[QUOTE=Squeamous;3629692]:glag:Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
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[QUOTE=Squeamous;3629692]:glag:Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
:yup:Quote:
Originally Posted by BigglesDear God that is utterly terrifying :OQuote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
Remorseless political correctness is a little corner of Hades all by itself.
I don't understand, why disappoint two women?Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmackyNo, that's what misteresses are for.Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
Easy, I'll explain it in this equation:Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
y = my level of satiation
x = number of women
c = number of unsatisfied women
You think it works this way
y = x - c
When in fact it works this way
y = x - c/100
And spoiler if you detest math
Spoiler: ShowIt would take dissatisfying 100 women to negate the satisfaction of 1 woman. It's basically heavily egocentric.
The equation is actually slightly more complicated than that because x=i
And pie belongs in that equation somewhere. All important math equations involve pie.
maths jokes ftw
squaring numbers is like sex with women; if they're under 13, just do them in your head.
I don't like this rule, since I can square up to 17*17=289 in my head (that's really limiting my options).Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
You never really believed it when people told you that you were too clever for your own good.Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmackyI don't like this rule, since I can square up to 17*17=289 in my head (that's really limiting my options).Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
Not until now.
You see what you've done :no:
For a second there, it was the first time in my life I regretted knowing any math. That was up until I remembered I tend to completely ignore rules.Quote:
Originally Posted by mankerYou never really believed it when people told you that you were too clever for your own good.Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
Not until now.
You see what you've done :no:
I hate you all.
I always try to follow at least some of them but that has its own consequences.Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmackyFor a second there, it was the first time in my life I regretted knowing any math. That was up until I remembered I tend to completely ignore rules.Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
I was babysitting for a neighbour last summer and I had to unlearn the square root of 225.
Parents asking adult men to babysit their hot 15 year old daughters are just basically giving you consent to plow her.Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
I can't possibly fathom whyQuote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
Hoi, Mary.
Why did the mathematician cover his wife's car in moist toilet paper and put dog crap thro' the letterbox when she didn't put any sweets in his xmas stocking.
I'm in the process of trying to figure out the punchline. So far it's going to have something about multiplying and pi, but I haven't put it together yet. Letterbox is throwing me off, is that what you call a mailbox?Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
Yup. Also, £sweets = $candy.Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmackyI'm in the process of trying to figure out the punchline. So far it's going to have something about multiplying and pi, but I haven't put it together yet. Letterbox is throwing me off, is that what you call a mailbox?Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
Edit; wait no. A letterbox is slot in the front door so the postman ($mailman) can put letters inside the house, rather than a mailbox which is located at the bottom of the front garden.
Do merkins have stockings on xmas morning?
If not, I understand Mary's difficulty :dabs:
I had a plastic bag "stocking" :emo:
That's petty good, like. You can fit more stuff in a carrier bag :smilie4:
:pinch:
Ha ha ha ha! You were poor!Quote:
Originally Posted by Proper Bo
Nah, my ma was just a cunt.
Attachment 93091Quote:
Originally Posted by Proper Bo
are ye cahllin wor mutha a puff?Quote:
The only thing I remember getting in my stocking is a little bit of money. I haven't done proper Christmas in years, I threw it out with Christianity.
I don't know if I can be arsed with Christmas this year tbh. I'm asking for cash so I can buy a 5th of a new front door that the council is forcing me to buy.
Yay Jesus.
Explain council, I'm intrigued by this concept. If it could potentially inflame me, dismiss the inquiry with a flippant remark.
You have that in Englandshire? I thought it was a Scottish thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
MJ If the owners can't agree on the upkeep of the shared element of the property, as a last resort the council (local government) will send someone to do it and, knowing the owners are over the proverbial barrel, the workman will shaft until they squeal like a pig. Usually the sight of a council clipboard is enough to bring people to their senses and get stuff fixed themselves at a sensible price.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mjmacky
Not in my case. I own a home in a block that belongs to the local governing body (council). They own some of the other flats and they're responsible for the upkeep of communal areas for which I pay a service charge. The EU has decided that certain fire safety standards have to be met in publically owned buildings, which mine is, and so even though I have an exemption for control of my own doors and windows I still have to replace my door, which is only a couple of years old, because it falls below standard. I'm pretty pissed off about it because I don't just have a spare £800 lying around. Plus, the cheerful way they informed me made me want to both cry and punch them repeatedly in the face at the same time.Quote:
Originally Posted by BigglesYou have that in Englandshire? I thought it was a Scottish thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous
MJ If the owners can't agree on the upkeep of the shared element of the property, as a last resort the council (local government) will send someone to do it and, knowing the owners are over the proverbial barrel, the workman will shaft until they squeal like a pig. Usually the sight of a council clipboard is enough to bring people to their senses and get stuff fixed themselves at a sensible price.
N'awwh. You replied to everyone in every thread.
You great big bucket of parma violets, you :happy:
===
£4000 for a door seems ridiculous. Like wtf.
Unless I've misunderstood something when you said you had to buy one 5th of it.
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that councils move very slowly. Pay them small amounts but often and If you write them enough very eloquent but completely obtuse letters, it'll take ages before they set the dawgs on you. Months before they send anything to their collection dept, and that's if you don't interact with them at all. It'll take a year if you do.
I know I sound flippant, don't wanna teach you how to suck eggs, but I have lots of hints for warding off evil money collecting civil servants.
Part of my jawb description in these tuff times :dabs:
:mushy:Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
No I meant I'll get about £150 spent on me at Xmas, and I'll put that towards the door.
That's all actually very helpful. I suspected as much, given the previous owner was still paying service charges several years old when I moved in. Also, when I asked what the deadline for door replacement was the woman on the phone seemed a bit surprised and said something vague like 'the first quarter of the year'. But you know, things don't get done without deadlines you fuckwit, don't they understand?
I was going to get my door looked at independently, since they seem to have made their judgement just by looking at the outside of it. I was also going to ask the CAB or the Which magazine legal dept about the legality of it since I have a deed of variation excluding my doors and windows from council responsibility. If you have any tips you'd care to impart they'd be gratefully received, or perhaps I'll make you rue the day you offered at a later date :shifty:
1st quarter of the calendar year or first quarter of the financial year? You could spin this out to June :shifty:Quote:
Originally Posted by Squeamous:mushy:Quote:
Originally Posted by manker
No I meant I'll get about £150 spent on me at Xmas, and I'll put that towards the door.
That's all actually very helpful. I suspected as much, given the previous owner was still paying service charges several years old when I moved in. Also, when I asked what the deadline for door replacement was the woman on the phone seemed a bit surprised and said something vague like 'the first quarter of the year'. But you know, things don't get done without deadlines you fuckwit, don't they understand?
I was going to get my door looked at independently, since they seem to have made their judgement just by looking at the outside of it. I was also going to ask the CAB or the Which magazine legal dept about the legality of it since I have a deed of variation excluding my doors and windows from council responsibility. If you have any tips you'd care to impart they'd be gratefully received, or perhaps I'll make you rue the day you offered at a later date :shifty:
The fire regulation thing seems totally mental - how often fires spread from one house to another via the front door :blink:
If your house has had new uPVC doors fitted they will have undoubtedly come with some kind of certification listing a whole load of BS standards the doors comply with. Relevant BS standards are BS476-8 (standard doors) and/or BS476-22 (fire doors).
The regulations for doors and how they react to fire haven't been updated since 1972, so it's exceptionally unlikely that your doors do not already comply with building regulations as far as fire resistance is concerned.
The regulations concerning means of escape have been updated, and obviously doors and windows are affected by those updates.
The relevant guidelines for that can be found in these documents (Building Regs -> Fire Safety) http://www.planningportal.gov.uk/bui...ntsb/documentb
You'll want Volume 1 (dwellinghouses) and you'll find the information about requirements for means of escape in section B1 paragraph 2.8, on the bottom of page 19. It's the measurements that are legally required for a door/window to be legally acceptable as a means of escape.
You might also need to consider paragraphs 2.15 and 2.17 of that section, if your door opens out onto a communal escape route.
Ask them exactly what this replacement door is going to provide you with that your current door doesn't? And what standard that is?
I cannot believe that there is a single building in the UK with a door that doesn't comply with the fire safety regulations after all these years. So I will be amazed if your door needs replacing to meet fire safety standards, that were last updated in 1988 (that's the means of escape updates).
Unfortunately I think it's the first quarter of the calendar year!Quote:
Originally Posted by Biggles
I know, it seems crazy. Although my front door does open out onto a shared central vestibule area. Apparently doors have to be certified able to withstand 30 minutes of fire according to these new EU rules. I'm going to get a second opinion :)
There are two fire resistance ratings FD20 and FD30. All doors fitted to any building in the UK have had to comply with one of those ratings since 1972.
Most internal doors are rated at FD20, and most external doors are rated at FD30 (they were always made thicker for security, and the extra thickness automatically provided the extra fire resistance anyway).
FD30 means the door has to be able to withstand direct fire to one side of it without failing (ie allowing the fire to get through it) for a period of 30 minutes.
So you should definitely get a second opinion, and if it's uPVC see if you can find a certificate from whomever installed it, it'll be kitemarked on there to say which standards it conforms too. It might also be worth looking on the top edge of the door, some manufacturers put labels on the top egde of the door to indicate it's fire protection rating.
And if they're charging you £800, you're being ripped off.
http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=ext...w=1022&bih=863
http://www.directdoors.com/?area=search;makeget=yes;submitted=yes;searchstring=Exterior+fire+door;submit_x=9;submit_y=10;
Obviously you'd have fitting charges and the like to add to that.
Oh! The FD30 is the British name for the 30 minute standard E30 is the name our European overlords have given it.
So from the sound of it your council are requiring a certified door that meets BS476-22 rated to FD30 and/or E30.
Before you look into it query the exact requirements the council want, in 2005/6 there were some updates that required some firedoors to be fitted with automatic closing mechanisms (applications of that vary between local authorities), if they want that you can get that, just remember to never step outside of your front door without a key on you.
You'll also find references to seals when you hunt around (all firedoors have to have edges that have expanding seals when heated, thus sealing the door into the frame if a fire happens), so you'll get them anyway as part of it being a certified firedoor.
Reject seems to know a great deal about doors. I can only imagine how many he's been locked out by to amass that level of knowledge. :idunno:
I thought the "back doorman" was reject's nickname derived of a sexual preference. Disappointing to learn of its literal roots.Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme
Either that or I know a great deal about flames :shifty:Quote:
Originally Posted by megabyteme