system. Drug spending is controlled, according to the report, by limiting the number of approved drugs and slowing down the approval process. In one four-year period, Canada approved only 24 of 400 new drugs. Keep coming down here for healthcare, Canadians.

A national infatuation with censorship.
Canadians tend to be a benign people who value niceness. So they have a strong tendency to suppress speech that they see as lacking in niceness. Un-nice books and videos are seized at the border or banned from libraries. Any material cited for “undue exploitation of sex” or for being “degrading or dehumanizing” can be banned.

Speech is illegal if it “promotes hatred” or spreads “false news.” Advertising “directed at children” can be ruled illegal. If the recorded message on your answering machine is deemed discriminatory, you can be prosecuted for it. In Saskatchewan, a newspaper ad listing four biblical citations against homosexuality (just the listing, no text), accompanied by two hand-holding male stick figures with a line drawn across them, was ruled a human-rights offense, and the man who placed the ad was directed to pay $1,800 each to three gay men who were offended by the ad. “Canadians put up with an insane amount of crap that Americans might not,” said David Sutherland, former director of the British Columbia Civil Liberties Association.

Canada’s trying to be European.
Canada has been aping trends in Europe, from the obsession with multiculturalism, the rising contempt for religion, greater censorship, and even a declining birthrate. Canada’s birthrate is 1.49 children per woman, well below the replacement level of 2.1. Canada’s elites behave much like those of the United States, favoring judicially imposed decisions over democratic and legislative ones. In Canada, a smaller and less varied nation than the United States, the elites meet less resistance. But there are signs of a pushback. Though the Canadian and American press consistently give the impression that gay marriage is overwhelmingly favored in Canada, a February 2 National Post/Global National poll found that two thirds of Canadians oppose gay marriage and would likely vote against it in a national plebiscite. The polls suggest that Canadians are close to Americans on this issue. It’s elite opinion and judges that make Canada look different.

The Dave-I hope you find the non-blue text a little less annoying. :dry:

[Snee]

Is that green text?

It fuxcors with my eyes.

[Biggles]

The US loves Canada really though? :ermm:

I, of an occasion, dip into the Yahoo threads to see what nonsense is in the offing. On a recent story about Canada deciding to not run with the star wars programme I encountered a level (and sheer quantity) of anti-Canadianism that took my breath away.

I left deciding that it was not Europe, the ME, Mexico or the Chinese that are the Satanic source of all evil but in fact humble, never bothers anybody, Canada. :blink:

T'is a strange world.

[Busyman]

Now, you guys know I love ya, right?

With that in mind, I hereby submit, along with this column, the idea that idiocy is indeed all-pervading, and that I am comforted that the U.S. and it's citizens are not alone in their suffering.

Enjoy-

What will Alec Baldwin find in Canada?
John Leo
February 14, 2005

Some 10,000 to 20,000 Americans, unable to come to terms with the re-election of President Bush, are believed poised to leave the United States and become Canadians. Many, of course, will remain permanently in the poised position, just like Alec Baldwin, who has apparently been on the tarmac for four years awaiting a plane to some other country.

But suppose the disaffected 10,000 to 20,000 actually depart. Will they find happiness? Will they achieve peace of mind north of the border? No, they won’t. Instead they will find the following:

Strange and maddening football games.
For reasons nobody can fathom, Canadian football is played on an enormous field, with 12 players on a side and only three downs, so every third play tends to be a punt. Canadian football alone is said to have driven an estimated 2 million Canadians across the border to become U.S. citizens. Many believe Bush could not have won without the disaffected Canadian football vote.

More Canadian music than you can imagine.
Radio stations must play Canadian music at least 35 percent of the time. Strict rules determine what music is Canadian enough to fill the quota. Though Celine Dion is Canadian, her hit “My Heart Will Go On” was insufficiently Canadian, since the lyricist, the songwriter, and the recording were non-Canadian. As a result, thoroughly Canadian pop music stays on the radio long enough to drive many Canadians to distraction, drink, and even Canadian football.

Except for murder, a rate of violent crime as disgraceful as that of the United States.
Many U.S. newspapers salute Canada for its low crime rate. But according to the International Crime Victimization Survey, the rate of certain “contact” crimes (robbery, sexual assault, and assault with force) is over 1.5 times higher in Canada than in the United States.

A national political leader every bit as hard to look at as George Bush.
People who detest President Bush’s syntax or cocky gait must consider Prime Minister Paul Martin’s disastrous smile. Martin’s speechwriter said the PM’s “fake smile leads one to assume that Martin’s foot is being stepped on by an antelope.”

Perplexing food decisions.
Never ask a grocer in Canada for “American” cheese or “Canadian” bacon. Un-Canadian anger may ensue. Also, approach the famous national dessert, the Canadian butter tart, with extreme caution. It is made with brown sugar, eggs, flour, vanilla, and lead. Strong men have been known to eat two at a single sitting, though, because of the lead content, they are usually unable to move for several days afterward.

The customary problems of socialized medicine.
A 2000 report from the Heritage Foundation found long waiting lists, government rationing, and substandard care in Canada’s system. Drug spending is controlled, according to the report, by limiting the number of approved drugs and slowing down the approval process. In one four-year period, Canada approved only 24 of 400 new drugs. Keep coming down here for healthcare, Canadians.

A national infatuation with censorship.
Canadians tend to be a benign people who value niceness. So they have a strong tendency to suppress speech that they see as lacking in niceness. Un-nice books and videos are seized at the border or banned from libraries. Any material cited for “undue exploitation of sex” or for being “degrading or dehumanizing” can be banned.

Speech is illegal if it “promotes hatred” or spreads “false news.” Advertising “directed at children” can be ruled illegal. If the recorded message on your answering machine is deemed discriminatory, you can be prosecuted for it. In Saskatchewan, a newspaper ad listing four biblical citations against homosexuality (just the listing, no text), accompanied by two hand-holding male stick figures with a line drawn across them, was ruled a human-rights offense, and the man who placed the ad was directed to pay $1,800 each to three gay men who were offended by the ad. “Canadians put up with an insane amount of crap that Americans might not,” said David Sutherland, former director of the British Columbia Civil Liberties Association.

Canada’s trying to be European.
Canada has been aping trends in Europe, from the obsession with multiculturalism, the rising contempt for religion, greater censorship, and even a declining birthrate. Canada’s birthrate is 1.49 children per woman, well below the replacement level of 2.1. Canada’s elites behave much like those of the United States, favoring judicially imposed decisions over democratic and legislative ones. In Canada, a smaller and less varied nation than the United States, the elites meet less resistance. But there are signs of a pushback. Though the Canadian and American press consistently give the impression that gay marriage is overwhelmingly favored in Canada, a February 2 National Post/Global National poll found that two thirds of Canadians oppose gay marriage and would likely vote against it in a national plebiscite. The polls suggest that Canadians are close to Americans on this issue. It’s elite opinion and judges that make Canada look different.

The Dave-I hope you find the non-blue text a little less annoying. :dry:
Wow, a sort of anti-Canada post....seems factual though so maybe not.

Very good post j2. I didn't know that stuff. ;)

Oh and if Alec wants leave then he can......

:01: :angry: STFU!!! and GTFO!!! :angry: :01:

This covers it...

Live in America but hate America.

:01: :angry: STFU!!!! and GTFO!!!! :angry: :01:


....of the country. Go elsewhere. Why stay someplace that you hate so much? We sure as hell don't want you here. If you are going to stay, what are you doing to change it? This goes for other countries as well.

[Biggles]

Wow, a sort of anti-Canada post....seems factual though so maybe not.

Very good post j2. I didn't know that stuff. ;)

Oh and if Alec wants leave then he can......

:01: :angry: STFU!!! and GTFO!!! :angry: :01:

I may be wrong but I suspect that the facts are a little selective. :)

It is easy to sing the praises or do a hatchet job on any country, town or people.

Personally, I think it is highly unlikely 2m Canadians have fled the country because of the rules of their football game.

[hobbes]

The piece is all in good fun as Biggles points out, though some of the facts were surprising.

I think anti-Canadianism is a border-type affair. None of the Hispanics or cowboys down here in Texas has ever pulled me aside to bad mouth Canada. I'm not sure they know it exists, quite honestly. They are quite adamant that ALL people from Oklahoma are mentally retarded, though.

Canadians, they seem tame and cute enough to me.

[Biggles]

The piece is all in good fun as Biggles points out, though some of the facts were surprising.

I think ani-Canadianism is a border-type affair. None of the Hispanics or cowboys down here has ever pulled me aside to bad mouth Canada. I'm not sure they know it exists, quite honestly.

They seem tame and cute enough to me.

I did see a thing on TV looking at failing education standards (in a light hearted way) and one US girl said enviously to a girl from Montana "you are so lucky I would love to live on the coast". When geographical realities were pointed out she did admit she had wondered why the "sea" had been coloured grey rather than blue.

There certainly wasn't much chance of her bad-mouthing Canada.

[bigboab]

I may be wrong but I suspect that the facts are a little selective. :)

It is easy to sing the praises or do a hatchet job on any country, town or people.

Personally, I think it is highly unlikely 2m Canadians have fled the country because of the rules of their football game.

If people fled because of the state of their football. I would be posting this from Hawaii. Now there is a thought. :)

[Biggles]

If people fled because of the state of their football. I would be posting this from Hawaii. Now there is a thought. :)

Ours is like a car crash though - you are drawn to look because you wonder just how bad the wreckage is going to be. :ermm:

Speaking of which - I intend to watch the Rugby tomorrow. :helpsmili

[bigboab]

Ours is like a car crash though - you are drawn to look because you wonder just how bad the wreckage is going to be. :ermm:

Speaking of which - I intend to watch the Rugby tomorrow. :helpsmili

In the case of my team(Ayr) the road has been cleared. :lol:

To keep on the thread. Ayr is one of the nearest points to Canada. ;)

[Busyman]

I may be wrong but I suspect that the facts are a little selective. :)

It is easy to sing the praises or do a hatchet job on any country, town or people.

Personally, I think it is highly unlikely 2m Canadians have fled the country because of the rules of their football game.
Uh...of course it's selective. :blink:

It being easy to hatchet a country goes without saying.

Regarding your last....
That was the easiest "fact" to believe. :D

[Cheese]

What's a "Canada"?:unsure:

[Busyman]

What's a "Canada"?:unsure:
It's a small animal similar to the Tasmanian Devil.

[j2k4]

I think many Canadians would think it fair to say the country they live in is a far cry from the one they wish for.

I think I hear another echo.... :huh:

[Busyman]

I think many Canadians would think it fair to say the country they live in is a far cry from the one they wish for.

I think I hear another echo.... :huh:
Nuh uhhhh

They think their country is poyfect. :ohmy:

[cpt_azad]

More Canadian music than you can imagine.
Radio stations must play Canadian music at least 35 percent of the time. Strict rules determine what music is Canadian enough to fill the quota. Though Celine Dion is Canadian, her hit “My Heart Will Go On” was insufficiently Canadian, since the lyricist, the songwriter, and the recording were non-Canadian. As a result, thoroughly Canadian pop music stays on the radio long enough to drive many Canadians to distraction, drink, and even Canadian football.

so very very true :lol: :dry: stupid canadian music.....

[Cheese]

Is that green text?

It fuxcors with my eyes.

Sshh you. He's running out of colours. I don't particularly want to see an article posted in pink...

[vidcc]

this reminds me...i must check out some conservative blogs....i want to read something about the turning down of the missile defense system.... on this occasion only an extreme right winger will do. I need something matching the aarp story.

Wish me luck, i'm going in without a safety net :fear:

[hobbes]

This is an inside joke for Canadians, since they are in the spotlight here:

http://img148.exs.cx/img148/3484/strangeclipping1mf.th.jpg (http://img148.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img148&image=strangeclipping1mf.jpg)

Poor Newfies, they get no respect.

[Smith]

This is an inside joke for Canadians, since they are in the spotlight here:

http://img148.exs.cx/img148/3484/strangeclipping1mf.th.jpg (http://img148.exs.cx/my.php?loc=img148&image=strangeclipping1mf.jpg)

Poor Newfies, they get no respect.


LOL!!
@J2K4, i love my country, i have no problem with it. I just wish it would stop letting itself get pushed around by the global bullies :(

There is no place i would rather live in that canada :)

[TheDave]

i hardly ever read your posts and when i do you mention me :wub:

the only comment i have is football must include foot and ball. not be rugby for wimps in body armour who have to stop for a breather every 3 metres. no matter how big the field is, it's not football :snooty:

[Busyman]

i hardly ever read your posts and when i do you mention me :wub:

the only comment i have is football must include foot and ball. not be rugby for wimps in body armour who have to stop for a breather every 3 metres. no matter how big the field is, it's not football :snooty:
There is a kicker.

Regarding wimps.....our players are bigger and faster. No armor = no game due to multiple deaths.

We Americans like an eventful game and some scoring.

I rather have them stop for a breather to set up a meaningful play rather than run around aimlessly and possibley score a point sometime in the far off future. :dry:

[TheDave]

a game that gets stopped every fifteen seconds is eventful in the same way as a bus journey

[Busyman]

a game that gets stopped every fifteen seconds is eventful in the same way as a bus journey
....a game that goes on and on with no events is like going to sleep on the bus. "Are We There Yet?"


Ball goes this way.....ballllllll goes that way....ball goes this way....ball gooooes that.........

[TheDave]

i actually dont like football (soccer) either. but rugby is teh fun, and its far better to watch and play than american football

[Busyman]

i actually dont like football (soccer) either. but rugby is teh fun, and its far better to watch and play than american football
Yeah I rank soccer right there with baseball. They both suck to watch however I love to play them both.

The one main sticking point in rugby is that when a player is tackled...that's not the end of the play. Weird. :blink:

The NFL has more finesse and strategy with play set-up. Seeing a play come together takes your breath away.

[TheDave]

not wierd; 'ard.


i've only ever watched one game of american football and it's just not exhilerating as even a bad game of rugby. you get the rythem going and although the 'plays' arent as obvious as in a.football they are there and they win games.

[Busyman]

not wierd; 'ard.


i've only ever watched one game of american football and it's just not exhilerating as even a bad game of rugby. you get the rythem going and although the 'plays' arent as obvious as in a.football they are there and they win games.
Oh hell, there are bad NFL games.

I recall the one where it ended in a tie (most unusual) 7 - 7.

It was the worst waste of time I ever had.

I think rugby and soccer have more anarchy in it.
It's more scrappy play.

[Cheese]

Meh, soccer is the most exciting sport in the world. Also the most popular so you're both wrong.

Soccer > American football, rugby and any other sport where grown men grope at each others midriffs.

[bigboab]

Meh, soccer is the most exciting sport in the world. Also the most popular so you're both wrong.

Soccer > American football, rugby and any other sport where grown men grope at each others midriffs.
I did not realise this. I was a silly boy. I went and took up soccer. :whistling

I apologize for making statements like this. But I am trying to get it up. rolleyes:

[TheDave]

Meh, soccer is the most exciting sport in the world. Also the most popular so you're both wrong.

Soccer > American football, rugby and any other sport where grown men grope at each others midriffs.
we should change our national sport to something more manly like... WWE?

[Cheese]

we should change our national sport to something more manly like... WWE?

Hell yeah! :01:

[MagicNakor]

As a humour piece, it's adequate. ;)

I haven't looked at any of the commentary regarding missle defense as Biggles did, because, frankly, I'm a little scared. The sheer amount of anti-Canadianism I've seen on other, more trivial, topics is sometimes boggling.

:shuriken:

[Biggles]

As a humour piece, it's adequate. ;)

I haven't looked at any of the commentary regarding missle defense as Biggles did, because, frankly, I'm a little scared. The sheer amount of anti-Canadianism I've seen on other, more trivial, topics is sometimes boggling.

:shuriken:

It certainly took me by surprise. One sort of expects it regarding Arabs and even we Europeans :) but the sheer animosity towards Canadians completely stunned me. For centuries Scotland and England were at each others throats and some pretty awful things happened but I doubt if we could achieve that level of hatred.

It was as if Canada had been an evil oppressor of the US for centuries rather than a quiet backwater most notable for its politeness.

Is politeness the new evil?

Hey Ho! :blink:

[bigboab]

I suppose a lot of the hatred has to do with the fact that Canada is full of first and second generation 'draft dodgers' from the sixties. Now there are more heading 'north of the border' to avoid fighting for their country..

North of the border
Up Canada way
Thats where I ran like f**k
To dodge the draft and
Bush getting his way.

Just cant imagine Gene Autry singing that one. :lol: :lol:

[clocker]

I suppose a lot of the hatred has to do with the fact that Canada is full of first and second generation 'draft dodgers' from the sixties. Now there are more heading 'north of the border' to avoid fighting for their country..


I doubt that there were ever more than a few thousand US draft dodgers who managed to find their way to Canada.
Of these, many were immediately eaten by wolves (a quick but painful demise), the others prolly succumbed to the Canadian love of "fried dough" ( a slow and disgusting way to go).

I suspect that the anti-Canadian sentiments arise from the national predilection to send the teenagers of Canadia to Europe to sow their wild oats before returning home and morphing into the tame, yet cute, Canadians known to hobbes.
During the sixties and seventies I ran into more rampaging Canadian teenagers in Europe than natives.
No doubt there are many Newfie-German hybrids responsible for the animus.

[MagicNakor]

That would make sense if it were European countries most inclined to it, but it's the US...

The draft dodgers I know are certainly interesting folk. However, unless you go up north you generally won't find them. ;) I guess they didn't just stop at the border.

However, nothing's better than a politely-worded jab. Usually it gets an awkward smile in response. Maybe that really *is* the new evil...

:shuriken:

Edit: Although I imagine a Germfie could possibly be considered a bioterrorist threat.

[Snee]

Sshh you. He's running out of colours. I don't particularly want to see an article posted in pink...
:unsure: I wasn't sure it was actually green, but since there's no brown to choose I was asking if it was green. :unsure:

So it was part question really.

I can't read it anyway, that much of it does screw with my eyes, so meh.

EDit: I can read it, technically speaking, but I won't 'cos I find it unpleasant to look at.

[j2k4]

I love Canada and I don't even live there.

If I couldn't live in the U.S., Canada would certainly be a splendid second option.

Funny how we achieve such pique (friendly though it might be) over the questions about the football/rugby/soccer issue.

Were this a pub (never mind, we've tried) there would no doubt soon be a few of you having at fisticuffs over our collective differences.

In that vein, one never hears tales of the great Asian or Buddhist/Islamic barfights, 'cuz they don't happen-it is only we "westerners" who have the foresight to lance that particular "small-issue" boil, and avoid the festering that leads to jihad and other similar foolishness.

In our hearts, though, we are well aware that it is the wee, tiny differences that actually connect us, which is precisely why I have given up bending all of you to my point of view, no matter how much that would benefit you. :D

[j2k4]

That would make sense if it were European countries most inclined to it, but it's the US...

I think it is a violation of U.N. rules for two western nations to suffer from the same persecution complex, MN. ;)

:D

[Busyman]

Meh, soccer is the most exciting sport in the world. Also the most popular so you're both wrong.

Soccer > American football, rugby and any other sport where grown men grope at each others midriffs.
Soccer is also much. much older. Exciting? I guess if you like back and forth and uh..back and forth with no "point".

You like WWE? I liked it too when I was a youngster and watched it with my great grandmother. :dry:

When I get the chance I'll post some pictures I took of some matches I went to. I was quite the photographer.

I would catch that suplex or the jump off the top turnbuckle in mid-air. :01:

@j2 - there's no way I'd fight over someone saying basketball or football sucked. It ain't all that. Now a Dallas Cowboy fan bad mouthing the Redskins...well.........

[vidcc]

the only sport any real man would watch is womens topless beach volleyball :P


and even then no real man would be watching the ball

[bigboab]

:unsure: I wasn't sure it was actually green, but since there's no brown to choose I was asking if it was green. :unsure:

So it was part question really.

I can't read it anyway, that much of it does screw with my eyes, so meh.

EDit: I can read it, technically speaking, but I won't 'cos I find it unpleasant to look at.

Thats what I like about Snny. No hedging, straight to the point. :lol:

Wonder ifhe caught it last night. :whistling

[Everose]

I have learned a bit of Canada from IMing with a very nice young man up there for the last two years or so.

Mr. Cloud's dream vacation would be to go for a big fishing trip up there. :D