"Your Mother and I" by The Vergent Tallion

This is my latest work, i hope you enjoy this marvellous short story. It took me two days to write this so please dont completely mock it. This is way easier to understand than the metaphorical poem i posted two days ago.
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It was on a gloomy summers evening when our evasive eyes glanced at eachothers. Your mother was like a swan,so elegant yet so fierce, i grabbed her like a 5 dollar bill prancing about on a dirty alleyway, and thrusted and thrusted and so i felt the reciprocity we shared.
i couldnt believe it, her breasts revealed as though it was an enigma i discovered, our sexual bodies hardcorley connected in a pornographical distinctive way. As i inserted my hardwood in her womenhood, she screamed like an hyiena and i roared like a bear, and as the intensity rapidly rose, the moon decided to wake, and so did the neighbours. The asswipes decided to call the police, in a moment of panic her and I ran and ran and ran.
We seeked refuge in a lush green bush were our lips met again. I closed my eyes, and slowly re-opened, i sat up and was looking at my room. It was all a dream, your mother and I was never to be. How could this be?
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please express your views on this, thank you.

i would really appreciate it if you do not spam this thread completely.

Tard.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CrabGirl

Tard.

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jealous man, now express your view.

I'm not even going to humour you for that piece of shite drivel. Twattard.

dont spam this thread with your spam, do better than this then call it shit.

Your a fucking tard like the good lady said, now do us all a favour and go and hang yourself :D

stop sucking her dick you gay, now, i challenge anyone to do better than this then i will accept it as shit. amen

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mr.mystery

dont spam this thread with your spam, do better than this then call it shit.

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OK. You want justifications?

1. You make no sense
2. Your grammer sux
3. It wasnt even poetic
4. I miss JP. Sob.:cry:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mr.mystery

i challenge anyone to do better than this then i will accept it as shit. amen

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:dry::ermm:;):rolleyes::whistling:shifty::P:blink::01::sick::dabs::ph34r::yup:

accept it unclefucker.

you 2 lazy men couldnt ever do better so fack off , pathetic little children

You are doing a really bad job at pretending to not speak English my dear.

wtf?

i speak english when i want to , read my metaphoric poem titled "The Willow and goul" and you will know i can speak the best English here.

I've read it and dismissed it as purile schoolboy shite. Thanks though at giving me an insight into your tiny mind.

mr.mystery=JP?

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Originally Posted by clocker

mr.mystery=JP?

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ffs, shut up im not JP, you retard.

I think it's someone pretending to be JP. If it is him I''ll be really unhappy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mr.mystery

This is my latest work, i hope you enjoy this marvellous short story. It took me two days to write this so please dont completely mock it. This is way easier to understand than the metaphorical poem i posted two days ago.
--------------------------------------

It was on a gloomy summers evening when our evasive eyes glanced at eachothers. Your mother was like a swan,so elegant yet so fierce, i grabbed her like a 5 dollar bill prancing about on a dirty alleyway, and thrusted and thrusted and so i felt the reciprocity we shared.
i couldnt believe it, her breasts revealed as though it was an enigma i discovered, our sexual bodies hardcorley connected in a pornographical distinctive way. As i inserted my hardwood in her womenhood, she screamed like an hyiena and i roared like a bear, and as the intensity rapidly rose, the moon decided to wake, and so did the neighbours. The asswipes decided to call the police, in a moment of panic her and I ran and ran and ran.
We seeked refuge in a lush green bush were our lips met again. I closed my eyes, and slowly re-opened, i sat up and was looking at my room. It was all a dream, your mother and I was never to be. How could this be?
--------------------------------------

please express your views on this, thank you.

i would really appreciate it if you do not spam this thread completely.

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Awful. You try too hard to juxatapose images, you tell rather than show ("roar like a bear", "moment of panic"...yawn) and you only have a basic grasp of spelling, sentence structure and grammar.

And is "hardcorley" a real word?

Though what is interesting is that you equate a woman with a "5 dollar bill" and in a "dirty alleyway", some issues there? The poem itself is a borderline rape fantasy with a little hint of incest thrown in for good measure. You're a bit wierd.

^ you retard, its meant to be weird and different.

ffs your even slower than crabman

Please please tell me that's not JP. I'll be so disapointed.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mr.mystery

^ you retard, its meant to be weird and different.

ffs your even slower than crabman

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I can see that you were trying to be weird and different, that's about the only level your "piece" works on.

umm, ok thanks for the compliment, you just told me ive achieved what i told you before i set out to do.

your a complete retard, serious

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mr.mystery

umm, ok thanks for the compliment, you just told me ive achieved what i told you before i set out to do.

your a complete retard, serious

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Well done on achieving what you set out to do. You're obviously the kind of girl who likes to aim low so as to avoid disappointment.

I mean, it would be probably be too much to ask that you set out to write something that was weird, different and half-decent to read. Maybe Obviously, writing isn't your thing.

Don't give up the day-job (if you have one), I don't think you'll be making poet laureate just yet.

^no, your still a retard

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mr.mystery

^no, your still a retard

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You really do have a gift for words don't you.

I believe it's someone pretending to be JPaul. I don't even know where to begin, as far as critiquing of the story is concerned.

Cheese's summary was dead on. It's pointless drivel and I would rather read and discuss someones genuine attempt at art - pretentious or not. It's obvious that the writer thinks he's being clever, by feigning a weak writers posture.

I believe that in reality you have nothing compelling to offer, at all (at all).

If it was a genuine attempt...I'm sorry. (empathy) Have you thought about starting a blog?



-bd

^ haha, what a fucking retard! look at him shit his words out. what a fucktard



-ifackyourmomeveryday

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mr.mystery

^ haha, what a fucking retard! look at him shit his words out. what a fucktard



-ifackyourmomeveryday

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Such elegant wordplay. You really went all Oscar Wilde on his ass there.

lynx if I complain about this Mr.Mystery chap tard will you ban him please?

i havent broke any rules yet, spanner

Or made a coherent post.

if u here.. then u broke all the rules allready.

Quote:

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LOOOK AT THIS LINK> IT WILL FWECK YOUR BROWS£R!!!! DONT CLICK HERE!!!!

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not found you clown, now wait a minute for my visual masterpiece to render, and you will all bow down to me, it is spamproof

ok. now get a life...

Obviously you expected mockery, otherwise you would not have asked people to completely mock it.

Mockery is mockery, it doesn't have degrees.

A writer would have known that.

i was mocked before on my poem entitled "the Willow and goul",

i made that comment so that when someone mocked me it will seem predictable thus detering them to it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mr.mystery

i made that comment so that when someone mocked me it will seem predictable thus detering them to it.

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You do quite well for someone who's first (or even second) language isn't English.

thank you clocker, it is my first language actually.

my poems are precious to me, others mock it, my visual masterpiece shall distinguish their mocking abilities with urine so to speak, it is spam and criticize proof.

SPAM...
Good Luck..

mievmo, you are pathetically and utterly obselete, your existance is being a n00b, soaked in urine wasnt enough for you. You are what i call a "cleaners assistant"- lower than low.