I think I just end up getting trolled on dating sites

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Originally Posted by chalice

So, I went for a date with her a couple of weeks ago.

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When you're pulled from retirement, you need to have at least one practice dummy against who you can gauge yourself without major consequence. Your footwork, your limits, your presumed goals, etc., all need a real time backdrop.

As far as dating sites go, there's going to be roughly the same percentage of rubbish people online as there is stumbling and drooling on the cobblestone. So, though a small percentage of decent lasses will exist to catch your eye, it's going to be much harder to grab their attention (where in person you could easily creep up to them with your sex eyes).

So, in a spurt of despair I only went at let her suck my cawk. I was getting stalked anyway, so thought I may as well skim some pleasure out of it. Got mighty drunk, took a viagra and summoned her. It was okay except I didn't ejaculate. It was filthy, actually. Took all of my pent up feelings towards women out on her and sent her home again.

Do I feel good about it? Nope. Did it alleviate my suffering? Nope. Will I do it again? Probably, innit.

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Originally Posted by chalice

Took all of my pent up feelings towards women out on her and sent her home again.

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No foul (morally) as you gave her exactly what she wanted. Well, almost... :idunno:

Nah, didn't even almost ejaculate.

Damn.... you are certainly..... not going to inspire OlegL in his endeavours...

If Olegl really wanted to fuck a beautiful woman, all he has to do is walk fifty yards in any direction and hire a sister of mercy. I've told him as much. What he really wants to do is whine about being a virgin to complete strangers.

And he does...ad nauseum. Q.E.D.

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Originally Posted by chalice

Nah, didn't even almost ejaculate.

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Anyone know of a reliable way to permanently erase an image from your mind?

A hammer.

Seems worth it.

You'll need a claw jobbie. You can borrow mine. Only used the once. To pry her flubbery, hormone-swollen rubber door she calls a mouth off my turgid love baton.

Love baton, greedy attention whore, are we keeping track of accuracies?

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Originally Posted by chalice

You'll need a claw jobbie. You can borrow mine. Only used the once. To pry her flubbery, hormone-swollen rubber door she calls a mouth off my turgid love baton.

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And they say romance is dead.

Anyway given the image that I'm trying to remove,I was thinking a ball-peen would probably be the way to go.

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Originally Posted by IdolEyes787

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Originally Posted by chalice

You'll need a claw jobbie. You can borrow mine. Only used the once. To pry her flubbery, hormone-swollen rubber door she calls a mouth off my turgid love baton.

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And they say romance is dead.

Anyway given the image that I'm trying to remove,I was thinking a ball-peen would probably be the way to go.

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If you're willing to invest into a nice drill bit, I'll lend you a vice grip. I'll need the vice grip back.

I saw on the news there's some new blind date app. You should give that a shot Oleg.

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Originally Posted by Funkin'

I saw on the news there's some new blind date app. You should give that a shot Oleg.

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Oleg's use of the app would bring about a factory recall. :idunno:

...and widespread fear in the dating community.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

If you're willing to invest into a nice drill bit, I'll lend you a vice grip. I'll need the vice grip back.

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Speaking of "vice" and "grip", we are quickly approaching your favorite time of the year- the one where little snacks self-deliver to your doorstep. Who else but a pedo could have devised such a spooky hole-i-day? :no:

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Originally Posted by Funkin'

I saw on the news there's some new blind date app. You should give that a shot Oleg.

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This doesn't sound like the advice the Funkin' I know and love would give :(

At this point, I feel compelled to post the following link to restore cosmic balance.

http://textfiles.com/sex/808-laid.txt

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Originally Posted by anon

http://textfiles.com/sex/808-laid.txt

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I did not realize you were such a romantic, anon. :)

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

I did not realize you were such a romantic, anon. :)

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Hopelessly so, sugar. :kiss:

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

the one where little snacks self-deliver to your doorstep. Who else but a pedo could have devised such a spooky hole-i-day? :no:

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What an amateur.

You don't want them to be able to point out your home. You wander around in an oversized costume and have them reach in the hole for the treat, but it is me who gets the treat, they get dick.

Isn't it a little early to be thinking about holidays?

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

What an amateur.

You don't want them to be able to point out your home.

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I never saw you as the "catch and release" kind of guy. :idunno:

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

What an amateur.

You don't want them to be able to point out your home.

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I never saw you as the "catch and release" kind of guy. :idunno:

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Sure, it just takes me longer to release than most.

Speaking of witch, how is your ex- dealing with your new relationship?

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

Speaking of witch, how is your ex- dealing with your new relationship?

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Who fucking knows, I haven't talked to her on a personal level since April or something. I'm sure that she'd be green with envy to find me dating a smarter, funnier, and cooler chick. We're all born with our looks, but measuring yourself up against characteristics you can actually change, but still come up short, has to hurt.

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

she'd be green with envy to find me dating a smarter, funnier, and cooler chick.

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That is why I asked, I thought there may have been a chance encounter...

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Originally Posted by megabyteme

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Originally Posted by mjmacky

she'd be green with envy to find me dating a smarter, funnier, and cooler chick.

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That is why I asked, I thought there may have been a chance encounter...

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She's made a couple of efforts to see me. However, I've managed to allow all business to be conducted through email and post.

I had happened upon the conclusion that she was intentionally trying to hurt me in each breach of trust. That angle was revealed with unprecedented clarity due to her sloppy management of behavior after the separation.

hi Mjmacky,

Being successful in the online dating world really has some rules, but sadly enough most people who haven't got that knowledge has really heard this same problem. their are quality dating sites like match.com where you can really enjoy online dating.

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Originally Posted by adamsdivine

hi Mjmacky,

Being successful in the online dating world really has some rules...

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Lying and having a stock of ketamine???

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Originally Posted by adamsdivine

hi Mjmacky,

Being successful in the online dating world really has some rules, but sadly enough most people who haven't got that knowledge has really heard this same problem. their are quality dating sites like match.com where you can really enjoy online dating.

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Since you don't seem to have any valuable input (at best, you're probably an advertising sleazeball), I'm going to follow that with:

Avoid sites like Match.com, whose design is setup to have you tease yourself for free and then require you to pay a disproportionately expensive fee to make the site somewhat functional.

People: Hey Adam, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Adam: An unsolicited, online "relationship coach".

People: :lol::lol::glag::slap:

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Originally Posted by adamsdivine

their are quality dating sites like match.com where you can really enjoy online dating.

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Firstly, the first word of a new sentence should have a capital letter, such as 'T' in this case. Secondly, your use of 'their' is incorrect. Instead, you should use 'there', or 'There' as this word starts a sentence. There (their) is nothing worse than a PR guy who cannot spell. Makes a mockery of those who excel in this industry.