learning english

An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight. The chief made a series of weird noises: "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z..." Then he added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight."
Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?"

The chief made the same noises: "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z..." Then he said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building."

"Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter.

The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z... From the short-wave radio."

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Paul was planning a move into his new house, which is only two blocks away from his present house. So he called a moving company for an estimate. All that Paul wanted the moving company to move was his big, old grandfather clock. But the moving company wanted to charge $350. for this, so Paul decided that he would move it himself. As he was on his way, he saw a drunk coming his way and tried to avoid him, but, still, the drunk walked right into him.

Paul angrily shouted, "Hey! Watch where you are going, you drunk bastard!"

The drunk replied, "You watch where you are going!"

Paul said, "No! You watch where YOU are going. Can't you see that I'm carrying this clock?!"

The drunk said, "It's your fault! Why don't you just wear a watch like everyone else?"
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, ...she's dead."

:lol: where do you find all these jokes?

his/her ass?

lol funny stuff...