The Virgin Mary News Network

I have avoided reading and writing here to spite the site for its data loss, and I am still bitter about it. Still, I stumbled into a mood to talk to my ungrateful online journal.

Should I start with the good news or the bad news?

I am fucking broke. The credit card I was relying on to get me through the next couple of months just chopped $13,700 off of my credit limit, leaving me vulnerable to accidental default since I have it linked to some automated recurring business expenses (I have never defaulted on a credit card). A recent exchange in a convenience store has inspired me to apply for food stamps. I bought him a pack a cigarettes in exchange for him buying my milk and cookies, and afterwards I interrogated him on the process of getting onto the program. This editing position has me working a lot, but I'm not pulling in enough to make budget, and there's no business being generated from my own company. I am hoping I get this job with tutor.com and that it will help with the financial woes.

I know I swore off seeking any kind of dating/relationship after the last debacle, but I met someone last month. As per my MO, we met online. Actually, it started off with me sending a snarky message to her fake profile about its fakeness. She actually responded with an admission and a synopsis of her agenda. Having actually done the same thing myself on a previous occasion, we got to talking about our socioneurotic experimentations and eventually met, then went on several dates. My natural self-confidence, which through some bureaucratic mess does not cover any romantic interactions, has not helped me in this situation. I have had to desperately rely on my wit and charm, and it somehow managed to get me by so far. The prognosis is positive if I dare speak prematurely. I have gone so far as to begin introducing her to my other social circles and friended her on Facebook, which is kind of telling since I tend to ignore FB like the plague.

It has not yet moved into a sexual domain because I seem to be entirely frightened to act aggressively on that front. I think it might be because this thing seems genuinely promising and I am afraid to bring out the freak. Well there's also the fact that I've just permitted her to think that I'm already divorced when in reality the final hearing is in two days. I would have told her if she pried, but it's something I don't want to force out without a tangible link in conversation... that could have consequences. If I can just keep my mouth shut for a couple more days, I'll be in the clear and still never talk about it.

Oh, and that amicable friendship I was maintaining with "that woman", who lies and turns you all against me, ended over a month ago. I cut her out completely. For anyone keeping count, the weening period is 6 months, after which cold turkey was much more desirable.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

I have avoided reading and writing here to spite the site for its data loss, and I am still bitter about it. Still, I stumbled into a mood to talk to my ungrateful online journal.



I am fucking broke. The credit card I was relying on to get me through the next couple of months just chopped $13,700 off of my credit limit,

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It wasn't like you posted anything interesting in those 9 months. :idunno:

Was that reduction based on your divorce or the medical bills? Just curious what info ratted you out...

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

It wasn't like you posted anything interesting in those 9 months. :idunno:

Was that reduction based on your divorce or the medical bills? Just curious what info ratted you out...

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If only you knew just how much time I spend rereading my own stuff.

Anyways, I don't think it's based on anything in particular. Nothing has happened to negatively affect my credit. They did it to me before, and at that time I thought they were just correcting an astronomically inflated credit limit. Now I think they're trying to snag me in a trap.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

...I have had to desperately rely on my wit and charm, and it somehow managed to get me by so far. The prognosis is positive if I dare speak prematurely.

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One acts presumptuously on the balance of probability and prematurely on a whim. Dare I say your wit and charm are insufficient to carry any relationship, however sour.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

If only you knew just how much time I spend rereading my own stuff.

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No I already knew that you were a crazy egotist.:)

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

If only you knew just how much time I spend rereading my own stuff.

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Surrounded by full length mirrors, pictures of yourself, and listening to Goodbye Horses no doubt.

I'll have you know that my vanity is entirely cerebral.

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Originally Posted by DngrMs

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

...I have had to desperately rely on my wit and charm, and it somehow managed to get me by so far. The prognosis is positive if I dare speak prematurely.

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One acts presumptuously on the balance of probability and prematurely on a whim. Dare I say your wit and charm are insufficient to carry any relationship, however sour.

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You may dare, you may be daring with that syntax.

Actually, I just thought of something; my use of the card has increased dramatically as of late. They cut my limit to just $150 over my current balance, so I think they fear I'm going to spend a shit load and then never pay them back. In that case, I'm going to make tiny payments until I'm about to leave the country and then never pay them back.

Good plan because credit card companies aren't multinational and doing something like that won't destroy your credit rating forever or something.

Of course maybe you're planning on moving to Mongolia to become a hermit goat herder in which case remember to pack for the cold.

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Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

Of course maybe you're planning on moving to Mongolia to become a hermit goat herder in which case remember to pack for the cold.

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Wherever there are kids, Mary will make himself at home.

Just think if I had put "sheepherder" that joke would have been lost to posterity.

You set 'em up, I knock 'em to the shortstop out of the park. :01:

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Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

Good plan because credit card companies aren't multinational and doing something like that won't destroy your credit rating forever or something.

Of course maybe you're planning on moving to Mongolia to become a hermit goat herder in which case remember to pack for the cold.

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To me, going global would signify that I'm so solvent that I don't need to rely on credit worthiness. I'm currently poor and living in the states, so I'll play their game now. Maybe I'm just deluded, or maybe I can ride box cars with WiFi hotspots.

P.S. It's a move based on pure spite, not a financial plan. Did I ever fawn over male models? No. Therefore, you can't expect me to behave like an accountant.

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

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Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

Of course maybe you're planning on moving to Mongolia to become a hermit goat herder in which case remember to pack for the cold.

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Wherever there are kids, Mary will make himself at home.

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I did my first hash run yesterday. Slogan, "A drinking group with a running problem". They do a lot of rituals and songs, so it's kind of like joining a cult. I needed some incentive to do the roadwork, and I figured, why not?

They only use nicknames when referring to each other, but n00bs make do with being referred to as virgins. After the run (chasing the hare through its own constructed trail with plops of flour as indicators), Virgin Mary was expected to pay recompense via joke/song/talent. I told a subtle child rape/murder joke, which received some laughter and intermittent gasps, and the immediate question was whether or not someone kept an eye on me around the playground.

It's like German class all over again.

For a moment I thought that in desperation you seriously turned to crime and started couriering drugs. :mellow:

Anyway if you don't mind could you please redo your story to adhere to this false assumption as I'm sure it will be a lot more entertaining then.:)

PS If it's not asking too much also include at least one fiery Mexican death and the line "pistol whipped him upside his head".:)

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Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

For a moment I thought that in desperation you seriously turned to crime and started couriering drugs. :mellow:

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I completely forgot about that career option. Why do all of these good ideas slip my mind so often? Trafficking would surely solve many of my financial woes, and then I'd be able to lower my stress levels. I'm going to get right on that. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to have to update my CV and write a cover letter that simultaneously addresses my qualifications and disinterest in synthesis. I've done this before, so I'll just rehash my passion for transportation.

A drug courier with IBS will turn shitty in a hurry. :no:

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

A drug courier with IBS will turn shitty in a hurry. :no:

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I don't have the runs when I'm on the run. I don't have to go when I'm on the go. I don't have to shit when I'm out doing shit.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

A drug courier with IBS will turn shitty in a hurry. :no:

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I don't have the runs when I'm on the run. I don't have to go when I'm on the go. I don't have to shit when I'm out doing shit.

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Jeesh. Now I know why they call it "irritable". :O

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Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

For a moment I thought that in desperation you seriously turned to crime and started couriering drugs. :mellow:

Anyway if you don't mind could you please redo your story to adhere to this false assumption as I'm sure it will be a lot more entertaining then.:)

PS If it's not asking too much also include at least one fiery Mexican death and the line "pistol whipped him upside his head".:)

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Not to rain on your crazy parade, but fiery mexican deaths usually involve several car tyres, a 5 gallon can of gasoline and a zippo, the point being it is much more desirable that the subject victim be conscious at the time making the pistol whipping highly redundant. :idunno:

So many Mexicans, so few tires... :(

http://i44.tinypic.com/t6cs95.jpg

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Originally Posted by Artemis

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Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

For a moment I thought that in desperation you seriously turned to crime and started couriering drugs. :mellow:

Anyway if you don't mind could you please redo your story to adhere to this false assumption as I'm sure it will be a lot more entertaining then.:)

PS If it's not asking too much also include at least one fiery Mexican death and the line "pistol whipped him upside his head".:)

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Not to rain on your crazy parade, but fiery mexican deaths usually involve several car tyres, a 5 gallon can of gasoline and a zippo, the point being it is much more desirable that the subject victim be conscious at the time making the pistol whipping highly redundant. :idunno:

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The car skidded to a halt and two large Mexicans emerged with their guns drawn.
I (Mary) ducked behind the nearest cover,that being a young mother and her baby and likewise drew my own weapon.

Taking steady aim I fired off two quick shots,the first hitting the most evil looking of the two just below the sternum, immediately opening a large red hole and causing him to spin around backward.He would have little time to worry about either of these things though as the next bullet caught him directly in the large container of toluene which he inexplicably had strapped to his back and he unceremoniously exploded into a ball of fire.
Hasta la vista,motherfucker.

Witnessing his comrade's grisly demise instead of returning fire the second Mexican flung down his gun and began suing for mercy.
"God forgives,I don't ,taco jockey" and with that I preceded to pistol whip him upside his greasy head.

I'm reading that as a bedtime story for my daughter tonight. :happy:

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

I'm reading that as a bedtime story for my daughter tonight. :happy:

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If I knew you were going to do that I would have named one of Mexicans Dirty Sanchez.

Not cool, not cool, bro. Stop putting guns and drugs in my hands, bro.

The story had too many guns and too few Danny Trejos.

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

A drug courier with IBS will turn shitty in a hurry. :no:

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Courier? Don't you mean 'dealer'?

I've never heard of the term 'drug courier' before?

Drugged Courier was how Jim managed to win most of his matches back in the '90's

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Originally Posted by TheFoX

I've never heard of the term 'drug courier' before?

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Yes, that would be the question on the minds of several individuals.

Seriously? Nobody has heard of a drug courier before? :blink:

http://definitions.uslegal.com/d/drug-courier-profile/

How about 'drug mule'?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mule_(smuggling)

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

How about 'drug mule'?

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Now he's thinking about when he would run down to the Rite-Aid to pick up his mom's lithium. Fuck it, I'm sticking with the US reference.

Right, fuck all you fucking fuckers, my life has taken a turn for the more disastrous (no mean feat, considering I'm me) and I'm fucking off to facebook.

Problem is, I actually love some of you cunts and don't want you out of my life. If you love me, pm me with your facebook, or if you don't have one, make one anon and gimme it. If you hate me, and there's a massive likelihood of that, don't bother. I'm shite anyway.

Also, Mary, I'm coming to live with you. What racist, puerile larks we'll have. We'll pretend to like women. I've heard it works.

Sayonara suckers.

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Originally Posted by chalice

Right, fuck all you fucking fuckers, my life has taken a turn for the more disastrous (no mean feat, considering I'm me) and I'm fucking off to facebook.

Problem is, I actually love some of you cunts and don't want you out of my life. If you love me, pm me with your facebook, or if you don't have one, make one anon and gimme it. If you hate me, and there's a massive likelihood of that, don't bother. I'm shite anyway.

Also, Mary, I'm coming to live with you. What racist, puerile larks we'll have. We'll pretend to like women. I've heard it works.

Sayonara suckers.

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Much I will miss you, I'm not creating a Facebook account for any reason less than being forced to by Law, $500,000 dollars cash or a reasonable shot at having sex with Kate Beckinsale.
And I'm not even joking.:no:

Anyway I've become accustomed to your and basically everyone who've ever post here absence so whatever,traitor.

Because Facebook has a shortage of pricks...

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Originally Posted by chalice

I'm fucking off to facebook.

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Life can't be that bad can it? :O

It's sad to see how this forum is dying since most people seem to be moving on. I will miss your posts, chalice.

Fuck You!

I left Crackbook because IT WILL DESTROY YOU... At least people here are honest, even if you agree, disagree, (no how tu spell), or are incapable of stringing 3 coherent words together...
yah...I know.... I don't know you well enough to step up to say this... but, WTF... this is the fracking internet... if you cant spend two measly seconds of your time to touch base with the.... er.... um... other assholes here... well... I don't know what to say.... you will be missed.... jerkoff....

... Nice job.... Now I'm in an Elvis mood... first song, Suspicious Minds, then American Trilogy, now My Way....

Bastard!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeRqYLVL3rk

Goddamnit Vestibule, now I've got him in my head singing Little Less Conversation, but with the "In the ghettoooo" thrown in.