the womanizer

A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman: a practicing witch.
The morning after she had caught ICE-Man with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. ICE-Man thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day.

In a panic, ICE-Man sought the advice of a physician who examined the man and ran tests on the strange tissue. By now, the bump was three inches long, and starting to take an oddly familiar shape.

"What is this thing growing out of my head Doctor?", asked ICE-Man.

"We've run every test we know to confirm the findings," he said gravely, "but they all tell us the same thing. The bump in your forehead is developing into a fully grown penis."

"I can't believe this! Isn't there anything you can do?" pleaded a distraught ICE-Man.

"I'm afraid not. The base of the new penis is attached to your frontal lobe and removing it would kill you."

"I'll be a freak! No woman will come near me!" cried ICE-Man

"There's more," said the Doctor. "You're going to experience vision problems."

"No! No! Are you saying I'll be blind, too?" screamed the ICE-Man.

"No, you'll just have trouble seeing with testicles hanging in front of your eyes."
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Just minutes before the church services started the towns people were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon, everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony forever?"

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 45 years."

lawl @ the first one.

The 1st is good