I think I just end up getting trolled on dating sites

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Originally Posted by Artemis

In highlighting the recent silliness you have come across you have also managed to highlight some of your own personal silliness, which is the point Squeamous is trying to make. The fact that you do not see it as silly, is down to your own self involvement, but the quintessential nub of what others are trying to say to you is how can you move on if you are still living in the past?
If it is simply the convenience of having the relationship there, even though it has become loveless, like not getting rid of the old pair of slippers even though one of the toes peeps out because you've had them for so long, then from my own point of view and probably others out there, the term emotional cowardice fits. By this I mean that if the relationship has degenerated to the point where it is truly loveless and where you find amusement in friends discomfiture at sneaking around while trying to fuck her, then why on earth are you still in the relationship/marriage/living arrangement/fucked up cohabitation?
There can be no 'new' relationship with the mouldering corpse of the old one still in the air unless you are almost completely devoid of emotion, which would preclude any real intimacy anyway. So this is where the term emotional cowardice is being applied, simply because Squeamous (and myself ) believe based on what you have posted (with the obvious caveat that you may yet again simply be trolling), that you need to sever the gangrenous limb that is your marriage if you are to move forward and have a healthy and happy beginning to another relationship, and that you are being an emotional coward in not doing so, but in clinging to the tattered remains.

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Though I have been testing waters, I'm quite sure I don't want a relationship right now. That should clear up that confusion. It doesn't carry the air of desirability at the moment. If I was trying to cultivate one, a lot of what everyone is saying would be more on target.

Also, I find people's attachment to societal sensibility and their monogamous views amusing. That doesn't mean I revel in my friends' discomfort. Theoretically, yes, but not as it pertains to actual events that have taken place.

So basically you want a meal ticket more than you want a new relationship.

That's fair enough; a man's gotta eat and there are many free Japanese cartoons on the internets.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

.....I find people's attachment to societal sensibility and their monogamous views amusing. That doesn't mean I revel in my friends' discomfort. Theoretically, yes, but not as it pertains to actual events that have taken place.

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Surely it would have been easier if you had simply been born another primate, a mandrill baboon maybe? Then you could mate with others as you pleased based on more simplistic moral directives, i.e. the biggest meanest fucker wins.
We have societal sensibility because we live in a society, that you choose to live outside those mores to a certain extent and are amused by them shows a deep seated distrust of others and an inability to invest yourself emotionally in another person or trust them. It is one of the coping mechanisms of children from emotionally abusive backgrounds, you simply divorced yourself from others so that they could no longer hurt you.
Although safe, this cold detachment is no way to go through life, at least no way to go through life and truly experience it, one of the purposes of the monogomy that you disdain is to form a family unit. If you get this right, I mean really get it right then your life becomes so much more enriched by the lives around you.

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Originally Posted by Artemis

Surely it would have been easier if you had simply been born another primate, a mandrill baboon maybe? Then you could mate with others as you pleased based on more simplistic moral directives, i.e. the biggest meanest fucker wins.

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This is where I disagree, but I'll also respond to your other points. If you examine human behavior from a purely observational standpoint, they are not monogamous. Those who can "mate" more frequently, mate more frequently. There are many reasons why we've established monogamous systems, but they derive more from societal order than they do human nature. I don't think monogamy is the thing to separate us from other primates, or mammals, or kingdom animalia for that matter. We do not adhere to it sufficiently to make that claim.

A family unit is one thing, sex for pleasure is another. Hopefully those two remain exclusive of each other (besides the spouse of course). I don't see men and women raising multiple families, that should be fairly obvious but I'm stating it anyway.

For reasons beyond my wife, I place very little trust into people. I was always like that. My wife was the first person I came to truly trust, and the backlash from that isn't aiding the progression. At this point, I don't really see that as a problem. There are a few other people I still trust immensely, and I see no need nor benefit to spread that around in naive fashion. You could fairly call it a coping mechanism, but I'm a happy individual these days. My larger concerns at the moment are sleep apnea that I've most likely have had since childhood. My irregular sleep patterns have shifted towards greater irregularity and it's causing a lot of problems for me right now. I'm scheduled for consultation on the 17th, it's been booked for months.

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Originally Posted by manker

So basically you want a meal ticket more than you want a new relationship.

That's fair enough; a man's gotta eat and there are many free Japanese cartoons on the internets.

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That's probably the most apt description. What is mostly going on right now is that I have a roommate with whom I sometimes share the bed. It's not like I sleep anywhere else, we just don't usally sleep at the same time. It's a very convenient setup. My friend offered me a similar setup consistently throughout the years when I was trying to decide if I was going to leave, but I'm fine where I'm at right now, and I honestly don't want to live with a guy anyway. Things might change once I finish this school thing (soon) and plan to move out of the country. Ivana is thinking of following, but we haven't fully assessed our opportunities for that juncture.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

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Originally Posted by manker

So basically you want a meal ticket more than you want a new relationship.

That's fair enough; a man's gotta eat and there are many free Japanese cartoons on the internets.

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That's probably the most apt description. What is mostly going on right now is that I have a roommate with whom I sometimes share the bed. It's not like I sleep anywhere else, we just don't usally sleep at the same time. It's a very convenient setup. My friend offered me a similar setup consistently throughout the years when I was trying to decide if I was going to leave, but I'm fine where I'm at right now, and I honestly don't want to live with a guy anyway. Things might change once I finish this school thing (soon) and plan to move out of the country. Ivana is thinking of following, but we haven't fully assessed our opportunities for that juncture.

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Well, good. I was being flippant but that is my take on the situation. Each time I tried to be serious, in PM or on here, I seem to presume too much.

Anyway, despite your emo assertions that you're not very likeable and not a good catch and how the world hates you, it seems to me that people here have taken you and your situation to heart to the point of exasperation. Which wouldn't have happened if you weren't a nice guy.
Hope things work out - and soon.

Sincerely.
-Stephen Greene, Chartered accountant and friend the socially unwieldy.

Then, why haven't they gone on a diatribe about how I'm not valuing their opinion because of selfish and childish coping mechanisms that cause me to put up a wall between myself and everyone else? Oh wait, is that what this is all about? I thought it might have been getting too heavy in here, but I didn't do anything to stop it because of my inconsideration for everyone's feelings.

But I have been dropping hints that things are actually quite OK on my end, the issues I've had were descriptions of what I went through in the past, and I've worked my way through that. I am in need of nothing else at the moment. With change comes about some more change, and I'm in no rush to advance that schedule.

second paragraph seems entirely sensible to me but i wut'd on the first.

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Originally Posted by manker

second paragraph seems entirely sensible to me but i wut'd on the first.

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I was insinuating that everyone is actually upset about me not letting them in, sort of a reverse egocentrism. It was foul on my part, but I'm not taking it back.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

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Originally Posted by manker

second paragraph seems entirely sensible to me but i wut'd on the first.

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I was insinuating that everyone is actually upset about me not letting them in, sort of a reverse egocentrism. It was foul on my part, but I'm not taking it back.

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Coming up to twenty past six, mate.