A penguin is having problems with his car and takes it to the mechanic. The mechanic says "give me a few minutes to look at it and come back".
So the penguin leaves and starts walking around killing time. He comes across an ice cream shop and goes inside.
He asks for an ice cream cone and since penguins only have flippers and no hands, he was very messy and got it all over his beak.
After he finishes the ice cream, he goes back to the mechanic to see about his car and the mechanic says "well, it looks looks like you blew a seal" and the penguin said "oh no, it's just a little ice cream."
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The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor of a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.
"Miss Fitzgerald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?" "Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.
The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oi mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub,"
The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fluff."
The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."
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A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for 3 hours straight.
She has multiple orgasms!!! After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes.
The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion. "Oh God, that was great! Now I need my money."
The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.
Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."
The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes.
Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker."
She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:"HOOKER: person who has sex for money."
Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door.
The hooker reads: "KOALA BEAR: Eats Bushes and Leaves
