the welsh farmer

A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger he shouted over to the man, "Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!" (Don't drink the water. It's poisoned!)
The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking.

Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and again yelled, "Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!"(Don't drink. Water's poisoned. Sheep crap in the water.)

Still the man couldn't hear the farmer.

Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said, "Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!" (Water's poisoned. Don't drink it!)

"I'm dreadfully sorry, my good man, I couldn't understand a word you said. Can't you speak English?" said the man at the stream in a extremely fine British accent.

"Oh I see..." said the farmer. "I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get plenty more in."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The young woman approached the executive in front of his office and said, "Please sir, give to take a wayward girl off the street."
"And how much do you suggest I give?" he asked.

"It depends," she smiled, "How long do you want to keep her off of it?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The chief of staff at the hospital remarked to the director of nursing that there seemed to be an awful lot of expectant nurses in their hospital. As they were walking down the hall, he was becoming more and more concerned about a possible staff shortage as everyone seemed pregnant. He began to ask the director when each pregnant nurse they passed was due.
"When is she do?"

"Some time in late September."

"How about her?"

"Late September."

"And her?"

"September."

"Jesus!" exclaimed the chief of staff. "How about her?"

"I have no idea, sir. Norma wasn't at last year's Christmas Party."