Quote:
Originally posted by longterm@20 April 2003 - 03:29
I am very glad for the responses I get. Like I said, I need a reality check, now and then.
So. I did not DRIVE when the seizures were poorly controlled. :huh: I like life too much, and damn well know the risks. When I'm on my meds, they ARE perfectly controlled. Always. When I ran "out" of meds, due to low $, I didn't drive, usually for at LEAST 2 weeks after I'd restarted the meds, to make sure my blood was saturated properly.
I didn't go around with my hand out the window flippin' off the world thinking, "Eff you! I'm wasting gas!" :o (It's been 2 years since this happened.) Not the flippin', the impounding! <_<
I was ecstatic to be in a vehicle that ran and wasn't rusted out. It was the single nicest thing I'd ever owned, and BY FAR the biggest asset. Ever.
In fact, it was the only asset I've ever owned, before or since, based on the financial definition of asset. It wasn't constant either. If I add the times which I owned a vehicle, it would be about 3 1/2 years total, since I turned 16. The Explorer I had for about 1 year, but only drove it about 5 months, on and off. When I first got it, mostly, and about one week before I lost it.
Otherwise, it's been the bus or subway, or here in Florida, shoes. B)
I do not think the doctors LIED to me. They simply didn't give any free advice.
If I see a man trip over his shoelaces, and then help him up, I don't let him go on his way if he hasn't stopped to tie his laces. What, I want to see him trip again? I can't open my mouth, or tie his shoes for him, if need be?
I'm talking about decency. ONE exercise has CURED the shoulder. Free.
Anyway, understand this. I'm past that, or damned close to past that.
It (the post),was the first time in my life that I've ever tried to communicate the sheer frustration that goes along with realizing that so many years were wasted.
I went to Los Angeles to do music when I was 21. Within 6 months, multiple seizures had laid me low to the point of selling all my musical equipment to maintain a roof. I did not get any equipment again until I was 30.
By then, I'd been homeless 3 times, each time for a period of 6 to 8 months.
No car. No family. No bank account. No credit. No college. No roof.
However, also, no drugs, alcohol or smoking.
Just the seizures, and the dislocations, and the lost jobs because I was calling in from the ER...again. Many jobs I held when I was homeless, but still could not afford both meds and rent.
When bosses would sigh, and ask what they were supposed to do about my shifts, and how often will this keep happening, I naively told them to do what they had to do. It wasn't their fault, and I wasn't going to say, "You'd better hold my job or I'm suing for discrimination!"
I felt that was rude.
What did I do when I was homeless? Applied for work. Sometimes I WAS working! Volunteered at a park, where I taught many kids chess, in english and spanish, and also helped some parents learn english a bit better. Taught myself to read Korean, (took 4 hours) but haven't really used it in the last few years, so I've forgotten most of it. So. Here I am, 35.
Over 75 different jobs.
No insurance. No car. No credit. $250,000 (minimum) in debt. No college.
IQ measured at various times to be 160, 162, and 158.
Any physical proof, or seeming benefit of that, beyond unpublished compositions?
Nope. But I've got a lot I've written. :)
I'm actually overjoyed to be alive. Really. My original rant was just venting. My roommate's friend told her she didn't know how my roommate could live with me, because, according to the friend, "I'd be pissing my pants all the time laughing so hard. He's too funny."
(No, not looks...wit!) B)
I'm also an artist: writer and drummer---drumming is my forte.
I'm about a studio level player, with no contacts yet.
I'm still striving. I'm looking forward to the day when I can put MY name on a lease, somewhere, instead of always being the roommate. Better yet, a contract to buy. Best? Someone's CD. It'll happen. I perservere.
As for the military side of it? Army.
I joined when I was 18. I did not have epilepsy. My first petit mal seizure came on the qualifying range, in basic, at Fort Jackson, S.C. and I did not know what it was, so I assumed it was nerves, or something, after all, it only lasted a second or two, and just involved a brief "tuning out". My first grand mal seizure did not come until I was 20. When I went to my superior officer and told him what was going in, I was checked out, then given an "Honorable Medical Discharge" due to seizures. By then I was 21. I've been denied any benefits, at all, of any type, since then. Totally.
I don't qualify. ( I went into the Natl. Guard, so it's not the military, according to the office clerks I've been referred to and can't get past.)
As for flaming responses. Please. When I need a good laugh I'll watch Bush say things like, "We are after peace."
A baboon can type in "treehugging hippy", eventually. (Of course, the same could be said for my posts!)
Can it wonder whether you'll have your civil liberties 15 years from now?
Do you care about 15 years from now?
What about 150 years from now?
I understand. The world is here now, as it is, and we are here now, as we are.
Time marches on.
I thought someone was supposed to be concerned about the future.
I thought I was okay for being so.
I guess I'm crazy.
I guess I should readjust my focus so I can say,
"Eff the rest. I'm looking out for me only."
Um. No. This would not be kind at all. After the hell I've gone through, and understand that all this crap I've typed is merely a drop in the bucket, compared to the unwritten events, after the hell I've gone through, you don't want me looking out for #1, and God help the rest.
You flat out don't. It would be rude. Way rude. I'm not rude.
So I'll continue trying to solve the issues on a macroscopic level.
It keeps me socially concerned, if not socially accepted.
It's my best outlet for the injustice I see around me.
Remember:
If it looks like a dog, smells like a dog, acts like a dog, sounds like a dog, feels like a dog...it's a dog!
If it looks like a conspiracy, sounds like a conspiracy, has the elements involved which "defines" conspiracy, acts like a conspiracy...you're crazy! :blink:
:P
Comments? :D
Well...If you want to be technical...Just about everything that occurs on this planet by will through co-operation is a conspiracy.