Crisco

There was a mature gentleman wandering around in a supermarket calling out at intervals, "Crisco, Cris--co!"

Finally a store clerk approached. "Sir, the Crisco is on aisle five."

"Oh," replied the old gentleman, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco, I am calling my wife."

"Your wife is named Crisco?"

"Nah," he answered, "I only call her that when we come to the supermarket."

"Oh? What do you call her when you are not in the supermarket?"

"Lard ass."