Quote:
Originally posted by CocoColaNut@27 February 2004 - 20:37
Life can be a real mess, I know. I was an abused child by both my divorced, alcoholic parents, I was almost sexually assaulted by my mother's boyfriend at age 6, "Mother" got there in time drunk, and after he got off my bed also drunk, started throwing up on the kitchen floor, then my mother "woke" me up. I was pretending I was sleeping, at only 6, I was terrified, I thought her boyfriend was trying to kill me. Then she actually made me clean up the throwup while she was having sex with him in another room.
My father beat me severely for no reason, then gave me money to say he was sorry. He did that for years and years. Threw me down the stairs too many times to count.
Both my sister and brother deserted me over a family issue that was not my fault.
Many, many many times I contemplated suicide, but if I did, I would have never had my beautiful son, never would've have the family that "adopted" me from my husband's side which gave me the chance to have a normal family life I so desperately needed, never been able to help others that were or still are in the same situation as I was, and the cycle of abuse that ran in my family for generations would have never been broken if it wasn't for me. Along with the good, the bad things that can happen to you adds to your own wisdom. What helped me is now I realize that I learned A LOT from my situation. I'm not bitter, just wiser. Forgiveness towards others and yourself is a big part of it. Harboring hate can eat you alive if you let it. Also harboring pity for yourself will not help you... it didn't help me. The only thing you get from self pity or pity from others towards you will only make yourself feel even more miserable about yourself and lost. Pity doesn't help. Also, the people in your life that might've hurt you, don't expect apologies from them if they don't want to be forgiven. What's important is that you forgive them within yourself. If they don't want your forgiveness, then they don't want it. That's their loss and their frustration, not yours because you have already forgiven them within yourself. If there are people in your life that you hurt, and they don't want to forgive you, some things you can't change and some people you can't change. No matter how badly you want it. They may not forgive you, but if you are sincere in your heart then you should be guilt free. And again, that's their loss, not yours... and their frustration. Not yours.
Everyone at one time or another creates expectations for themselves. Goals, etc...But sometimes they can be too high, and when they are not reached they consider themselves a failure. No one is perfect and everyone has limits. Too many people compare themselves with everyone else without realizing that those they are comparing themselves with have their own ups and downs that they don't know about. While some are good with some things, they may not be good with others. No career, no material things you may own or not own, no financial straits, no family problems are worth taking your life to avoid. You never know what could happen tomorrow. Many times when I was "down", I was surprised the next day, the next week, etc. etc. When you hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up. Guaranteed there will be a way you can go back up again. Don't give up or look down when you start. "Our greatest accomplishment in life is not in never falling... but in rising every time we fall".
From what I read above, I don't know you, but I get the feeling
you are a lot like me... a person who feels quite alone, walking in the dark with just a lit candle. You help people with your kindness, your sense of humor and hard work. Some are grateful towards you for it, some take advantage of it. But guess what.. you are not alone! I'm there and so are many others. With our own candles. Please use your wisdom toward those who don't have candles and are wandering in the darkness blind.
Think about it.
Love,
Ann
Interesting.