lawyers

After completing law school and passing the bar, a man decides to open up a private practice with one of his law school buddies as partner.
On their first day, they set up shop, and around lunchtime, the man's buddy goes out to get them some sandwiches.

Two minutes later, a woman walks in -- their first client!

She asks him to draw up some papers and review a couple of very simple contracts.

"That'll be $100," the man replies.

She complies, and having just gone to the bank, hands over a brand new, crisp $100 bill.

The woman decides to leave for the next hour, leaving the man to resume his work.

The man, relishing in his first payment as a lawyer, sits back in his brand new, leather chair and holds the brand new, crisp $100 bill up to the light with admiration and pride.

He sniffs the bill and starts to rub it a bit when suddenly, he discovers that he was mistakenly given TWO $100 bills!!!

And thus, he was confronted with his first ethical dilemma as a lawyer.

Should he tell his partner?
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For all those guys who are King of their castle, until their wife gets home:
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one... just had another fight with the wife."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit and fight like a man."
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Father O'Malley answers the phone.
"Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"

"It is."

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

"I can."

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

"I do."

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is."

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

"He will."
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A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.
After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...but have you really never even tasted it?"

The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, "I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion."

The rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "I know that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate... but..."

The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."

The two resumed their reading. There was silence for a while.

Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?!"
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There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doin' it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset.

"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the dildo if you can explain our three kids."

:lol: thanks .

:glag: @ last one.

All pretty good, but the last is the best by far.

one of the best i knew

good one