Your posting history lends itself to successful siring but i'm surprised that your missus let you anywhere near her lady garden if that's your idea of phallic :ermm:
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Your posting history lends itself to successful siring but i'm surprised that your missus let you anywhere near her lady garden if that's your idea of phallic :ermm:
it's sort of phallus caninus
Indeed.
If mbm doesn't change his user title to 'sabre-toothed cawk' then there is something wrong with this world we live in.
I wouldn't want to be the one who tips the scale into eternal darkness. I'm taking that one... :)
And while it may not much of a phallic symbol, imagine the set of BALLS it would take to give a raging psycho a "gift" that says, "fix me some dinner" which, at the same time, would make an effective prison shank. Have I also mentioned she knows where I sleep?
:01:
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by mbm
You know it makes sense :D
All this is a very true thing, so much so that I might shy away from extending my practical gift giving repertoire in this particular direction at this precise time.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
I don't want to discourage you though. Let me know how you get on. And post pics, even if they're nsfw.
Sorry, guys. The wife says I can't play online anymore, and that it's time for me to start making dinner. :sadwalk:
I'll see you all tomorrow- if she gives me back my
:unsure:
I think candlejack got hi
I was thinking she could stand him in the kitchen and punch him in the eye. I know I'd love it if a man got me that for xmas.Quote:
Originally Posted by BigglesTin foil?Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
That looks exactly like the thing they put up my front fundament when they put my coil in. I'm not sure if it's a very useful present for a lady though, you don't normally have to bring your own.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
Every now and then I'm kind of glad I'm a man...even though we are susceptible to gender specific fluQuote:
Originally Posted by SqueamousI was thinking she could stand him in the kitchen and punch him in the eye. I know I'd love it if a man got me that for xmas.Quote:
Originally Posted by Biggles
That looks exactly like the thing they put up my front fundament when they put my coil in. I'm not sure if it's a very useful present for a lady though, you don't normally have to bring your own.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
:smilie4:
Isn't a coil like birth control from the 1980s
I remember my mam had a calender and for days on end it had 'bleeding' 'heavy bleeding' 'spotting blood' written down.
I was all like; :o why are you bleeding
She said it was the coil and that it was so I wouldn't have any brothers or sisters until her and dad wanted them.
This is the only other time I've heard someone mention the coil.
It's usually the pill or injection or rhythm or withdrawal or anal these days, innit.
Pmsl! It does allegedly cause heavier periods and spotting. I haven't noticed a difference.Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
It's basically a copper coil that creates a toxic environment to sperm and eggs. It's non-hormonal, which is good for me: no way am I going to have my hormones artifically regulated for some dude. The only drawback was that I had to have a jack inserted into my front fundament before being cranked open. Then, thetorturerdoctor grasped my cervix with a metal clamp (bit like having your stomach grabbed through your anus), and shoved painfully at my cervix with the largest coil she could find (she was determined to sterilise me for 10 years), before having to go for the smaller 5 year one; but only after she'd given the first a REALLY good go. You don't get to be a doctor without determination. Believe me, I'm tough as nails when it comes to pain but I thought I was going to vomit. Although I suppose not many women get to see what their cervix looks like SPREAD ON THEIR GUSSET.
Still had sex that night though.
That's ... horrible.Quote:
Originally Posted by SqueamousPmsl! It does allegedly cause heavier periods and spotting. I haven't noticed a difference.Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
It's basically a copper coil that creates a toxic environment to sperm and eggs. It's non-hormonal, which is good for me: no way am I going to have my hormones artifically regulated for some dude. The only drawback was that I had to have a jack inserted into my front fundament before being cranked open. Then, thetorturerdoctor grasped my cervix with a metal clamp (bit like having your stomach grabbed through your anus), and shoved painfully at my cervix with the largest coil she could find (she was determined to sterilise me for 10 years), before having to go for the smaller 5 year one; but only after she'd given the first a REALLY good go. You don't get to be a doctor without determination. Believe me, I'm tough as nails when it comes to pain but I thought I was going to vomit. Although I suppose not many women get to see what their cervix looks like SPREAD ON THEIR GUSSET.
Still had sex that night though.
I think I preferred it when my mam told me what a coil was :emo:
Attachment 93090Quote:
Originally Posted by mankerThat's ... horrible.Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
I think I preferred it when my mam told me what a coil was :emo:
i bet that's what hers looked like, like.
:glag:
:glagpinch:
The gender specific flu is looking a better deal all the time :ermm:Quote:
Originally Posted by SqueamousPmsl! It does allegedly cause heavier periods and spotting. I haven't noticed a difference.Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
It's basically a copper coil that creates a toxic environment to sperm and eggs. It's non-hormonal, which is good for me: no way am I going to have my hormones artifically regulated for some dude. The only drawback was that I had to have a jack inserted into my front fundament before being cranked open. Then, thetorturerdoctor grasped my cervix with a metal clamp (bit like having your stomach grabbed through your anus), and shoved painfully at my cervix with the largest coil she could find (she was determined to sterilise me for 10 years), before having to go for the smaller 5 year one; but only after she'd given the first a REALLY good go. You don't get to be a doctor without determination. Believe me, I'm tough as nails when it comes to pain but I thought I was going to vomit. Although I suppose not many women get to see what their cervix looks like SPREAD ON THEIR GUSSET.
Still had sex that night though.
No way, Les. I can't even indulge in a spot of light onanism when I've got man-flu.Quote:
Originally Posted by Biggles
After having what seems to be from her description the exoskeleton of a ford focus wedged inside her lady garden, Squeams managed to have secks.
Can't have been as bad as what we go thro :no:
Only in the third of my vagina closest to the entrance. By pain of death.
Either that's a non-sequitur or you meant to post that on a S&M Twilight forum that you're currently cybering on :ermm:Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
Who said anything about pruning?Quote:
Originally Posted by mankerEither that's a non-sequitur or you meant to post that on a S&M Twilight forum that you're currently cybering on :ermm:Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
:huh:Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
How does he know if he has breached the third limit (other than by being dead obviousment)
He had had sex before.Quote:
Originally Posted by Biggles:huh:Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
How does he know if he has breached the third limit (other than by being dead obviousment)
Twenty three minutes past seven.Quote:
Originally Posted by SqueamousWho said anything about pruning?Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
Something about beating round the bush.
I'm not sure I understand the last half dozen comments - including my own :unsure:
I blame Squeamous. Everything was fine until she forced us to think about vagina.
:happy:
No wait. I've got it now.
I said about her having sex after being violated with kiddie's climbing frame and then she said that the sex only occurred in the lower third of her vagina.
My apologies, Squeams. But in my defence, I was thinking about people putting metal things inside your vagina at the time.
Still am, tbf :smilie4:
Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
You said something about pruning implements and then told me the time, which wasn't very useful as I wasn't around, then you realised this had led the topic off course from my vagina. But it's ok, it's right back on track now after some clever word wrangling on your part :smilie4:Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
:lol: OH! SECATEURS!
Well, this thread has been mangled as badly as a vagina replete with freshly installed 1980s copper coil.
One thing that is troubling me. Did you keep the cervix pâté underwear or just feed it to the dog or something?
We can always make sweet love to the first third of it, that should sort it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
I gave the underwear to dreamboat as a reminder of my sacrifice of course :shifty:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
Quote:
Originally Posted by Proper Bo
you got there eventually:pinch:Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
ffs, i haven't done this stuff for years. Break me in gently, will you :pinch:
:kiss:
I find myself wondering what I would do with a gift of cervix smeared undies.Quote:
Originally Posted by SqueamousWe can always make sweet love to the first third of it, that should sort it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
I gave the underwear to dreamboat as a reminder of my sacrifice of course :shifty:
Would probably have to keep them in the fridge until I decided how to use them :eyebrows:
Just reheat them for tea later. Like a good coq au vin they benefit from standing overnight.Quote:
Originally Posted by mankerI find myself wondering what I would do with a gift of cervix smeared undies.Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
Would probably have to keep them in the fridge until I decided how to use them :eyebrows: