It's what happens when people leave reality alone to run the place.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hairbautt
Well, that, broken searches, and an unhealthy obsession with facebook.
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It's what happens when people leave reality alone to run the place.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hairbautt
Well, that, broken searches, and an unhealthy obsession with facebook.
i had a facebook up until last year when i realised i hated everyone and deleted it :eyebrows:
so far this Christmas I’ve been given a bottle of vodka and two bottles of wine. I don't drink and still have last years under the sink. I wish it was the norm to give people legos instead :dabs:
I'm sure if you go to some Junior High School you 'd have no problem trading the booze for Lego.
I'm giving away Legos this year. True fact. But not to you :sly:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Mulder
And I've been given alcohol too :dabs:
Also candy and a gift card, from teh company.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B.../?tag=ho01f-21
Bluetooth phone gloves.
Win, just a gimmick to make you look mental in public, or something else.
Yeah, I've been planning on getting some for a while now, when they started selling them at a store not far from work this week.
A mentalist review:Quote:
Originally Posted by Something Else
In other words, he can't wait for his hands to get cold so he can put his gloves on and talk into his thumb. :pinch:Quote:
These gloves work a treat.Good sound quality,they connected to my phone without any problem so i can`t wait for the cold weather to arrive.
That's like someone getting a kevlar vest, then waiting for some one to shoot him in the chest with a high powered sniper rifle, just so he can boast that he is wearing such a vest. As for me, I'd rather use my hands and count my blessings that we have fine summer to look forward to. No one should wish for an arctic winter, just to try out a pair of gloves.
I don't know, I bought some glue that is specifically designed to be an alternative to bandages, and I couldn't wait to cut myself.
I don't know about you, but it's the middle of a beautiful summer here..... It's just really weird seeing all the Christmas scenes with snow and everyone dressed warmly while it's scorching hot and everyone relaxes and goes to the beach or has a barbecue on Christmas day.Quote:
Originally Posted by TheFoX
Try Superglue. It was originally designed to stick flesh back together, and has found markets in other sticky areas. I use it a lot when I slice my hands with all the crap I have to handle. Metal fillings, slivers and swarf can all cause all manner of injuries, and the old SG works a treat at closing fissures in the skin.Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
It always makes me laugh when they film Christmas scenes in the middle of summer. Of course, they need to plan six months ahead, because they are vapid individuals who cannot even control their own bowel movements, and the celebs they employ to promote their product or service probably wants Chritsmas off anyway (I know it is Christmas, but those born in Essex, such as Joey, have trouble with the alphabet, or telling the time).Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtemisI don't know about you, but it's the middle of a beautiful summer here..... It's just really weird seeing all the Christmas scenes with snow and everyone dressed warmly while it's scorching hot and everyone relaxes and goes to the beach or has a barbecue on Christmas day.Quote:
Originally Posted by TheFoX
I think a better gadget would be the phone cock. It is a condom with bluetooth connectivity that connects to your smartphone, and allows your secretary to give you head while answering your phone. It is also brilliant if your missus catches you getting head, as you can simply tell her that your secretary was answering the phone (in her stockings and suspenders).
Alternatively, the fanny mike would also be a good gadget to have. You could have a conversation while munching.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheFoX
:lol::lol::glag: To each his own...Quote:
fanny[ˈfænɪ]n pl -nies Slang
1. Taboo Brit the female genitals
2.Chiefly US and Canadian the buttocks
Morning slags :smilie4:
just me and a couple others in t'office today, no bawbag bosses or project managers. Today I will mostly be taking one million smoke breaks and doing whatever the heck i flipping want to :smilie4:
Went for a job interview this morning in the Siberian wilderness of Airport Road West. The most westerly of all roads known to humankind. Spent the week previous doing masterly sums and swotting up on income tax law like a Pickwickian slaveling. I was aware of a stipulated aptitude test, so I did my utmost to program my battered grey matter to accommodate formulas untold and not very interesting. All for nought, of course. When I sat down to do the test a heavy, blinding mist descended and I fucked it up to the max. Knew it. Considered walking out there and then. Interview be fucked. I didn't though.
Luckily I was put immediately at my ease by two women of certain ages. Women of certain ages are my forte. My comfort zone, as it were. I flapped my jaw like a good'un and suddenly an hour had passed. I had them enraptured. Never had they encountered such charm, wit, aplomb, desperation. Left the building like I was fucking Elvis, knowing I'd botched aforementioned test and I might as well submerge myself in the conveniently positioned Irish Sea and forget all about it.
Trudged a sorry retreat back into Belfast. Four and half torrential miles, feeling sorry for myself and had a consolatory pint in the cheapest dive I could find with comfortable seats. Overwhelmed by solitude I took a bus home. Despised everyone on the bus with their Christmas cheer and cumbersome over-wrapped luggage. Got a phone call from the agency wot arranged the interview. I only went and fucking got the fucking job, innit. Start January 6th.
Thing is, now I'm birthing hippoes cos it's subject to a security screening. Remember I got cautioned for dope possession? Therein lies my fret. If that shows up I'm fucked. Nothing is ever simple. I borrowed all that charisma for nothing and now I've gotta pay it back with interest.
You got cautioned, you didn't get nicked, you aren't the next Ronny Biggs, it isn't even a diversion, just a smack on the hand with a soggy bus ticket 'Oi spotty if I catch you at that again......'.
So Mr Master Criminal I don't think you are going to rate a blip on the collective radar screen. Now if you if you had been using you cock in a puppet show at the local kindergarten....
Those were calming words, Artifice, but are you a fucking solicitor or what? Cos if you're not, you're just filling me full of ill-founded bollocks.
Convince me, with internets evidence that the words you speak are true. What the fuck would you know anyway? You live in New Zealand, for fuck sake. They haven't gotten round to actually having their laws written down.
Too bad no one's invented a job that involves writing because you'd probably do well at something like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by chalice
Also I'm pretty sure if someone did invent a job that involves writing,the use of drugs and alcohol would be more or less mandatory so you'd probably have no need to worry.
:eyebrows:
Shucks. Coming from anyone else I'd take that as a compliment or something.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chalice
Shows what you know, bogtrotter. Being yet another colonial possession Kiwiland got to inherit all of Britain's legal and constitutional framework, as a result we have weird laws that do not even slightly pertain to life in terra incognita australis. Also since more than one of my relatives is a black sheep of the family, I've seen the british legal system in action a few times over the years, and it is as girly and hesitant to punish some evil fucker that desperately deserves it as the namby pamby version here, unless as I mentioned you were using your dick for a sock puppet, then you are well and truly stuffed.
There was a Ponzi scheme here last year, the main culprit got 5 years for $150 million and there is still millions outstanding, so financial crime is well worth doing (I'd go to one of our prison resorts for a few years with the promise a few million dollars at the other end).
So Ronny, back to my original premise..... I don't think you really rate a blip on the radar squire.
How does this assist me, you expatriated ginger, miserly fucker?
My soothing words were meant to assuage your fears and calm your febrile palpitations. :idunno:Quote:
Originally Posted by chalice
If you're waiting for a hug you'll be waiting a long time.Quote:
Originally Posted by chalice
Anyway I see you have a bad case of the OlegLs and you feel the need to turn something positive into some negative so carry on up the Khyber.
When I was a sprogling, Carry On films were forbidden. When I was apprehended viewing them the TV would be invariably switched to something mundane as fuck. British institution you see. Same goes for established British sitcoms. Dad's Army, It Ain't 'Alf Hot, Mum, The Good Life, To The Manor Born. Loads. They preferred I'd watch The Exorcist. Not a peep when I watched Saturday night horror films. But they got somewhat apoplectic listening to British canned laughter.Quote:
Originally Posted by IdolEyes787If you're waiting for a hug you'll be waiting a long time.Quote:
Originally Posted by chalice
Anyway I see you have a bad case of the OlegLs and you feel the need to turn something positive into some negative so carry on up the Khyber.
In this respect they became more interesting to me. Taboo. Looking at them now, they're pure wank. I'm over the gulity pleasure thing and can see the artlessness in it, innit.
I hope you're not suggesting that a bunch of unattractive and unlikable middle age people doing the same lame and highly sexist material over and over isn't highly entertaining.
Just a thought, but with your accountancy background you could emigrate and start your own Ponzi scheme Chavis? :naughty:
As long as I can get to fuck your finest, most attractive horses unimpeded I'm there, Artichoke.
Sid James is my least favorite cunt ever, and I hate a serious amount of cunts. True story. If that cunt were alive today, what with all his sleazy, leering shite, they'd bring back hanging and he wouldn't be alive for long.Quote:
Originally Posted by IdolEyes787
I'm hoping they reinstate it on a singular basis for Rolf Harris. Cartoon time will never be the same again. Every time I try to paint a masterpiece, I'll have his peadophilic shadow spoiling all my light. What a cunt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chalice
Best bring a ladder then....
Rolf is an even bigger cunt for me since I grew up with the Rolf Harris show, and him doing his murals with a large paintbrush as part of the show, I used to sing 'tie me kangaroo down sport' as a kid......a complete and utter cunt....Quote:
Originally Posted by chaliceSid James is my least favorite cunt ever, and I hate a serious amount of cunts. True story. If that cunt were alive today, what with all his sleazy, leering shite, they'd bring back hanging and he wouldn't be alive for long.Quote:
Originally Posted by IdolEyes787
I'm hoping they reinstate it on a singular basis for Rolf Harris. Cartoon time will never be the same again. Every time I try to paint a masterpiece, I'll have his peadophilic shadow spoiling all my light. What a cunt.
So when are you moving out?
Morning cunts.
It's all wet and shit outside.
It's fucking summer here!!!!!!!! :yahoo:
I froze rain for 60 hours straight over the weekend and now the trees have all decided to break apart so go fuck yourselves.
Who the fuck do you think you are? GOD?Quote:
Originally Posted by IdolEyes787
So, how did you freeze the rain but, more importantly, why did you freeze the rain? What was the purpose of this divine intervention on your part?
Or are you an egomaniac who thinks you are a god?
Don't bother to answer if you don't want to. I won't push you, just in case you decide to cause an earthquake where I live.
(Fucking deities. They all think they are all powerful.)
pm me if you wanna know how to make ice or water soup, i totally know the ingredients... :shifty:
looks like i can't get a train to London and spend Christmas with family and stuffs, which means i get to go home and smoke a massive bag of green and generally masturbate until just steam comes out. The misses says to stay at hers with her family but that's hella lame, she's not the president of Christmas and therefore can't tell me what to do. :snooty:
As well as here :dry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Artemis
Attachment 138181
Everyone in the city has their ACs running and the power grid just can't deal with the extreme demands. I'm lucky enough for blackouts to have been few and far between for now, but some neighborhoods haven't had electricity for ten-plus days.
Same shit every year.