Originally Posted by
baccyman
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog. Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it. But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking! Doc: Do you drink a lot? Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache? Doc: Of course. Just take this hammer and smash yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God! Doc: When did this start? Well first I created the sun, then the earth, then the...
Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee! Doc: Have you ever tried it by taking the spoon out FIRST?
Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots? Doc: I never make rash promises!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog! Doc: So what's wrong with that? I think I'm going to croak!
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A small company was on the edge of bankruptcy. The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office.
"Things aren't going too well, guys," he announced grimly. "So to perk up sales I'm announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales gets a blow job."
"What does the loser get?" asked one of the salesmen.
The owner looked at both men and said, "The loser gets to give it."
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A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
