:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by JPaul
I'm very lithe for a fat secret agent.Quote:
Originally Posted by Something Else
Just saw that. Innit.
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:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by JPaulI'm very lithe for a fat secret agent.Quote:
Originally Posted by Something Else
Just saw that. Innit.
He was a fantastic football player, mate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Something ElseHim and fat, little Ally were chuckling away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JPaul
:lol:
Brian McClair. I don't remember him looking so feminine.
One of those blokes who just did a good job without a lot of fannying about and fancy dan broohaha.
He was also neither a diver, nor a Welshman.
Left foot, right foot, head, tap ins and shots. Fan-tastic striker.
Wurksup, vagines :smilie4: and FUCKING STUDENT CUNTS!!!! Fucking rioting right outside where i work! And one of the little shits has smashed a window at the Subway across the road. There's no need to take it out on delicious sandwiches! And they'll need places like that to work in once they get their currently underpriced degrees in fine art and film studies.
makes me sick.
What are all of you doing for Schoolies? Makes me wish I went to Year 12.
A socially acceptable exuse for underage drinking, consumption of illegal narcotics and orgy's ...
Attachment 59895
I wish I had a monkey
Not like the kind in the above picture though, as that monkey is white and has some kind of fruit smeared all over its face. I would want a clean monkey.
Obviously having your own monkey would be fantastic for a whole host of reasons and as they are quite intelligent, yet unable to speak, they learn quickly through beatings while being unable to tell anyone about the beatings.
This list, featuring the kind of monkeys that would be good to have, is far from complete as it omits Jetski monkey, Boiling water monkey and Battlestar Galactica Monkey but covers the basic best kinds of monkeys.
Disguised Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would borrow my mums sewing machine and make my monkey a little monkey suit. Then if anyone said "Thats not a real monkey, it's just a monkey suit, I can see the zipper", I could say "I bet you fifty dollars it is a real monkey" and when they said "that seems like a reasonable bet, you are on", my monkey would take off the monkey suit and they would have to pay me fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. For the monkey. So he wouldn't mind spending his life in a monkey suit.
Gambling Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would teach him to count cards like Dustin Hoffman in the movie Rainman and sneak my monkey into the casino. If anyone said "Hey a monkey, who's monkey is that?" I would say "It's not my monkey".
Singing Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would teach it to sing Kylie Minogue songs. Then if Kylie passed out on stage again I would be able to save the day by having my monkey finish the concert for her. The concert promotors would probably give me free tickets and promotional gifts. Kylie would be so thankful that she might send me an autographed photo and I could sell it on ebay for fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. Not for the monkey, for me.
Paddling Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would teach it how to use a paddle. The next time I went kayaking I would be able to relax and enjoy the scenery while my monkey navigated the river. Also, the last time I went kayaking I was listening to my ipod and I fell asleep and got sunburnt and the current took me way up the river before I awoke when the kayak hit a tree branch and I had to paddle all the way back. Having a paddling monkey would prevent this ever happening again so really it is a water-safety issue and should be encouraged.
Channel Changing Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would teach it how to use all the entertainment equipment. I would save money on batteries for the remote controls by having my monkey change channels for me. With the money I saved on batteries I would buy drugs. I would share the drugs with the monkey while we watched Black Books and Stephen Chow movies together. Hairdressing Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would teach him how to do my hair - using the appropriate amount of product. I would then set the alarm for him to get up half an hour before I do and do my hair while I am still asleep. This would either give me more time in the morning or allow me to spend more time sleeping. I would just waste the extra half hour anyway so probably better to sleep but as I usually don't rock up to work till ten thirty or so, I could try leaving earlier. This would give me more time to write about what I would do if I had a monkey. Surveilance Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would teach it to track down people who annoy me by using their profile photo and google maps. Using earpieces to communicate, I would have my monkey conceal himself behind the person typing on facesookŪ and when that person wrote something stupid I would have my monkey run up and slap them on the back of the head really hard then make a quick escape. Having several monkeys would be more convenient but I don't have time to train seven monkeys, what with having to do my own hair in the mornings. 5 Fun Things to do with a Monkey
1. Constructing and flying box kites
2. eyetoy
3. Running down sand dunes
4. Playing Connect 4
5. Dressups Web Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would name it Brendon. I would shave the monkey and buy a yellow shirt for it and teach it to write inane posts on the Australian wall. Occasionally I would burn the monkey with a cigarette lighter but not to cause enough damage to detract it from it's primary goal; impersonating a retard.
Sex with Monkeys
If a woman had sex with a monkey, getting pregnant and giving birth, we would be able see what mans early ancestors really looked like and include actual photographs in scientific volumes dealing with Neanderthal man. Due to the mixing of species, it might not be possible to produce offspring or it might be more likely if a man had sex with a female monkey but this would be much less fun to watch. Due to father/mother percentage variations we would probably need about 50 women to do it to get an average. We could put the babies on an island with hidden cameras and see if they invent the wheel and discover fire. Call it Monkey Island and sell series rights. Another bonus would be enough actors to produce footage that would make the opening scenes from '2001 A Space Odyssey' look like a primary school play. I would call mine Manky as it is a cross between man and monkey and I would teach him to love.
Ceramic Monkey
If I had a monkey, I would name it Thomas and use it for scientific research. I would then publish my findings in a journal titled "Monkey Vs Electricity". With the proceeds from the sale of this publication, I would buy a potters wheel and kiln and produce my own range of contemporary, modern living, statues of monkeys. I could make a cast of my dead monkey and use it to produce to-scale ceramic monkeys. I would design a sticker stating that part proceeds go to Greenpeace but would keep all the money for myself. With the money, I would buy drugs and spend my days stoned, listening to music and turning pots.
fucking hell im bored. There's over 3 hours to go too :dabs:
Read more of the emails on that site. Those things are fannnntastic.
the foggot one and the no pets allowed/ducks in the bathroom one, think they're the best ones :smilie4:
Which is the pets/ducks one?
I read them from time to time. Only gotten through about the first 20 so far.
The Massanutten one and the Articles Missing Missy ones are great.
its a dog trying to walk like a human:lol:fucking aminals will never learn how to master walking.
Dress down friday + payday = win.
/just watched the trailer for the third family guy star wars speshal, looks hawt.
Attachment 59978
http://linitx.com/viewproduct.php?prodid=12785
Just bought one of these ftw :smilie4:
is that lyke a new bedroom or something for ewe?:unsure:
in other news, ewesing my new orsum to the max computer:smilie4:
wot sort of bewt thymes are you getting with that SSD and Win7 lyke? :smilie4:
it was starting the fuck up before I even pressed the power button!11!1!1:01:
(having rectified the problem with the power switch, it now takes seconds from starting windows to be on the desktop.)
now that's what i call a hostile make-over :smilie4:
Attachment 60001
i'm gonna be bewting ubuntu off of one of those, with it being a linux boot thyme to begin with, its already on now even though i haven't actually built it yet :eyebrows:
isn't ubuntu that thing wots lyke windows but doesn't wurk with stuff or something?:unsure:
The very same :smilie4:
the misses bought a macbewk the other week and brought it round asking how to use it, before she could even end the sentence i falcon punched her in the most dramatic fasion possible.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8...4umoo2_250.gif
orsum, orsum to the max.
in other news, i just re-installed steam for the first thyme in lyke a brazillion years. it's telling me I should download counterstrike source beta. I think I might.
i'd like to take this opportunity to remind your face of that thyme, a few years ago when i completely annihilated you at CSS. Quite frankly im surprised they'd let you re-download it, it must be a PR nightmare for Valve :no:
ewe and your wank fantasies:rolleyes:
Haha, you keep denying it! :D I remember a death match where i pretty much followed you around half the map without you noticing and then shooting you point blank range in the back of the head and you said something lyke "i don't know what the buttons are"! :glag:
memories :mushy:
I think you're confusing me with... your mum!1!
shit, she's home from the hairdresser, i'd best put some pants on and stop eating m&ms:no:
Isn't that the same as asking you to just lay down and die? :no:
wait a minute...she's not the boss of me* anymore, screw it!1!:01:
*not that she evar was:snooty:
switch to full blown Snickers Duo's, really fuck with her shit!1 :01:
peanut m&ms are the choice of the day:smilie4:
I've been waiting patiently, for about two years. :dry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Proper Bo