I think I just end up getting trolled on dating sites

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Originally Posted by Artemis

Did I say your personal life was a train wreck? I'm sorry I misspoke, I meant Hiroshima after August 6 1945. :blink:

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How much after? I mean, you could enjoy some okonomiyaki off of my sizzling buns.

All the best attracting a long term partner who will turn a blind eye to your planned polyamorous behaviour whilst remaining pretty much okay about you both maintaining an asexual relationship and who will embrace your barmy; 'yeah we're not having a kid of our own but we can adopt one' stance.

I'm not saying it isn't possible; I am saying you will need to be considerably richer than, say, your common or garden Russian oligarch.

+1 ^

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Originally Posted by manker

All the best attracting a long term partner who will turn a blind eye to your planned polyamorous behaviour whilst remaining pretty much okay about you both maintaining an asexual relationship and who will embrace your barmy; 'yeah we're not having a kid of our own but we can adopt one' stance.

I'm not saying it isn't possible; I am saying you will need to be considerably richer than, say, your common or garden Russian oligarch.

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I'm not yet at a breaking point to compromise on my perfect partner and settle for something less. Plus, it's not necessarily my polyamorous behavior on the witness stand, but my future partner's. As it stands, Ivana has seen at least 2 to 3 times more action than me. I think it would be silly of me to expect to find a partner who will pledge her sexuality only to me for the length of our relationship.

This could all be because it's not that big of a deal to me. Maybe that's because I'm not all that crazy about it as everyone else, thus I put a lot less weight on it. Should I keep going on about this?

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

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Originally Posted by manker

All the best attracting a long term partner who will turn a blind eye to your planned polyamorous behaviour whilst remaining pretty much okay about you both maintaining an asexual relationship and who will embrace your barmy; 'yeah we're not having a kid of our own but we can adopt one' stance.

I'm not saying it isn't possible; I am saying you will need to be considerably richer than, say, your common or garden Russian oligarch.

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I'm not yet at a breaking point to compromise on my perfect partner and settle for something less. Plus, it's not necessarily my polyamorous behavior on the witness stand, but my future partner's. As it stands, Ivana has seen at least 2 to 3 times more action than me. I think it would be silly of me to expect to find a partner who will pledge her sexuality only to me for the length of our relationship.

This could all be because it's not that big of a deal to me. Maybe that's because I'm not all that crazy about it as everyone else, thus I put a lot less weight on it. Should I keep going on about this?

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:pinch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx2LGpcly3A

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Originally Posted by chalice

:pinch:

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I don't get it, did anyone else expect it to be the other way around?

Oh my God, so much mentalness, where to begin.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

I'll wrap up my thoughts to each point into one, hopefully coherent, focused response. What I have learned about polyamorous behavior is this. The actions in our life will trend us toward that behavior sooner or later, it's my realistic approach to it. The second thing I have learned is that honesty about this is the necessary complement to keeping a healthy relationship. It works quite well when there's honesty. I don't know how many partners you've envisioned, but I'm guessing the actual count doesn't stand up to the figure that roughly serves as the placeholder in your head, and it changes whether you decide to require coitus or not. In that respect, it's not about actively going about testing limits, it's about how to decide to handle opportunities when they arrive pending your decision. It was much more passive than that. My fucking about on dating sites may give a misleading image, as I've used it primarily for social correspondence than anything else, and to test the waters of active pursuit. I am not aggressive in physical encounters, and I've probably let 80 % of my opportunities slip away by remaining passive. Any dating activity I've participated in had communications off site, and it was gradual. This is the most active I've ever been and it's still not very active.

OK, I have to break to a 2nd paragraph for elaboration and readability. I think everyone is suited quite well for polyamory, it's open polyamory that we struggle with. I just personally wouldn't have it any other way. I feel pity for those who continue to practice it in secret, mostly for their official partners. That being said, I wouldn't practice it if the person I was with did not desire to have that kind of relationship. But since I am quite full disclosure, I'm unlikely to have a partner who wants to keep all things 100 % exclusive. This design isn't even necessarily for my own benefit, as I've said, I'm pretty asexual, and my dating mostly goes as far as flirty socialization and maybe a modicum of physicality (which I don't hide). But I don't wish for my partner to coexist with guilt, disappointment and regret for what they feel and desire, especially since they can rarely count on me for the sex at the drop of a dime. I cannot, however, excuse the desire of secrecy in all of it; and that, I would say, is my stubborn religious fervor. Why would I trust someone who maintains the position of stealthy operandi?

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Lets challenge these great leaping assumptions first of all. Not everybody wants to be polyamorous. When I have been it's usually been in order, in part, to maintain an emotional distance from a person/people I've been involved with. If I choose to be monogamous that's pretty much a green light that I'm ready to get emotionally involved. I find sharing myself about physically keeps me from getting too attached to anybody in particular. I also find sex is waaaaay better when I'm in love, and I'm too much of a romantic to be able to love more than one person at a time. That happened to me once and it fucked with my head and I had to remove myself from the situation. None of the circumstances I enjoy sex in are really satisfied by brief encounters either. My idealised encounter is waking up with a person and spending all day in bed with them, only surfacing for forays to the kitchen. Would I feel excited by a chance encounter? Possibly, and I wouldn't rule that out. But it wouldn't be a way of life, it would be the exception rather than the rule and of course absolute honesty would prevail.

This is the problem I have with the lifestyle you're putting forward. In the end you necessarily end up viewing other people as simply sexual resources, which I disagree with. That landscape of emotional beige I mentioned before is the logical outcome. No great passion, no intellectual or emotional bonding, just the bumping of uglies. Frankly, I'd rather keep respect for other people and just have a wank.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

Her reasons for wanting to do that are something only she can defend. It's not like we don't talk, but I don't feel I'm a suitable person to defend her actions/plans/opinions.

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You act like a passive bystander in your own life sometimes. Do YOU think it's a good idea that she follows you?

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

I was being quite light with the comment. How do you know how enthusiastic a Thai ladyboy is anyhow? If I wanted to try being gay once in my life, it would be with a Thai ladyboy, as long as she still has a cute face and a sexy body, it's a safe option. I'm making the distinction, as ladyboys can be either men who have feminized themselves or women born with dicks. And just like tits, I prefer them without cosmetic operation.

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I'm assuming they would be enthusiastic for the dorrers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNIZofPB8ZM

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

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Originally Posted by manker

All the best attracting a long term partner who will turn a blind eye to your planned polyamorous behaviour whilst remaining pretty much okay about you both maintaining an asexual relationship and who will embrace your barmy; 'yeah we're not having a kid of our own but we can adopt one' stance.

I'm not saying it isn't possible; I am saying you will need to be considerably richer than, say, your common or garden Russian oligarch.

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I'm not yet at a breaking point to compromise on my perfect partner and settle for something less. Plus, it's not necessarily my polyamorous behavior on the witness stand, but my future partner's. As it stands, Ivana has seen at least 2 to 3 times more action than me. I think it would be silly of me to expect to find a partner who will pledge her sexuality only to me for the length of our relationship.

This could all be because it's not that big of a deal to me. Maybe that's because I'm not all that crazy about it as everyone else, thus I put a lot less weight on it. Should I keep going on about this?

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That's a yes from me.
The only thing I'm currently finding more interesting/perplexing is Busy's refusal to post in the lounge.

It's almost as if he considers moviewolrd to be the back of fst's bus.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

Lets challenge these great leaping assumptions first of all. Not everybody wants to be polyamorous. When I have been it's usually been in order, in part, to maintain an emotional distance from a person/people I've been involved with. If I choose to be monogamous that's pretty much a green light that I'm ready to get emotionally involved. I find sharing myself about physically keeps me from getting too attached to anybody in particular. I also find sex is waaaaay better when I'm in love, and I'm too much of a romantic to be able to love more than one person at a time. That happened to me once and it fucked with my head and I had to remove myself from the situation. None of the circumstances I enjoy sex in are really satisfied by brief encounters either. My idealised encounter is waking up with a person and spending all day in bed with them, only surfacing for forays to the kitchen. Would I feel excited by a chance encounter? Possibly, and I wouldn't rule that out. But it wouldn't be a way of life, it would be the exception rather than the rule and of course absolute honesty would prevail.

This is the problem I have with the lifestyle you're putting forward. In the end you necessarily end up viewing other people as simply sexual resources, which I disagree with. That landscape of emotional beige I mentioned before is the logical outcome. No great passion, no intellectual or emotional bonding, just the bumping of uglies. Frankly, I'd rather keep respect for other people and just have a wank.

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I think anyone can claim to be monogamous or autoerotic at any given point of time, rather most points of time. The polyamorous existence is short and fleeting, so do its often lengthy temporal cessations qualify dismissal of the label?

I've only had one serious long-term relationship through the expanse of my life, so obviously my experiences don't do well to inform me otherwise. I can't really decide how to proceed with a new long term relationship, one that is initiated in my adulthood, so everything I say is already conjecture. I can claim I am not a brief encounter type of person, I haven't had one of those as it relates to coitus. So in that sense, I do not have sexual resources at my disposal. My privates have to be earned, and I have learned that any other means of obtaining them, i.e. the beverage, is thoroughly unfulfilling. You're arguing against a version of me that doesn't actually exist.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

You act like a passive bystander in your own life sometimes. Do YOU think it's a good idea that she follows you?

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I am a passive bystander to her life, it's different. I may live with her and share some type of odd companionship with her, but we do carry our own separate lives. I have already told her that if she goes to Beijing or Japan with me, she would have to be prepared with me deciding to leave her. This summary doesn't do the hours of dialogue any justice, but should at least give you something with which to work. She doesn't want to leave me, despite me telling her I will never again love her in that way. I still don't know what to make out of that, but I think it's playing some role into my still resolve.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

I'm assuming they would be enthusiastic for the dorrers.

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I have no idea what dorrers are.

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Originally Posted by manker

The only thing I'm currently finding more interesting/perplexing is Busy's refusal to post in the lounge.

It's almost as if he considers moviewolrd to be the back of fst's bus.

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That is of course because the back of the bus is always the coolest part of the bus. Then again, I didn't go to elementary school in the 60s.

That's it. I'm not doing any more Rosa Parks inferences if Mary doesn't get them.
It just isn't fair.

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Originally Posted by manker

That's it. I'm not doing any more Rosa Parks inferences if Mary doesn't get them.
It just isn't fair.

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I tried one of those in my black person thread. It was a water fountain reference which went down like mary's missus.

If you're explaining jokes now, then so am I.

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Originally Posted by manker

That's it. I'm not doing any more Rosa Parks inferences if Mary doesn't get them.
It just isn't fair.

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I've already accounted for that when I mentioned the year. :huh:

But now having to place it under some scrutiny, I should have said 50s.

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Originally Posted by chalice

I tried one of those in my black person thread. It was a water fountain reference which went down like mary's missus.

If you're explaining jokes now, then so am I.

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I'm pretty many didn't respond to a lot of the references you made in your post, so the question is, why are you particular about that one?

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

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Originally Posted by chalice

I tried one of those in my black person thread. It was a water fountain reference which went down like mary's missus.

If you're explaining jokes now, then so am I.

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I'm pretty many didn't respond to a lot of the references you made in your post, so the question is, why are you particular about that one?

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Because it was along the same lines as manker's. It reminded me of it, innit.

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Originally Posted by chalice

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Originally Posted by manker

That's it. I'm not doing any more Rosa Parks inferences if Mary doesn't get them.
It just isn't fair.

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I tried one of those in my black person thread. It was a water fountain reference which went down like mary's missus.

If you're explaining jokes now, then so am I.

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You think our racism is too high-brow for these thickies.
Might have to concentrate on taking the pish out of spastic kids. I'm obviously on shaky ground there, damn my perfect genes, but you can have at it.

I can only hope my son turns out to be a ghey so that I can mock the similarly inflicted with moral impunity.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

I should have said 50s.

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:smilie4:

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Originally Posted by manker

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Originally Posted by chalice

I tried one of those in my black person thread. It was a water fountain reference which went down like mary's missus.

If you're explaining jokes now, then so am I.

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You think our racism is too high-brow for these thickies.
Might have to concentrate on taking the pish out of spastic kids. I'm obviously on shaky ground there, damn my perfect genes, but you can have at it.

I can only hope my son turns out to be a ghey so that I can mock the similarly inflicted with moral impunity.

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It's a doirty job, but where there's muck there's brass.

I only clarify to watch the dismissive backtracking.

Meaning, I enjoy the show. Before I would have just played along for my own sense of amusement, but I have come to learn how to let you entertain me properly.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

I think anyone can claim to be monogamous or autoerotic at any given point of time, rather most points of time. The polyamorous existence is short and fleeting, so do its often lengthy temporal cessations qualify dismissal of the label?

I've only had one serious long-term relationship through the expanse of my life, so obviously my experiences don't do well to inform me otherwise. I can't really decide how to proceed with a new long term relationship, one that is initiated in my adulthood, so everything I say is already conjecture. I can claim I am not a brief encounter type of person, I haven't had one of those as it relates to coitus. So in that sense, I do not have sexual resources at my disposal. My privates have to be earned, and I have learned that any other means of obtaining them, i.e. the beverage, is thoroughly unfulfilling. You're arguing against a version of me that doesn't actually exist.

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Yes I'm starting to see it's your wife living a polyamorous life, not you.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

I am a passive bystander to her life, it's different. I may live with her and share some type of odd companionship with her, but we do carry our own separate lives. I have already told her that if she goes to Beijing or Japan with me, she would have to be prepared with me deciding to leave her. This summary doesn't do the hours of dialogue any justice, but should at least give you something with which to work. She doesn't want to leave me, despite me telling her I will never again love her in that way. I still don't know what to make out of that, but I think it's playing some role into my still resolve.

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You're a passive bystander to both. You're just passive. I doubt you've ever had any active control over the direction of your own life and as such you're probably not familiar with the concept. It's probably like a foreign language to you. Your wife probably doesn't want to leave you for the same reason you don't want to leave her. You've grown up together and you don't know any other way of living. That was the major reason I didn't leave my ex and let it all blow up in my face. We were together since I was 20 and grew up together. I was a coward.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

I have no idea what dorrers are.

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Dollars in Chinese :ermm:

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

Yes I'm starting to see it's your wife living a polyamorous life, not you.

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See what I'm saying now? And you thought I was just being selfish.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

You're a passive bystander to both. You're just passive. I doubt you've ever had any active control over the direction of your own life and as such you're probably not familiar with the concept. It's probably like a foreign language to you. Your wife probably doesn't want to leave you for the same reason you don't want to leave her. You've grown up together and you don't know any other way of living. That was the major reason I didn't leave my ex and let it all blow up in my face. We were together since I was 20 and grew up together. I was a coward.

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I'm not active until I know exactly what I want, you and I had that conversation before. And when I say active, I mean until I make it so.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

Dollars in Chinese :ermm:

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Then you meant dorrars. Either way, the Chinese are offended since they have so few ladyboys, besides that 84 year old ladyboy of course

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

See what I'm saying now? And you thought I was just being selfish.

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I still do. Unfettered polyamory can never be anything else. You're just crap at doing it.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

I'm not active until I know exactly what I want, you and I had that conversation before. And when I say active, I mean until I make it so.

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That sent a chill down my spine for some reason :blink:

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

I still do. Unfettered polyamory can never be anything else. You're just crap at doing it.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

I'm not active until I know exactly what I want, you and I had that conversation before. And when I say active, I mean until I make it so.

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That sent a chill down my spine for some reason :blink:

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You found yourself at once attracted to his Picardity and repelled by his Dataness. It's a Star Trek thing. Something to do with paradoxes or something.

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Originally Posted by chalice

You found yourself at once attracted to his Picardity and repelled by his Dataness. It's a Star Trek thing. Something to do with paradoxes or something.

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:smilie4:

It was also a bit sinister and threatening. Like an evil portent for my sex.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

You're just crap at doing it.

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By whose standards, nympho?

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

That sent a chill down my spine for some reason :blink:

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You were hoping I didn't suddenly want to plant anything in your lady garden, then you felt a little ease as I don't do the green thumb thing. Then you suddenly remembered that the only reason I wasn't growing my own tobacco was due to lack of space. That's precisely the moment you felt it.

Let's have an FST sweepstake.
If the person you draw rapes someone in the next month, you win a Turkey T-shirt.

You might think that only Oleg, Mary and Dave are going to be valuable tickets to pull from the hat, but ponder for a moment why mbm has so many guns and if livestock counts, then surely Arty is in the mix. Busyman is a dark horse and do you really think barbie is that nice all of the time.

Barbarossa. The clue is in the name, innit.

He's a nazi on a mission to lead a one man gang rape assault upon the lily white virgins of the motherland and lady gardens of Eastern Europe. My deutschmarks are on Untersturmführer Barbs.

As ever, sagacity from the chavois :smilie4:

I deliberately held back Bo's name from the potential rapists as I'm sticking the farm on him. Been married now for about six months so he can't be getting any at home, and he used to work as a prison warder. And I've seen a photo of him and he looks rapey.

New favourite: Bo.

"he looks rapey" :lol:

Ach, look, you made me post in mary's attention whore thread, I swore I wasn't going to do that... :rolleyes:

Is there really need for this kind of speculation if everyone is just drawing random names. It's like sportscasting for the world series of poker.

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Originally Posted by Barbarossa

Ach, look, you made me post in mary's attention whore thread, I swore I wasn't going to do that... :rolleyes:

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He already knew you were reading it daily with his laser readership revealer.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

Is there really need for this kind of speculation if everyone is just drawing random names. It's like sportscasting for the world series of poker.

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We're trying to take the searchlight off of you, mary. We can see you're not very good at helping yourself.

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Originally Posted by chalice

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

Is there really need for this kind of speculation if everyone is just drawing random names. It's like sportscasting for the world series of poker.

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We're trying to take the searchlight off of you, mary. We can see you're not very good at helping yourself.

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I'm not exactly certain how I'm able to lose no matter what happens.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

By whose standards, nympho?

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You're the most rubbish self-confessed polyamorist I've ever known. You're like a politician who espouses family values but has a mistress on the side, only you've got it all arse over balls. I bet you can't even fuck your own fist without expecting it to give you dinner and a French kiss first. GTFO.

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Originally Posted by Squeamous

You were hoping I didn't suddenly want to plant anything in your lady garden, then you felt a little ease as I don't do the green thumb thing. Then you suddenly remembered that the only reason I wasn't growing my own tobacco was due to lack of space. That's precisely the moment you felt it.

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There's that, and the fact it's really quite badly neglected. A man could get lost in there.

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Originally Posted by manker

As ever, sagacity from the chavois :smilie4:

I deliberately held back Bo's name from the potential rapists as I'm sticking the farm on him. Been married now for about six months so he can't be getting any at home, and he used to work as a prison warder. And I've seen a photo of him and he looks rapey.

New favourite: Bo.

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Sorry folks, I literally just raped someone. Who pulled me from the hat?

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

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Originally Posted by chalice

We're trying to take the searchlight off of you, mary. We can see you're not very good at helping yourself.

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I'm not exactly certain how I'm able to lose no matter what happens.

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Look, man, I know you're not complaining. But something in me says that that's because nobody has ever listened to your complaints before. Maybe Ivana for a few years, but you received a pretty profound set back in that regard, and for that you have my sympathy, not that that notion doesn't repulse you, I'm sure. Get the fuck outta Dodge, don't look back and be grateful you never knocked her up. Kick her to the Serb.

You're boxing yourself off, mate. It almost reads like my missus's reflex passivity to her proper mental OCD.

One question; who stands to benefit from a divorce? Seems your family have been more than generous in welcoming her's.