two fleas

One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold.
The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs.

Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'.

The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!"

The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the ladies cammode, wait for a pretty young stewardess to come along, and when she sits down you climb right up in there where its nice and warm".

The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea.

The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again.

The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs.

About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was.

The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?"

To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the ladies cammode and this pretty stewardess came in and sat down, I climbed right up in there and it was so very warm.

Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?”

Millionaire: “A Billionaire!”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, " Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in the casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my bank account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are three friends: a blonde, brunette, and redhead. One day they wanted to walk to the mall and had to cross a street. When they crossed the street, a truck hit them and they all died. So they went to heaven and came up to an angel at the bottom of a flight of 100 stairs.
The angel said that every step of the stairs has a joke and you couldn't laugh at the joke because if you did then you would go to hell. But if you don't laugh at any of the jokes then you can go to heaven.

The brunette went first and started to burst out laughing at the 32nd stair and went to hell. The redhead went next and laughed at the joke on the 68th stair and went to hell.

The blonde went last and got to the 99th step and started laughing. St.Peter was at the gate and asked her why she laughed when she had one step to go. The blonde said that she just got the 1st joke. And so she went to hell.