It's better to have chaps on your knees instead of your arse just in case diarrhea strikes quickly
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
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It's better to have chaps on your knees instead of your arse just in case diarrhea strikes quickly
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
snoopy
where do they get water to put in bottles?
Antarctica
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
only if someone is watching
if the sun fails to rise in the morning who would wake it up?
The night shift is usually looking to go home after a long night of drunks, bums, and teens with noisy mufflers, so they know to put in a call if the morning crew doesn't show.
If the sun started slacking off (missing shifts, swerving in the sky, getting inflammatory remarks tattooed in visible places) should it get fired? Or suspended?
you can do what you want with it. we never see it anyway(Scotland)
If a house is a semi, what would it be if it really got excited?
a full house
Do both sexes get a right to vote if Scotland secedes from the UK? (It took 100's of years for that to happen here in the states.)
Scotland is a small place, it is unlikely the hermaphrodite vote will be much of an issue.
Since dieters drink skim milk, why not use expired whole milk on their enchiladas?
because there is a fat chance that they would not like it
why cant penguins fly? (not the chocolate biscuit)
Ice on the wing is a serious problem for most aviators.
Do Hawaiians enjoy junk email more than other places?
yes, it is canned music to their ears
who was the brilliant town planner who built stations exactly where the trains would arrive?
As always, the best-trained one.
How many stars are there in the universe (besides Burt Reynolds)?
infinite+one(Burt)
why do people distrust me?
They distrust those polka dot shorts on your avatar.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
humas
Under what circumstance would you be willing to eat a family member?
if someone else cooks them
could you sleep if you had to listen to musak all night?
only with a good uppercut to the chin
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
hit it with a hammer
do carpet layers get piles?
Only if they sit on the carpet to long.
How are light bulbs really made?
They take all the heavy stuff out off them
Where does the electricity go when you switch a light off?
It's converted into money into our pockets/accounts.
Does snails got nails?
only if they shell out for them
how do bus drivers get home at night?
they walk
Why do far sighted people need glasses?
Glasses are more fashionable than a helmet.
Why don't the people who get upset over zoos oppose aquarium fish captivity?
they keep forgetting what they are supposed to be opposing
what do prime ministers prime?
Other Autobots.
What does a President dent?
your hopes of a better future
how many conservationists did it take to change all light bulbs?
Tree.
Why don't salmon just evolve and learn to walk around dams?
it would be a leap too far in evolution
what is the actual height of insolence?
√-1
What happens if you get scared half to death, ...twice?
I heard you the first time
where do you go to let it all hang out?
the hospital
What is beautiful?
the reflection of a mirror
why are there no three legged creatures?
coz they have a tail
why tide Goes In, Tide Goes Out ?
to give us more room on the beach in summertime
why do people play games?
cuz there is nothing good on TV
If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear?
for the same reason a storm has an eye
why do the police not arrest everybody with a jacket over their head. most criminals seen on the news has a jacket over their heads.
Because that is the jurisdiction of the fashion police
Are you technically telling the truth if you lie in bed?
only if you cover it up
what brilliant planner put the stations exactly where the trains arrive?
me
Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?