Ask A Stupid Question, Get A Stupid Answer

Gravity and the hole where the foot inserts I have found to be the driving force behind it. And my hands would just get muddy in that other reality


When smashing atoms is it best to use a hammer or a super collider?

it would be safer just to slap them about a bit.

what happens to the remainder of the nine lives when a cat dies?

Get a dog. Who cares about cats



If under water does that mean you have a bathysphere?

maybe it is a showersphere for those of us that cant climb in and out of a bathysphere

if you don't mow the lawn how long will it be?

will be really long and you can give it a nice combover.

what time will we get home?

home is where you hang your hat. if it is on your head you are home already.

if a butt is full of water how does it get out?

Through a prison break scenario of tattoos and 3 or 4 seasons of T-Bag... or alternatively just a broken pipe who knows :D

Why do squids have ink when they can`t write?

(BB - just a quick return as no one else seems to play)

I was just going to ask why your break was short. It comes and goes we will get more in the winter.:)

they think they live in a well


if there is a lifetime guarantee who's life is it based on?

Lifetime of the company before it goes into administration

My USB memory stick has 64Gb, why can`t it remember what I did yesterday?

maybe it has Alzheimer's.


is it possible to forget everything, if so, how would you know if you have?

Sorry what was the question again?


Would splitting a banana at an atomic level make a mushroom or just a nice dessert?

a banana split would not happen in a month of sundaes

is raising chickens trying to make ens meet?

Only if they are reformed (chicken nugget joke there)

If I use upper case letters does that mean I am posh?

no, you are thinking of upper class (I think that is primary seven:blink:)

if you make your house child proof, can they still get in?

They are like cockroaches you can`t keep `em out. Try to squish and you`ll just end arrested and they`ll take your house anyway.

When I eat a chicken nugget do I get gold filling?

you would have more chance eating twenty four carrots

when you order a dozen rolls in Greggs why don't they give you thirteen?

old school, because if they could bake and not just re-heat they`d have a real job and a (fairly bad but real) prospect

Should I buy shares in self raising flour futures?

only if you knead the money

how does the milkman persuade the cows to put milk into bottles?

because they object to wax coated cartons which chafe the udder and risk paper cuts where paper cuts should never be (so I have been led to believe)


How can I get a cold when the central heating is on?

because the kids are playin draughts in another room

if you are wearing long johns what is long john wearing?

extra large silver pants (I felt a balloon pants Prince reference coming on)

As jelly fish can be very dangerous why doesn`t Rowntree jelly babies have to have a warning notice on every packet?

because the purchasers cannot read, they are suckers


if a watch does not have a second hand how does it know when a minute has passed?

time is relative, therefor you only think a minute has passed when actually bugger all happened so who needs the extra hand (apart from the one armed man in the fugitive)


Is toilet paper hazardous waste after you have a chicken tikka phall

in large volumes, yes.



do you think that people should cut down on spicy food after a certain age?

Got to balance the heart burn against the colonic flush that a good curry offers in return. When we get old a curry flush can be a good, albeit hot, thing


Why do my socks have a draw when clearly they have no artistic tendancy

maybe it has something to do with the charcoal inserted to reduce the odour.

why are we not watching the Olympics?

I am but it is just a slow bike ride at the moment and we all know the Americans, China and (maybe now) Russia will win everything apart from Sailing, Canoe and track cycle anyway. Well live in hope but our UK 4 pence budget probably isn`t helping.... bet they flew out on Ryanair economy

I have a desktop fan, why doesn`t it give me a hug now and again to show me the love.

fans are funny, one minute blowing hot the next minute blowing cold

we had a budget shop in the town for a few weeks. why did it not take off?

because helium costs more than 1 pound

When I turn on my lights do they get excited?

only if you are ohm alone

why don't cobblers sell cobbles?

they will only ply their trade north of ground level

why don`t we play pin the tale on the blue whale, it would be much easier than using a donkey

the amount of water required limits the arena size


when you turn a portrait round why cant you see the back of the head?

because it would show the models bald spot

Why does 'health and safety' allow paper in the workplace when those cuts can really hurt?

I agree, you would think 'one sheet' would be enough.

where does the sun go to on a cloudy day?

I think it goes off and plays with the moon. My astronomic knowledge knows no bounds

If a giant sun flare could kill us all would factor 50 help?

there would be nobody left to apply it correctly

if a cat chases its tail is always going to finish second?

Depends on the drug dosage and nationality

If I spontaneously combust would I need to pay extra fuel allowance tax?

yes, but you should have taken this into account when you were simmering

is it too late for me to enter the olympics?

If you have your skis then you are sorted get in there

(sorry couldn`t think of a better one, having a very bad afternoon with wife)

Does using my sat-nav mean that I have missile targeted on me at all times unless I am under a bridge or somewhere inconvenient?

you could send the missile back and say it is inconvenient at the moment


why cant we all have a Dorian Gray moment just to see the look on some peoples face, or my own for that matter.