Dave's blog

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Originally Posted by manker

So basically; Dave's hierarchy of rock hardness looks like this:

1. chavois
2. Squeams
3. Me
4. Dave

I've put chavois at the top because whereas he just had to arm himself to be safe from the massive and real threat posed by a girl and her accountant, he actually moved house to escape the Great Irish Threat :smilie4:

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:glag:

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Originally Posted by Artemis

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Originally Posted by manker

So basically; Dave's hierarchy of rock hardness looks like this:

1. chavois
2. Squeams
3. Me
4. Dave

I've put chavois at the top because whereas he just had to arm himself to be safe from the massive and real threat posed by a girl and her accountant, he actually moved house to escape the Great Irish Threat :smilie4:

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When it turns out it was the Great Welsh Threat all the time :naughty:

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I'm the rapier ying to chavois' semtex yang.

I've taken steps. And measures. I've had to, MagnumMachete has left me with no choice. I've informed all my other spastics and stalkers that there's a spastic stalker after me, and if they deal with the problem first prize is me slathered with Jam on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square. I'll be moving to a safe house somewhere and putting a decoy on said plinth. I expect when I return to find all 5+ spastics in a bloody mess/public art installation.

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Originally Posted by manker

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Originally Posted by Artemis

When it turns out it was the Great Welsh Threat all the time :naughty:

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I'm the rapier ying to chavois' semtex yang.

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I've got a baseball bat made out of semtex.

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Originally Posted by chavis

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Originally Posted by manker

I'm the rapier ying to chavois' semtex yang.

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I've got a baseball bat made out of semtex.

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Errr.... wouldn't that be quite droopy? :blink:

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Originally Posted by Artemis

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Originally Posted by chavis

I've got a baseball bat made out of semtex.

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Errr.... wouldn't that be quite droopy? :blink:

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Only after it spends its payload.

In years to come while Magnum's doing a long stretch either inside or on a secure unit, I'm sure some film producery types would be interested in making his batshit mental saga into a film.
"Magnum Dave: Balustrades of Blood" would be the title I'd go with, like.

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Originally Posted by chavis

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Originally Posted by Artemis

Errr.... wouldn't that be quite droopy? :blink:

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Only after it spends its payload.

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*Sigh, Semtex is maleable i.e. not terribly rigid, so by the time you form it into a four foot bat that is thicker at one end than the other it will tend to droop. The explosive itself does not poessess the rigidity to be a bat all by itself, unless you froze it. But then it wouldn't go bang. Well it wouldn't go bang until it defrosted and got all droopy again in about 12-16 hours depending on the time of year/how much sun you don't have that day.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

I've taken steps. And measures. I've had to, MagnumMachete has left me with no choice. I've informed all my other spastics and stalkers that there's a spastic stalker after me, and if they deal with the problem first prize is me slathered with Jam on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square. I'll be moving to a safe house somewhere and putting a decoy on said plinth. I expect when I return to find all 5+ spastics in a bloody mess/public art installation.

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I wonder if all of the stalkers will be armed as thoroughly as Dave will be.
Six or eight spastics, covered with grenades and throwing stars and napalm nozzles, trying to jostle for position on a plinth.

Knowing Trafalgar Square as I do, it would be a terrific danger to the wildfowl.
I imagine Idol would hear of the pigeon plight, skateboard in, coral the spastics and then ignite them with an intense glare of pure derision.

ITT: Arty teaches a Northern Irishman about semtex.

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Originally Posted by manker

ITT: Arty teaches a Northern Irishman about semtex.

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:glagpinch:

He'll be handing out tarmacing tips next:smilie4:

About Tarmac I know fuck all, plastic explosive not much, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt though that four foot of the stuff is not going to stay in a straight line, it has the same consistency as play-doh, that is where the 'plastic' part of plastic explosive comes in.

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

He'll be handing out tarmacing tips next:smilie4:

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:schnauz:

That's the best two steroetypes gone. All I got now is potatoes :dabs:

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Originally Posted by Artemis

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Originally Posted by chavis

Only after it spends its payload.

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*Sigh, Semtex is maleable i.e. not terribly rigid, so by the time you form it into a four foot bat that is thicker at one end than the other it will tend to droop. The explosive itself does not poessess the rigidity to be a bat all by itself, unless you froze it. But then it wouldn't go bang. Well it wouldn't go bang until it defrosted and got all droopy again in about 12-16 hours depending on the time of year/how much sun you don't have that day.

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Yeah, well, the guy who sold me it said it was legit and I have no reason to doubt him. He said the bat was moulded around a reinforced copper core detonator which permitted a denser integrity.

He was the most respectable looking balaclava'd, emaciated leprechaun I've ever encountered.

I'm sure that your fantastic knob joke will eventually trickle down to the antipodes.

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Originally Posted by manker

I'm sure that your fantastic knob joke will eventually trickle down to the antipodes.

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It's almost as if he's doubting the veracity of my semtex baseball bat statement.

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Originally Posted by chavis

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Originally Posted by manker

I'm sure that your fantastic knob joke will eventually trickle down to the antipodes.

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It's almost as if he's doubting the veracity of my semtex baseball bat statement.

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I know, the cad.
I'm as shocked as you are.

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Originally Posted by manker

I wonder if all of the stalkers will be armed as thoroughly as Dave will be.
Six or eight spastics, covered with grenades and throwing stars and napalm nozzles, trying to jostle for position on a plinth.

Knowing Trafalgar Square as I do, it would be a terrific danger to the wildfowl.
I imagine Idol would hear of the pigeon plight, skateboard in, coral the spastics and then ignite them with an intense glare of pure derision.

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Which will you be, spastic 7 or 8? I might have to allocate starting positions and those bits of paper marathon runners attach to their sports vests. Since the Olympics is just around the corner I wouldn't want tourists to think we can't organise a brawl in a balustrade.

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Originally Posted by manker

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

He'll be handing out tarmacing tips next:smilie4:

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:schnauz:

That's the best two steroetypes gone. All I got now is potatoes :dabs:

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Something about leprechauns?

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Originally Posted by chavis

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Originally Posted by manker

I'm sure that your fantastic knob joke will eventually trickle down to the antipodes.

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It's almost as if he's doubting the veracity of my semtex baseball bat statement.

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It's all the Davitis wafting through the lounge, it has me doubting everything, even myself. :fear:

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

Which will you be, spastic 7 or 8? I might have to allocate starting positions and those bits of paper marathon runners attach to their sports vests. Since the Olympics is just around the corner I wouldn't want tourists to think we can't organise a brawl in a balustrade.

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You jest, Ms Pitstop.
I'm a different kind of stalker altogether. I was the voice on the phone informing you of the 'safehouse'.

I'll be trussing you up in chrome chains while the anthill mob scurry around stabbing themselves with incendiaries.

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Originally Posted by manker

You jest, Ms Pitstop.
I'm a different kind of stalker altogether. I was the voice on the phone informing you of the 'safehouse'.

I'll be trussing you up in chrome chains while the anthill mob scurry around stabbing themselves with incendiaries.

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Sir, your furtive furtling knows no bounds :sneaky:

Also 'Ms Pitstop' :lol:

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

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Originally Posted by manker

You jest, Ms Pitstop.
I'm a different kind of stalker altogether. I was the voice on the phone informing you of the 'safehouse'.

I'll be trussing you up in chrome chains while the anthill mob scurry around stabbing themselves with incendiaries.

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Sir, your furtive furtling knows no bounds :sneaky:

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I prefer it when stockholm syndrome takes a wee while longer to manifest, but okay, I'll kit out my wankpit while you misdirect dave and his disciples.


Edit: I read that as flirting, wtf furtling :lol:
urbandictionary just shocked and yet aroused me

Pick your poison:

Attachment 109551

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw8f2hath94

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Originally Posted by manker

I prefer it when stockholm syndrome takes a wee while longer to manifest, but okay, I'll kit out my wankpit while you misdirect dave and his disciples.


Edit: I read that as flirting, wtf furtling :lol:
urbandictionary just shocked and yet aroused me

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I was thinking more this definition http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=furtle

I am so nevar going to the seaside with you :unsure:

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Originally Posted by chavis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw8f2hath94

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Ah, the good old days when children were fed on a diet of creepy uncles and rapists :happy:

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Originally Posted by manker

Pick your poison:

Attachment 109551

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It's not much of a choice, it's mostly just being tied up :unsure:

I was tethered by my original choice of the word tethered :idunno:

Why don't you suprise me then :happy:

squeamous.wordpress.com is no longer available.

The authors have deleted this blog.

:dabs:

Oddly enough there's a photograph of Ned Flanders at the top of the default wordpress page.....

Dave couldn't handle it. He had to get out.
The bile and spew finally overcame him and he just gave in.

His capitulation is probably for the best, he just wasn't cut out for it at this level.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

Why don't you surprise me, then :happy:

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:eyebrows:

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Originally Posted by manker

Dave couldn't handle it. He had to get out.
The bile and spew finally overcame him and he just gave in.

His capitulation is probably for the best, he just wasn't cut out for it at this level.

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It's more likely one of you impatient fuckers jumped the shark and went and told on him to his missus.

That was way ahead of schedule, too :dry:

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Originally Posted by Snee

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Originally Posted by manker

Dave couldn't handle it. He had to get out.
The bile and spew finally overcame him and he just gave in.

His capitulation is probably for the best, he just wasn't cut out for it at this level.

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It's more likely one of you impatient fuckers jumped the shark and went and told on him to his missus.

That was way ahead of schedule, too :dry:

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I know. :pinch:

Barbs screwed the pooch. There was serious mileage to be had there too. :(

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Originally Posted by manker

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

Why don't you surprise me, then :happy:

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:eyebrows:

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:idunno:

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

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Originally Posted by manker

:eyebrows:

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:idunno:

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:pinch:

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Originally Posted by chavis

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Originally Posted by Snee

It's more likely one of you impatient fuckers jumped the shark and went and told on him to his missus.

That was way ahead of schedule, too :dry:

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I know. :pinch:

Barbs screwed the pooch. There was serious mileage to be had there too. :(

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Fecking barbie. He's just too good at stalking, the clue is in the first post.
I didn't think his missus would actually say anything to him, though, not at this stage. But I suppose she must have.

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

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Originally Posted by manker

Dave couldn't handle it. He had to get out.
The bile and spew finally overcame him and he just gave in.

His capitulation is probably for the best, he just wasn't cut out for it at this level.

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I prefer the alternative scenario where he was practicing his internet hardman routine with the machete in front of the mirror, and lopped off a chunk leaving him indisposed......

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Originally Posted by Artemis

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Originally Posted by manker

Dave couldn't handle it. He had to get out.
The bile and spew finally overcame him and he just gave in.

His capitulation is probably for the best, he just wasn't cut out for it at this level.

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I prefer the alternative scenario where he was practicing his internet hardman routine with the machete in front of the mirror, and lopped off a chunk leaving him indisposed......

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzPBUGUM7KQ