New tread !! Funy joke

Blond paint job
A blond, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blond said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blond answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blond added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


I hope you enjoyed it !!

Lol!

Lol. :)

Haha, good joke, first heard it a while back.

lol

lol. good one.

You screwed the joke up. It's about a Mexican, not a blonde, that's the whole point. The Mexican accent makes porch and Porsche sound alike.

ok, im saying lol.
ha :(
ha :(
ha :(
:P

Jokes like that are only funny in person.

rotfl :D

lol. Add 1 to my post count.

loller :)

Mexican or Blonde, I still think it's good

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In fact”, he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society”.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the couple.
“Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,” he replied. “In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

TRUE IRISH GHOST STORY


This happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it
sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock story, it's true.
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side
of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the
midst of a storm. No cars
were traveling that night. The storm was so strong he could
hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop.
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it,
got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody
behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!
The car started moving slowly.. John looked at the road
ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to
pray, begging for his life..
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared
through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed
with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the
window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down
the road. So, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car
and ran to the pub.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling
everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was
crying and....wasn't drunk.

Suddenly the door opened and two other people walked in
from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and
out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the
bar, one said to the other....














'Look Paddy...there's that freakin' idiot that got in the
car while we were pushin' it.

lol :)

Q: What are the similarity between torndoes and women?
A: When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take both house and car.

Painting the Church There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Smokey put in a bid; and because his price was so low, he got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine. Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried, "Oh, God, Oh, God, forgive me. What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke, (you're going to love this) "Repaint! Repaint! And thin nomore!" "Blessed are the cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light."

Doctor: sorry , reports got mixed up.
We don't know if your wife has AIDS or Asthma!

husband: What should i do now?

Doctor - Send her 4 jogging,
if she returns, don't sleep with her!

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AlexJ1

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

---

good one!

Actually heard this joke at a manager's meeting.
New manager stood up at the conference and goes:

"Hi everyone my name is, so-and-so, sorry that I'm not very with it this morning.
Couldn't sleep very well at the hotel. The neighbour must love her chocolate because she kept yelling "Oh! Henry! Oh! Henry!" for most of the night." =-P

haha another good one.

lol