Cya FST

[Chewie]

I know I haven't been posting to my usual haunts very often for quite a while now but things at home have not been going great for a while.
I will be bidding farewell to FST for a while. Whether it's short term or indefinitely I cannot say.

Last Friday I had a mammoth argument with my wife and she has not spoken to me since.
Since the weekend I have been actively looking for alternative accomodation.
I don't want to leave here but I know that my wife hasn't been paying the bills she's supposed to handle so some serious shit is going to hit the fan on this house sometime soon and I don't want to be in it when it does.

This is going to be hard on the kids (harder for some than others) but I am at a point where I have given up trying to guide them in a direction I feel is right because I am constantly undermined by their ability to hoodwink my wife into believing they'll do as they're asked next time... until the next time.

I have come extremely close to ending my life on two occasions in the past.
I was once extremely depressed about my inability to support the family on my own wages and one day sent a text message about it to my wife while I was at work. She replied by telling me to 'grow up'.
The only thing that 'kept me going' (horrible phrase I know, but it fits so well) was the thought that my family would be really in the shitter should I go.

I have to make this decision in my own interests and disregard others' feelings otherwise I am likely to fall into a very dark frame of mind that I may not find the strength to overcome.

Some workmates have tried to tell me I'm putting on a brave face by saying I don't care about my family any more, that it's all going to back-up inside me and I'll end up having a breakdown. I have told them that I've had breakdowns before, that I've contemplated suicide on a number of occasions, and that I have got to stop caring in order to prevent it happening again.

So there we have it... Chewie is losing it and has got to do something about that. I have been looking at apartments in what I consider my price range (renting, cos at 40 I will never get a first mortgage, especially in South London!) and there are some with cable access or at least the possibility of it. Hopefully, I'll have found somewhere and got myself sorted out before the end of the month, and be back online with time to post here.

Laters.

[Snee]

Good luck. I hope it works out for you, I really do.

[peat moss]

Ah thats the shits , but remember the kids they love you no matter what happens. I lived in my car at one stage of my time away with my ex wife, did n't think it could get much worse ! But life is funny it has a way of sorting out. Good luck bud.

[Chewie]

Thanks guys.
Looked at another flat this morning... yeugh! Two rooms with the front door in the bedroom and a shower/toilet that looks like it was an airing cupboard. Also had a slot meter for the gas, jeez that's old!

[Rat Faced]

:(

Good luck mate.

[Skiz]

...but remember the kids, they love you no matter what happens.

So true. They need their father, so don't forget about them.

Just remember, some things that are as simple as keeping your head up can make you feel better. I'll say a prayer for you Chewie. HANG IN THERE!

[hobbes]

Well, how's this thread for dropping a little perspective on us when we "think"we have problems.

The situation sounds very complex so I really can't offer anything more than my best wishes and hope that you hang tough and do what you feel is right. Surrender is not an option because I said so. :01:

[Skiz]

Well, how's this thread for dropping a little perspective on us when we "think"we have problems.

The situation sounds very complex so I really can't offer anything more than my best wishes and hope that you hang tough and do what you feel is right. Surrender is not an option because I said so. :01:

:lol: :lol:

I read your post and then your sig. :blink:

[peat moss]

@hobbes, I love your attitude !

@chewie, does the new place have cable ?

Just kidding , sometimes you have to laff , communication is tough between a husband and wife. If she sees you looking for your own place she's liable to think whoa , what are we doing lets talk. Then problem is half solved ! ;)

[JPaul]

I find it astonishing that someone with so much going on with their life even thinks about the internet.

Never mind finds the time to post why they haven't been about lately and why they may not be about for another while.

To then say that "cable access" is a factor in chosing a new place to live is absolutely extraordinary.

To each their own.

[Chewie]

Thank you all for your words - even you, JP.
To clarify - I meant that in my price range there are even some with cable, which would mean I'd not be gone for long. Obviously, my disappearance would be a little permanent if what I choose hasn't got so much as a phone line.

I actually don't have much of what I consider my own... no TV, just a stereo, a computer, a car, some diy tools and my clothes (which are nothing to write home about).

[JPaul]

Thank you all for your words - even you, JP.
To clarify - I meant that in my price range there are even some with cable, which would mean I'd not be gone for long. Obviously, my disappearance would be a little permanent if what I choose hasn't got so much as a phone line.

I actually don't have much of what I consider my own... no TV, just a stereo, a computer, a car, some diy tools and my clothes (which are nothing to write home about).
Don't thank me, I find the whole thread nothing short of astonishing.

Where are you posting just now BTW.

[BigBank_Hank]

Well, how's this thread for dropping a little perspective on us when we "think"we have problems.

Exactly.

God speed and good luck.

[RioDeLeo]

Leaving is sometimes the best thing to do. l begged my mother to leave my father for years, she chose to stay together "for the kids", and gave us years of misery and abuse, (physical and mental, not sexual).

Get your own place, and set it up for the kids, let them know they now have two homes and always make them welcome. Never turn them away, cancel what you are doing if it clashes with them wanting to be with you, and remember the golden rule .. "never run their mother down to them".

[JPaul]

Leaving is sometimes the best thing to do. l begged my mother to leave my father for years, she chose to stay together "for the kids", and gave us years of misery and abuse, (physical and mental, not sexual).

Get your own place, and set it up for the kids, let them know they now have two homes and always make them welcome. Never turn them away, cancel what you are doing if it clashes with them wanting to be with you, and remember the golden rule .. "never run their mother down to them".
Sounds like sage advice to me.

Potential cable access should be considered somthing of a bonus.

[peat moss]

Good advice from you all , where you guys 20 years ago when I needed you. Seriously tho you have to make the kids welcome even if its a tiny apartment, make sure it's near a park or have a yard to kick a ball around with dad.

[Smith]

Good luck man, and remember everything happens for a reason. It may be tough now but once you are in the shitter you can only go up :)

[sArA]

Good luck Chewie....

My ex is still in debt up to his armpits 5 years after we split, and is the highest earner amongst all his mates...some people never learn and its best for everyone to just let them get on with it..

As J2 said, you can show your kids by your example of getting a place sorted and making it welcoming. :)

I hope you get some comfortable accommodation, and that you can at least get dial-up :)

[kazaa2002]

stay in touch,
I wish you well

we are here, we will listen,we will talk
I will keep you in my thoughts.

a lot of us just lurk and do not post very often

rest assurred, we are here to listen
I await your return to our forum
with updates on your experience

patience my friend.

[masta.z]

I find it astonishing that someone with so much going on with their life even thinks about the internet.




when there's so much bad going on in your life you turn to the people you know that will listen or support you and that generally you feel happiest around whether they be friends at work, friends you've had since you were 5, or people you've never met before in your life but only know from either forums, chat-rooms, or friends of friends of friends you talk to on line (msn, yahoo etc)
basically, when people are having a rough time they just want reassurance that their not making a big mistake or that someone somwhere would care if something were to happen to them (selfinflicted or not)

i know i was helped through some bad times by people i hadnt ever met and still havent


and chewie, always remember no matter what, you have the support of many people here (encase you hadnt noticed)

Masta.z!
lurker extrordinaire

[lynx]

Whatever you decide, good luck mate.


:rolleyes: Damned Wookies.

[muchspl3]

kill your wife

problem solved

[99%]

Heavy story Chewie
i can imagine delving in web forums isnt the best idea right now
it will work out

[Chewie]

Thanks for the kind words of support, everyone.

Posting from home now but I've been busy looking at places and put a holding deposit on one on Wednesday. It's only a "compact" one bedroomed basement but with a futon I can have sleepovers if the kids want.
Oh yeah, I paid without first checking for internet access, so does that move me up in your estimation, JPaul? ;)

Still gotta look at two more places this morning in case that one falls through though.

With regard to the situation at home... I didn't get a birthday card from Mrs Chewie on Monday; didn't get a single word out of her until that night as a matter of fact - not even 'thanks' for the coffee I made her before I left the house in the morning.

My son is acting like a complete cunt to everyone. I now have confirmation of my belief that he's an argumentative, theiving, scumbag waster smoking 'blems' (joints) whenever he gets the chance. Mrs Chewie won't entertain the idea of him doing any of that, though. He talks to me like I'm shit one moment and the next wants me to fix his computer... no fucking chance. I have wasted far too much love, effort, energy and money on him in the last year already.

Hopefully I'll be in a new place on Monday. Can't wait to get out. :(

[MCHeshPants420]

My sister was in what amounted to a bedsit last year in Reading, she managed to get a wireless connection for quite cheap. If you're in a coverage area it is worth checking out.

Good luck with the rest of it.

[JPaul]

Oh yeah, I paid without first checking for internet access, so does that move me up in your estimation, JPaul? ;)

Seeing as you ask, no.

[peat moss]

@chewie good to hear from you. No birthday greeting ? That says it all I was brought up that your birthday was a special day just for you .

[Chewie]

Well, I've been a busy boy.

I saw a slightly larger flat much nearer work for an extra £25/month just after my last post and put a deposit on that. Doing so meant losing the first deposit (£200 - Jeez!) but it's 'more right' IMO.

I move in on Saturday and need a phone line hooked up before I can even cover my work responsibilities!

Be back soon I hope.

[peat moss]

Good to hear bud, room for the kids I hope . :)



Hey I'm not doing anything on Saturday send plane ticket and beer money for when I arrive. :D

[Chewie]

I moved in last Saturday and have spent the last week buying those bits I didn't realise I never had, and unpacking what I can.

It's cost me more than I care to think about to move but now I have my own space to which the girls are welcome.

I bought a bike cos I'm near enough to cycle to work - if only I was fit enough to get further than half a mile - and it'd be nice to lose a few pounds.
Ordered a TV on the never-never last night and now looking for some furniture (computer's on a dining table) to finish unpacking plus a few other bits n pieces.

Support from my natural family has been great but Mrs Chewie has been no more than offhand about the whole thing. :-/
I'm amazed at the support from work colleagues offering help moving and their surplus houseware - perhaps they see it as a good opportunity to get rid of some junk, I don't know, but it's rather heartwarming!

Biggest surprise so far has been an open wireless network so I have broadband access for free until the owner spots me, moves, locks down the network or there's a hardware failure!

On the whole the last week has been a tolerable mix of feeling independant, being busy and feeling lonely.

Perhaps I can find some evenings free for FST again soon.

[Peerzy]

:01: