Letters Of Complaint.

Thought it might be cathartic for some of us to politely disperse some of the steam we build up internally as an upshot of the myriad twats we encounter in the real world in our day to day existences.

With this, I will also be attempting to resurrect the archaic art form of letter writing.

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Dear Nincompoop who served me in the shop this morning,

what fucking tree did you just fall out of? You've got a fucking till to do all the hard arithmetic for you.

When you said, 'that'll be £7.02', I handed you £7.50. Your eyes glazed over in this flitty, 'what day is it' kinda manner.

'No mate', you said, 'it's £7.02.

Didn't you feel even in the slightest bit thick when I responded, 'yes, that means you owe me 48p'.

What a fucking cawk you are. I owe you 2 punches in the nose, available the next time I see your gormless face.

Kindest Regards,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

Dear cunt who lives opposite me,

why in the name of fuck do you deem it necessary to park your piece of shit car outside my house every fucking night in life? You've got your own fucking house to deposit that fucking jalopy in front of.

Tonight I will be tampering with your brakes, keying your windscreen and gobbing on your door handles.

Sincerely yours,

Chalice (OfWeeWee)

P.S. Your wife is shockingly ugly and your kids are spotty wee fuckers.

:glag:


---------------------------------------------------

Dear dad...

As you may or may not know, I've finished school and am going into the army sometime within the next half year.. Is that too bloody difficult to understand? It would make sense I'd like to go and socialize at night with my mates, some of whom are going into the army as we speak, meaning I'd be coming home really (really) late at night.. I in no way think this warrants a fucking yelling session as a wake up call at 12:30 PM on a Friday, just to shout at me you want me to go do the shopping, when you yourself said you'd been out to give the car a run.. How fucking stupid does that sound for gawds sake!?
So yeah, I went out and did the shopping, got the rolls for the weekend, and all you can say whe nI get back in is "fanks, now why didn't you get up earlier?"

Cos I went to sleep at 4:30AM goddamnit!! Fuck sake.. It's not like there's anything to do at home so I can happily stay in and claim to be having a good time, cos that simply isn't what happens.. So let me go out with ma mates and come back late, and understand that's why I wake up so late the next day..


Fucking fuckity fuck.

Rafi (of PishPish)

Dear cunt who flew out of me windae and broke my downstairs neighbour's shutter box,

you better deliver me my brand new shoes (yes, those you took on your feet and now say you 'lost'), or their retail value of €60, or I'll go to your whore of a mother and ask her for an explanation. Don't think I'm afraid of that. I couldn't give two fucking hoots about her or your failure of a father.

Clearly your parents are raising hoodlums as children; you, a pathetic excuse for a junkie, and your younger brother, soon to be following your very well-chosen footsteps.

I sincerely hope you rot in hell.

Dear wetback,

Quit your fucking complaining about the entire country needing to be bilingual. Your reply that some are here legally is complete bullshit. The ones that are here legally would have been here for some time and now have the education to speak and write English so that is pure fucking shite that we should know or be forced to look at every fucking thing in Spanish.

I speak your dirty language when I am at a Jaliscos ordering my tacos. I may be a gringo, but they never correct me at a Jalisco because I know what the fuck I'm saying.

This is The United States of America, Speak English in public or get the fuck out! I don't want to hear some bleach-blonde, hooked-on-America, Mexican cunts side bar conversation about me in the grocery line. I know I'm fucking awesome to the max and your senorita is eye fucking me. I also don't like short, fat, Mexican bitches so they need to get off their high horse and stop wearing shit that shows their fat ass/legs/gut/face.

One last thing - quit dropping babies around every fucking corner. Our health care system is expensive enough as it is without you leeches milking it for free without paying a nickel in taxes!

I sincerely hope we build a 100 foot wall with machine guns triggered automatically by motion sensors, every 50 feet. Die.

:glag: Priceless thread.

sherman has your mate still not given you your shoes bk from when he stumbled outta ya house high as a kite lol?

Dear old woman who invariably sits beside me on the train in the morning,

you smell of piss and cat and peppermint and hairspray and Chanel No.5. This heady mixture is worse than the sum of it's parts. Next time you sit beside me, I'm gonna find out if you're flammable.

You also breathe funny and talk to yourself on occasion. Stop it. Stop it now.

I remain your obedient servant,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chalice

Dear old woman who invariably sits beside me on the train in the morning,

you smell of piss and cat and peppermint and hairspray and Chanel No.5. This heady mixture is worse than the sum of it's parts. Next time you sit beside me, I'm gonna find out if you're flammable.

You also breathe funny and talk to yourself on occasion. Stop it. Stop it now.

I remain your obedient servant,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

---

:lol: lmao, let her sit on a tac or something.

Dearest Russians of Israel -


It has come to my attention that over the past 20 years, some 1.5 million of you have made it into Israel.. That's all cool and co., except for the simple fact that most of you are FUCKING Russians who try to show no goddamn resemblance to the Jewish nation!
I mean, what would be the point coming to Israel, the state of the Jews, where most probably the idea would be to have a place that would resemble a Jewish people's place, with Jewish rituals/habits (at least to some extent), when most of you simply go about eating your stinky pig meat (no offense to all non-Jews who eat pig, it's just a phrase used to express how pissed I am), not get circumcised (at least some of you), never (EVER) go to shul, not even on the holiest day of them all (when even the most secular people give some sort of respect), eat bread on Passover (yes, some non-Russians do this too, but I'm not talking about them)..

Not only that, but you are probably responsible for the rise in prostitution, binge drinking, and non-kosher-food-eatage.. You fucking cunts. Why did you come here then!?

And no, the fact that some ancient grandfather of yours may have been Jewish.. The fact the Israeli government takes you as that is only because of the Nuremberg Laws.. Fuck sake, not good enough for me.

Go shove all your Russian shite back to Russia, and you can go with it. All your gangsta-egghead-tatted-cuntsters can get the hell out of here, we don't need you whatsoever.

On top of all that, you even brought in a grocery store "dedicated" to sell all your crap here, when you made sure all the workers would be Russians, selling non-Jewish shite which extracts any connection to the Jewish nation from you.. So ya'll can GTFO, right now.


k.thx.bai.

Dear moron,

Your yard sign is pish. I don't give a flying fuck what your *party* affiliation is. Yard signs, posters, bumper stickers and t-shirts for what are supposed to be representatives is a waste of time, not to mention pathetic.

You are the same sheep that go to a restaurant, and buy their twenty-five dollar advertisements t-shirts, or spend half your paycheck on lottery tickets. Die.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tralalala

eating your stinky pig meat (no offense to all non-Jews who eat pig, it's just a phrase used to express how pissed I am)

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why would we be offended by that?
It just means more bacon sarnies for the rest of us:smilie4:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Proper Bo

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tralalala

eating your stinky pig meat (no offense to all non-Jews who eat pig, it's just a phrase used to express how pissed I am)

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why would we be offended by that?
It just means more bacon sarnies for the rest of us:smilie4:

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mmmmmmmm i havent had a proper bacon sarnie in ages:happy:

Dunno thought maybe someone would have taken offense.. Skizo, for instance.

Fuck that.

All your pigs are belong to me.

Dear Pigs,

please don't be offended that members of the Judaic race don't see fit to digesting you.

They are unaware of how succulent, versatile and fucking scrumptious you are.

What do they know, eh? Now do me a favour and hop onto this sammich for me. There's a good pig.

Your friend and admirer,

Chalice (OfWeeWee)

lol seems like skizo has a chip on his shoulder today:p

If you could say but one thing to the smelly old lady what would it be?

Dear Dan,

what the fuck are you rattling on about. I find it usually helps to post coherent sentences when in conversation on the internets.

Otherwise people don't have clue one what the fuck you're attempting to express.

Yours with discomfiture,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

Dear pig,

That'll do....that'll do.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chalice

Dear Dan,

what the fuck are you rattling on about. I find it usually helps to post coherent sentences when in conversation on the internets.

Otherwise people don't have clue one what the fuck you're attempting to express.

Yours with discomfiture,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

---

fixed, any better?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Acid_death69

lol seems like skizo has a chip on his shoulder today:p

If you could say but one thing to the smelly old lady what would it be?

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Much better.

I would say, 'does your fucking geriatric nose not work anymore, you filthy old harridan? Ever heard of a fucking nailbrush? Cos your fingernails look like they've been picking spuds for about 3 weeks. Toothpaste is always a good idea too. Assuming you have teeth'.

Or something else.

Dear Winter,

Fuck off and die.




Yours sincerely,
Miss Suntan Cream

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chalice

Dear old woman who invariably sits beside me on the train in the morning,

you smell of piss and cat and peppermint and hairspray and Chanel No.5. This heady mixture is worse than the sum of it's parts. Next time you sit beside me, I'm gonna find out if you're flammable.

You also breathe funny and talk to yourself on occasion. Stop it. Stop it now.

I remain your obedient servant,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

---

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...o/oldwoman.jpg

:lol:

Fucking quality Zed.

I is keeping that forever. True story.

:happy:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tralalala

:glag:


---------------------------------------------------

Dear dad...

As you may or may not know, I've finished school and am going into the army sometime within the next half year.. Is that too bloody difficult to understand? It would make sense I'd like to go and socialize at night with my mates, some of whom are going into the army as we speak, meaning I'd be coming home really (really) late at night.. I in no way think this warrants a fucking yelling session as a wake up call at 12:30 PM on a Friday, just to shout at me you want me to go do the shopping, when you yourself said you'd been out to give the car a run.. How fucking stupid does that sound for gawds sake!?
So yeah, I went out and did the shopping, got the rolls for the weekend, and all you can say whe nI get back in is "fanks, now why didn't you get up earlier?"

Cos I went to sleep at 4:30AM goddamnit!! Fuck sake.. It's not like there's anything to do at home so I can happily stay in and claim to be having a good time, cos that simply isn't what happens.. So let me go out with ma mates and come back late, and understand that's why I wake up so late the next day..


Fucking fuckity fuck.

Rafi (of PishPish)

---

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...ko/DearDad.jpg

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chalice

Dear Pigs,

please don't be offended that members of the Judaic race don't see fit to digesting you.

They are unaware of how succulent, versatile and fucking scrumptious you are.

What do they know, eh? Now do me a favour and hop onto this sammich for me. There's a good pig.

Your friend and admirer,

Chalice (OfWeeWee)

---

Quality.

*of chavish manor official seal* awarded

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tralalala

Dearest Russians of Israel -


It has come to my attention that over the past 20 years, some 1.5 million of you have made it into Israel.. That's all cool and co., except for the simple fact that most of you are FUCKING Russians who try to show no goddamn resemblance to the Jewish nation!
I mean, what would be the point coming to Israel, the state of the Jews, where most probably the idea would be to have a place that would resemble a Jewish people's place, with Jewish rituals/habits (at least to some extent), when most of you simply go about eating your stinky pig meat (no offense to all non-Jews who eat pig, it's just a phrase used to express how pissed I am), not get circumcised (at least some of you), never (EVER) go to shul, not even on the holiest day of them all (when even the most secular people give some sort of respect), eat bread on Passover (yes, some non-Russians do this too, but I'm not talking about them)..

Not only that, but you are probably responsible for the rise in prostitution, binge drinking, and non-kosher-food-eatage.. You fucking cunts. Why did you come here then!?

And no, the fact that some ancient grandfather of yours may have been Jewish.. The fact the Israeli government takes you as that is only because of the Nuremberg Laws.. Fuck sake, not good enough for me.

Go shove all your Russian shite back to Russia, and you can go with it. All your gangsta-egghead-tatted-cuntsters can get the hell out of here, we don't need you whatsoever.

On top of all that, you even brought in a grocery store "dedicated" to sell all your crap here, when you made sure all the workers would be Russians, selling non-Jewish shite which extracts any connection to the Jewish nation from you.. So ya'll can GTFO, right now.


k.thx.bai.

---

Racism and intolerance, it's this seasons black kids.

Dear Diary,

reviewing the situation, I think my favourite part was when Rafi said that Nuremberg laws weren't good enough for him.

This child will soon be given a semi-automatic rifle and marching orders.

In other news, I'm still profoundly in love with Pandora.

Wank, cigarette, then bed.

Nighty night Diary. xoxo.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chalice

Dear cunt who lives opposite me,

why in the name of fuck do you deem it necessary to park your piece of shit car outside my house every fucking night in life? You've got your own fucking house to deposit that fucking jalopy in front of.

Tonight I will be tampering with your brakes, keying your windscreen and gobbing on your door handles.

Sincerely yours,

Chalice (OfWeeWee)

P.S. Your wife is shockingly ugly and your kids are spotty wee fuckers.

---

You go, girl! :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tralalala

:glag:


---------------------------------------------------

Dear dad...

As you may or may not know, I've finished school and am going into the army sometime within the next half year.. Is that too bloody difficult to understand? It would make sense I'd like to go and socialize at night with my mates, some of whom are going into the army as we speak, meaning I'd be coming home really (really) late at night.. I in no way think this warrants a fucking yelling session as a wake up call at 12:30 PM on a Friday, just to shout at me you want me to go do the shopping, when you yourself said you'd been out to give the car a run.. How fucking stupid does that sound for gawds sake!?
So yeah, I went out and did the shopping, got the rolls for the weekend, and all you can say whe nI get back in is "fanks, now why didn't you get up earlier?"

Cos I went to sleep at 4:30AM goddamnit!! Fuck sake.. It's not like there's anything to do at home so I can happily stay in and claim to be having a good time, cos that simply isn't what happens.. So let me go out with ma mates and come back late, and understand that's why I wake up so late the next day..


Fucking fuckity fuck.

Rafi (of PishPish)

---

I'm damn proud of you, son.

Here are your orders:

Be more diplomatic with your folks; keep staying out late, stick to your guns if you must, but maintain your civility, even if they will not.

At the very least, it's good practice.

Call it a life-skill.

Do all of these things.

Do them now.

That is all-

Kev

Quote:

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Originally Posted by VillageShaman

Dear cunt who flew out of me windae and broke my downstairs neighbour's shutter box,

you better deliver me my brand new shoes (yes, those you took on your feet and now say you 'lost'), or their retail value of €60, or I'll go to your whore of a mother and ask her for an explanation. Don't think I'm afraid of that. I couldn't give two fucking hoots about her or your failure of a father.

Clearly your parents are raising hoodlums as children; you, a pathetic excuse for a junkie, and your younger brother, soon to be following your very well-chosen footsteps.

I sincerely hope you rot in hell.

---

I wouldn't speak that way to a dog.






























Kids are another matter. :whistling

Dear Kev,

epistolise your posts in this thread or get the fuck outta Dodge.

Faithfully,

Chalice.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Skizo

Dear wetback,

Quit your fucking complaining about the entire country needing to be bilingual. Your reply that some are here legally is complete bullshit. The ones that are here legally would have been here for some time and now have the education to speak and write English so that is pure fucking shite that we should know or be forced to look at every fucking thing in Spanish.

I speak your dirty language when I am at a Jaliscos ordering my tacos. I may be a gringo, but they never correct me at a Jalisco because I know what the fuck I'm saying.

This is The United States of America, Speak English in public or get the fuck out! I don't want to hear some bleach-blonde, hooked-on-America, Mexican cunts side bar conversation about me in the grocery line. I know I'm fucking awesome to the max and your senorita is eye fucking me. I also don't like short, fat, Mexican bitches so they need to get off their high horse and stop wearing shit that shows their fat ass/legs/gut/face.

One last thing - quit dropping babies around every fucking corner. Our health care system is expensive enough as it is without you leeches milking it for free without paying a nickel in taxes!

I sincerely hope we build a 100 foot wall with machine guns triggered automatically by motion sensors, every 50 feet. Die.

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Wtf is this shite.




No, really-


What is this

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Skizo

"...that is pure fucking shite..."

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:huh:

It isn't a typo if that's what you're insinuating. :snooty:

Shite.... it's pronounced like.... shiite but without the long "E". :unsure:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chalice

Dear old woman who invariably sits beside me on the train in the morning,

you smell of piss and cat and peppermint and hairspray and Chanel No.5. This heady mixture is worse than the sum of it's parts. Next time you sit beside me, I'm gonna find out if you're flammable.

You also breathe funny and talk to yourself on occasion. Stop it. Stop it now.

I remain your obedient servant,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

---

My God.

Your life is far worse than any Dante could have imagined while suffering a triple astrological low.


Do you have a light. :whistling

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Skizo

It isn't a typo if that's what you're insinuating. :snooty:

Shite.... it's pronounced like.... shiite but without the long "E". :unsure:

---

Dear Skizo,

shite is pronounced as shight. So as to rhyme with light or blight or hermaphrodite.

C.

To my beloved bed heater,

Please stop throwing your one day contact lenses like pieces of snot into the corner of the room.

Those jewels which you put on your eyes, every day have seen what you have seen.


With friendly regards,

the janitor.

http://b.imagehost.org/0219/640x480.jpg

100% is the wise surprise.


Or something.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tralalala

Dearest Russians of Israel -


It has come to my attention that over the past 20 years, some 1.5 million of you have made it into Israel.. That's all cool and co., except for the simple fact that most of you are FUCKING Russians who try to show no goddamn resemblance to the Jewish nation!
I mean, what would be the point coming to Israel, the state of the Jews, where most probably the idea would be to have a place that would resemble a Jewish people's place, with Jewish rituals/habits (at least to some extent), when most of you simply go about eating your stinky pig meat (no offense to all non-Jews who eat pig, it's just a phrase used to express how pissed I am), not get circumcised (at least some of you), never (EVER) go to shul, not even on the holiest day of them all (when even the most secular people give some sort of respect), eat bread on Passover (yes, some non-Russians do this too, but I'm not talking about them)..

Not only that, but you are probably responsible for the rise in prostitution, binge drinking, and non-kosher-food-eatage.. You fucking cunts. Why did you come here then!?

And no, the fact that some ancient grandfather of yours may have been Jewish.. The fact the Israeli government takes you as that is only because of the Nuremberg Laws.. Fuck sake, not good enough for me.

Go shove all your Russian shite back to Russia, and you can go with it. All your gangsta-egghead-tatted-cuntsters can get the hell out of here, we don't need you whatsoever.

On top of all that, you even brought in a grocery store "dedicated" to sell all your crap here, when you made sure all the workers would be Russians, selling non-Jewish shite which extracts any connection to the Jewish nation from you.. So ya'll can GTFO, right now.


k.thx.bai.

---

A promising career in diplomacy, up in flames. :dabs:

We'll be ready to testify you were suffering the angst of youth/running a temperature and feverish at the time of your rant. ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chalice

...hermaphrodite. C.

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Ooooh, and wasn't she a looker. :whistling