hippychick
05-16-2005, 10:39 PM
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the
honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
finger The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk
and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer..$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)
7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and
carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
"FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***-UP!" For a moment,
everyone was silent. Then the sniggers started. The security guard
completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life,
because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and
fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In
memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved
with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the
motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined
to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the
honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
finger The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk
and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer..$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)
7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and
carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
"FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***-UP!" For a moment,
everyone was silent. Then the sniggers started. The security guard
completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life,
because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and
fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In
memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved
with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the
motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined
to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.