"Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. "I'm very sick, would you please call me a vet?"
"A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?" asked his wife.
The husband replied, "Because I work like a horse, live like a dog, and have to sleep with a cow."
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One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.
The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, erased it and then proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board - each day's word written larger than the previous day's word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words:
"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
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Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
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Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can put your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
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Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
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Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
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Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
