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We're trying to make it like a cross between Spawn and Silent Hill, with more Silent-Hill type horror than Spawn Action... It's reading to much like Spawn, Comic-Book style adventure... Tips on horrifying it up!
ARDETH
FADE IN
INT. BEACH - DUSK
Dull colored waves crash against the shore; the only sounds are that of the ocean, the sea seems to stretch on for eternity.
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Lying on his back, on the pale sand is a teenage boy, ARDETH. He is sleeping peacefully. The monotonous roar of the ocean continues. Ardeth begins to stir in his sleep, his feet twitching slightly. He suddenly sits up, confused, his hand resting on his temple. He looks around.
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We see the beach he’s upon. It is totally empty; the sand is fine yet gray and the sky is dark and shrouded in twilight and cloud.
Ardeth stands; his legs are numb and cannot support him. He falls back to the sand. Panic seems to grip him and he frantically rubs his legs, trying to get his blood flowing.
ARDETH
(Whimpering softly)
Tisha’ah?
Where am I?
We hear the sound of thunder in the distance, and the cry of a raven nearby. Ardeth looks to the left, his eyes widen.
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A figure. He disappears suddenly. He re-appears, almost as quickly as he disappears, only significantly closer. He is not yet close enough to clearly make him out.
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Ardeth is breathing heavily. His body is shaking.
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THE BOY is even closer now. He doesn’t seem old, maybe a year or two older than Ardeth, and we see that he’s wearing ominous, shoulder-spiked black armor. Once again he disappears, seconds later, reappears right in front of the camera. We can see him perfectly. His hair is short, ebony and spiked, he is indeed wearing armor, yet we can see it in greater detail, it’s made of tough leather and lined with stitches and brass loops, his arms are adorned in spiked bands. In his hand he carries a thick, black handled short sword, his nails are black. His face pale, black ink lines run down from his lower eyelids till they’re parallel with his nostrils, the same patterns from his expression lines to the tip of his chin.
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We see The Boy and Ardeth in profile, Ardeth feet resting right in front of The Boy’s.
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We are once again facing The Boy. He stands still for a few seconds, lifts his head to the skies and screams the most painful sound heard. His voice seems to be the voices of thousands mixed together.
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Ardeth struggles to breath, he takes heavy gasps, his eyes blinking compulsively, pushes himself up to his feet and begins to stumble away from The Boy, his legs seem to be functioning better and he begins to run.
The camera follows him as he runs without look back, the scream continuing, he runs through small, dirty patches of grass, pushes through some lone bushes and emerges on an unfamiliar street. He falls to the pavement, crying.
FADE TO BLACK
TITLE CREDITS
FADE IN
EXT, BEACH - DAY
It’s afternoon on the beach. Seagulls fly happily, the sun shining through the clouds. A nice looking, innocent boy plays with a soccer ball on the golden sands. He is Ardeth, before his awakening on the melancholy shores. He bounces the ball on his knees, commentating to himself. The ambient sounds of the beach are relaxing and joyous.
A whisper runs through the air.
WHISPER
Praise my name.
Ardeth freezes… The soccer ball drops from his hands with a dull thud. He looks to the sky; a bright flash of light hits him and is gone. Ardeth stands still and silent, swaying very slightly. A small trickle of blood begins to drip from his nose. Suddenly he screams as blood sprays from his mouth, he claws at his face before falling to the sand writhing in pain. His convulsions become calmer and after a few moments… He is silent. There is the faint sound of thunder in the distance.
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EXT, PAVEMENT - DAY
Ardeth awakes suddenly on the pavement he fell on. He is freezing and he cannot tell the time. Its still late afternoon, night has not yet fallen. The wind whispers again.
WHISPER
Rise Ardeth! Rise!
Ardeth sits up, shivering on the empty pavement.
WHISPER
Speak in the tongue of your father.
Ardeth looks to the sky, swallows. And speaks.
ARDETH
(Subtitled Angelic)
Abba, Tishtaya
I am here, father.
WHISPER
Da rak Kaleen, Kreddagoth rak zanis. Si zarkon po lius krai ha yatan shy Earth. Kalai astis. Metai ha ach son va Krull asti polai thalius garlos!
It has begun. Kreddagoth has arrived. His army is slipping through the cracks of Earth. Find them. Destroy the first wave, and lead us into glorious battle!
ARDETH
Shah zai, Kreddagoth? Ti Klai si shach oplith ti. Ti loh si shach thalius Tilai.
What of Kreddagoth? I feel his evil pierce me. I cannot battle his darkness alone.
WHISPER
Earth zal so thalius-rike. Mai ha ach son metai, kavo si lavch , as zarkon keel bazta ha shach mutais. As keel yai viktrai bi Armageddon
Earth will be a battle-field. With the first wave destroyed, praise your courage, our army will butcher the dark abominations. We shall be victorious in Armageddon.
ARDETH
Ti keel besti, Abba. Va ha chulum?
I will begin, father. And the humans?
WHISPER
Yorai astis! Yorai astis sal ha tilai mutai gal.
Protect them! Protect them from the rogue, abominable grunts.
ARDETH
Ti keel. Va ti trach?
I shall. And my speech?
WHISPER
Trach be ha trach shal ha chulum. Ki chulum, bai metai shal rastephli angelik, poi nachan. Chulum ferai… Marai si shal walath shal Earth. Talep si angelic astile. Va metai. Stal stons, ha ach mutais narsai walit hi sker. Si stal meer hi paras, metai mordan si metai. Stal.
Speak the speech of the humans. Be human, but kill with angelic brutality, if needed. Man is ferocious; arm yourself with the weapons of Earth. Untap your angelic ability, and kill. Journey south, the first demon awaits his prey. Kill before he does. Begin
ARDETH
Ti ka si, aba. Kavo si nacham.
I love you father, praise your name
WHISPER
Kol as kavod, Ardeth. Metai ha shach ve pastilai eh as korlaile met.
All our honor, Ardeth. Defeat the darkness and prepare for our forthcoming.
The wind dies down and Ardeth begins to walk south.
FADE TO BLACK
EXT, SHOPPING CENTER – DAY
We see the exterior of an up-market shopping center; there is the usual hustle of people all around.
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INT, PARKING LOT – DAY
A (familiar) red car pulls into the parking lot of the mall. The lot is indoors yet dark and cold; it’s almost entirely empty. The car brakes in a desolate parking space. A MAN in his mid-twenties sporting denim jeans and a leather jacket steps out, as he’s about to close his door a shadow moves swiftly in front of the camera, a raspy chuckle echoes through the lot. The man looks around, startled. He hears shuffling footsteps to the far left of him yet he cannot see anything. He quickly gets back in his car and locks the door. After a moments thought, he reaches over, opens his cubbyhole and removes a small, sleek pistol. He remains seated, breathing slowly and calmly, embracing the gun. There is silence. The man exhales. Suddenly, something slams onto his windscreen, a scrawny, hissing THING in a hooded shroud.
THE MAN
Jesus!
The rasping THING climbs onto the roof of his car and starts banging on the roof. The Man pushes open his door and runs out his car he swings around, gun ready. The Thing is gone. The man swallows compulsively and aims all around him with shaky hands… Something leaps from behind one wide pillar to behind another; The Man fires off two shots without any precision, the concrete of the pillars crumble as the bullets slam into them. The man spins around, shuddering. Nothing. He turns to his left. Nothing. He turns back half-circle. The Thing leaps at him, he screams.
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A wave of blood splatters against a white pillar. A scream.
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EXT, SHOPPING CENTER – DAY
A final faint scream echoes through the sky.
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EXT, STREET - DAY
Ardeth stumbles through the streets parallel of the mall, he appears unfamiliar of the feeling his feet feel against that concrete pavement. His eyes dart all around, focusing on every person, shop, car, it seems hard for him to take in everything he’s observing. He sees street kids fighting and looks revolted at their violence. He casually looks up in wonder at the mall and head pounds with a distorted, unfamiliar speech. He realizes this is as south as he will have to head and he walks up a ramp towards the mall parking lot.
INT, PARKING LOT – DAY
Ardeth cautiously walks through the parking lot, his footsteps echoing, that distorted rasping running through his mind in intervals. He steps in something that squelches and looks down. He is standing on a puddle of blood. His eyes widen as he sees the mutilated body of The Man, this is the first instance of death he’s witnessed in his eternity. He is horrified.
ARDETH
Hel-lo?
He practices his English, yet his attention is soon focused on the gun lying by The Man’s side. He bends down and picks it up; he rolls it around in his hands, inspecting it. He looks up… Into the face of The Thing as it leaps at him, hands outstretched, screeching. Instinctively, Ardeth leaps against a pillar and pushes off, as he leaps off the pillar he fires a shot with the gun, it misses The Thing and slams into the concrete floor. Ardeth lands gracefully and looks at the gun in surprise; a grin spreads across his face. He turns to The Thing, it hisses at him. Ardeth looks at the gun.
ARDETH
Man… Is fer-ocious!
The Thing leaps, Ardeth kicks it squarely in the jaw with a satisfying crunch, as he kicks, he spins around to it’s rear, curls his hand into a claw and plunges it into The Thing’s back. The Thing screeches in agony and begins to squirm, impaled on Ardeth’s arm. Ardeth pulls his hand out, clutching The Thing’s spine, he looks at it before ripping it fully out with a squelching sound. The Thing goes limp, yet still whimpers. Ardeth lets go of it, and as it’s crumpled, yet limp body falls to the floor, Ardeth fires a shot to the back of it’s head. Blood sprays on his face.
Ardeth carefully lays the long, bloodied spine on the ground; he grabs The Thing by the legs and pulls it across the concrete, towards The Man’s corpse. He looks down at The Man’s leather jacket and he shivers, realizing that he’s wearing only a slightly torn T-Shirt and shorts. Teenager clothing. He places the gun on the ground and gently lifts the jacket off The Man. He makes a circulating motion with his hands around The Man and The Thing.
ARDETH
Abba, taralai asti.
Father, relieve them.
Blue smoke begins to rise and cover the bodies, when it disperses; they are gone.
FADE TO BLACK
EXT, RAMP – DAY
FADE IN
Ardeth walks down the ramp slowly, He is wearing the leather jacket, it is far too big for him and the sleeves are longer than his arms. You can just make out the barrel of the gun poking out of sleeve; in his other hand, he is holding the spine. His face is speckled with dry blood. There are still people going about, but none of them pay him any attention. The light is fading.
FADE TO BLACK
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Pre Credits:
1. Would help if Ardeth has some wear on him...you know, like he was ridden hard and put up wet. Maybe focus on some wounds or something and the pain from them is what brings him out of his sleep.....if that's where the story is going.
2. The boy should also look a little more battle worn. Maybe, even though he has a youthful countenance, he should also have man hands (slightly wrinkled, rough knuckles) and maybe some type of psychosomatic issue like a small patch of gray hair from worry or a slight limp in between phasing from one spot to the next.
3. The boy should touch him, and in THAT moment, the breath should escape him. He should then not be able to hear the sound of the ocean, the sound of the breeze. All should close in on him like a coffin. Maybe use a cliche'd heartbeat sound. The boy should let his finger linger on the spot he initiated contact, and then pull away reluctantly before screaming. The space between the pull away and the scream should be like the roaring of the ocean. All sound flooding in, all bodily functions flooding in.
BEACH DAY/PAVEMENT DAY
1. I would assume, from where you are going with this, that Ardeth is one of the Army of God. In that case, in addition to the headache, the moaning and the spewing of blood during the beach scene. Might I also suggest that in some way, in tune with the throbbing of a heart beat, we might see the faintest hint of a wing blade start to poke from the peaks of the shoulder blades in his back? Or maybe see his eyes fill with blood, and maybe focus in on his iris' to see how they could change? Fingernails? He's on the beach, so feet as well? Have you put together a formal picture for how his "transformed" look will be? If so, just a hint of him transforming into something.
2. In his speech with the "Father", maybe a veiled insinuation that he is a pawn, or that he feels he is being set up to save mankind but lose his own life. Something to make him conflicted....I'm tired of perfect heroes. Let him be flawed. Let him go above and beyond what he is asked to do and then let him be called on it from his "Father"
3. Let the communication between him and his father involve a body part. Like when the "Father" speaks, maybe make it where he is standing in front of a body of water or a mirror and letters rise in blood on his forhead that punctuate certain words in the father's speech so that it is driven home in his mind. Like the words "Earth", "Human" etc. Oh, and you might want to find some far-out font to use for it.
MALL/SHOPPING CENTER
1. I've always wanted to do this, and I put it in one of the novels I'm writing. They say that whenever a demon moves, he is carried by a minion of "slaves" that are the wicked who died and are immediately put into his service. Have it that wherever this demon moves, any solid stone surface that is within a foot of him shows the faces, hands, of people in agony. When he jumps off of the stone pillar to jump at the car, there should be a small army of hands and faces in agony that are giving him a helpful push so he gets extra distance and height in "human" space.
2. And while we are at it, when a person gets splattered against a wall or pillar, let these demon helpers/lost souls feed on the blood. Licking their fingers and reaching up to slide the extra blood and guts off of the stone down into their "stone transformed" mouths. (love it...too sick!)
PARKING LOT/DAY
1. Why not have Ardeth also get a little "spiritual help"? Maybe the hands and mouths that appear for him are bathed in white light and sing lightly (like a three note hymn) In turn, make the demon's helpers glow in a dark light to differentiate.
2. If they are close together, Ardeth's spiritual help could actually repel the demon's help, so Jumps and other stunts done too close to Ardeth could fail because the demon helper's would cringe away from the bright pure light of Ardeth's helpers.
3. As he is walking away, maybe have the same spiritual helpers reach up, wraith like, through the concrete floor and wipe away the blood splatter from his face, clothes, fix his hair, etc. to make him look presentable. They won't fix wounds, mind you. And if he does something over the line, they won't help at all...including jumps, etc.
Just a couple of thoughts. I was bored tonight, so I figured I would lend you a little hand. Good luck with your project, and in my opinion, scary is something you hear more than what you see, so if you want people to help you, you are going to have to start putting in more "audio" direction.
Edited to add: I'm not religious, so I'm basing all of the pseudo religious references from books I've read (Jewish,Catholic,Christian,Mormon,Hindi,Satanic, etc....)
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Oh, and if this is going to be an RPG, then please read this and try not to do it too much:
Played out RPG cliche's....found it on Fazed
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Thanks alot! I think I'll be incorporating alot of those into the script! There are some things we just wont be able to pull of because of lack of a decent budget, but alot of other stuff we can do.
I was always planning on writing this as a novel, but if a picture says a thousand words, imagine what a moving picture can do ;)
