One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman in a bikini.
"Mom, what's this?" I asked.
"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat," she answered.
"Is it working?" I asked.
"Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went into the greasy spoon next to the office and ordered a tuna on wheat. The waitress said, "Oh, I’m sorry, we’re out of wheat bread. You’ll have to have it on white."
The next day I went to the same place and ordered the same tuna on wheat. Again she told me they were out of wheat, I’d have to get it on white.
The third time I went there I decided to skip the step of being refused the wheat and just ordered tuna on white. The waitress looked up from her notepad and said, "Aren’t you the guy who usually orders it on wheat?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's a quick explanation of the movie rating system!
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The Good Guy Gets The Girl.
R: The Bad Guy Gets The Girl.
X: Everybody Gets The Girl.
XXX: Everybody gets the girl, her mother, and their cocker spaniel.
